Another Day Another Slay For The Edmonton Oilers’ Jesse Pujuljarvi

↳ JARED BEDNAR PREGAME SPEECH | COL v. DAL (ROUND 2) | 5.7.24

TELL ME THIS ISN’T FOOTAGE OF A PUPPY LEARNING HOW TO USE A CAMERA FOR THE FIRST TIME I’M SOBBING HE CANNOT GET ANY MORE ADORABLE

Always kiss your goalie!!

Especially when he assists on your goal.

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tbh i would love to hear some zadorov thoughts (he is so large and im feral like not only tall BUT BEEFY 😩 like sorry i just came)

gwerlll!!!! This one gets nasty!!!

This Russian man!!!!

His dick is thiccccc. It has some girth to it

Like it just stretches you out so good it’s almost painful

It’s a heavy son of a bitchhh

He’s rough and doesn’t give a fuck

Smacks your ass and teases you for whining

“Awe listen to those cries, keep ‘em coming sweetheart I love to hear you whine”

He’s just a giant of a man

Can easily just pick you up and fuck you

He can literally do those positions that are in pornos

Just fucking you mid air

He loves to fuck you from the back

He wraps your hair around his hand and pulls you back into him, curling his hand around your throat

Meanwhile he’s whispering the nastiest of things to you

“If only you could see how dirty of a girl you are. My pretty little slut.”

Although that does give him an idea: buy a mirror so you can watch yourself get fucked

He gets a giant mirror and places it in front of the bed

Nikita loves to force you to watch yourself, as much as you can when your eyes aren’t rolling to the back of your skull

He loves to play with your pussy, legs forced open with him speeding up his pace every time you try to squeeze them together

Ugh he just smells like sex, tobacco musk, and vanilla. Yummmm

This man will try everything under the sun with you

Rope bondage, even having the rope mounted to the ceiling so you’re just dangling a few feet off the ground, all entrapped in a makeshift web that leaves you vulnerable to him

Although Nikita would be a total freakazoid he’s also the type to be soooo goofy during sex

Like you’re waiting on him to get a towel to clean you up and he’s doing some funky dance *insert him twerking from that one video*

The shift mostly happens after y’all have kids (if you choose to)

He has more paternal instincts so he dials down the bruise leaving spankings and choking

It’s more him praising your body for being so beautiful and giving him his children

“Mmm the beautiful mother of my children, you’re an angel and a saint.” As he kisses up your chest to your chin

Although when you’re like “errr can we get freaky like we used to” he does notttt hesitate

But he does make the kids go to their grandparents for the weekend cause he knows he’s gonna make you scream bloody murder when he kills da pwussyyyyy

I just know zadorov got a freaky ass sex life tho ugh!! I need to see itttt!!!

🐧🐧

the h in nhl stands for homoerotic

bonus intricate rituals:

carey price — 20-21 season

└your 23-24 colorado avalanche

Pretty sure I've read this on ao3 before