😔

do you believe me now?

in which fem!reader is insecure around spencer until she finally asks him to take matters into his own hands (literally)

part two

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: inexperienced reader, fingering, softdom!spencer my sweet sweet beloved angel, sub reader, praise, you know he talks you through it, brief mention of drinking wine, i think that's it a/n: i hope u guys like this ! slightly different dynamic than my other stuff maybe but let me know what u think!! i love feedback and i love YOU!!!

“You’re so pretty.”

It’s the first thing Spencer has said since you two landed on his couch, exhausted from one of Rossi’s extravagant soirées. It was your first of many, if Spencer’s entire team is to be believed. More nights featuring Italian food and wine you could never afford don’t sound half bad—but for now you’re drained. You barely had the energy to kick off your heels and topple into Spencer’s lap five minutes ago. The silk dress still pools over his knees and your hair still falls in curls around your face. He brushes one aside as he continues.

“I mean—you always look beautiful. But I’ve never seen you all done up. You’re obscenely gorgeous.”

You groan awkwardly, burying your face in Spencer’s collar as your face heats. Taking compliments has never been your strong suit, especially from someone who you perceive to be so out of your league. The relationship you have with Spencer is relatively new, and sometimes you worry delicate; like one slip-up revealing the real you and he’ll go running. So far, though, he seems hellbent on proving you wrong.

His hand finds the bare skin of your arm, passing up and down gently. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“…I do.”

It’s unconvincing. Spencer scoffs.

“No, you don’t. You never believe me when I compliment you.”

The cadence of his voice is light enough, but it’s evident that there’s some genuine frustration there, lurking just under the surface.

Your head lolls over his shoulder and he angles his neck to look down at you. Hair falls over his eyes, and you’d fix it if he didn’t look so damn perfect. Everything about him looks intentional, like he was designed by someone who took great pride in their work. Not at all like you—a collage of features and spare parts you guess whatever force created you had lying around. Nothing about you feels on purpose. But that’s a hard thing to explain.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s impolite. It just feels disingenuous to accept compliments like that.”

Goosebumps arise on your arm where he touches you.

“You being polite isn’t what I’m concerned about. I just wish I could make you understand that I mean it when I compliment you. You’d know if I didn’t. I’m a terrible liar.”

That earns a giggle from you. Your boyfriend smiles, sparkling eyes darting over your face like he’s trying to bottle the sound, the memory—and you realize he probably is. What a terrifying thought. You look away, abashed once more.

“I’m a woman, Spencer. I’m not allowed to like myself. That’s the whole thing with Eve and the snake and the apple and whatever. Eternal inescapable shame.”

“Are you trying to justify your self-loathing by making it biblical? You know I’m the last person that would work on, right? Both as an agnostic-leaning-athiest and someone who thinks you’re beautiful and wonderful.”

Another groan claws its way from your throat as you slide down in embarrassment.

“You’re killing me here, Spencer.”

“What can I do to do to make you believe me?” he murmurs, carefully brushing tangles from your hair as you now rest practically prone across his lap. The ceiling light stretches behind him, haloing him in a soft glowing crown and making everything a bit more hazy and tolerable.

“It’s not your fight.” It’s meant to be playfully dramatic, but it hangs from your lips with a painful amount of earnestness.

“If it’s yours, it’s mine. That’s kind of the whole point of a relationship, right? Being a team?”

His fingers are nimble and warm between yours as you interlace them, steepling and bumping them together as you speak.

“Well, if you know so much, why are you asking me? It sounds like you know exactly what to do to make me magically love myself.”

A dangerous twitch plays at the corner of his lips as he gazes sleepily down at you.

“Oh, I have a few ideas. But I’m asking what you’d be comfortable with.”

“Whoa!” you blurt, giggling self-consciously, covering your face with your (and inadvertently one of his) hands. “Where did that come from?”

He smiles at your response to his mildly suggestive comment. “I lose my filter when I'm tired. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

You sigh gustily, dragging his hand down to fall over your collarbones. His fingers twitch over the delicate skin, like he’d graze it if your hand wasn’t weighing his down.

“No, no, you didn’t make me uncomfortable, you just… surprised me. I’m really bad at talking about this kind of thing.”

“Sex?”

You yelp, slinging your arm over your face and hiding in the crook of your elbow. “AH! Don’t say it!”

He laughs again, a little less reserved this time.

“What? You can’t even listen to me say the word?”

