Nothing Made Me Laugh Harder Than Batman Visibly About To Lose His Shit Because He Didn’t Figure Out

[comes crawling out of the podcast covered in blood] its really good you should listen

keep thinking “somewhere in another life” like this isn’t the only one i get. fucker.

burial at sea

white boy goes to Jupiter and shocks waiters by ordering in perfect Stupider

the minute i switched to this mindset was revolutionary

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

Late but this is me when I hear about an eclipse

it’s so evil when you have a beverage and you drink it and then there’s no beverage anymore

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

I spawned 300 crabs and then was honour obligated to make them all love me