So, I Saw This Image On Facebook, And It Was Supposedly Showing What Queen Nefertiti Would Have Looked

Yes.

I have the dumbest idea. Fully grown up adult Danny ends up having a fling with Constantine when he comes through Amity to study ghosts. It's kinda hot and heavy, but also casual. John leaves and goes on.

A year later something happens where something he's hunting has severely pissed off the Ghost King. At first, John's like "oh shit, Pariah Dark is awake?" And only finds out when this tall, buff stud shows up that King Pariah Dark is out, King Phantom is in, and also, the new King finds John as hot as John finds him.

A year after that, John gets called to a JL HQ to greet a new hero who's joining the Justice League because he also does paranormal stuff and Supes wants all the magic heroes to meet or something. So he shows up and there's Danny Fenton, being all tall broad shoulders and goofy smiles. John doesn't even question why he's there. He does sneak off with Danny to make out in a coat closet until Batman finds them.

Danny's super sheepish and John kinda feels bad enough to not make smartass comments as they walk back to the group. He stands out with the others while Supes makes the introduction. John's suddenly wondering *why* Danny is there and *where* the new guy is.

Then this happens.

Superman: I'm honored to introduce the Justice League's newest member, Phantom.

Danny transforms into Phantom, who doesn't have the glowing crown, and who doesn't glow so much, but he doesn have those sexy sharp teeth, and is clearly King Phantom.

John Constantine, realizing what's happened: oh, fuck me!

Danny, with that big shit eating grin of his: I'm pretty sure I've already done that about a dozen times, love. But I wouldn't mind another go.

John might love him a little bit.

feed the local birds - ideally corvids, but pigeons will do just fine, seagulls if you are brave and fear nothing. Choose seeds, or something else that's non-perishable but healthy for birds.

get them accustomed to your presence, feed them at different times in a handful of different locations that you rotate between, so they learn to associate the feeding with you, specifically, and not the time and place that you are in. Always keep the feed in your pockets just in case.

teach them a specific word you'll call out as loudly as possible whenever you're about to distribute the food.

that specific word is ATTACK!

if you ever feel threatened by another person while walking down the street, you can just yell out ATTACK! at the top of your lungs.

ideally, the threat has no idea that this is the birds' cue for Food Person Is About To Distribute Food, and is scared shitless by the sight of a flock of wild birds swooping in at your call, and flees.

if this does not work, there is a very low, but above zero possibility of the birds seeing that their usual feeding routine has been interrupted by someone bothering The Food Person, and actually do start swooping at this inconvenience so that they can have their meal.

in either case, feed the birds as reward and payment for their work.

?????

fear tactic bird guard.

all of tumblr: we fucking hate bots

also tumblr:

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

I donate my migrane!!

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

What a year this week has been.

Everyone knows Jason likes Jane Austen and reads romance. Everyone assumes the romance he reads is historical. And some of it is, they're not wrong, but most of what he reads is reverse harem monster fucker smut.

When Red Hood gets sacrificed by a cult during a summoning ritual and the ghost king shows up in all his eldritch glory, Jason has never before been more grateful for his full face mask. He has never blushed so hard in his life. He's the same color as his mask right now, actually. He is way too into the tentacles. Like, way more than he ever thought he'd be. It’s honestly impressive that any blood is managing to leave his body with the way it’s all rushing to his cheeks. He's also about to swoon like one of the heroines in his favorite old bodice rippers. 

That last part probably is the blood loss, though.