I STILL Cannot Settle On A Birth Year For Alfred But It's Somewhere Between 1590 And 1602 Now.

Gorgug has tusks and Riz has fangs and they are such creatures and they are. Friends. Gorgug growls and Riz hisses and they actually both do some variation of a chirp or chitter and Gorgug's rage is a frenzy and Riz's bloodlust is a fury and it is. Good. They are not human and they do not have to be.

Also Riz claws and tail. Also you know how dogs and I think other canines but idk I'm not a mammal guy start drooling/foaming at the mouth because of overexertion or stress or anxiety? Gorgug when he's raging. This is less because he's half orc and more because he's specifically a berserker* and that subclass goes crazy. Frenzy, mindless rage, okay bitch we're snarling and drooling and animal and taking a level of exhaustion afterwards. Love that.

Solace is fantasy racist sometimes and I think they both separately had some trouble accepting themselves and their less palatable features and I probably rambled about that in a long post I can't remember rn but they do now and they are so good and I adore them.

*"For some barbarians, rage is a means to an end – that end being violence. The Path of the Berserker is a path of untrammeled fury, slick with blood. As you enter the berserker's rage, you thrill in the chaos of battle, heedless of your own health or well-being." - The Player's Handbook

thinking about Aasimar au warlock Kristen again (wow what a series of words lmao) so have some more silly thoughts about it:

- when Kristen first multiclasses Fig says "don't worry, I got you, I know a lady" and drags them both to see Zara. Zara looks at these two (Kristen, literally about to vibrate out of existence with excitement and happiness, Riz, looking like he's five seconds away from hyperventilating to death) and is like "oh this one's gonna be interesting"

- Zara Sool takes one look at this poor rogue-paladin-patron who looks like he's gonna have a mental breakdown, but deep in his heart trusts Kristen enough to dedicate his love and his time and his magic and his oath and his goddamn soul to this girl (warlock relationships are about exchange, after all, even if he doesn't know that yet. Kristen isn't the only one who's handed away her soul to safer hands with this) and says ">:) I'm gonna trick this boy into talking about his feelings." the following conversation goes pretty much like this:

Zara: look it's really safer for Kristen herself if you tell her what's going on with yourself emotionally, otherwise you might make a faulty contract, which will put her soul in danger.

passive investigation of 21 Riz: >:((( you're trying to guilt trip me

Zara: yeah, is it working????

Riz: ..............maybe

- following Zara's intervention, Riz and Kristen sit down and have a real conversation about their fears and their struggles and the things they want from their lives. Riz admits that he's scared that none of them will stay together after high school and that's why he's pushing so hard to keep them together. Kristen tells him that, yeah, she can't guarantee what will happen after high school, but that they're all prepared to work to keep their friendships, and that she in particular is gonna make sure she's always always friends with him. Kristen talks about the specific things she's been struggling with between school and her religion and they make a plan to help her and also actually talk to Jawbone and Sandra Lynn because Jesus this girl needs help. so after this conversation they make the most detailed fucking contract that has ever been (Riz's anxiety goes crazy) and they show up back to warlock class like "is this good?" and present Zara with an absolute mess of a document that is overflowing with footnotes and sticky notes and annotations and is written in this unholy mess of common-goblin-celestial-rogue cipher, but she kinda quizzes them on it, and lo and behold, they have it fucking memorized

- Riz is still pretty worried so Zara fully enlists her paramour to come down and talk him into being a little bit calmer. Zara and her paramour think this is the cutest thing ever.

- Zara tells Riz he can audit warlock class if he's still nervous about it but he's like "fuck no, if I'm taking a class I am damn well gonna get credit for it" and gets his mcat signed to do three classes. Fig-Kristen-Riz are the terrors of the warlock class but also the best students Zara has ever had. everyone both loves and hates them in there (but mostly loves. they're just too cool)

-after The Conversation, Kristen drags Riz to have another Conversation with the rest of the bad kids, and they echo all her sentiments about staying friends even if they go their separate ways after high school (except Adaine and Riz, who nail down that at least they are gonna go to college together). so even though it feels super unnatural, Riz kind of takes a breath like a whole half a year early. he stops pushing them so hard to perform academically, but the rest of them finally understand why he was doing that, and also understand the consequences of the party failing a little more. so they're all just trying their best, but more organically