“No! Too scary!”

Eventually you peek out from under your arm to find Spencer still watching you. The humor has faded from his eyes and been replaced by a kind of serene calm. He brushes a lock of hair from your shoulder.

“Come here,” he says—a request more than a demand. With some wriggling and a bit of help, you manage to reorient yourself into a sitting position across his lap once more. His touch is warm even through the fabric of your dress when he kisses you, hand sliding over your waist before moving to trace your jaw and ending up on the back of your neck, urging you closer ever so slightly. You kiss him back without hesitation or restraint, as you delight in doing when he gives you the opportunity. What you may lack in experience and refinement, you make up for with affection and enthusiasm. He pulls away after a minute, much to your dismay, and brushes his thumb over your lips. For the first time, you think you see a hint of worry in his eyes. Guilt claws at your heart when he quietly asks, “you’re not scared of me, are you?”

“No!” You assure quickly, looping your arms around his neck. “No, it’s not you. You’re perfect and I’m sure you really mean all of the nice things you say. But I just… sometimes I worry I’ll scare you away once you realize I’m not as pretty or… good as you thought.”

“That’s impossible.”

Once more you let your head fall onto his shoulder. “You don’t know that.”

His hand begins running up and down your back, soothing your sympathetic nervous system in a way that all the deep breaths in the world never could.

“I know that I really, really like you. And there’s not one part of you that I don’t find genuinely beautiful. I can’t imagine not feeling that way about you.” Your eyes flutter shut and you hum against him—a non-answer, but he doesn’t push it. Minutes go by quietly, ticking later into the night as he continues mindlessly rubbing your back and watching you breathe. “Do you want me to take you home?” He finally asks after a long while. Again, you don’t respond. He smiles. “I know you’re awake.”

The corner of your lip twitches as you attempt to suppress a grin. Spencer sighs.

“I guess if you’re already asleep you’ll just have to stay here. But it would be convenient if you’d sleepwalk to my bed so that I don’t have to carry you.”

When you begin stirring and sitting up (one eye cracked to navigate) he laughs, hands on your waist. “Would you look at that. Who knew she would be so suggestible in non-REM?” You snort as you push yourself to a standing position using Spencer’s shoulders to support yourself, and ruining the whole act. He smiles up at you like you’re something divine and lets his hands trail over your hips.

“I sleep with my eyes open.”

“Do you often have coherent conversations in your sleep, too?”

You shrug. “I’m full of surprises.”

“I’m sure you are,” he agrees, finally standing himself. “I’m assuming you don’t want to sleep in your dress?”

“I have shorts on underneath I can wear, but a shirt would be helpful.”

“Then we’ll get you a shirt.”

———————————————

Ten minutes later you’re in Spencer’s bathroom, wearing your shorts and one of his sweatshirts (you cannot imagine Spencer in a hoodie), and wiping black sludge from your eyes with makeup remover he claims was left by a friend after a particularly festive Halloween party. Hopefully he’s telling the truth—you can think of more dubious potential origins of the eye-makeup remover in his bathroom. No toothbrush—you use your finger and a generous amount of toothpaste until the red wine stains fade.

Spencer is fixing the pillows when you exit the bathroom. You hold up your hands which are completely obscured and then some by the thick fabric of his sweatshirt.

“Fits like a dream,” you say. A smile tugs at his lips as he finishes his task, before raising his eyes to you. The smile promptly fades and it’s like the sun disappearing behind an oppressive gray cloud. In an instant your stomach curdles and you feel like crawling out of your skin.

“…what?” you mumble, absolutely terrified that the thing he’d said was impossible just minutes ago has already happened. Without makeup, without a fancy dress, you’re just you, and maybe that’s not good enough.

“Uh…” He blinks, as if he’s buffering for a moment, before snapping back into action, and notably looking away from you. “It’s—it’s nothing. Do you, um—here, I tried to make it—“

“Stop. Just tell me what that was. You got all weird.”

Another pause—he looks back up at you reluctantly with a sigh.

“I did not get all weird.”

“Yes, you did. You’re still being weird. It’s freaking me out.”

He’s utterly unreadable, which drives you fucking insane, when he eventually says, “come here.” This time, you think with a chill as you shuffle on your knees across the bed to sit in front of him, it really sounds like a demand. Spencer grabs your face in his hands, studying you intently. “I know you think I’ve finally decided you’re hideously deformed, but it’s actually just the opposite. I’m trying to figure out how to keep things polite for you.”

