So I Lay My Head To Rest

so many worlds to see through the window

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Jihyun Yun, from Some Are Always Hungry; “The Leaving Season”

[Text ID: “It’s strange / to know this world I loved, / loves me best / dismembered.”]

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Instagram: literaryperi

As I was undiagnosed autistic, my traits just flexed hardcore in high school. And I had only few symptoms before that. High school breaks us.

No more single classes. You're now moving about every 45 minutes. Oh, and classes change on a daily basis. Lunch and recess? Nope. This is an American school, baby: overcrowded and under resourced. You get 15 minutes in an echoing chamber to eat a grease patty on hard bread. Previously gifted? Nah, bitches.. That was those standardised tests. You're now meat for the college grinder. Friends? Nope..nononono. Since we're splitting you up constantly, you get to glimpse each other in passing on your way to class.

Oh, and all those rules you've been using for the past 13/14 years? Useless. No, we won't tell you what the new ones are.

There is a reason so many teens come forward around this time period asking if something is wrong with them. And many get told it's just hormones, or they're just "kids" acting up.

No. How about we actually listen to teens when they say "I feel like something is wrong" instead of telling them everything is fucking puberty.

How about we teach people, from a young age, that questioning yourself is safe? How about we encourage teens to research themselves, and give them a space to do so? Think it's only kids liking TicTok trends? Maybe they see something and have no space to express it.

"What if they're wrong?"

So, they're wrong. But they learnt safety and value in reaching out.

The first time I saw her, I would say she was a fragment of the moon, an arched and silent smile… “full of enchantment, alchemy and tenderness”. Art Jeremy Sams.

“I crave the most innocent parts of a relationship. Like holding hands, forehead kisses and being able to tell someone how much I adore them…”

—

“I keep that memory somewhere inside me—where it’s safe. I take it out and look at it when I need to. As if it were a photograph.”

— Benjamin Alire Sáenz, The Inexplicable Logic of My Life