Told My Girlfriend That If She Proposes I Want A Secondhand Wedding Ring. I Explained I Don't Want To

legacy

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

2020 has been like:

January

February

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

March

Ap-

Junly

Augsepoctob…Halloween

Destiel

December

this is making me lose it

Hello chocolatiers here is a new idea, and this is one of my altime favorites so far.

Ok so, Marinette and Jason are siblings who got separated. Jason is adopted by Bruce and Marinette is adopted by Tom and Sabine. Jason becomes Robin and dies. Marinette is informed of his death but isn’t able/allowed to attend the funeral. She never meets Bruce. Marinette is bullied by Chloe and then Lila and the class. She becomes ladybug and chat is useless.

Even though things in class are tough. Marinette makes a fabulous class trip. She has them set to go to New York (with tours of Stark Industries, and New York Times along with Broadway production tickets), then they are to go to Starling City (where th Rey get to tour Queen industry, and their parks), next they go to Central City (they have some basic tours of some museums and stuff), finally they will end in Gotham (tour Wayne Enterprise and the gardens).

Marinette had a good time in New York, Lila lies all day every day, but she ignored it. They had a fligh to Starlight City and Marinette had to use the restroom or something before they left, but when she got back to the gate the plane was gone, and so was her class. She had no clothes (those were on the plane) and she didn’t have a lot of money. She was having a hard time breathing when all of a sudden Tony f*cking Stark struts his way over to her and helps her breath again.

Tony and Peter were coming back from Wakanda. Peter knoticed Marinette and points her out to Tony, making some joke of if she is a lost Stark or something. Tony looks at Marinette and immediately knows she is having an attack, he knows how that feels, so he immediately goes over to her and helps her through it. He finds out that Marinette got left behind by her class and this pisses Tony off. He then tells her he can/will help her out. All three of them then head to the Avenger’s Tower.

She meets the Avengers, and she is totally normal. No stuttering, spasming, tripping, or anything but treating them like they are normal. This intrigues the Avengers. They invite her to watch some of them train while Tony looks into getting her back to her class. While she watches them train she ends up handing Steve his shield (like it was a piece of paper), and Thor his hammer (like it was nothing), this shocks everyone.

Steve: Hey Thor, does this mean this kid is now the new ruler of Asgard?

Thor: . . . . . I must introduce her to the Allfather. Come child of earth.

Tony: *runs into the room, body slamming the door on his way in* DONT GO WITH HIM!!!!!!! IM ADOPTING HER!

Pepper: *appears from nowhere* no you’re not

Peter and Marinette become close friends. The hulk also meets Marinette. The team is worried, but Hulk just kinda picks her up and says “Baby” and tries to burp her. . . . . . . . Tony gets plenty of pictures of this. Marinette is a grumpy sunshine child, and she threatens Tony and Peter if they post any of those pictures.

Tony tells Marinette that he has a friend in town that lives in Starlight City and he has agreed to take her with him when he returns home. Marinette will be getting picked up in a few hours, so Tony, Peter, Steve, Thor, and Pepper take Marinette out to get some clothes. This ends in chaos, mayhem, emotional trauma, and the Avengers learn how truly terrifying teenager girls are. Pepper is now wanting to adopt Marinette.

Later that evening Oliver Queen and Roy Harper show up at Avenger tower to pick Marinette up. Roy thinks she will be like all the other girls he knows, shallow and a gold digger or a super hero. He isn’t prepared for the absolute angel that is Marinette. He is love struck, and he becomes the gentleman that Oliver has tried to teach him to be. The only thing Oliver is thinking is “did Bruce get another one?”

Marinette and Roy hit it off very well (roynette is endgame people) they talk for hours. They exchange numbers. Oliver finds out that no, she isn’t adopted by Bruce <not yet anyway>. But she was born in Gotham, she had an older brother who died when she was younger. Oliver found out she is MDC and immediately wanted to commission a suit. She agreed and they were talking suit styles and colors until they arrived in front of her hotel in Starling City. They told her not to hesitate if she needed anything.

Her class didn’t even knotice she was missing. She got her room key and went to sleep. The next morning she was the first one up and downstairs. The breakfast pasteries were gross so she went to the kitchen and taught the staff how to make a good crossaint. She was putting a fresh batch out in the buffet area when her classmates arrived. Lila pauses when she saw her. How had Marinette gotten here? She made sure to destroy her plane ticket. Anyway Lila lies the entire trip as well. She convinces Max to hack into Marinette’s phone and change her alarms. On the day they head to Central City, Marinette’s alarm goes off 30 minutes after the bus leaves.

