Evolution Of A Lover’s Heart | 01

The Next

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jungkook  / Reader

Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: this is just a short drabble about dad!Jungkook, based off something which happened in a game of BitLife LOL

Word Count: 1,391

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forget me not | eoalh drabble

written for the eoalh couple. jeongguk thinks he’s bad at love.

pairing: fuckboy!jk x f reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none except jk babie not being very confident :/

masterlist

© evolution of a lover’s heart is copyright jeonstudios 2021. this fic can not be modified, re-posted, or translated without my permission.

author’s note: so i really liked this scene but as i’m progressing with the last part of eoalh, i’m fearing it won’t fit in and if i do end up putting it in there, i’ll probably have to change it, but as voted for in the poll on my twitter, i’m posting it as a separate drabble. however, until i’m posting the full chapter, don’t take this as canon! also this isn’t super edited, just read through once or twice…

He looks over at your sleeping face where you’re cuddled up in the passenger seat, his jacket draped over you like a blanket. 

You’re so pretty like this, you always are, but sometimes he feels bad if he looks at you for too long. Deep down, he knows he’s being irrational, that he’s become too sensitive and too much of an overthinker, but it’s so hard to stop. One thought leads to the next, and he spirals.

He wants to trust you, wants to lean back on the words you tell him, and the things he knows deep down. He wants to trust himself, maybe not today, but someday. Because he has it in him, somewhere. Right? And he wants to get better.

As quietly as he can, he closes the door to the car, and when he peers through the window, still seeing your undisturbed, sleeping face, he straightens up and breathes in the fresh air. 

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Azaleas

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (2nd POV)

Words: 9.9k

Genre: Smut

Summary: The Last thing you wanted was Jeon Jungkook on your case…but maybe you can find it in yourself to come to enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Most of the legal terms and phrases and references are what I found online. If anything is wrong, please forgive me and don’t take me to court.

Warning: A lot of legal talk, Courtroom scenes, Drug trafficking, Wrongful arrests, Cops being morons (sorry cops of tumblr), Inappropriate Courtroom conduct (sort of), Mean teachers, mean classmates, Depiction of drug addiction, Explicit Smut, Protected Sex, Consent taking (Yes, that is a thing, a good thing), Fingering, Oral (Male receiving), Profanity.

A/N: I just…it’s Jungkook guys.

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Miracle in Room 901 || JJK

Summary: Christmas is never the same when you have to spend it alone.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of child-loss/miscarriage, character in coma, hospitals and machinery.

Note: I don’t do angst a whole lot, so I’m not sure this turned out the way I hope it did.

Masterlist

“Guess what I’ve got?”

You walk into the room with a large box in your hands. The weight of it makes your arms shake slightly, though your bright smile doesn’t leave your face. You set the box on the closest chair and open it. Colorful shiny decorations spill out over the top. You don’t bother cleaning up the ones that fell to the floor, rather, you dig through the box to find a specific item: the wreath your mother gifted to you a few years back. After you had moved out and gotten married, your mother has helped you create a collection of holiday decorations, most of them for Christmas.

“What do you think, in the window?”

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DRABBLE GAMES

SEOKJIN

N/A

YOONGI

DIAMOND TRAIL | Mafia AU | Part I | Part II | Finale

MINT OCEAN | College AU | Oneshot

HOSEOK

LIBIDINE CAVE | Fantasy AU | Drabble 

COIN FLIP | Royal AU | Part I | Finale 

NAMJOON

N/A

JIMIN

RING LOVER | Boxer AU | Oneshot

TEARS ON A SILVER PLATTER | Idol AU | Oneshot 

TAEHYUNG

JEWELED SEA | Pirate AU | Part I | Finale

JUNGKOOK

UTOPIC DESIRE | Vampire AU | Part I | Part II | Part Finale 

UNDER THE MOONLIGHT | ABO AU | Oneshot

BREAK MY MIND’S EYE | Druglord AU | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Special 

THINNING THREAD | Marriage AU | Oneshot 

BLOSSOMS AND BLOOD | Royal AU | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

THE TALE OF AGAPE | God AU | Part I | Part II 

DEATHLY DRY SPELL | Succubus AU | Oneshot 

BOW TO YOU | Royal AU | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

our beloved summer | jjk (7.5) (m.)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: exes au, fluff, Angst, smut; THE REASON™️, crying because obviously there's gonna be crying, mentions of hobi leaving :(, cursing, uhm she hits him; kissing (well, of course 😂), br*ast play, t*tty s*cking, oral s*x (f. receiving), f*ngering, unprotected s*x, r*ding, cr*ampie, uhm idk i think that's it word count: 6.9k (poetic, i know) note (1): holy fucking shit i am literally shaking like a chihuahua as i'm writing this a/n. what the hell it's finally here. we've been waiting for this for almost a year and a half. TREMENDOUS thanks to Jo @daechwitatamic, Ari @wintaerbaer, and Jazz @jeonwiixard for beta-ing this for me and for reassuring me that it's not a load of crap (probably) and especially Jo for telling me if i back out she'll come kick me. frick! gaaaah. okay i'm gonna let you read or i'll go out of my mind

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I want you to smile, to feel like enough 'Cause you deserve yellow and lions and love I hope you come back when you're doing well Forgive me for being the worst of myself

New Recording 28 - Chelsea Cutler

The second the door is closed, his mouth is on yours again. 

His hand on your waist, yours in his hair, it’s similar to how it was mere minutes ago, just the urgency has increased tenfold. You want his suit off as much as you want your dress on the floor.

Jungkook detaches from your lips to let you breathe as he cages you between his body and the door, but it’s not like you can focus very well on breathing when he starts kissing down your neck, sucking bruises into your skin. His hands travel south, one palm curving around your hips to grope your ass, the other settling on the back of your thigh to lift it up, opening your legs wider so he could better slot in between them. With your leg lifted, it makes the slit in your dress ride up, exposing your core to the cool air of the room. You can feel his growing bulge pressed against you, right over your panties. 

You whimper his name when he sucks on the sweet spot on your neck, his hips grinding against you slowly.

“Yeah?” You can hear the smirk in that one simple word and the honey that drips from his voice. “What is it?”

“Want you…”

“I’m right here,” Jungkook says. His slender fingers rub you over the pink lace that you’re wearing underneath your dress, teasing your opening through the fabric for a few beats before he pushes your panties aside. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

His breath is hot on your neck. He presses his lips against your skin absentmindedly, the tip of his index circling you but not pushing inside just yet.

“Tell me you want me too,” you pant, your arm hooking around his neck to hold him close.

“I want you.”

Truth.

You pull him in for another bruising kiss before you blindly push him further into the room, your hands roaming the broad expanse of his clothed chest. He stops when the back of his knees hit the bed.

“Hey.” Jungkook breaks away from the kiss to look at you. “Are you sure?”

If Jimin knew what you’re doing right now, he’d say that you have zero self preservation instincts.

He’d be right, though. If you had any self preservation instincts, you wouldn’t be doing this.

Your stupid, battered heart has only ever wanted him.

“I’m sure,” comes your immediate reply. It’s desperate, but you don’t have it in yourself to even care. “I’m sure. I want this. Please.”

“You were drinking.”

