Leo Berne

By Elsa Bleda

Intro

Hi. 

I don’t have much to introduce myself. 

You may or may not know me. Only God knows.

Sole purpose of this blog is to write and journal down my thoughts and reflections of my life. In a public blog because, i dont know maybe you guys will get something out of it. Or maybe, I can get something out of you.

Anyway, I don’t want to take too long.

See you.

Im so tired.

Im so fucking tired.

I just want to be alone and away.

Just for a while.

Maybe forever.

I don’t know.

I’m just tired.

Breathe

So, I haven’t posted since the last one. Been overwhelmed by work. I’m used to it, but I just don’t like the anxiety that comes with it. 

Depression, most especially. It’s almost unbelievable for me to have it when I am doing something that I love. But I guess, this kind of internal monster doesn’t care in whatever state you are. It comes like a thief in the night. Almost like how death arrives.

Just now, I was working in the office, printing documents and stuff, when I was on my way to my desk, something heavy just sat on me. I almost want to curl into a ball. And I’m like “oh no...please not now”

Just breathe. It’s only temporary. Out of nowhere, images of the future played in my head and gave me some form of anxiety.

It’s amazing how no one can notice a quiet person actually struggling with a chaotic internal battle.

I almost deal with this everyday. And I get tired everyday especially after you’ve been surrounded by a lot of people and talking to them. That when you come home, you’re just absolutley drained. The thoughts would settle in to accompany you. And you don’t know what to expect from them. You’re just numb, til you’re yourself again.

It’s a cycle.

I read somewhere that as someone with mental health issues, they have to learn how to accept it. Because there’s no cure. And to live your life to the fullest, you just have to live through it the best way we can.

And because of that article, I’ve been trying my best to accept that this is how my life is. But sometimes, you just can’t take it. I get tired of it. But again, that’s the way it is and you try your best to get through it in any way you can.

Best tip though: is to have someone who understands and not judge you. Someone just there to listen to you and be there for you. It’s rare to find someone like that.

I hope this post is something.

Overwhelming

It sucks to have yours first posts to be quite depressing.

Sorry about that.

Everything is overwhelming.

It’s just one of those days I don’t want to exist for a while. I want to get out of the city and be by myself in a cabin surrounded by woods in the middle of nowhere.

But sometimes Im afraid that I would want that forever. I need to live my life out there. But something inside me is just...wrong.

I pray to God this’ll be over.

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