Realization dawns on you and the swarm of new butterflies in your stomach. The usual molten gold of his irises has been encroached upon, masked by blown pupils. Your face gets hot and your voice caves when you speak.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” he agrees quietly. “Do you believe me now?”

And to his credit, you really do. The hot skin, the vibrating cells in every fiber of your being, the racing heart—your body knows he means it. Part of you, the more confident, more desirous part, drags you closer to him, ghosts your lips over his. He chuckles.

“Now you’re getting brave?”

“Am I not allowed to kiss you?” you whisper, draping your arms over his shoulders.

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want.”

The words make you shiver—the lowered, gravelly tone of his voice you’ve never heard before snaps your resolve and you lean into him, connecting your lips with a deep urgency. Spencer inhales sharply, hands wandering to your waist and bearing down firmly as you press against him. When you lean back, he follows you, insists without saying a word that you don’t stop kissing him. It sends a thrill down your spine and between your legs, which both gives you pause and eggs you on. In the end, after a very brief internal struggle, curiosity and desire win. You drop to the bed and drag him down with you—he, your willing follower, blindly searches for purchase on the plush comforter. Now he’s on top of you, legs slotted together so that his thigh is temptingly close to your core. Too shy to actually do what you want to do, you clamp your thighs around his and tilt your hips, desperate for friction. He exhales heavily, slowly pulling his lips from yours like it’s the last thing he wants to do. Fingers dig into the flesh of your hip, not enough to ache but enough to draw your attention to your movements.

“What are you doing?” he asks, firmly, but not like you’re in trouble—it’s a probing question. He’s trying to figure out if you’re aware of the way you’re nearly riding his leg.

“I don’t know,” you admit breathlessly.

“You just told me you couldn’t even listen to me say the word sex,” Spencer reminds you. “You said it was too scary.”

A frustrated whine seems to catch him by surprise, and he laughs.

“That was a long time ago. I’ve matured since then.”

“Is that what happened?” he teases.

“Honestly, I’m just really turned on right now, please—" you cut yourself off, crashing your lips into his once more. And he almost relents.

Almost.

“Slow down.”

He ceases kissing you for a second time and you’re starting to really get annoyed.

“What?” you groan. “I thought you wanted this.”

His thumbs brush over the apples of your cheeks, demanding your attention.

“I want you. In every sense of the word. If you make a bad choice tonight and it means you don’t like me anymore tomorrow, that is the opposite of what I want. I’m not saying no. I’m just asking you to think about it for a second.”

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and attempting to steady your mind and see beyond the thick fog of lust. What you find is a (mildly surprising) complete lack of fear. You’re not scared, like you thought you’d be; you feel utterly safe underneath him, with his hands on you and his heartbeat against your chest. This is a kind of intimacy you want to have with him.

Your eyes open to reveal his, close enough you can see the tiny flecks of green. And so much warmth. Everything about him is warm.

“This is what I want,” you assert. “I promise.”

His gaze flits between yours for a moment, pulling the truth from your soul like he might be able to find an imperfection there. But you mean it—and he seems satisfied. He trusts you, like you trust him.

“Okay.”

A sigh of relief never quite finds completion before he’s kissing you again. Immediately the fire is stoked once more, the heat between your legs getting warmer when he experimentally pushes his thigh against you. You breathe into the kiss, pressing down on him and surrendering to the unconscious rhythm of your hips. He lets that go on for a minute or two until you’re so distracted that you can’t kiss him back.

Unexpectedly he pulls away, disentangling himself from your legs. You stammer in frustration until his fingers hook under the soft material of your shorts. “Hips up.”

Wordlessly you comply, succumbing to his gentle words and touch. He bows to kiss you as he slides the fabric down unhurriedly. Once the shorts are gone, he sits up, and carefully lifts one of your legs over his lap, gaze unabashedly glued between them.

“Eyes up here,” you try to joke, but it’s steeped in self-consciousness and your heart is pounding. He manages, stroking the inside of your knee with a thumb as he leans down again.

“But you’re so pretty,” he murmurs, before he’s kissing you again. “Just like I knew you would be.”

You whimper when his hand skates over your stomach, lower, and lower, and—

“Tell me one more time, sweetheart.”

Your plead is just as hungry and yearning. “Please, Spencer?”

It works for him.