“I’m not drunk. I promise.”

Maybe it’d be better if you were drunk. Then you could at least blame this lapse of judgment on a pathetic state of inebriation and not on your stupid self who’s always weak for him.

He stares at you for a minute, searching for any sign of your willingness being driven by alcohol. He seems relieved when he finds none, and it isn’t until then that he shrugs off his jacket, before helping you take off his dress shirt and trousers.

You haven’t seen him like this in so long.

Every defined line on his body, accentuating every detail that you could spend hours running your fingers over.

He looks different but at the same time, not really. A tad more muscular, but still the same lean frame. Hard chest and abs on full display for you. God, your fingers are fucking twitching with the need to touch him.

Once he’s been stripped down to his boxers, he leans down to kiss you before you stop him with a hand on his chest. The lone tiger lily on his arm catches your attention.

Your fingers reach out to trace the black ink on his body, the lines delicate, your touch feather light. You’re suddenly curious. When did he get it? You can’t remember if you two ever talked about getting tattoos.

“What does it mean?” you ask. It strikes you with the realization that this is just one of the thousands of things that you missed, a reminder of your lost time. 

“Please love me,” he says, bringing his hands up to cup your face. He looks at you, just for a few seconds, before clarifying, “It means ‘Please love me,’” then kissing you again.

Jungkook clumsily and blindly searches for the dress’ zipper on your back, giving it a few impatient tugs until it finally starts gliding down your body. Your lips never part from one another as the dress falls to the floor, pooling at your feet. But once you step out of it, he does pull back to look at you from head to toe. His eyes fall to your chest, clad in a lacy pink bra that matches your panties. The look he gives you is the same one that he did when he saw you in your dress earlier today. But there’s something else in his eyes - realization, pride, perhaps a question too.

His hands are back on your body instantly, throwing you onto the bed, crawling over you like a predator. He discards your bra with ease, flinging it to the floor with the rest of your clothes. You shiver when the chilly air meets your bare chest, but the sensation quickly goes away when he takes your breast into his warm mouth. You let out a delighted sigh, arching your back to push yourself further into him as his tongue flicks over your stiff nipple. One of his hands comes up to squeeze your other breast to make sure that it isn’t neglected, rolling your pebbled bud between his thumb and forefinger. He switches to sucking your other tit after a while, then pawing at the one he just had in his mouth.

“Jungkook,” you whine his name when he makes out with your tits for too long, because there’s somewhere else that desperately requires his immediate attention. “Need you…”

He releases your nipple with a wet pop, and he looks pleased with himself when he sees that they’re thoroughly glistening with his spit. “Sorry,” he says with a chuckle. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.” He starts making his way down your body, kissing every inch of your skin that’s on display for him, before you put a hand on his shoulder when his face gets close to your thighs.

“What are you doing?”

He looks up at you as his fingers ghost over the fabric of your panties. “Can I?”

You lick your lips, contemplating whether or not you have the patience to wait for him. But alas, you decide, “Okay.”

Jungkook makes quick work of sliding your underwear down your legs and letting it join the pile on the floor. Even in the dim light, he can see just how wet you are, practically glittering with arousal, looking so utterly inviting that it makes his mouth water. All of this, just for him.

He doesn’t waste another second, diving right into you to lick a stripe up your dripping folds. Swiftly burying two fingers into your heat, he doesn’t stop until he’s knuckles deep. Your lips part in a silent but delighted moan. You forgot how good he used to make you feel. Your fingers could never feel as good as his, not thick enough to stretch yourself open and not long enough to reach deep inside of you.

“Fuck,” you drawl, your eyes fluttering shut when the tip of his tongue meets your throbbing clit, teasing it until you’re practically grinding against his face. You thread a hand into his hair, gripping his dark locks until he’s groaning, sending blissful vibrations all throughout your body. The figure 8’s that his tongue draws on your clit sets you alight, sends you into a whole other dimension completely as pleasure courses through your veins. 

“So good,” he mumbles. To you? To himself? You can’t tell, but that doesn’t really matter. “Still so good.”

You hear it, just how soaked you are, as he begins thrusting his digits in and out of you. He strokes your walls delicately with each press of his fingers, scissoring you open for what you know is to come. 

His tongue dips into your entrance then, teases your dripping hole as you pant heavily, 

Your legs close in on his head as the orgasm nears, but he keeps your thighs apart, firmly holding them open as he makes you unravel.

This is fucking unreal - Jungkook with his whole face tucked between your legs, desperate to make you come with his talented mouth. You never would have anticipated this when you woke up this morning.

No, just a while ago you were crying by yourself down at the beach. Now you’re crying out his name as he smothers himself in you.

Once he starts curling them inside of you, it’s embarrassing how fast you come. You clench hard around his fingers as the orgasm washes over you, dripping down his fingers and he uses the added wetness to carry you through the high.

“Jungkook…” you whimper, sounding completely fucked out even though it’s only just beginning. After a while, the heightened pleasure fades into the background, and he presses soft kisses against your inner thigh.

He crawls his way up your body until he’s facing you again. You watch his fingers and the way they’re coated in your juices, wondering what he’ll do with them next. Jungkook languidly smears the wetness all over your lips like he’s carefully painting them, only to kiss you afterward. When you moan against him, he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your hand finds its way into his boxers then, wrapping your fingers around his hardened length, pumping him in your fist until he’s shallowly rutting against you.

The kiss gets broken when he suddenly pulls away, realization dawning on him. “Shit,” he exclaims. “I don’t have a condom.”

“Oh.” You blink at him, then you both just look at each other for a while. This isn’t a problem with no solution, even if the solution is a disastrous one in hindsight. You just want him, so badly that you can’t think of anything else.

He waits for you, doesn’t dare say anything else until you do.

Yet again, the opportunity presents itself for you to stop.

But you’ve already gone this far, and though it’s damn near impossible, you want him even more than you did before.

“Are you clean?” you ask.

It’s evident that he’s surprised by the way his eyes widen, and his silence that follows for the next half a minute. “Yeah,” he tells you.

“Okay. Then we don’t need a condom.”

He says your name once, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face sweetly. You always did like your name best when it used to fall from his lips so softly. “Are you sure?” he asks.

“I’m sure. I promise.”

Jungkook sucks in a breath, like he’s steadying himself, before he rids himself of the remaining piece of clothing on his body, then settles between your legs again. This time, his cock rests directly on your bare pussy. The anticipation makes it harder for you to breathe, makes you squeeze your thighs around his waist to not let him leave.

“How long has it been?”

Your answer is vague. “Too long,” you say. You don’t want to tell him that there’s been no one else since him, but you have a feeling that he understands it anyway. You think that he’d be pleased with your answer, that maybe it would boost his ego in a way, but there’s only a certain sadness that settles in his eyes. 

“Okay.” Regardless, he pushes past the sudden gloom that befalls his features, blinking away the disheartenment swimming in his irises, to align himself with your entrance. He rubs his cock against your pussy to coat you in his precum, even though you yourself are certainly more than wet enough for him to slide home easily. “Ready?”

“Yes,” you confirm, bracing your hands on his shoulders as he eases the tip into you, making the both of you moan at the contact. You feel him, all of him.

