Keenlittle - Life Goes On

January 28

It may seem like a simple date to many, but it has many meanings for many ...

maybe one of them would be an unexpected encounter with someone who would fuck your mind?

Não condicione sua felicidade ao outro.

Esse ano não foi nada fácil, mas independentemente disso me trouxe muitos sorrisos.

Finding BTS was really the first time in my entire life that I let go of the idea that I needed a romantic partner as motivation. I suddenly felt like I had a reason to live outside of the idea of finding one person. I could experience magic and romance and love and self love and hope and belonging with them, with ARMY. It was like coming home and feeling like I could let go and breathe again. I didn’t have to constantly strive and carry guilt around for not doing all the things I was supposed to be doing. It didn’t matter how much I messed up or what I didn’t do that day or what kind of image I gave to people. I knew who I was when it came to BTS and ARMY, the very best side of myself, and that was my driving force for every day of my life as a Baby ARMY. I’ve lost that now. But this is the first time I remembered what that felt like in a long time. I had so much self-belief back then that didn’t come from the idea of romantic love or from any personal achievement. It wasn’t tied to my performance or earthly identity. It came from what I believed in, what I cared about and what was inside my heart.

I think I need to find that again. I need to allow myself to believe that what’s inside my heart matters. Even when I have a billion pressing responsibilities, even when I have so many people’s opinions and judgments in my head. It’s okay to to listen to my heart even when it feels like I need to be sensible and mature and good enough as an adult. What’s inside my heart matters.

Burt Hummel’s speech touched me so much today. I can’t believe it’s taken me 14 years to properly _hear_ that. I matter. What’s inside my heart matters. How I feel matters. I don’t have to keep throwing myself around from person to person, responsibility to responsibility, chore to chore. I am a person with feelings.

Even if I feel like a teenager, I’m going to write on tumblr again. I’m not disciplined enough to write consistently in a private journal, so the teenage thrill of writing on a tumblr blog again will hopefully draw me back to listening to what’s inside my heart.

“E eu estou me apaixonando novamente…”

—

Eu sonhei com momentos como os nossos. Quando a intimidade vai além do sexo. Que a nudez é da alma e não apenas do corpo. Eu sonhei com alguém que me fizesse querer mais que um simples beijo e uma simples noite. Sonhei com mãos dadas, com olhares devoradores, com lábios marcados, corpos suados e com o coração quente. Entregues sem nenhuma amarra. Sem passado ou futuro. Apenas presentes. Apenas nós. Somos um. Mas foi apenas um sonho. Um sonho distante da realidade que vivemos hoje.

Controlaria.

Do you hear me yeah