When his knuckles brush over your clit, you forget to breathe. When they barely skim your entrance, collecting arousal to drag back upward, your brain malfunctions. It is not enough, maddeningly so, but when he finds a careful, introductory rhythm, it’s immediately bordering on too much, too good.

Your stomach tenses and you are surprised by your own sighs and hesitant gasps as you try to adjust to the feeling of someone else’s hand between your legs.

“Does that feel good?” he murmurs against your lips.

“Mhm,” you chirp. Slow but insistent circles elicit a cry that gets caught in your throat, melting into a hum. Your eyes are closed, but you can hear the smile in Spencer’s voice.

“You’re sensitive, huh?”

“S—sometimes.”

He hums contemplatively.

“Sometimes? Can you tell me about that?”

You can’t hardly think around those gentle movements of his hand, let alone speak. He touches you like you’re something delicate. It’s torturous and perfect. But you try to answer anyway, managing to keep the stammering to a minimum.

“About what?”

“I want to know what you think about when you touch yourself.” The smooth words in tandem with an incremental increase in pressure earn you first real moan. Timid and unpracticed, but very genuine.

The answer comes immediately afterward; thoughtlessly and on a shuddering exhalation.

“You.”

“Yeah?” he smiles. “Good answer.”

Your eyes open fractionally to study his expression. You’d felt so much shame every time you’d imagined him in your bed late at night.

“Really?”

“Really. And now look at you. Letting me do it for you.” As if to remind you, he speeds up the motion of his hand. On instinct you bring your fingers to your lips as you moan through a closed throat, partly to stifle the noise and partly because you don’t know what to do with the hand that’s not gripping the duvet. “Do you only touch here?” His fingers slide down to your slick entrance and your hips buck, mourning the loss of stimulation. “Or do you touch here, too?”

You shake your head, breathing hard as he teases a finger around the soft place you’ve never really bothered to explore. “Never feels good when I try.”

“We’re gonna make it feel good, okay?”

You nod hesitantly, leaning back into the pillows when he kisses you again.

His lips are so distracting, so intoxicating you almost forget what he’s doing until he does it. It’s a foreign sensation—not entirely pleasant or unpleasant. For a moment or two your brows furrow as you focus on the feeling, worried that maybe you’re broken just as you thought—until you feel a slight stretch and you realize he’s pushing a second finger into you now. A kiss lands on your cheek when you grab his arm with a choked gasp, and he mutters, “deep breaths,” into your ear. “I know it’s new, honey, just breathe.”

“Fuck,” you whimper as you look down, and you didn’t realize you were going to say it until it’s already passed between your lips. Pressure begins melding with the promise of pleasure, and something about watching his hand move between your legs—the tendons flexing and wrist bending as he eases into what is clearly a perfected motion—arouses you so much you moan at the sight alone. Flipping pages is all you thought that hand was meant for. It’s like a secret revealed as you watch it do something so salacious, and to you.

A hot spark of pleasure flares deeper in you than you’ve ever felt. It catches and grows faster than you’d of thought—suddenly you can feel everything and it all feels better than you thought possible. Your jaw drops and a surprised huff of air blows a strand of your hair away.

“Oh my god,” comes your breathy little whisper, unprepared for and intimidated by how good he’s making you feel. Filthy noises come from between your legs and you clench around his fingers. You had no idea you could make those noises. You had no idea you could get so wet.

“Yeah, there we go.” His voice sounds a little further away now. You manage to tear your eyes away from all the action to his face. Much like you, he’s transfixed by the sight, brow furrowed and pretty lips parted in what could be concentration, or some sort of empathetic pleasure. His face has more color to it than usual and his breaths come heavier—it’s a very pleasant sight. Suddenly his fingers brush against a spot deep within you and your hips cant upward, a mewl pulled from the depths of your throat that has more control over you than you do it. Spencer’s eyes flash back to you, a grin playing at his lips. He does it again, looking right into your eyes, and you whine so pitifully your face flushes.

“Too much?” he asks. You shake your head firmly, arching your back when he unconsciously slows down. At your response his fingers begin rutting into you again, committing to that spot inside you that makes you see stars. “Of course not. You’re gonna take whatever I give you, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” you nod. You’d do just about anything for him right at this second. Spencer holds an immense amount of power over you in this moment, and potentially in all future moments moving forward. But you trust him with it.

“You don’t have anything to prove to me. I just want you to feel good. You’ll tell me if it’s too much, right?”