For a second, you wonder if he has ever forgone protection with anyone else, or if it’s only ever been just you.

Jungkook takes one of your hands off his shoulder to lay it flat on the bed next to your head, lacing your fingers together, giving your hand a slight squeeze. “Breathe. You can do it.”

“Give me a minute.”

“We’ve got time,” he says, his voice smooth like velvet.

“Can you kiss me?” you ask, almost like you’re shy even though he’s balls deep inside of you.

He chuckles lightly, so endeared by you and your silly question.

His lips meet yours sweetly, like doing so would help make the stretch less painful. Maybe it does, at least a little bit. 

You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you, and he’s probably trying so hard to hold back, but he keeps kissing you nonetheless.

“You can move,” you say after a while.

“I’ll go slow, okay?”

“Okay.”

He rears his hips back, slowly, then thrusts forward again. You whimper from the slight burn, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. His movements are gentle for the next couple of minutes or so, and it isn’t until you start opening up more that he sets a steadier pace. Even when he starts to fuck you faster, one of his hands is still on your hips, rubbing your skin soothingly. 

“Fuck,” Jungkook grunts out, followed by a sigh of your name as he pumps into your cunt, every ridge and vein of his cock dragging deliciously in and out of your walls. “You feel so good.”

He gazes down at you as he moves, and there’s just something so intimate about it that it makes you want to cry again.

You know what it’s like to have him fuck you, and this isn’t it.

No, this is something else entirely.

I love you, you think. I love you so fucking much.

“Missed you.” His words come out hushed, caught in half a moan, half a whimper. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“Did you think about me?”

“Always,” he says, without even missing a beat.

“No,” you clarify. “When you were sleeping with other people, did you think about me?”

“I only thought about you.” His hips stutter as he tells you this, like he’s confessing to something that he shouldn’t. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You never admitted this to anyone, not even Taehyung even though he probably sensed it, but you used to feel like you could be physically sick just looking at the photos on his feed every time you’d lurk on a drunken night. They were never flashy, just subtle enough for you to know that there was someone. It made you nauseous, because the place next to him was always supposed to be yours.

You just stare at him, not knowing how to process this bit of information. Sure, it’s an ego boost. There’s some pride in knowing that you were the one on his mind even if you weren’t together.

He’s so utterly gorgeous like this that you can’t form a single coherent thought, too lost in the way his eyes bore into yours and in the blossoming warmth that spreads all over your chest from hearing his words.

How did he manage to get even more beautiful? Sculpted by the gods. The standard for all men.

“What is it?” he asks when you stare at him for too long.

“I…” You blink away the daze. “I wanna be on top.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook slips out of you just long enough to get seated with his back against the headboard and pull you into his lap. You hover over him, letting his tip rub against your dripping hole for a moment before you sink onto him. You tip your head back and sigh as you envelope him fully again, the only difference is that you can feel him so much deeper like this.

He grabs your ass with both hands, kneading your skin as he helps you ride him. The sounds that you make together are downright obscene, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears.

“Harder,” you tell him shakily. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I want it to hurt,” you say, holding onto him like you’re bracing for impact, because you know he’ll give you what you want. “Make it hurt.”

Jungkook sighs once, then digs his heels into the mattress to steady himself before his hips go wild, thrusting into you with such force that it nearly has you sobbing, your head falling onto his shoulder. It makes you burn with pleasure, like a star before it becomes a supernova. When the tension starts building quickly, you can’t help but slam your hips down harder to meet his thrusts, to chase that high.

You press your lips against his skin, any spot you could find - his jaw, his neck, his shoulder. “Tell me you love me.”

The words are ready on the tip of his tongue, like he’s been waiting for an opportunity to say it. He doesn’t miss a single beat as he tells you, “I love you.”

“Mean it.”

“I do mean it. I love you.”

Truth.

For some sick and twisted reason, his words send you crashing over the edge, falling into that abyss of pleasure that you’ve been searching for. You say his name, over and over again, like you’re making up for all the years that he wasn’t around to hear it.

Your walls convulse wildly around him as you cry out, your toes curling, your thighs shaking. He holds you close, thrusting into you through your orgasm until you’re dizzy, like you could actually pass out from the overwhelming bliss.

“I’m close,” he tells you in a raspy voice.

You catch your breath long enough to say, “Come for me.”

“Where do you want it?”

“Inside,” you say without much thought. If you were in a clearer state of mind, you would know that it’s reckless and stupid. You’re not on birth control, and if anything were to happen, you would have no one to blame but yourself.

But you aren’t in a clear state of mind, and maybe this is even more dangerous than if you were fueled by alcohol. At least you can sober up from alcohol.

You just want him so badly that rationality seems like a luxury you can’t afford right now.

“Y/N,” he whispers shakily, though there’s a warning edge to his voice that you understand.

“I want you to come inside me. I want it. I want it so bad. Please.”

Jungkook groans at your answer. 

He doesn’t ask you to look at him, instead choosing to hide his face against your neck where you feel something wet glide down your skin as he grips your hips. It’s followed by a sniffle, and hands that hold onto you like you’re a lifeline. 

He’s crying, and that breaks your fucking heart.

You don’t know what to do. Part of you wants to tilt his chin up to look at you, because it feels strange without his tender gaze on you, but you decide against it even though the tips of your fingers tingle with the need to do so. 

Your walls clench with purpose, squeezing around him, trying to help you get there. It’s not that long before you hear your name falling from his lips in a choked out moan, so needy and beautiful and makes you nostalgic. He empties himself inside of you, making you shudder from the sudden warmth that he paints along your walls.

You stay in the same position for a few more minutes until your chest is no longer heaving with exhaustion and euphoria. He gently pulls you off his lap to lay you down on the bed, pressing an apologetic kiss against your bare shoulder when you wince from the oversensitivity, from any kind of movement at all. 

When he moves to throw on his boxers and goes to stand up, you reach for him. “Where are you going?” You instantly feel pathetic for asking.

He pauses, then squeezes your hand as that sadness from before makes an appearance in his eyes again. “I’m just going to the bathroom,” he tells you, his voice quiet.

The relief on your face must be visible. “Okay,” you say. Rationally, you know he probably wouldn’t fuck you and leave you the second the deed is done. But again, rationality is a luxury at the moment.

Jungkook returns a couple of minutes later with a warm cloth, and dabs it between your legs to clean you up. You grimace when he touches you there, evidently sore already from the activities you just engaged in.

“Sorry,” he’s quick to say, though it isn’t really his fault. Or maybe it is his fault. You’re not sure if that even matters.

When he’s done, he gets under the covers with you. “Come here,” he says, then shuffles your body closer to his until he’s holding you with his hands on your bare waist. He leans down to kiss you, and you let him. God, you feel like you’re fucking melting.

It’s different from the kiss down at the beach, and it’s different from the needy ones you shared in the past hour. It’s soft and slow and easy, like there’s nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.

Jungkook breaks away eventually, and rests his forehead against yours then. One of his hands on your waist slides up to your ribs, until his thumb could brush the underside of your breast. The touch is gentle, sweet, completely innocent.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. He means everything he tells you. “You’re perfect.”

You even blush, like you’re a stupid lovesick teenager. “Tell me,” you say.

“Anything.”

