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Taint Misbehavin’: The Gender-Neutral Tragedy of the Human Gooch

You’ve been lied to your entire life.

Not about taxes. Not about calories. Not even about the clitoris.

No — I’m talking about the taint.

That glorious, forgotten slab of flesh. That unclaimed demilitarized zone between the promised land and the chocolate factory. That thin, sweaty strip separating birth from exile.

Let’s set the record straight:

Women. Have. Taints.

And the fact that society pretends otherwise is the greatest act of anatomical erasure since we collectively agreed that “muffin top” was a nice term.

🧠 What Is a Taint?

Also known as:

The perineum (if you’re a doctor)

The gooch (if you’ve owned a PS2 and body odor)

The grundle (if you’ve ever dated a drummer)

The Devil’s Slip-N-Slide (if your festival record is sealed)

Technically:

“The perineum is the area between the genitals and the anus.”

But spiritually?

It’s the unspoken pause in God’s sentence. The hallway between the temple and the abyss. The place where gender, shame, and chafing meet.

🔍 Who Gets One?

Let me be clear:

Whether you’re packing heat or holding space, slanging meat or curating petals, carrying a baby cannon or a soft serve dispenser—

You. Have. A. Taint.

And if you’ve gone your entire life without realizing that, congrats: society’s gendered body-shame campaign worked.

😤 But Isn’t “Taint” a Male Word?

Historically? Sure.

“Taint” was born in locker rooms. Raised by Xbox parties. Educated in Reddit threads. And baptized in the sweat of men who didn’t understand the purpose of a washcloth.

It was linguistically colonized by testosterone.

But anatomically?

It was always co-ed.

🚺 The Untold History of the Female Taint

You think the patriarchy invented oppression?

No. The real villain is linguistic erasure.

Because while men gave their taints nicknames, stories, and occasional bar soap—

Women got radio silence.

Your undercarriage has been:

Ignored

Unlabeled

Uncelebrated

Unclaimed

You’ve spent years exfoliating your thighs and waxing your peach…

…but no one told you there’s a full-blown diplomatic zone beneath it.

A biological Bermuda Triangle. A tactile twilight zone.

Your taint.

📉 Let’s Break Down the Cultural Bias:

Body Part Coverage

Boobs Over - celebrated

Butts - Literally worshiped

Clitoris - Found in 1998

Labia - Misunderstood poetry

Taint - Ghosted

Why? Because it’s funny. And neutral. And sweaty.

You can’t put the taint in a perfume ad. You can’t put it on a billboard. So they buried it.

💀 What Makes the Taint Powerful?

Because it’s:

Genderless

Timeless

Politically neutral

Sensually charged

Biologically disrespected

It’s the only body part that:

Isn’t sexualized

Isn’t sacred

Isn’t politicized

Isn’t aestheticized

Isn’t protected

It just is.

Unbothered. Unbranded. Unapologetically indifferent.

And that makes it sacred.

📚 Linguistic Justice: Let’s Rename It Properly

Unisex taint aliases, rebranded for the equality era:

The Fleshbridge

The Forbidden Fajita™

Undercooch

The Sin Tundra

Devil’s Hallway

The Emotionless Alley

The Oathbreaker’s Strip

The Nether Yawn

Purgatory Patch

The Biblical Buffer Zone™

Choose your fighter. Reclaim your stripe. We’re not asking anymore.

🧼 Taint Hygiene: No Gender Exemptions

Let’s get raw.

Your taint:

Sweats like a liar in court

Collects funk like it’s in a blues band

Suffocates in yoga pants

Smells like the ghost of mistakes past if ignored too long

Male or female — it don’t matter.

Your taint will betray you unless:

You lather.

You exfoliate.

You show it the respect you pretend to give your “self-care routine.”

The taint is the final frontier of bodily respect. Ignore it, and it will out you in summer.

🧪 The Psychological Impact of Owning Your Gooch

Let me be dead serious.

When you finally accept your taint:

Your shame collapses.

Your ego softens.

Your sex becomes better.

Your humor becomes darker.

Your subconscious literally trusts you more.