But it’s really not too much. It’s exactly right. Your verbal capacity is acutely limited right now, so you can’t exactly say it, but you lock eyes with him and whine shamelessly, hips twisting against his hand. You think he gets the message.

Hair falls over his face and he doesn’t fix it, opting instead to alternate his gaze between your cunt and face, cursing to himself lowly. You wouldn’t want him to stop and fix his hair—what you want is this, for him to keep pushing you toward that elusive edge and to keep looking at you like you put all the stars in the sky.

“Look at you, my pretty girl. I’m so proud of you. I know this isn’t easy. I know you were scared. Thank you for letting me do this, honey.”

It’s the unexpected tenderness of the words, perfectly misplaced in the context of the moment. It’s the devotion, the honesty in his eyes, shining through the haze of lust, which makes your stomach drop and all your muscles tense. A million thoughts jumble in your head, dizzying and thrilling and confusing, but mostly all you can think is Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. Is this how it always is? Your hands tangle in the sheets—and then all the thoughts vanish. Everything is warm and fuzzy and sparkling clean, no worries, no lingering thoughts, no self-awareness at all. It’s nirvana. It’s revelatory. It’s ridiculous that he did this all in under five minutes and you haven’t been able to do it once even with very concerted effort.

Slowly you float back into your body, breathing hard and watching through half-lidded eyes as Spencer gently pulls his hand away. Without him you feel weirdly empty and cold, like he should have been there all along. But his touch isn’t absent for long—he runs his hand over the bridge between your hips, little finger dipping into the crease of your thigh.

“That’s never… I’ve never done that before,” you admit, slurring your words only slightly.

His perfect features contort into a half-frown, half-smile.

“You’ve never had an orgasm?” You nod. His head tilts. “Really? You didn’t tell me that.”

“When would I have told you?” you laugh, finding his waist with your hand and encouraging him to settle his weight on you. He does, burying his face in your neck and exhaling heavily.

“Well?” you ask shyly, skating your fingers over his back. “Did I do it right?”

Spencer snorts, but presses a sickeningly sweet kiss to the curve of your neck.

“Did you like it?”

“Yes,” you admit, voice smaller than you’d have liked. He pushes himself up onto his forearms and kisses you softly.

“Then we both did it right.”

“But…” you stare up into his warm honey eyes, searching for any bits of hidden truth you can find. He brushes a strand of hair away from your face, utterly unconcerned. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he agrees, “and I’ll say this because I know otherwise you’re going to worry about it forever.” He studies your face reverently for a moment, before parting his lips to speak. The words are slow to come, like he’s trying to figure the sentence out as he goes along. “You… are going to be, problematic, for me.”

Your whisper is almost as small as you feel under his heavy gaze. “What d’you mean?”

“I mean,” Spencer begins, voice low, “I think I liked that too much. Do you see why that’s troubling?”

The flame you thought had been quenched flickers back to life like a pilot light. Your thighs press together to alleviate a growing ache in a still sensitive area and you answer, “no,” with a small shake of your head. His thumb tenderly traces your jaw, ever-patient despite the fact that you’re obviously playing coy.

“Because I can’t have you all the time.”

“Yes you can,” you say without hesitation, though your eyes are fluttering. “You can have me whenever you want. Right now.”

He hums, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Not tonight. You’ve had enough. You’re tired.”

“I’m wide awake,” you slur, tangling a hand in his hair even as you lose the battle against your eyelids.

He sighs good-naturedly, gently wrapping his fingers around your wrist and brushing his lips over the delicate skin.

“You’re shockingly precocious.”

You hum.

“You just unleashed the beast. You’re like Doctor Frankenstein.”

He chuckles, sitting up and finding your shorts. You manage to be semi-helpful, lifting your legs at appropriate junctures as he tugs your clothing back on. “And you’re a nerd.”

“I don’t need to take that from you of all people.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Spencer says, and the smile in his voice makes you smile, a quarter asleep as he leans over to turn off the lamp on your side of the bed before tugging the covers over both of you.

He pulls you close in the dark, releasing a deep sigh as you curl into him. His heartbeat is steady against your ear, his arms warm around you. You can imagine making a home for yourself here. And you don’t know if he’s thinking it, but you hope he is, as you are silently repeating to yourself with every beat of his heart;

I love you

I love you.

You Belong Here

Request: Hiii, I love your stories! I dont know if you do things like this but I was wo dering if you could do one about a nonbinary reader. Like, TFW dont know they're nonbinary and reader gets fed up with being misgendered and let's them know and then gets scared they wont like them. You by no means have to!