Marinette sighs and calls Roy. Roy is pissed that her teacher left her behind AGAIN. So he calls up Barry Alan (I watch the Flash tv show so those are the characters I will be using). Roy tells him about how the teacher is incompetent and left a student behind. Roy arrives to pick Marinette up, only to see two guys hitting on her. Roy stops that sh*t real quick. Then they head to Central City. They swing by Star Labs and Marinette meets Barry and his friends. They fall in love with Marinette. She is sweet and kind and adorable. Barry sees her as an innocent sister who must be protected. They take her to her class. He convinced the chief to let the class come visit the precinct. Lila is taking credit for everything, while Marinette gives out pasteries that she made at Star Labs. The officers love Marinette, especially Joe. He sees his daughter in Marinette. Some of the officers offered to teach the class some self defense, in case they were in trouble, and they refused to say how scared they were when Marinette took them down. It was way too easy for her to take them down. The tall kid with frosted tips didn’t do half as well as she did. Roy and Barry only seen that level of skill on hero’s or black belts. Lila started gushing about how she trained with some famous martial artist but had to stop due to her arthritis. The class got held hostage by Captain Cold. Marinette distracts him long enough for the hostages to escape, and the police and hero’s to arrive. She talked about everything from how he could make more money by hiring himself out as a ice machine to people in third world countries to his lack of fashion. By the time the hero’s arrived she was redesigning his entire wardrobe. He was just confused. The officers that arrived on the scene recognized Marinette and were horrified that her class left her in the hands of a criminal. Marinette just brushed it off as no big deal, she was used to it. This had them in near tears. The Flash helped her get back to the hotel. Barry was freaking pissed, so he took a couple pictures with Marinette, took her to get ice cream, and then took her back to her hotel; all before the class arrived.

When the class did arrive at the hotel they started accusing Marinette of working with Cold, but then they saw the Flash. Alya immediately started interviewing him. Only for him to snatch her phone out of her hand and delete the video. She wasnt happy about that, but Barry didn’t care. He stalked over to Bustier and started tearing her apart for abandoning a student. He then went to the police chief and let him know what happened.

Joe finds out what happened and knows that the class’s next stop is Gotham. He calls an old friend, Gordon, and tells him what’s going on and to keep an eye out for Marinette. Gordon agreed but doesn’t think that any teacher can be that stupid.

.

.

.

He is proven wrong when he goes to greet the class only to find that Bustier left Marinette behind. Gordon is dumbfounded, then furious when she said that Marinette can handle herself. Gordon then calls for a manhunt for this child. 15 minutes later he gets a call from Bruce that he has Marinette in his custody. He has permission from her parents to take care of her while she is in Gotham. Gordon starts compiling evidence of criminal neglect to send to the French Board of Education.

Roy was woken up to a call from Marinette. She got left behind again. He calls his friend Jason and tells him about what’s going on and if it’s ok if he stays with him until Marinette goes back to France. Jason,doesn’t know this is his sister, says yes. Roy and Marinette become an official couple on the way to Gotham. Bruce is trying to get everything ready for a non hero to come to their house, even if only for a few hours.

What no one expected was, when Alfred led them into the house. For Marinette and Jason to lock eyes, and for Mari to body check Jason. They also didn’t expect for Marinette and Jason to start crying, or for them to be siblings. Marinette slapped Jason a few times for making her think he died.

Roy pales when he realizes that Jason is her brother. Jason is furious at Roy for dating his sister. Marinette tried to keep her brother from killing her boyfriend, which is a struggle. She tells Bruce what happened with her class and he excused himself to go call her parents and inform them of what has happened. They give him permission to take care of their daughter while she is in Gotham. He also sets up future visits for Marinette to come to Gotham.

While Bruce is away, Damian arrives, sees a new dark haired minor, and immediately concludes his father has adopted another. He then proceeds to attack her, but Marinette takes a sword from a nearby knight and parries him. She barley keeps him at bay, when he realizes that she has some very basic knowledge of swordsmanship. He stops attacking her and starts teaching her. Thus an impenetrable sibling bond has formed. She cookes with Alfred. Dick teaches her how to trapieze. She gives Tim her illegal coffee recipe. Her and Jason talk for hours.

