๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐จ๐ถ๐ช๐ด๐ฆ,
107 posts
ANGER WAS : BETTER THAN TEARS BETTER THAN GRIEF BETTER THAN GUILT
iโm alive i just donโt have the energy yet to write stuff atm. super drained by life.
one liners placed within canon timeline, or will vary depending from which verse your muse stands. ( no worries, weโll work out the small details like verse info, etc. right after i dive in your dms or raid your askbox. )
* NO CAPS !!
iโve revamped it from the old one because i accidentally deleted it so here we are! to be added either message @vixexyn or reblog this post with your info in the tags (character name / canon or oc or verse)
๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ข๐ก๐๐๐๐ง๐ฌ ๐ง๐๐ฆ๐ง. tagged by : @russianllterature tagging : @scarfwere / @hcathens / @hneul / @im-possiblelimits / @nancydrcw / @nosestealer
( 90% ) EGOISM โ Excessive concern with oneโs own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.
( 37% ) MACHIAVELLIANISM โ Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.
( 47% ) MORAL DISENGAGEMENT โ A generalized cognitive orientation that differentiates oneโs thinking towards unethical behavior.
( 0% ) NARCISSISM โ An all-consuming drive towards ego-reinforcement and an egotistical interest in, or admiration of, oneโs self.
( 30% ) ENTITLEMENT โ A stable and pervasive sense that one deserves and is entitled to more than others.
( 27% ) PSYCHOPATHY โ Deficits in affect and self-control (i.e. callousness and impulsivity), as well as a lack of remorse, antisocial behavior, and volatility.
( 33% ) SADISM โ A tendency to humiliate others via cruel or demeaning behavior, or the propensity to intentionally inflict physical, sexual, or psychological pain on others in order to assert power or for pleasure and enjoyment.
( 0% ) SELF-INTEREST โ The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.
( 37% ) SPITEFULNESS โ A tendency to engage in behavior that would harm others but would also entail harm to oneself.
( 33% ) TOTAL DARK CORE โ Your total Dark Core factor. Higher scores indicate a darker personality.
this makes NEIL JOSTEN 13.89% lighter than the average person.
a sleeping neil
in any sense of words left in him , ๐ข๐ญ๐ฆ๐น๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ช๐ด ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ.
he had never travelled before in his life, cooped up only in stifling corners of black rooms and choking smell of blood in dark rooms, until a few months later have seen him in SWEDEN. overwhelming than baltimore and its woods, with bustling crowds and big bricked houses and having nowhere familiar to run to; and yet, he finds familiarity in the dark at the back of a truck, with sharp and cold metal promising hurt by the men who drove it somewhere.
โ ... โ he stayed still behind crates, smelling gunpowder and high risks of uncertainty especially as with every bump on the road, he can only hear the wild racing of his heart and the heat of his motherโs palm on his cheeks. careless, reckless, useless โโ surely by now with the reminders of the tip of his fatherโs wrath on his skin, alex wouldโve learned a hell of a curve.
unfortunately, getting separated on their first international getaway is unintentionally not on his list; and hopefully, the german words drilled into him before they get there is enough to keep him alive. before then, escaping capture from an accidental kidnapping - - alex made sure not to make a trace of life when he chose this as a hiding spot - - is the topmost priority. honestly, he shouldโve checked the truck first if thereโs someone in there before he jumped in to hide ... STUPID !
tag dump.
*taps mic* how does my entire ass taste like? / dash comm. i said pleaseโ i tried to be nice. / wall comm.i have a bit of an attitude problem. / musings. at the equally weak flutter in his chest. / audio. love youโ hate youโ donโt care. just make them look at you. / video. i should wear less gray? maybe you should breathe less air. / wardrobe. like his world stopped and started with neilโs mouth. / nsfw aes. this is the moment you stop being a rabbit. / headcanon. mouth full of white lies. / reply. against everything neil knewโ but heโd queued this path. you knowโ i get itโฆ / crack.
current name usage concept :
alex / alexander - europe ( sweden )
stefan - europe to usa
chris - usa
โ ๐ง๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ฟ, ๐ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ'๐๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ถ๐ด๐ป ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ๐ป'๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐บ๐๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ, ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ถ๐ฑ ' ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ' . โ
Heโs a little terrifying
โ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ค๐ฃ ๐๐ช๐ง๐ฃ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐๐จ... ๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด'๐ ๐ฎ๐น๐น ๐ ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐. ๐ฆ๐ผ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐, ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐น๐ฒ๐ ๐ด๐ผ. โ
for once , he appreciates the floor under his weight; legs stretched yet body unresponsive to whatever the mind attempts setting on โฆ what , with shoulders hunched and arms laying low , his hands resting in the gap between his lower limbs. the only reason that neil is becoming aware of his limitations is when numbness begins to settle along with slight tremors that he can feel in his fingers.
the way that a thousandsโ worth of exy racquet slipping through his grip during the recent drill several minutes ago is a tall tell.