Masterlist

Story:

"Hey, you seen [Y/N] today? I wanted to see if she'd come help with the supply run", Sam asked as he walked into the Bunker's library. He'd found Cas sitting at the table with a pile of books in front of him, and he looked up at Sam with a puzzled expression.

"Yes", he nodded once, then looked back to his book, leaving Sam standing there.

"Uh, wanna let me know where you've seen her?" He asked, crossing his arms. He was met by a sigh behind the pile of books.

"I'm here, Sam", [Y/N]'s head popped out from behind the pile. "I'm just helping Cas out with this archiving, I can come help in about twenty minutes?"

"Sure, meet out in the garage?" He asked, and [Y/N] gave him a nod and small smile before he left. They looked back down to the book they'd been reading, leaned their head on their hand and sighed again, lazily flicking to the next page.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked, looking up from his book.

"Yeah, I'm fine".

"You seem a bit... annoyed. Do you not want to go on the supply run?"

"No, it's not that", [Y/N] paused for a moment, thinking about whether or not to tell Cas why they had been a bit down since moving into the bunker not that long ago, but then decided they didn't feel up for the conversation, or the potential reaction. "I'm just tired".

He tilted his head at them for a moment before reaching his fingers to [Y/N]'s forehead.

"I said I was fine, Cas".

"You shouldn't be tired, it's only 11am", he closed his eyes in concentration before pulling his fingers back. "You don't have any ailments. Are you depressed?"

"What? No!" [Y/N] shook their head and closed the book they were looking at, before standing up from the table. "Look, can you just help Sam with the supply run? I just want to be alone for awhile". Cas looked concerned, and like he was about to say something else, but [Y/N] cut him off first. "Don't go saying anything to Sam or Dean, I don't need them worrying when there's literally nothing to worry about. I just want a nap, that's it, okay?"

"Alright", Cas didn't look convinced, "but if something is wrong, you should tell one of us, so we can help".

"Thanks Cas, but I don't need help from any of you, I just need a nap". [Y/N] started to walk out of the room, but stopped just as they were about to pass by him, and took a deep breath. They felt a bit guilty for being short with him when he hadn't done anything wrong. "I do appreciate you wanting to help". [Y/N] squeezed his shoulder gently and Cas nodded, the concern still evident on his face, but looked back to his book as they left the room.

***

[Y/N] did actually decide to go for a nap. Partially because they were a little bit tired, but mostly because they hated lying to Cas, and they knew that if Cas asked them how their nap was, and they hadn't actually taken one, he'd see straight through the lie. They'd woken up a few hours later and had just spent a few minutes lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. They'd had the conversation many times in their head since they'd met Sam, Dean, and Cas. [Y/N] had never told them their pronouns. The conversation always went south in their mind. They'd told other hunters before and it never once went well. In the hunting world, you either had to be a strong, tough man, or a strong, tough woman. Anyone who didn't fit into one of those two clearly defined roles was ridiculed and never taken seriously by the other hunters, who weren't known to be overly accepting or understanding at the best of times. [Y/N] thought back to when they'd met Garth, not someone who you'd typically think of as strong or tough, and he didn't make it as hunter in the end. [Y/N] knew it was because he didn't fit into the set roles. He ended up being a werewolf dentist. What would [Y/N] end up as if they weren't a hunter? They couldn't think of anything else they wanted to do.

They were pulled from their thoughts by a knock on the door, followed by it opening to reveal Dean's hand on the handle. "Hey, you decent?" He asked before looking.

"Yeah, you can come in", [Y/N] said as they pushed themself up to lean on their elbows. "What's up?"

"Sam said you ditched him earlier, and Cas said you were being weird", he said as he walked into the room. "You good?" He crossed his arms and looked down at them. They sighed and pushed up more to sit up properly, lessening the height gap between the two.

"Yes, I was just tired. I told Cas not to mention anything. I wasn't being weird".

"Are you awake enough for a movie marathon? We're each gonna choose a movie, and Sam picked up your favourite snacks on his supply run". He smiled at them and they couldn't help but smile back.

"Sure, sounds good".