- Kristen is technically borrowing from Riz's well of power, and he's not like, a full angel or anything (yet) but magic is a muscle. the more you use it, the stronger it gets. and again, warlock relationships are about exchange. so what happens is that as soon as Kristen starts using her warlock magic routinely, Riz finds that his smites are getting more powerful??? his radiant soul damage is increasing???? he suddenly has access to spell slots he shouldn't??? turns out, power borrowed is power returned, and while his power base is incredible, Kristen is a much more accomplished spellcaster than he is, so she exercises his magic more effectively than he does, and he starts getting more powerful as she gets more comfortable in her powers

-Riz can feel whenever Kristen is using her warlock powers. sometimes she'll start eldritch blasting shit for fun along with fig and five minutes later her crystal will start blowing up like "kristen what are your doing that requires eldritch blast every ten seconds" and then she has to admit that she and fig were seeing who could eldritch blast tin cans off the roof of mordred better

-Riz's wings kind of start to, for lack of a better word, calcify? like, they're still intangible, but they start sticking around even when he's not in radiant soul form. just two ghostly, intangible wings always hanging out, and they only start to really glow when he actually turns on Radiant Soul. he has a flying speed now. he's also frantically researching whether or not its possible for aasimar to start organically rising to angelhood because THIS ISN'T NORMAL, KRISTEN STOP TRYING TO GRAB THEM! (everyone else is so enamoured with his wings. he starts using them like his tail to wrap around people and even though they're intangible everyone swears up and down that they feel cooler and calmer and safer when wrapped up in a Riz wing)

-Kristen and Riz start to more or less have the same magical signature because they're sharing so much power. a side effect of this is that if Kristen is in the room, and Riz is stealthing, even casting something like Detect Evil and Good won't give him away, because his aura is so much like Kristen's and vice versa. they abuse this relentlessly to get Clues. kristen is team distraction and riz is team extraction

-at some point Adaine approaches the two of them like "hey all this stuff that's happening is totally fascinating, can I write a research paper about it?"

"sure," says Riz, "but only if you list us as co-contributors for college credit and stuff"

"well, duh," responds Adaine, and the three of them proceed to make the most detailed paper the world has ever seen about the magical and physical effects of a patron-warlock relationship between two mortals. it comes out sometime in their senior year and the magical research community loses their shit

-Kristen gets up to second level warlock in junior year, and her eldritch invocations are Eldritch Mind and Eyes of the Rune Keeper. the first time she realizes she can just read every single language her friends speak she cries. also she's sooooo scary now. she can hold two concentrations at once AND has advantage on concentration checks. terrifying.

-soooo many prospective warlock students start approaching riz and fig for warlock powers. they didn't know you could just ask normal students!!! (riz and fig are not normal students but that is beside the point.) fig thinks it is amusing. riz thinks it is stressful. kristen thinks it is fucking stupid, like, it's not like he's gonna share, no, I'm not jealous, what are you talking about? at one point it gets so frustrating for riz that he gets up on a table in the middle of the lunch period and shouts "blanket statement for everyone who is not in my party, NO I WILL NOT BE YOUR PATRON, STOP ASKING!!!" the bad kids think it's the funniest thing, but they're also being hella protective of riz and fig. everyone stop BOTHERING them, no they're NOT interested in being your patron!! the number of physical fights that they've all gotten in because of this, in order of least to most, is riz (2, on behalf of fig), kristen (3, on behalf of riz), fig (5, on behalf of riz), fabian (7, on behalf of both), gorgug (8, on behalf of both), and adaine (14, on behalf of both). after about a month everyone has mostly taken the hint

-kristen develops a terrible habit of just. hexing anyone who even remotely annoys her. you were breathing too obnoxiously in class today? blocked hexed. you said something mildly shitty about one of her friends? hexed. aelwyn took the last bagel at breakfast and she really wanted it? hexed. she's experiencing the newfound freedom of being a hater. riz is texting her like "kristen why are you hexing someone at nine in the morning" and she's like "I am experiencing little sister rage for the first time in my life, leave me alone"

-Buddy Dawn does not know what the fuck to make of Kristen's warlock multiclass. she makes him fully bluescreen. Bobby Dawn and Kipperlilly, on the other hand, are absolutely incandescent with rage. they're gonna die mad about it.

