Hello March

You know when you’re on self destruction day 8 and it gets so fucking boring it’s almost unreal how boring it becomes honestly…. It used to feel so naughty and clandestine and now it’s like….. 👍🏽 Cool tomorrow let’s go on a nice two hour walk get our mind right deep clean house grocery shop listen to sweet affirmations read exfoliate play instrumentals in the kitchen while we cook. And it’s not like a desperate plan it’s just like it’s actually more exciting to live the Other Way. Even if it doesn’t answer every existential qualm I have at once it makes it all nicer. I want to swim and suntan. I want to restock my mango kefir

hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big

— Octavia Butler, always

“Brother, I’m not depressed and haven’t lost spirit. Life everywhere is life, life is in ourselves and not in the external. There will be people near me, and to be a human being among human beings, and remain one forever, no matter what misfortunes befall, not to become depressed, and not to falter—this is what life is, herein lies its task. I have come to recognize this. This idea has entered into my flesh and blood.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, in a letter to his brother detailing his experience of nearly getting executed

Most anti phone advice is so inane and regurgitated to me but one thing I’ve been thinking about for days is “social media is okay, but the real danger comes in when you think your phone should be your go to during your limited pockets of leisure” like that’s literally the truest thing ever

I’m going insane trying to read every book, watch every movie, write everything I’ve ever felt or wanted to say but didn’t, languages I want to learn, too much i want to do and so little time, and life’s responsibilities just keep piling up and agghhhh your page always makes me feel like I could do it but I don’t know, how do you do it?

It doesn’t sound like you are enjoying it when you do read, watch, listen, write. Because where is this pressure coming from? These are hobbies, rituals, ways to relax. They are not routines and you can’t check them off of lists. The things we love deserve more space in our lives than that. There has and always will be responsibility for everyone who does read a lot and study a lot and similarly for people who prioritize other interests. The internet speeds time up, disorients us. My blog is 10% of my life and interests. I may post about learning Portuguese once after an entire year of dedicating myself to it in silence. These things aren’t goals. Ive never thought to myself “i need to write more”. In fact I force myself to write less and meditate more so that when I do write it comes out perfectly formed from the deepest depths. I don’t understand when this started, this idea that your desires can be looked at with the same toxic productivity lens that you would see your job through. Its enough. You will read and write and learn when you stress less about how much you haven’t done. Pick up an audiobook on your way to work or school, start small. And breathe. These things aren’t going away.