"Great", he grinned and clapped his hands. "Come to the Dean Cave in about twenty minutes". He turned on his heels and left the room, a bounce in his step. Dean always got excited about movie nights. It was a nice break from the hunting. [Y/N] got off the bed and headed over to their closet, looking through it for something comfortable to wear. They settled on sweatpants and a t-shirt, but the cool air of the bunker made them decide that a flannel might be a good idea too. They picked one out, similar enough to what Sam and Dean wore, and threw it on over the t-shirt, leaving it unbuttoned to allow for comfortable lounging.

They dragged their feet down the corridor twenty minutes later, still not in the best of moods, but looking forward to hanging out with the boys without having to talk much. Sam's voice was echoing in their mind from the morning though. "I wanted to see if she'd come help", and "wanna let me know where you've seen her". He hadn't meant to hurt [Y/N] at all, and they knew that, but they couldn't help but feel hurt and like Sam and the others didn't really know them, like they were keeping secrets. Cas and Dean were already in the room when [Y/N] walked through the door, and while Dean smiled at them, Cas had that same concern on his face from earlier. They were about to sit down when Cas spoke up. "That's usually where Sam sits".

"Oh, sorry", they said, walking over to another chair. "Didn't realise we had assigned seating", they muttered under their breath. They saw Dean slap Cas on the arm while shaking his head out of the corner of their eye.

"She can sit wherever she wants Cas", he chuckled. "Sammy won't mind".

"Sammy won't mind what?" Sam asked as he walked into the room, a tray of snacks in his hands. He bent down to put it onto the table before sitting down in his chair, kicking his feet up onto a footrest to get comfortable.

"Nothing", [Y/N] said but Dean cut across them.

"She was about to sit in your seat, but Cas wouldn't let her", he chuckled and Sam laughed, his dimples showing.

"Cas, you don't have to protect my chair from [Y/N], this is her home too, she can sit wherever she wants".

"They", [Y/N] corrected them before clapping their hand over their mouth and widening their eyes, surprised by their own reaction.

"Hmm?" Dean asked, not really paying attention as he was looking through the snacks.

"Sorry [Y/N], I didn't catch that over Dean crinkling all the packets of chips", Sam said, sparing a moment to glare at Dean before looking back at [Y/N].

"[Y/N] said 'they'", Cas said. "I'm not sure what it means in this context".

"Dean, can you stop making noise for five minutes so I can hear her talk?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows at Dean who was still in the process of opening up all of the snacks and looking through everything. Dean gave him a look but sat back on the couch, turning to look at [Y/N].

"Floor's all yours, Sweetheart", he said and they cringed at the nickname.

"I'm not 'Sweetheart', Dean. I'm not she, I'm not her, I use they/them pronouns, okay?"

Dean looked to Sam in confusion, not knowing what to say, but Sam just sat there in silence too. When no one spoke, [Y/N] could feel their cheeks heat up in embarrassment, and their lower lip trembled as they pushed up out of the chair and ran out through the door, straight down the corridor to their room, and closed the door behind them. They immediately pulled out their hunting bag and began to haphazardly throw all of their belongings into it. That was it, they messed up, and now the boys were going to kick them out. They were going to lose the only home they'd known in years, the only family they had left, all because they'd snapped. They could barely see through their tears as they zipped up the bag, slung it over their shoulder and headed to the door. When they opened the door they were met with Dean, and Sam and Cas right behind him.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked with his eyebrow raised.

"I need to go", they wiped the tears from their eyes.

"Go where?" Dean asked, his arms now folded, his frame blocking the doorway.

"Dean", [Y/N] sniffed, "I need to go before you kick me out. I can't take that right now, okay? So please, just let me go".

"No one's kicking you out, [Y/N]", Sam said from behind Dean. "We just want to talk. You're clearly upset, just talk to us, explain how we can make it better".

"What?" [Y/N] asked as they wiped another tear away.

"You said you use they/them pronouns. We just didn't know. Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Sam asked.

"You're hunters. From experience, it's not a good idea to share that kind of thing with hunters. It can be dangerous".

"Has someone hurt you?" Dean's jaw clenched as he stepped into the room.

"Not recently", [Y/N] said quietly. "You're really not going to kick me out? I don't belong here".

"Just because you don't belong in a certain category doesn't mean you don't belong here with us", Sam said, following Dean into the room and placing his hand on [Y/N]'s shoulder. "You belong here", he squeezed comfortingly. "Is this why you've been seeming... down since moving in? Have we been making you uncomfortable?" They were avoiding his eyes, but his voice sounded genuine.