โ Iโm trying. โ voice strained , holding back frustrations veiled in the exhaustion creeping in his system , and avoiding having another tiring same old arguments with kevin. of course thereโs no time for neil to sit on his ass because the games arenโt going to win by themselves; but โโ โ You donโt need to remind me about the nooses around our necks. โ
it hurts โฆ but nothing worse that he hasnโt survived before. the anger dissipates under the silent acceptance and grumbling under his breath , annoyed that as when he stands up , the redhead has to hold onto his knees for a while before straightening up. wincing slightly , frowning greatly at the disappointment he received when he moves his right shoulder in a circular motion. testing , testing.
โ โฆLetโs go. โ
his body was made of adrenaline.
exy was everything that moved kevin since he could remember, that feeling of overcoming the exhaustion was something he was used to. he long learned to ignore his bodyโs pleas to stop moving in favor of playing, practicing even further. thatโs why he was one of the best exy players alive. thatโs why he was the best exy player alive.
even then, with his racket down while he talked scolded to neil, kevin couldnโt stop moving. body screaming as he moved from one foot to another, small little jumps to keep his body going against itโs own will. kevin never knew when to stop. all he knew was exy and that didnโt change just because going back to the ravens werenโt a threat anymore.
he was still playing for his life, afterall โฆ and so was neil, thatโs why kevin pushed him.
accessing his friendโs exhaustion, kevin sighed, stepping back as the younger man followed his order and got up. โ โ two more sets with this drill and we can call it a day โ โ grimace twisted kevinโs features with discontent, but he knew better than to push to hard and end up with an hurt neil, out of the games for the rest of the season. that was a privilege they both didnโt have.
he changed the racket to his right hand, rolling his left shoulder and frown a little enraged by the fact that he still couldnโt over-work his dominant hand โ that he was still afraid of doing it. but it was useful to have that little bit of surprise in the games, being able to hold the exy racket either way. โ โ youโre fast and your shots are getting stronger each day, but you still lack precision. we need to work on that before the next game โ โ
fingers flex as if playing symphony of aching knuckles and calloused palms, testing smaller tendons in between. left hand holds pressure down on affected right shoulder, thumb forcing abused muscle not to flare up in similar to what heat he feels all over โโ nerve wires under the pump, fire running through veins ...
๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐บ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ค๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ด๐ถ๐ณ๐ท๐ช๐ท๐ข๐ญ.
โ ๐ก๐ผ๐ ๐ด๐ผ๐ผ๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐ป๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต, ๐๐ผ๐ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ป. โ diced words for kevinโs convenience while neil picks up his racquet without bending too much; else, there is fear that heโll just collapse there and then and be damned with the consequences. didnโt bother to look up to kevin as he shifts his attention to the hand-chosen equipment picked by the exy legend himself; more so the reason neil canโt really give up now. he did , after all , ๐ฅ๐ช๐จ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐จ๐ณ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข ๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ช๐ต.
now holding racquet with two hands, neil decides to shift the topic away from things they never really talk upon ... just like how he looked so much like death incarnate and how he smelled of it and kevin never noticed from the start until shit happened; and now, theyโre here. โ ๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐น๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐ด๐๐ต, ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ฝ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ. ๐๐ป๐ ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฒ๐น๐๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ผ๐บ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐บ ? โ
seasons 1-2. feel free to change pronouns / titles as needed !