She also finds the Batcave. Only because she went to the library and tried getting a book, that happened to be the hidden enterance. She chews Bruce out for not dealing with the Joker in time to save her brother. She was just letting out her frustrations and everyone knew it. She met Louis and Clark, who she pulled to the side and told him to find a better disguise because it is obvious he is superman. She pats his shoulder and walks away. Louis slips Bruce $10.

Bruce invites the class to the Wayne Gala and provides clothes for them to wear. Marinette refuses the offer and makes her own dress. She also makes gifts for the Batfam.

Marinette is finally able to see Lila’s lies fall apart, at the Gala, and she refuses to forgive the class. What they did is not something that she can get over that easily. All of the abuse, the lack of loyalty, the manipulation, and demand for her time, energy, and supplies to give them what they want. She. Is. Done. She burned those bridges.

When the class is heading back to Paris their notifications go off. They are getting tagged in pictures of Marinette with the Avengers, Oliver Queen and Roy Harper, of the Central City Police force, with the Flash, with the Wayne’s, and Louis and Clark. They were shocked. How could Marinette get the opportunity to meet all of these people when she was with them the entire time. That’s when they realized, she wasn’t with them. The only time they remember seeing her is when they were on tours or she suddenly appeared in the places they were heading to. She was never with them when they left.

But to me, he’s the magician

It’s okay! Everyone’s nice here!

Alex: Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I don’t know how to please a woman… you buy them a dress with pockets.

Writing Tip June 4th

A list of body language phrases.

I’ve included a very comprehensive list, organized by the type of body movement, hand and arm movements, facial expressions etc. In some cases, a phrase fits more than one heading, so it may appear twice. Possible emotions are given after each BL phrase unless the emotion is indicated within the phrase. (They are underlined for emphasis, not due to a hyperlink.)

Note: I’ve included a few body postures and body conditions as they are non-verbal testimony to the character’s physical condition.

Have fun and generate your own ideas.:-)

Eyes, Brows and Forehead

arched a sly brow:  sly, haughty

blinked owlishly:  just waking, focusing, needs glasses

brows bumped together in a scowl:  worried, disapproving, irritated

brows knitted in a frown: worried, disapproval, thoughtful

bug-eyed:  surprised, fear, horror

cocky wink and confident smile:  over confidence, arrogant, good humor, sexy humor

eyes burned with hatred: besides hatred this might suggest maniacal feelings

eyes flashed: fury, defiance, lust, promise, seduction

eyes rolled skyward: disbelief, distrust, humor

forehead puckered:  thoughtful, worried, irritation

frustration crinkled her eyes

gaze dipped to her décolletage: sexual interest, attraction, lust

gimlet-eyed/narrowed eyes: irritation, thoughtful, mean, angry

gleam of deviltry:  humor, conniving, cunning

kept eye contact but her gaze became glazed: pretending interest where there is none/bordom

narrowed to crinkled slits:  angry, distrust

nystagmic eyes missed nothing (constantly shifting eyes):  Shifty

pupils dilated:  interested, attraction to opposite sex, fear

raked her with freezing contempt

slammed his eyes shut:  stunned, furious, pain

squinted in a furtive manner:  fearful, sneaky

stared with cow eyes:  surprised, disbelief, hopeful, lovestruck

subtle wink:  sexy, humor/sharing a joke, sarcasm

unrelenting stare: distrust, demanding, high interest, unyielding

Place To Place, Stationary Or Posture

ambled away:  relaxed, lazy

barged ahead:  rude, hurried

battled his way through the melee:  desperate, anger, alarm

cruised into the diner:  easy-going, feeling dapper, confident

dawdled alongside the road:  lazy, deliberate delay for motives, unhurried, relaxed

dragged his blanket in the dirt:   sadness/depressed, weary

edged closer to him:  sneaky, seeking comfort, seeking protection, seeking an audience

he stood straighter and straightened his tie:  sudden interest, sexual attraction

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig: demonstrates physical condition – he has to pee

hips rolled and undulated:  sexy walk, exaggerating for sex appeal

hovered over them with malice/like a threatening storm: here it’s malice, but one may hover for many reasons.