You reckon it’s self-indulgent at this point. You’re only asking to feel better about your place in his life, or rather, the place that used to be yours.

“Tell me you can’t live without me.”

He nudges his nose against yours. No hesitation. “I can’t live without you.”

Truth. You know it’s the truth.

Nonetheless… “Liar.” Your tone is soft. There’s no bite at all. You touch his face, trying to commit to memory every detail, how his soft skin feels under your touch as if it’s the last time you’ll ever get to see him like this. Maybe it is. You never got to have a last time with him, never got to know that it was ending before it already ended. You’re not thinking about the morning because you don’t want to, but the seed of anxiety is there in your belly. Your fingers trace his jawline as you say, “You lived without me. You were doing fine without me.”

His lips ghost over your cheek. “It wasn’t much of a life,” he says. “I couldn’t bear it without you.”

The thing is, you know that he’s being honest. And it should make you feel good that you affected him as much as he affected you.

But then… it keeps leading you back to that question. The question that you thought you could go the rest of your life without knowing the answer to. But for that to be possible, you needed him to stay gone, stay out of your world forever.

He shouldn’t be here, tangled up in the sheets with you and kissing you like his life depends on it. 

He shouldn’t tell you that he misses you, that he loves you. Shouldn’t tell you to please, love him too.

It’s contradictory, isn’t it? You needed to never see him again if you stood a chance of moving on with your life. You needed it and yet, all you wanted was to have him back by your side.

The tattoo catches your attention again. It feels like it’s laughing at you, mocking you.

You clench your teeth once, your eyes beginning to turn glassy. Jungkook sees it, and he’s quick to break up your train of thought. He presses his mouth to yours, shushing you with a deep kiss that makes your head spin, despite it all.

“Don’t think about it,” he mumbles against your lips, so desperate to get you to stop. As if he can sense where this could lead.

“How could I not? I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“You know me.” He holds onto your wrist, to keep your hand on his face before you can pull it away. “I’m still the same.”

“No, you’re not,” you say quietly, absentmindedly.

“Yes,” he insists. “Yes, I am.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you do see the person you used to know. But you only ever see him in glimpses and it always leaves you with a terrible, nauseous feeling afterward.

He doesn’t understand how much it hurts you to catch glimpses of the boy you used to love - the boy you still love - only to realize that maybe that isn’t the person he wants to be anymore. It feels like he keeps trying to kill that version of himself, like he despises the person who meant the world to you.

Are you gone forever?

Come back quietly.

“How old are you?” you ask after a moment.

The question makes him pause, his soft features twisting in confusion. He leans back a bit, so his eyes could focus on your face better.

“What?”

“How old are you?” you repeat.

It takes him another while to answer as he tries to see where you’re going with this. But when his search comes up empty, he just answers, “29.”

"I don't know who you are at 29. The last time I knew you was 24. No. You hadn't even turned 24 yet. Where was 25? 26? 27? 28? It’s unfair that you still know who I am when I don't know who you are. I feel like I never aged a day past 24. You carried on living but I'm still here."

His eyes well up once again, but this time, you can see it. The first tear spills over, lands somewhere on your collarbone. This is what you used to want, right? To see him hurting, just like how you were hurting? Well, be careful what you wish for.

No part of you feels victorious that you’re making him cry, that the score is finally being settled, because none of this undoes all of the shit you had to go through. If anything, it makes you feel even worse, like you’re still losing.

“I never moved on from us. I couldn’t move on from you,” he says, voice cracking toward the end. Your heart is doing the same thing in your chest, but you’re glad that he can’t see it. “I swear I miss you every day. I wanted you with me every day. You have no idea how much I wanted to come back to you.”

Jungkook looks so dejected, like a reflection of you these past few years. You recognize that look in his eyes. You know that sadness all too well. He was in as much pain as you were.

He loved you when he left you. He still loves you even after all this time. 

You inhale shakily. For the first time, you feel infinitely selfish for only focusing on your own misery without even stopping to give him the benefit of the doubt, to consider the possibility that maybe letting you go wasn’t something he wanted. Maybe he isn’t the antagonist that you spent years making him out to be.

There’s more to it, and you need to know.

“Then why did you leave me?”

Graduation was just shy of a month ago, and two weeks before that was Hoseok’s flight when he left you all behind.

You and Jungkook, along with Taehyung and Jimin had gone to see him off at the airport. Of course you did, you were his best of friends after all. The goodbye was full of jokes accompanied by sniffles, and tears that overflowed without permission because you all agreed that you would hold yourself together for Hoseok. Jimin was probably the one who cried the most, even though inside, you were equally sad to see your friend leave.

A part of your life was ending, and that in and of itself was depressing enough already, but you thought at least the whole group would still be together and start the next chapter by each other’s side.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t the end of the world. All of you could still make it work, even if it wasn’t the most ideal of situations. You promised to keep in touch, promised to message the group chat every day and have video calls every weekend. You were still kids, and kids tend to be optimistic like that.

What none of you could see coming was how everything would fall apart in a matter of mere weeks.

Jungkook thinks that decades from now, when he’s old and gray and helpless, he still won’t be able to forget that day.

He should’ve been more concerned when your mother contacted him out of nowhere, asking him to meet with her, asking him not to let you know where he was going.

He’d shown up half an hour early to the cafe where they were supposed to meet, just because he didn’t want to risk being late and have your mother disapprove of him even more. Not once had she expressed anything other than disdain toward your relationship, but you’d always told him it didn’t matter, that you were the only person who could decide what to do with your life, not anyone else, let alone your mother. He always believed you back then, even if deep down, he still wanted her to see that he was enough for you. Her unattainable approval still mattered to him.

Jungkook spent thirty whole minutes running on nothing but anxiety and caffeine. That was probably his first mistake, ordering a cup of coffee which only made him more nervous than he already was.

When your mother arrived, it barely took her any time at all to get right into what she came here to say. She hadn’t even bothered with a drink.

Was that how it was always going to end? Should he have seen it coming from the beginning? Was he the only one who thought it would be you and him all the way until the very end?

Maybe he was more of a hopeless romantic than he thought.

It was the way she had called him a phase that she hoped you’d grow out of. That she had let you keep this relationship for long enough, but now that you’d graduated - now that you’d be starting a life for yourself - she couldn’t sit back and watch you throw it all away for a boy who could never give you what you deserved.

It was the way she told him she didn’t want history to repeat itself. How she didn’t want to subject you to the same fate that she and your father had to suffer through. How she had left your dad because in the end, he wasn’t enough for her and you, even though you were a child and you deserved to grow up with a father and with love.

She said the same thing would happen to you and Jungkook, because you were meant for greater things and he was not meant to deserve you. She made it clear that he would always hold you back, that he would never amount to even a fraction of what you should receive in life.

“If you love her, you would let her go.”

Cliché, right? Like the kind of stuff you only ever see in movies? Well, movies have to take inspiration from somewhere.

He thought about his own mother then, and about how people could have such different ways of showing love. He believed that your mother loved you, and he still believes that. She wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of seeing him if she didn’t care about you. She wanted the best for you, and that wasn’t him.