They shrugged, and then felt a hand on their arm. Looking down, they could see Dean's hand tugging them towards the bed. "Sit with us, talk to us, tell us who you are". He said, his voice sounding almost pleading. "We don't want you to leave". They looked him in the eyes and could have sworn there was a tear there. He looked genuinely upset at the thought of them leaving, which wasn't something they were used to seeing. They finally looked up at Sam, then Cas, and could see the same concern in their eyes too.

"You know who I am, Dean. I'm still me, I haven't changed. I'm just nonbinary. I don't like being called feminine words, and I don't necessarily like being called masculine ones either. I don't know, it's like I'm neither and both at the same time as being something else entirely. Sometimes I think I'm broken", they confessed, more tears coming out. Sam gently reached for the bag on their shoulder and slid it off, letting it fall to the ground. He then led them to sit down beside Dean, who put his arm around their shoulder and lightly squeezed. Sam kneeled down in front of them and looked up, a serious expression on his face.

"You are not broken. You're [Y/N], and we like [Y/N]. I want you to believe that, because it's true, okay?"

"Okay", they said quietly.

"You may not know this, but this is not my first time on earth", Cas said, walking over to stand in front of them. "I have seen many other societies of humans. You would be surprised by just how many of them had three, or four, or no limit to the number of gender roles one could identify as. I remember one that had no concept of gender at all".

"Yeah, and it's not just in the past either, there are societies that are alive and well today that don't have a binary system", Sam smiled up at them. "I was just reading about it the other day".

"It's a relatively recent concept, only having two genders. You're not broken, you're just living in the modern western society", Cas added.

"Yeah, and if you think about it, being a man or a woman doesn't even mean the same thing in this society as it did fifty years ago. It's a constantly changing thing". They looked to Dean as he spoke. "I'd know, I've time travelled", he winked at them and they chuckled a little, the panic they had earlier now dissipating.

"So, you prefer they/them, right?" Sam asked, and [Y/N] nodded. "Cool, that's what we'll use then".

"You don't think I should give up hunting? I mean, I don't really think I fit the role now that you know. Like how Garth didn't really fit the role".

"Garth?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Garth only gave up hunting when he became a werewolf and fell in love and had kids. Even still he does a bit from time to time when he comes across something. Sure, he wasn't the stereotype you think of when you think of hunters, but he still was one. We worked with him plenty of times, never had any issues other than the fact that he could be a bit clumsy".

"And there was that time he tried to be the new Bobby", Dean shuddered slightly at the memory. "He livened up the place though, it would be boring if everyone was the same and grumpy all the time".

"Yeah, can you imagine a room full of Deans? The fuel of nightmares", Sam grinned as [Y/N] smiled at him.

"You feel up to our movie marathon?" Dean asked, squeezing their shoulder, and [Y/N] took a deep breath.

"Only if I can have Sam's chair", they smiled at them all and they all laughed, looking relieved that they'd managed to convince them to stay.

"It's all yours", Sam grinned, pushing himself up to stand and holding out his hand. [Y/N] took it and he pulled them up. Sam and Cas left the room, and [Y/N] started to follow them when Dean stood up to walk beside them, nudging their shoulder gently.

"Hey, kiddo", he said, and they looked to him. "No one's gonna hurt you again, not while the three of us are around. If someone so much as looks at you the wrong way, we've got your back".

"Thanks, Dean", they smiled at him. As they walked back to resume their movie marathon, [Y/N] felt a weight lift off their shoulders. For the first time, they felt like they fit somewhere, or like they didn't have to fit, like they belonged somewhere, were wanted somewhere, and they knew they were safe and loved. They only hoped that one day, it would be that easy no matter where they went or who they met, but this was a good start. They smiled.

The end

Dean Winchester taglist: @123passwort @janineb86 @k-slla @lyarr24 @candy-coated-misery0731 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @pizzagirlxnsfwx @itburnslikehelltobevega @queenie32 @livingdead-reilly @vmaier12 @littlemadamred @darthysfanfic @dramatic-long-coats @kr804573

Sam Winchester taglist: @123passwort @janineb86 @hobby27 @angelwiththeshotgun @pizzagirlxnsfwx @livingdead-reilly @fuiabarcelos @vmaier12 @littlemadamred @kr804573

Castiel Taglist: @123passwort @janineb86 @hobby27 @angelwiththeshotgun @pizzagirlxnsfwx @vmaier12 @kr804573

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greywritesthings

2 months ago