hunched over to look shorter:  appear inconspicuous, ashamed of actions, ashamed of height

leaped into action feet hammering the marbled floor:  eager, fear, joyous

long-legged strides:  hurried, impatient

lumbered across:  heavy steps of a big man in a hurry

minced her way up to him: timid, sneaky, insecure, dainty or pretense at dainty

paced/prowled the halls:  worried, worried impatience, impatient, diligently seeking pivoted on his heel and took off:  mistaken and changes direction, following orders, hurried, abrupt change of mind, angry retreat

plodded down the road:  unhurried, burdened, reluctant

practiced sensual stroll:  sexy, showing off

rammed her bare foot into her jeans: angry, rushed

rocked back and forth on his heels: thoughtful, impatiently waiting

sagged against the wall:  exhausted, disappointment

sallied forth:  confident, determined

sashayed her cute little fanny:  confident, determined, angered and determined

shrank into the angry crowd:  fear, insecure, seeking to elude

sketched a brief bow and assumed a regal pose: confident, mocking, snooty, arrogant skidded to an abrupt halt: change of heart, fear, surprise, shock

skulked on the edges of the crowd: sneaky, ashamed, timid

slithered through the door:  sneaky, evil, bad intentions

stormed toward her, pulling up short when: anger with a sudden surprise

swaggered into the class room:  over confident, proud, arrogant, conceited

tall erect posture:  confidence, military bearing

toe tapped a staccato rhythm:  impatience, irritation

tottered/staggered unsteadily then keeled over:  drunk, drugged, aged, ill

waltzed across the floor:  happy, blissful, exuberant, conceited, arrogant

Head Movement

cocked his head:  curiosity, smart-alecky, wondering, thoughtful

cocked his head left and rolled his eyes to right corner of the ceiling:  introspection

droop of his head: depressed, downcast, hiding true feelings

nodded vigorously: eager

tilted her head to one side while listening:  extreme interest, possibly sexual interest

Mouth And Jaw

a lackluster smile:  feigning cheerfulness

cigarette hung immobile in mouth: shock, lazy, uncaring, relaxed casualness

clinched his jaw at the sight:  angered, worried, surprised

curled her lips with icy contempt

expelled her breath in a whose:  relief, disappointment

gagged at the smell: disgust, distaste

gapped mouth stare:  surprised, shock, disbelief

gritted his teeth:  anger, irritation, holding back opinion

inhaled a sharp breath:  surprise, shock, fear, horror

licked her lips:  nervous, sexual attraction

lips primed: affronted, upset, insulted

lips pursed for a juicy kiss

lips pursed like she’d been chewing a lemon rind: dislike, angry, irritated, sarcasm

lips screwed into: irritation, anger, grimace, scorn

lips set in a grim line: sorrow, worried, fear of the worst

pursed her lips:  perturbed, waiting for a kiss

scarfed down the last biscuit:  physical hunger, greed

slack-mouthed:  total shock, disbelief

slow and sexy smile:  attraction, seductive, coy

smacked his lips: anticipation

smile congealed then melted into horror

smile dangled on the corner of his lips: cocky, sexy

smirked and tossed her hair over her shoulder:  conceit, sarcasm, over confident

sneered and flicked lint off his suit: sarcasm, conceit

spewed water and spit: shock

stuck out her tongue: humor, sarcasm, teasing, childish

toothy smile:  eagerness, hopeful

wary smile surfaced on her lips

Nose

nose wrinkled in distaste/at the aroma

nostrils flared:  anger, sexual attraction

nose in the air:  snooty, haughty

Face in General

crimson with fury

handed it over shame-faced

jutted his chin: confident, anger, forceful

managed a deadpan expression:  expressionless

muscles in her face tightened:  unsmiling, concealing emotions, anger, worried

rested his chin in his palm and looked thoughtful

rubbed a hand over his dark stubble:  thoughtful, ashamed of his appearance

screwed up her face:  anger, smiling, ready to cry, could almost be any emotion

sneered and flicked lint off his suit: conceit, derision, scorn

Arm and Hand

a vicious yank

arm curled around her waist, tugging her next to him:  possessive, pride, protective

bit her lip and glanced away:  shy, ashamed, insecure

brandished his fist:  anger, threatening, ready to fight, confident, show of pride

clamped his fingers into tender flesh:  anger, protective, wants to inflict pain

clenched his dirty little fists: stubborn, angry

clapped her hands on her hips, arms crooked like sugar bowel handles:  anger, demanding, disbelief

constantly twirled her hair and tucked it behind her ear:  attracted to the opposite sex, shy crossed his arms over his chest: waiting, impatient, putting a barrier