She didn’t have to tell him to keep it a secret from you, because he wouldn’t have told you regardless. He was well aware of how strained your relationship with your mother was, and letting you know would only drive it closer to the edge. She knew he wouldn’t tell you. He loved you, and that was the one thing that she could count on.

Just sitting there in that café, Jungkook felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, even though he was surrounded by the other patrons and their lively laughter as they chatted away. The pitiful way that your mother kept looking at him forced him to learn what it was like to feel truly worthless.

The pity in her eyes only intensified when he couldn’t even say a single word in response, couldn’t think of anything to defend himself.

Silence meant agreement, and that was what he chose. Jungkook - the naive boy that he was - stopped believing in you. He’d believed her instead.

He was just a kid, what else was he supposed to do? 

She was your own flesh and blood, and he knew nothing could ever replace that. He would rather let you hate him, resent him for the rest of your life, than let you lose your family.

That day, he lied to you for the first time ever, saying he couldn’t come over because he was tired. The sunflowers he bought for you just hours prior ended up dying on his windowsill.

He wouldn’t see you again for a few more days, then for months afterward.

July was supposed to represent a blossoming summer, but all he could remember was the dreadful promise of a winter that would inevitably come.

You call his name when he takes too long to answer. “Tell me.”

“I love you,” he merely says. His hand brushes your cheek.

You frown, despite the way the three words make your chest tingle.

“I love you,” he says it again, trying to ease the furrow between your brows.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’m sorry.”

His voice is soft, barely even audible, but it’s this gentleness that makes his words ricochet, ringing in your ears loudly like a gun going off in the quiet of your room.

Again with the apologies.

Fuck this.

It’s hard to take it to heart when you don’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

You gave Jungkook the chance to explain himself, but if he doesn’t take it, then that’s not on you. There isn’t much else that you can do.

You swallow hard, then shove him off of you so you could get out of the bed. Your legs instantly tremble as you attempt to stand, but you soldier on as you put on your bra and underwear, then grab your dress from where it lays abandoned on the floor. You’re shaking, but it’s difficult to determine if it’s because you’re angry, or cold without his warmth nearby.

He’s quick to his feet too, rushing toward you before you could leave.

“Don’t touch me,” you hiss when he reaches for your arm. He doesn’t listen, because when has Jeon Jungkook ever fucking listened?

“Y/N, wait-”

“Wait for what?! I asked you a simple question and you can’t even answer me.”

He runs a hand over his face frustratedly, clearly torn over something. He holds your angered gaze, but the way he looks at you is much milder, gentler even if it’s equally frustrated. “I’m trying to protect you.”

You don’t know if it’s the wrong answer or not. You just know that in this moment, it irritates you to no end.

“Oh my god,” you gasp mockingly. “Someone is trying to kill me.”

“What?”

“Someone is trying to kill me. Someone is waiting outside that door right now, waiting for me to come out so they can kill me. Holy fucking shit, I’m about to be assassinated.”

“Y/N, I’m serious.”

There’s that burning sensation behind your eyes again. “And you think I’m not? What do you mean you’re trying to protect me? Protect me from what? Do you think this is a fucking k-drama? Jesus Christ,” you scoff harshly. “What do you want from me? What the actual fuck do you want?”

Jungkook aims for you again, and in an attempt to ward him off, your swinging fist inadvertently collides with his chest. The dress falls to the floor again, laying next to your feet, that useless piece of fabric.

It probably doesn’t do much damage to him, but he’s a bit startled regardless. So are you, if you’re being honest. But you do it again, and surprisingly, he lets you.

“You coward.” You shove hard at his chest, making him stumble backward. “You unbelievable asshole. You fucked me, you said you loved me, and you still can’t tell me why you left me.” 

He allows you to push him until his back is pressed against the wall. And even then, you don’t relent. Your fists continue beating against his chest as you start sobbing, spilling ‘I hate you’s in between so many expletives it could make his grandmother faint.

He might bruise in the morning.

You hope he bruises in the morning.

The least Jungkook could do is bruise for you.

You want him to curse him out for so many things - for loving you, for leaving you, for not even having the balls to tell you why he broke your heart. For coming back to remind you that you still love him. For proving that he still has you in the palm of his hands, and every twitch of his finger can make you feel like the walls are crumbling down on you.

But even as you tell him how much you hate him, you’re still thinking: Come back. I don’t want to keep losing you. Come back to me.

Because he’s the only person who can hurt you like this. When you think about him, it used to make you so depressed that you could hardly function. There’s no other way to put it to make it sound less pathetic. That’s just how it is.

You shouldn’t have agreed to this weekend, shouldn’t have been nice to him, shouldn’t have let him convince you not to think about it. You shouldn’t have opened the door for him in the first place, because there was always a part of you that knew he could get under your skin so easily just like that.

This wasn’t your second chance at holding onto him. It wasn’t a do-over. It was a re-enactment.

The years haven’t made you wiser, that much is clear.

You don’t know how long this goes on for, but at some point, you begin to wear yourself out. Your movements start to slow and the energy to violently sob leaves your body until you’re nearly collapsing. Jungkook catches you when you don’t have the strength to hold yourself up anymore. Why are you always so fucking helpless?

“You just…” Your voice gets caught at the end of a sob. This is rock bottom all over again. “You make me so sad.”

You grasp his arm weakly, feeling like your own lungs are failing you. You can’t breathe. It’s too much, too infinitely humiliating. He’s doing this to you again, and this time you have to shoulder most of the blame, because you are the one that enabled your own heartbreak for the second time.

You’re still crying, and you hate that this is the first time he’s ever seen you cry like this.

“I’m trying to protect you,” he says firmly, looking at you like he’s trying so hard not to break down alongside you. “Please, I’m so sorry.” The words come out as a whisper now. You can feel the tremble in his voice and the shake of his hands where they hold you. His big bambi eyes - the usual home of constellations - now house tears that threaten to spill onto his supple cheeks. “Please. What can I do to make you believe me?”

It’s those stupid fucking eyes. It’s your stupid fucking self.

“You need to tell me.” Your tears keep on falling no matter how much he tries to wipe them away. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“It’ll make things worse,” he tells you, his voice cracking as he does. He sounds like he means it, and maybe he does believe that whatever he’s hiding from you will only hurt you more. It almost has you caving, but you can’t do this a second time. You’re exhausted, both physically and emotionally. In the morning, you’ll think about how this is all so dramatic, the way you’re acting right now. The most k-drama-esque thing that has ever happened to you. But in the moment, you just feel like someone plunged a knife in your chest, and they keep twisting it, twisting and twisting,...

In the end, you decide that it’s a risk you’ll have to take, because nothing can be more painful than the absolute hell he’s putting you through. He’ll never understand how utterly excruciating it is to experience this kind of heartbreak.

“If you don’t tell me now, I won’t be able to survive you again.”

up next...

our beloved summer (08) ⏤ aka the JK centric chapter

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 30, 2023]

take my hand

( let’s see where we wake up tomorrow ) 

summary: you lose your memory in a car crash, and Jungkook desperately tries to keep both of your lives intertwined. this in itself proves to be a challenge, especially when you can only remember him as the idol you once adored from afar. 

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: idol au, established relationship au | angst

warnings: a memory loss au, there’s angst but it’s a happy ending don’t worry i would never do that to you guys 

word count: 11k

.