-on the other end of the spectrum, Kristen and Riz break Bucky's brain open. he speedruns the emotional crisis that Kristen had freshman year when he Divine Senses their magical connection and nearly cries because he can feel this absolutely overwhelming love. he never knew anyone else could love kristen than fiercely. nothing that full of love could ever be bad

-ooouuuuuugggghhhhh there comes a terrible scene between riz and cassandra where she is like "she believes in you more than me" and riz has to be like "maybe. but that doesn't mean she doesn't believe in you. kristen has enough faith to go around. and so do I. I'm still counting on you too." it's about sharing the most important person in your life. self-recognition through the other (bittersweet). "I see why she loves you so much" says cassandra, and for the first time riz doesn't sort of still feel the nightmare king beneath her, and for the first time she feels him as someone to exist alongside without competing with. and riz, who is kind of sort of maybe ascending to angelhood, is not really becoming an angel of cassandra's pantheon, but he's also not not becoming that

-just. augh. kristen and riz are literally so sickeningly happy as patron and warlock. absolutely attached at the hip. best friends of all time. saint kristen applebees and her own personal guardian angel. they make me ill

anyway that is all, thank you for coming to my TED talk

can we not mock bi girls for liking men as if any part of their sexuality is shameful in the year of our lord 2019

Ted bundy isn't ugly, you're just a lesbian

Congratulations, this is the worst ask I’ve ever gotten

Hey American followers!

I know you don’t tend to reblog any politics of countries other than your own… but the Canadian Federal Election is going to be this year in October!

In Canada we don’t replace 1/3 of the government every couple of years, we replace every single seat. EVERYONE has to run for a seat all at the same time, through the whole nation. Party that gets the most votes? Their leader usually becomes the Prime Minister.

We need your help (And you can help by reblogging this too!)

Not enough information on Canadian politics and issues is circulated on tumblr. Despite there being a lot of Canadians, somehow most of us can go a whole year without seeing a post about Canada, even when we make a point about following Canadians.

The US election will be ramping up in the early primaries when Canada’s entire election happens (We don’t campaign very long and we have a LOT of rules about campaigning too).

Trudeau has failed us. Entirely. He is doing nothing about climate change, he’s chummy with Trump, he violates land treaties, he pushes pipelines through unceeded territory, he’s having our native peoples arrested for protesting this, he has not investigated the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, he’s been a HUGE fan of The Glass Cliff while calling himself a feminist, he has repeatedly broken promises including electoral reform (our system is actually not great! Maybe not as rigged as yours, but it badly favours the Liberal and Conservative parties!), and been over-all pretty bad for us. It’s especially infuriating that we see all of this and also you guys reblogging photo-op pieces of him going on about how great he is for going to pride and being cute (That’s actually not an indicator here when only one party leader hasn’t gone in like, 20 years).

We need the NDP or the Greens this year. We need them to have a loud voice at the very least. We need your help to do this. We need you to blog this time, for once, about an election that isn’t american. Our politics affect you too. We affect you as much as you affect us, we are neighbours and unless y’all invade us again some time soon, it’s not likely to change. Help us get someone better into office. Please, reblog posts about the Canadian Election when they start appearing in September/October.

Americans Can And Should Reblog This Post Please.

The Bad Kids in a The Good Place AU would go crazy. I have no idea why all of them get sent to the bad place but it would be great

Indigenous people in Attawapiskat cannot drink their water or bathe themselves, and haven’t been able to for weeks. They called a state of emergency.

What is Justin Trudeau’s response?

1 litre per day of water for kids under 2 years old. 1.5 litres per elder. The Tribal council must pay for this water in advance before they can be reimbursed next month.

This is shameful.

https://twitter.com/CharlieAngusNDP/status/1152558561496616961

Tagging: @abpoli @politicsofcanada @onpoli @torontopoli @ontarionewsnow

My stolen bones object

Having fuck spine is just like *does something thinking it'd be good for it* *hurts More, actually"

hello! if you’ve posted ANY video regarding the protests in Minnesota, DELETE THEM. DELETE THEM NOW. PEOPLE WILL BE FOUND AND ARRESTED OR MURDERED. THIS IS SERIOUS. THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO PEOPLE IN THE FERGUSON RIOTS, DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN

IF YOU ARE STILL PROTESTING, GO HOME. THEY ARE SENDING THE NATIONAL GUARD THERE AND THEY HAVE APPARENTLY BEEN AUTHORIZED TO USE LETHAL FORCE. GO HOME, FIGHT ANOTHER DAY

!!!IMPORTANT FOR BLACK US VOTERS!!!

I saw this on Facebook and went to check my registration status, sure it was fine because I voted recently, but I put in the info and it said I’m not registered

PLEASE, especially if you’re a Black voter, check your registration status at vote.org