โ i wonโt have to do anything. โ
โ everyoneโs laughing at us. โ
โ you donโt know that. โ
โ we canโt not laugh. โ
โ nothing is going to happen. โ
โ youโve got a phenomenal voice. โ
โ you think iโm being cheesy? all right, i am being cheesy. โ
โ i just want something real to happen. just once. โ
โ have you prepared a speech, is that it? โ
โ weโre so out of our minds with desperation, we donโt know any better. โ
โ show us something real and free and beautiful. โ
โ itโs only so much wonder we can bear. โ
โ fuck you, thatโs what it boils down to. โ
โ iโm a serial monogamist. iโm staying faithful to my cornflakes right now. โ
โ you lied. โ
โ not everything that isnโt true is a lie. โ
โ you know when you suspect something, itโs always better when it turns out to be true. โ
โ itโs totally batshit crazy i can even talk to you. โ
โ i shouldnโt have drunk last night. next time, ould you try and stop me? โ
โ sorry, hang on. thatโs a very difficult sentence to process. โ
โ thereโs no history to you. โ
โ you nearly killed us back there. โ
โ yeah, well, i wasnโt expecting you to be there, was i? โ
โ iโve just saved your lives. โ
โ a wee โthank youโ would be nice. โ
โ i shouldโve just run you over. โ
โ youโre not going to win. โ
โ why not be honest? โ
โ i was lashing out. i wasnโt even articulate. โ
โ i notice you keep that pretty quiet. โ
โ so i return to my original question, is that really what this is for? โ
โ prove me wrong. hm? speak. โ
โ iโm here to ask you an important favour. โ
โ look, come on, there is a little bit of a conversational drought happening here. โ
โ not big on conversation. โ
โ practice makes perfect. โ
โ maybe iโll bore you. โ
โ people want to be noticed. they donโt like to be shut out. it makes them feel invisible. โ
โ people just want to be heard. โ
โ youโre a locked box. i mean, thatโs a good thing. โ
โ most people are too easy to read, especially if you know minds. โ
โ using party tricks to pick up girls isnโt knowing minds. โ
one liners placed within canon timeline, or will vary depending from which verse your muse stands. ( no worries, weโll work out the small details like verse info, etc. right after i dive in your dms or raid your askbox. )
* NO CAPS !!
โ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐๐ผ๐ด๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ. ๐๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐บ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ๐บ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐บ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ณ๐ถ๐, ๐ถ๐ ๐ถ๐. โ jabbing , as neil gives a POINTED LOOK towards the seething ex-raven; own tongue held back in defense of giving patience and truth to what he tries to preach and act upon. he did soften his tone after, though resuming sternness in his words, knowing kevin is highly stressing right now and it sometimes try to bring neilโs nerves to tense with it.
โ ๐ ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐. ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ผ๐'๐ฑ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐ถ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฎ๐. ๐๐๐ ๐ถ๐'๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐, ๐๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ป. ๐๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ โโ ๐ถ๐'๐ ๐ฎ๐น๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป'๐ ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐บ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐. โ
Stefan-y!
โ ๐ฟ๐ค ๐ ๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ? โ ... youโre dead to him.
nonchalant compliance, he figured was as good as anything. It was still different from a flat out rejection. Heโd had plenty of those. And even through the obvious indifference in the other boy, Isaac found an excuse to smile. To cound this moment, however small, as one of the rare wins he could have in the year. He was right after all โ new kids didnโt last very long here. And if he was smart, it would be better to cut his losses now and move on.
Obviously, he wasnโt.
He figured, it would be some nice change, at the least. To know there was one other person at school that didnโt mind if he sat beside them or not.
Fingers combed through his curly hair; trying to unravel the right words to make what he thinks make sense without it being creepy. Maybe Stefan would understand. Maybe even he felt it too. That knowing feeling of standing in front of the same mirror reflecting the same thing. But he bit his tongue and swallowed it.
Shrugging instead.
โ Dunno. Maybe I just like you. โ
Even after he said it, he wasnโt sure if that was worse or better. But at least it was slightly true.
๐ก๐ข๐ก๐๐๐๐๐๐ก๐ง ๐ช๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ฆ thrown out and about , strung with indifference towards the creeping anxiety that slides upwards within stefanโs chest ; one step closer to choking him from the confusion and fear muddled in the back of his throat. โ maybe โ pertains to uncertainty , one he hates and accustomed to , while ' like โ associates with the blooms โpon cheek and wrath faced in weeks.
obviously, this is going to be a ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ .
โ อ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป'๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐. โ straightforward without eyes looking straight forward , body tensing uncontrollably as he crosses his arms; his figure as if embracing himself from an unexpected hostile attack. there persists bitterness in the pit of his stomach , annoyed how isaac can just say whatever he wants without repercussions while stefan wonโt โโ can never. โ i donโt get it โ - - are the words stuck with tongue held back and instead had to give a response so uncaring , but then again , stefan is supposed to be ๐๐๐๐๐๐ง๐๐ , ๐ฃ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ฉ๐ , ๐ก๐จ๐ ๐ ... a boy whose way too different from nathaniel. ( or maybe theyโre not so different, after all; sporting similar bruises, broken bones and patches of skin healed and cut all over. )
โ อ โโ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป'๐ ... ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป'๐ ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ป๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ ๐๐ถ๐น๐น. ๐๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐'๐น๐น ๐ฏ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐ฎ๐. โ
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. we are the blood of the witches you thought were dead. we carry witchcraft in our bones whilst magic still sings inside our heads. when the witch hunters imprisoned out ancestors, when they tried to burn the magic away. someone should have warned them that magic cannot be tamed. because you cannot burn away what has always been aflame.
independent, highly selective, mutuals only original character. ๐บ๐ช๐จ๐น๐ณ๐ฌ๐ป๐ป ๐ณ๐๐บ๐บ๐จ๐ต๐ซ๐ฌ๐น, alias ๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ฌ loved && adored by aria
I still have an hour or so until my birthday is over and truthfully. It hasnโt been great. More mentally than anything or anyoneโs own fault really. But doing this for my past few birthdays have offeresd to lift some weight so I figured why not. Plus thereโs no time like anyday to appreciate some of the amazing people Iโve met on here who have offered such profound kindness and comfort through small acts of love and big ones. I genuinely appreciate all of you. And just wanted to extend a small thank you for another year! ( Iโm tired and emo oops.) Still though. โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ โโ xoxo cas
( Disclaimer: Absolutely in no particular order. Its late and Iโm just trying to cram as much usernames as I can remember. Also sorry if I forget to add you. I appreciate u tho.)
@shroudedheart / @tiderider ( and too many blogs ok but i love them all / @lcvelj / @arsonwitch / @endlessfables / @tempestbrought / @horrormaestro / @nightlyhorrors /@metuant / @owncreator / @arghunt / @siilverbulleted / @seesbright / @affcgato / @cxpt / @outlawiism / @shotbled / @bytheanchor / @rexquondcm / @fightwing / @griefknown / @abulous / @leadersdontrun / @portectorisms / @shemasked /@nosestealer / @ashesrise / @murios / @darlingflight / @airbornegoldenboy / @pumpcursed / @fiightcr / @forcewoken / @ithurielbled / @hadncchoiceโ / @venusiiianโ / @awantedmanโ/ @scartissuexxโ / @myhiraethโ / @contradictivsโ / @tatteredfurโ / @ofangelicbloodโ/ @solenamaโ / @rayofsunshinc /@kawiikiller / @cosmiicsouls / @brittlethorns / @thelittleqveen / @hiddensteel / @backchct / @normaltothemax / @jozthen /@agentxiii / @lionkinged / @prlman / @voltages / @broken-somnium / @kolhearted / @teufelbcy / @synthes / @liveslost
so, iโm required to work full time starting this week 19.04.2020 until i donโt know when and which is why i am clarifying that i am always of low & sporadic activity. as usual, replies and ask responses will be queued, and you can still dm me here though iโm more active at discord (just ask me). additionally, matt is active in wire @mattmrdck_ so come talk to him there in real time (if iโm not passing out lmao). thank you for being understanding and awesome in these difficult times.
god is a woman and her name is renee walker.
stefan , dealing with @scarfwereโ :
neil / nathaniel , dealing with isaac :
a sudden sense of yearning for what shouldโve been just another kid
marvel au where neil hides the fact heโs the son of a prominent anti-human psychopath ( other than magneto , shocker! ) and keeps running off until he ends up in wymackโs school for the broken and the damned lmfao iโm so sorry. but hey, the conceptโs there.
look at his freaking eyelashes they are killing me
so my editable reblogs finally broke. after doing some 2am digging, coming up with a redundant solution, making an ENTIRE TUTORIAL for said redundant solution, and realizing itโs useless, iโve got the answer to the problem for everyone. iโve joined the xkit support discord server, and here is whatโs been said about the issue so far:
TLDR; EDITABLE REBLOGS WONโT WORK ON ORIGINAL POSTS, BUT ITโLL WORK ON REBLOGS WITH REPLIES. meaning if jane posts a starter and june replies to it without using editable reblogs, itโll create this trail item. so from then on out, you can feel free to use xkitโs extension to your heartโs content.
so if youโre getting this issue, the solution is simple: DONโT USE XKIT ON THE FIRST REPLY. yes, itโll be ugly, but everything will be back to normal from there :)