Jungkook never paid too much attention to those moments in life where he would figuratively hit the wall and knock the wind out of himself, until he gets the call from the hospital. And then he’s running, dashing fast and wild as quickly as his legs can take him, his mind clouded with so much fear, so much apprehension that even when he can no longer breathe he forces himself to keep running. He feels as if he might lose his mind, already grappling with deniability over his situation, the only thing that can remain consistent throughout his mind is you.

“Are you Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s emergency contact?”

Jungkook stills, pausing in his momentary movement to wipe the sweat that has formed across his face in recovery from the intense dance practice session all the boys have just ended. “Uh, yes I am,” He answers, furrowing his eyebrows together at the seriousness of the situation, his disposition changing in such a drastic manner that all the other boys stop what they’re doing as well to watch the maknae. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m letting you know that Y/N was recently involved in a car accident and was rushed here under critical condition. She’s undergoing surgery now but—!”

Keep reading

I’ll love you until you love yourself - Jungkook Drabble

Why am I so full of angst? Ex lovers au

It’s 12.45 am when the loud banging on the front door wakes you from your sleep. The blinking light of the digital clock letting you know exactly how late it is. You’re trying to make sense of the words being spoken at the door but it takes your brain a second to catch up, and you can barely keep your eyes open when you switch on the hallway lights. Should you have a weapon? You feel like you should have a weapon.

“Noona! Open up!” Yugeom? What the hell was Yugeom, your ex boyfriends best friend doing outside of your house at this hour? Trying to piss your neighbours off?

You snatch the handle on the door and open it with a pull.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You’re seething because of distrupted sleep, you liked Yugeom, no real hard feelings for the guy, but you’d kill him in the next two seconds if he didn’t have a really good explanation.

“It’s Jungkook,” he breathes heavily, you want to slam the door in his face at the name, but when you take in his busted lip and black eye, your heart sinks into the ground.

“What about Jungkook?” The name feels foreign coming from your mouth after so long, all your friends know it’s not a word to ever utter in your presence. They all tried to get it out of you, why it ended when it was working so well, all confused when they could see how much Jungkook loved you.

“He was absolutely devoted to you Y/n, why did he leave?” They were shocked by it, they thought you found the perfect guy, but you kept silent against their onslaught of questions. You did find the perfect guy, you were the one to end it.

Yugeom grabs your attention from going too far back into the past, “Noona he...”

He hesitates, not knowing if he’s doing the right thing for you both, Jungkook never told him how it ended, he just drank his sorrows away.

“He got in with the wrong crowd Noona, after you both broke up he just went into a spiral. We thought it was a phase so we just kept an eye on him but it’s really bad, and he’s not coming out of it.”

You suck in air between gritted teeth, feeling like hell had just opened it’s portal beneath you, waiting for it to drag you to the fire.

“Yugi, where is he?”

——————————————————————————

There’s no trace of sleep in you as you clutch the steering wheel at 100mph down the road, you’re eeriely calm and silent, Yugeom thinks, despite the haste at which you’re driving, the only trace of emotion he can see is how your jaw is clenched. Normally welcoming silence he finds this moment with you too unnerving not to fill, and against his better judgement he spills everything Jungkook’s been up to since you broke his heart.

The drugs, the smoking, the drinking; with each new revelation he could see your grip tighten impossibly on the steering wheel and your veins look like they were ready to pop. The car swerved when he mentioned the girls, and he decides then to fasten his seatbelt. He wants to ask what happened between you both, what you did to make his best friend lose it like this, but he holds his tongue, he knows from the look Jungkook gives him when he tries to ask that it’s best to never mention.

You don’t even try to park in the lines as the car comes to an abrupt stop at the pub Jungkook’s in. Yugeom scrambles in his seat to get out, he didn’t miss the way the car nearly went into the wall and he valued his life a little more than maybe you did.

You don’t feel like icy air hit your legs in the pyjama shorts you’re wearing, the adrenaline heating you up and making you jitter. You force yourself into the building and every description Yugeom detailed in the car couldn’t prepare you for the sight of your ex boyfriend beating a man to the ground, while his new friends cheered.

He doesn’t hear you walk up to them, too busy causing new bruises into the man’s face, what he did to deserve it you didn’t know or care, but you wanted him to stop.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” It comes out more coldly than you expect, but it stops him in his tracks, fist caught midair. He’s shocked, that’s an understatement, but he doesn’t care you’re there. He doesn’t care he feels something other than despair at the sound of your voice, that his heart is beating out of his chest faster than it had beating the shit out of the man under him.

It’s too silent for a second before you hear him scoff, how dare you come back. How dare you force him out of your life only to arbitrarily walk back in when you wanted. He doesn’t even look at you when he brushes himself off and walks to the bar. He leans against it as he sets the cigarette alight and takes in a deep corrupted breath. You’re there after a puff, taking it out of his mouth and putting it out on the bar, not giving a shit about the dirty look the bartender is giving you.

“You hate smoking.” It’s just a statement, but he does, he detests the habit so why your Jungkook held it in his mouth like a second set of lips baffles you. He still doesn’t look at you, jaw set on edge at how pissed he is at you.

“Why do you care?” It’s a loaded question, said with hate but you can hear the vulnerability behind it, a glimpse of your Jungkook behind whatever he was trying to pull. You take his form in now, some obnoxious animal print shirt with half the buttons undone tucked into red tight pants, a matching loose red jacket on top with the sleeves pulled up to show his angry veins.

Why did you care? Why did you drive like a maniac for a man you pretended didn’t exist anymore? Why did your heart break when you heard everything he’d done, why was your first thought not disgust when you did but worry?

His right arm is covered in tattoos, you want to reach out and touch them, admire them, he always talked about getting some but could never decide what he wanted. Your gaze moves up to his face that still refuses to acknowledge you, even though it’s full of hate he’s still the soft boy you fell in love with, his hair is a lot longer now, you don’t think he’s cut it as often since he left. Correction: since you told him to leave.

The thought has Jungkook burning with fire, one his friends saw through his eyes when they asked why he left. He wanted to yell it at them each time they asked, you left first, maybe not physically but emotionally you left first, you ended it not him, you were the one to break his heart over your own stupid insecurities.

He wants to laugh, you ended a three year relationship and four year friendship over something so stupid, and he hated you for it. He hates you, he’d repeat it in his head until it rang true, he hates you.

One of his new friends wolf whistles at you and he finally takes in the very thin material of your pjs before throwing this ‘friend’ a warning glare. You ignored it anyway, the man in front of you was the only thing that mattered.

“Jungkoo-”

“Get out,” he’s quick to cut you off, and you feel the blade he uses to do it. Fine, you deserved that. “Go home.”

He’s finally looking at you, and you wished he weren’t. You never wanted to see him look at you like that, and it killed you where you stood.

He thinks it’s a trick of light, the new moisture in your eyes, but it forces him to look away before he can drink your features in. You still looked the same, but you looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and sadness he couldn’t stomach. You had no right to look at him like that, his fists clenched on the bar top.