crushed the paper in his fist:  anger, surrender, discard

dived into the food: hunger, eager, greedy

doffed his hat:  polite gesture, mocking, teasing

doodled on the phone pad and tapped the air with her foot:  bored, inattention, introspection

drummed her fingers on the desk:  impatient, frustrated, bored

fanned her heated face with her hands: physically hot, embarrassed, indicating attraction

fiddled with his keys: nervous, bored

firm, palm to palm hand shake:  confident, honest

flipped him the bird: sarcastic discard

forked his fingers through his hair for the third time:  disquiet/consternation, worry, thoughtful

handed it over shame-faced:  guilt, shame

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig:  physical need to relieve himself

limp hand shake:  lack of confidence, lack of enthusiasm

propped his elbow on his knee: relaxed, thoughtful

punched her pillow:  restless, can’t sleep, angry

rested his chin in his palm:  thoughful, worried

scratched his hairy belly and yawned:  indolent, bored, lazy, relaxed, just waking

shoulders lifted in a shrug:  doubtful, careless discard

slapped his face in front of God and country:  enraged, affronted/insulted

snapped a sharp salute:  respect, sarcastic gesture meaning the opposite of respect

snapped his fingers, expecting service:  arrogant, lack of respect, self-centered

sneered and flicked lint off his suit

spread her arms wide: welcoming,  joy, love

stabbed at the food: anger, hunger, determined

stood straighter and smoothed his tie:  sudden interest, possible sexual interest

stuffed his hands in his pockets: self-conscious, throwing up a barrier

sweaty handshake:  nervous, fearful

touched his arm several times while explaining:  sign of attraction, flattery, possessive

wide sweep of his arms:  welcoming, all inclusive gesture, horror

Sitting or Rising

collapsed in a stupor:  exhausted, drunk, drugged, disbelief

enthroned himself at the desk:  conceit, pronouncing or taking ownership

exploded out of the chair:  shock, eager, anger, supreme joy

roosted on the porch rail like a cock on a hen house roof:  claiming ownership, conceit, content

sat, squaring an ankle over one knee:  relaxed and open

slouched/wilted in a chair and paid languid attention to:  drowsy, lazy, depressed, disinterest, sad, totally relaxed, disrespectful

squirmed in his chair: ill at ease, nervous, needs the bathroom

Recline

flung himself into the bed: sad, depressed, exhausted, happy

prostrated himself: surrender, desperate, miserable, powerless, obsequious, fawning, flattering

punched her pillow:  can’t sleep, anger, frustrated

threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming: tantrum

Entire body and General

body stiffened at the remark:  offended, anger, alerted

body swayed to music:  dreamy, fond memories, enjoys the music

bounced in the car seat, pointing:  excitement, fear, eager

cowered behind his brother:  fear, shyness, coward, desperate

curled into a ball:  sorrow, fear, sleepy, defensive

heart galloping:  anxiety, joy, eager

held his crotch and danced a frantic jig

humped over his cane, each step shaking and careful: pain, aged

inhaled a deep breath and blew out slowly: buying time to find words/thoughtful, reconciled

quick and jerky like rusty cogs on a wheel:  unsure of actions, self-conscious, tense, edgy

rocked back and forth on his heels:  impatient, cocky, gleeful

manhandled the woman into a corner:  bully, anger

slumped shoulders: defeat, depressed, sad, surrender

stiff-backed:  priggish, haughty, affronted

stood straighter and straightened his tie:  sexual interest, wants to make an impression

stooped and bent: aged, arthritic, in pain

stretched extravagantly and yawned:  tired, bored, unconcerned

sweating uncontrollably: nervous, fear, guilt

tall erect posture:  confidence, military bearing

was panting now at:  afraid, exhausted, out of breath, sexual excitement

-Sharla Rae

villain: hello pro hero deku! you have an appointment with death this evening :)

deku: oh... wow haha that’s super embarrassing haha but i already have a date tonight :)

villain: oh yeah?? you think ur hot shit??

deku: i’m taking kacchan out for dinner so yes i do :)

[dead silence]

deku: we’ve been planning this for weeks actually so i don’t think kacchan will be too happy to reschedule 🤔

villain: that’s not what i meant....

deku: hold on... lemme ask him

[deku calls only to quieten the muffled screeching and profanities on the other line]

deku: he said no :)