Yugeom finally joins you both from whatever corner of the pub he was hiding, he could see it wasn’t going well and really didn’t want to butt in but the battle of Jungkook’s fire and your ice was not fun to watch. He visibly cringed when Jungkook gave him a look that made him feel his betrayal, but he didn’t give him much of a choice. Jungkook took in his friends black eye... maybe he felt a little twinge of guilt.

“Take her home Yugeom,” he said with a bite.

“He doesn’t tell me what to do,” you respond before he can. “Yugi wait outside.”

But apparently you tell him what to do? He’s about to speak for himself but realises while Jungkook might be physically capable of killing him, he somehow finds you ten times scarier and decides to heed your words. He knows in his heart anyway, while Jungkook might look like he wants to throw you into a ditch and leave you for dead, he’d kill anyone that dared to touch you.

As he leaves he misses the way the trash Jungkook is now friends with walk up to you both.

“Wow Jungkook, are the hoes you slept with now stalking you?” One laughs as his words throw cold water on your face. “Cute jimjams babe but JK doesn’t double dip if you know what I mean.”

Did this asshole seriously have the audacity to wink at you?

“I would gladly dip in though,” his hands grab your wrist and you physically might be sick before you punch him but it’s Jungkook that tears his claws away from you. You’ve not seen this look on his face before as he bends his associates wrist back and out of place. You startle at the cry from the asshole as he falls to his knees.

“Don’t touch her,” it’s more of a promise than a warning, but his voice puts shivers down your back. You place your hand softly on his wrist to stop him, you always thought your Kookie couldn’t hurt a fly, but you soon realise this was not your Kookie anymore. His seething look didn’t change as he addressed you, he takes his other hand pulling your wrist off him with force and dragging you out of the smoke filled establishment.

“Get in the car and go home,” his pace doesn’t falter, his fingers biting into your skin so hard it hurts, but you don’t mind, you deserve it. You feel the cold this time when he leads you outside, shivering more from nerves but you won’t tell him that. He’s about to walk back in and leave you but you grab a fistful of his shirt and hold him in place.

“We need to talk,” you don’t even know what you want to say, but he can’t carry on like this. This mess he’s become was not your intention when you broke up with him, none of this was meant to happen. He was meant to realise how much better off he was without you, find a girl worthy of his time and affection, move on and forget all about you, the way you knew you could never do.

“What do you want to talk about Y/n?” Hes mocking you, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. “Should we talk about how you don’t have a say in my life anymore or how you broke up with me and have no right to be here!”

If he slapped you it might’ve hurt less. His breath stops in his throat when he realises you’re crying, and you see a glimpse of your Kookie coming back. His feautures soften as he takes in your tears, he wipes it away without thinking, muscle memory from the past.

You take his face into your palms and makes sure he’s looking at you, really looking at you as you confess the thoughts you’ve had since the day you your relationship started.

“Kookie I am so sorry,” you say it with purpose, you don’t know for what other than to make sure he’s heard you. “I am so sorry that my perfect Kookie had the misfortune to fall in love with an awful human being like me.”

His heart breaks a little, he wanted you to apologise for breaking up with him, he wanted you to say you made a mistake and ask for him to come home, but you were still wrapped up in the self hate that destroyed your relationship. He has to look away from you, jaw ticking as he tries to stop himself from crying in front of you. He still loved you, you still loved him, but he wasn’t doing this again, he wasn’t going to beg you to love yourself the way he loved you.

He doesn’t know who made you insecure like this, who made the voice in your head sour when it came to yourself, but he didn’t hear the whispers that surrounded you both when you got together. He didn’t hear how many people wondered why the perfect man chose you over anyone else.

“I’m not going to argue with you about this Y/n,” when did he stop calling you Noona, you hated your name when it came out of his mouth with spite and pity. You didnt want him to pity you.

“I loved you so much, and you pushed me away because you couldn’t love yourself,” he was getting angry again, and despite saying he didn’t want to reignite this age old battle, he couldn’t help it. “You let your insecurities and self hate ruin everything we built, we were made for each other and you threw me out like I was nothing!”

You wanted to disagree with him, he was everything to you, that’s why you had to let him go. He couldn’t see the way you were holding him back.

“You can’t see it yet, but it’s better this way,” you feel bile in your throat as you say it.

He wants to rip his own hair out and scream at you.

“Really Y/n?” He scoffs, looking around him at the life he had without you. “Is it really better this way? Is this what you wanted for me?”

“No!” Youre quick to reply. “It wasn’t meant to be like this, you’re so good Kookie, you’re nothing like this.” Your hand finds his cheek again, caressing him as if it would make him believe you, see it the way you do.

“You have such a big heart, such a pure smile,” you don’t mention his laugh, how it made you happy to hear it ringing through the house, how you pretended to hate how he teased you just to hear him laugh. You don’t tell him how empty the house was without it. “You don’t see it yet Kookie, but you would have in five years, ten years, how much of a mistake you made choosing me, and by that point how muchof your life would you have wasted?”

He’s getting a headache, he can feel his temple pulse at how angry you’re making him with your words.

“It’s my life, I wanted to spend it with you,” he mutters, eyes closed. Why did he want to press his face in your hands? You were the one causing him this headache, but he wanted you to soothe it away, soothe the the ache caused by last 10 months spent away from you. “But you didn’t want that, and I left, now respect my desicion and leave me alone.”

“What the hell are you doing Jungkook? You don’t smoke, you don’t do drugs, or sleep arou-”

“You did this when you broke up with me!” He seethes, removing your hand from his face, the daggers in his glare back with full force.

You didn’t want to hear that, you didn’t want this.

“You said I was too good for you,” he’s back to mocking you again. “So consider this me coming down to your level.”

He didn’t mean it, he was just a mess, all he wanted to do was crawl into your arms and ask you to hold him until the pain went away, but he couldn’t so he lashed out at you instead.

“Am I lowly enough for you now Y/n? Do you finally feel like you’re better than me so we can continue this relationship?”

He doesn’t stop when he sees you crying, he knows his words are like a stab in your heart, but the bandages around his own are seeping with blood at the wounds you reopened, the ones that couldn’t heal anyway.

“I still love you so much,” he confesses. “Even though you tore out my fucking heart, I love you so much.”

“I know,” you whimper, he didn’t expect that. “I know, and it scared the shit out of me.”

His eyes go round at your confession, you had trouble being vulnerable with him throughout your relationship but you needed this out of your chest before it poisoned you any further, you needed him to understand how selfish you really were.

“You loved me so much it terrified me, I didn’t want you to wake up one day realising how much of a mistake you made being with me because it would completely break my heart so I decided to break yours first!” Youre yelling at him like this is all his fault, and he lets you. “I was protecting myself.”

It’s his turn to take your face into his palms, he swallows the sob he feels in his throat as he forces you to look up at him.

“Do you really hate yourself that much Noona?” He can’t stop his bottom lip from quivering as he watches you cry in his hands. “You hate yourself so much you didn’t give yourself a chance to be happy, you didn’t give me a chance to make you happy.”

“You did make me happy,” you correct him with a sob, as much as you wanted this to be over you didn’t want him to blame himself, not for a second. “It scared me so much.”

It would take a second to take it all away from you so you decided to take it away from yourself, Jungkook wouldn’t understand how self destructive you were, how much of a mess lied inside of you, although you were selfish you still loved him enough to not let your darkness wrap around his light.

He just wished you believed his light was enough for you both. He squishes your cheeks a little, kissing the lips that puckered in his touch. He couldn’t help it, he just wanted to kiss it all away, but he knew he couldn’t. You don’t open your eyes at his kiss, you let yourself feel it before taking it away from yourself again. He pulls back to let his forehead rest against your own.

“Take me back,” his voice is firm, he wasn’t going to let you do this to yourself anymore. “Let’s go home.”

Let’s undo the last ten months, he wanted to plead but left it unsaid. You shake your head, ever stubborn against him. He lets out a tsk, and decides to peck your lips again.

“Noona, you didn’t give me a choice in leaving, I’m not giving you a choice in taking me back.”

“Koo-” you start with a sob but he cuts you off with another kiss. He can see all the scars you caused yourself in your eyes when you open them, so he peppers kisses all over your face, trying to soothe them.

You want to ask him why he wants you back after all the pain you caused him, you want to ask him why he loves a broken soul, why after everything you’ve done he kisses you so softly but you can’t find your voice. You can’t stop the cries caught in your throat, sounding like a wounded puppy with every attempt of breath. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into his chest as you break down.

You thought you came to rescue him, but it seemed like he was saving you from drowning in yourself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM SEOKJIN !

Caught 01

Pairings: roommate!jk x reader

Genre: fluff, awkward, slice of life, slow burn

Summary: you're continuously caught in awkward situations with your much too attractive roommate

Wc: 1K

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July 3rd

You like rain. When it’s trickling down the bus window, racing against gravity to reach the sill and collect in a delightful, reflective pool at the bottom of the glass. Or when it’s creating a numbing, gentle patter on your apartment’s roof in the middle of a snuggly night, lulling you into a gentle sleep.

You don’t like rain when the weather app said clear skies and now it’s soaking through your favorite white sundress and sandals as you trip down the sidewalk. Your purse does little to protect your hair, but you hold it hovering above you anyway, sprinting towards your building and frantically pushing in the code to open the ground floor door.

“Wait!” you shout, rushing toward the elevator just as the door inches to a close.

A large hand catches it from the inside and holds it open until you manage to slip inside.

The owner of said hand is a young man, 20’s, tall, dark hair, big eyes, thin lips, and macchiato skin. He scans your dripping wet appearance once before quickly averting his eyes.

“Thank you,” you say after catching your breath.

He simply nods and leans forward to press the button for floor 13 again. He seems to be in a bit of a rush. Just another reason you’re thankful he held the door for you, seeing as you’re about to be late yourself.

The man adjusts his grey hoodie, the umbrella hung on his wrist flopping against his ripped, dark wash jeans. You notice his eyes bouncing all over the elevator, obviously avoiding your general direction. While you don’t want to be presumptuous, it almost feels as if your presence makes him flustered.

Guys aren’t typically flustered around you. If anything, it’s the other way around. Your cheeks flush because there’s no denying this man is attractive.

Your chin drops shyly and that’s when you discover the real reason this guy also has cheeks the color of tomatoes.

Your soaked sundress has clung to your figure, every curve of your chest, waist, and hips on full, high definition display. The pretty, white, lace-detailed fabric has become almost completely transparent, the skin toned bralette and panties you strategically chose that morning proving to be an unhelpful decision.

With the grace of a giraffe on figure skates, you fumble to cover yourself with your purse, tangled, wet hair slapping your face and sticking to your heated cheeks.

He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t have to.

With floor 13 steadily approaching, your brain finally registers that this guy is heading to the same floor as you. What a crazy, embarrassing coincidence.

You don’t recognize him though. Which is actually crazy because, while you’re not formally acquainted with all your neighbors, you know all their faces and the faces of people who come in and out on a regular basis.

But you don’t know his.

“A-Are you new? To the building, I mean,” you quickly add.

He glances to your side of the elevator at the sound of your voice, but his eyes are quick to find the rising number at the top of the door again.

“Potentially. I have an interview with a possible roommate today.”

“That’s so weird, I’m interviewing a possible roommate today too. She’s supposed to be here any minute but I’m obviously very unprepared.”

An awkward, shared chuckle somehow makes the air feel lighter. He still won’t look at you, but you’re also grateful for his gentlemanly character.

“I’m ___,” you introduce yourself kindly. If there’s a possibility this guy will be living in your building, on your floor no less, you’d like to be as neighborly as possible. One of your new year resolutions was to not be so shy meeting new people. So far, it’s working. Sort of.

He nods in your direction. “Jungkook.”

The elevator reaches floor 11.

“Nice to meet you, Jungkook. Umm, good luck on your interview.”

Floor 12.

“I-I’m in 1321 if you ever need anything. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Wait, did you say 1321?”

“Yeah, why?”

“That’s the room I’m interviewing with.”

Floor 13. The doors open with a soft ding.

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to look directly at you now, brows raised and eyes expectant.

Both of you stand in silence, your mouth open and stale while your brain works overtime to come up with a response.

“But I’m interviewing a girl.” You didn’t mean for your statement to be harsh, but the expression on Jungkook’s face tells you he’s just as caught off guard.

He clears his throat and gestures for the two of you to exit the elevator before continuing. You do, but not until he goes first. The back of you is still very much exposed and Jungkook must remember this as he takes the lead.

“I understand if you’re uncomfortable rooming with a guy. There was obviously some misunderstanding somewhere, so please don’t feel like you have to, you know. I won’t be offended.”

Jungkook makes sure to watch your eyes the whole time he speaks and nothing else. Despite you being basically naked in front of this guy, you feel a shred of your dignity may have been salvaged.

“No, it’s okay,” you say. “I can, I mean, as long as we respect each other’s space–boundaries obviously–I don’t see why it should be a problem.”

If you’re completely honest, you’re a little bit desperate at this point. Prepared to accept just about anything, your interview turning out to be a guy is actually a lot better than you were hoping for.

You’re considering revealing a little more about your situation when Jungkook confesses first.

“I’m glad to hear that because truthfully things haven’t been the easiest. I promise to follow whatever boundaries and rules there are. Thank you for having an open mind despite the circumstances.” He drops into a polite bow, a small smile spilling into the corners of his lips. It’s not creepy or forced. It’s a relieved grin.

Once again, Jungkook takes the lead with you just two steps behind, your purse still blocking your chest and tummy. Two faint shades of red have yet to leave either of your cheeks, but Jungkook seems to be having an easier time composing himself. Your heart beats like crazy as you approach your apartment.

Fumbling with your key, you open the door and welcome your potential roommate inside.

He stands there, seemingly broader and taller now that he’s in your tiny entryway, waiting for your instructions.

“Umm,” you begin, kicking off your sandals and offering Jungkook a pair of slippers, “make yourself comfortable. I’m going to take a 5 minutes shower a-and then we'll…yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook immediately agrees, feigning interest in your drab colored walls. “Take your time. You must be,” he catches your gaze, “cold.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

Your bare, wet feet splatter across the hardwood, tracking water droplets all the way down the hall and into the bathroom. With a deep sigh, you lean against the door and drop your purse to the floor.

Taking a second to process what you’ve just done, you hop in the shower and try to mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to do.