Women who accept their taint become dangerous. Not because they’re wild — but because they’re free.

💥 The Taint Test: Feminist Edition

Ask your friend with the “Divine Feminine Energy” tattoo:

“Do women have a taint?”

“Can I call mine a gooch and still be empowered?”

“If you ignore your perineum, are you really body positive?”

Watch her hesitate. Watch her blink. Watch her glitch.

Because the truth is hilarious. And hilarity burns the shame right out of you.

🧘‍♀️ If You’re a Woman Reading This…

You now have no excuse.

That strip of skin between the peach and the abyss?

That subtle runway between entrance and exit?

That’s your taint.

And it deserves:

A name

A scrub

A shrine

A Wikipedia page

You don’t need to gender it. You just need to own it.

🤯 TL;DR

The taint is real

The taint is universal

Women have taints

The patriarchy ignored it

But your loofah doesn’t have to

This isn’t just anatomy.

It’s resistance.

💣 CALL TO ACTION

🔁 Reblog this before someone calls it “cisnormative perineum propaganda” 🧽 Send to the friend who forgot to wash hers today 🍑 Share if you’ve ever worn tight leggings with no idea what’s happening underneath 🫧 Save this if your taint is a neglected spiritual quest waiting to happen

⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This post is satire, anatomy education, performance art, cultural rebranding, locker room theology, and biological diplomacy.

It is protected by the U.S. Constitution, the Geneva Convention of Postmodern Memes, and the sacred covenant of shower-based self-respect.

If you’re offended:

Wash deeper.

Laugh louder.

Reclaim your gooch.

Because if you can’t name it — the patriarchy still owns it.

And that is the real tragedy.

Hey mom - look what followed me home! Can I keep them?

Raccoon Dog cubs

kpunkka

Well, it seems to be received well - and here are the nominations, so far:

Alexander Skarsgård Is the Dom, Harry Melling the Sub, and Pillion Their Kinky, Sweet Love Story

Vanity Fair Exclusive By David Canfield May 17, 2025

The two stars and their director, Harry Lighton, learned many lessons making a movie set in a vivid queer subculture: “It emerges that you can’t just chuck a load of dicks on screen.” [damnit]

This still is all the photo we have

Few movies have achieved are both as emotionally resonant and deeply horny as Pillion. Perhaps they could learn a thing or two from writer-director Harry Lighton. While helming his feature debut, Lighton left a message pinned to his bedroom wall, intended to serve as a reminder before rushing to set every morning: “Don’t sacrifice the real for the sake of the laughs—or the sake of the gasps.”

There are laughs, and gasps, aplenty in Pillion. The A24 film, adapted from the novel Box Hill by Adam Mars-Jones, stars Harry Melling (of the Harry Potter films and The Pale Blue Eye) as Colin, a meek traffic warden who lives with his parents and sings in a barbershop quartet on the side for fun. He meets Ray (Alexander Skarsgård), the leader of a local gay motorcycle club, and falls head over heels. Ray brings Colin into his particular world, where pillions—that is, those who ride the passenger seat on the motorcycle—are designated submissives. Colin doesn’t know much about any of this, but he goes with the flow because Ray is, well, hot—but also enigmatic and direct and, in his own odd way, protective.

What unfolds is a frank, kinky, utterly idiosyncratic first feature from Lighton. He deftly depicts a sexual relationship that some might deem extreme or unusual as the engine for a moving rom-com (with, yes, some dashes of trauma skirting the edges). This is not to say he tamps down on the specifics of the sub-dom dynamic—Pillion comes complete with orgies, cock rings, and boot-licking. But as Melling and Skarsgård dig into some of the most intricately wild material of their careers, you wonder if these two crazy kids are going to make it: leather, lube, and all.

Lighton: What I wanted from Colin—and Harry—was that magnetic beta quality. What I wanted from Ray was not necessarily an inverse, but another version of that where you had someone who had all the surface of the world’s hottest biker, and then an unknowability. Wherever I’m talking about Succession or even his interviews on talk shows, Alex is an interesting combination of things. He’s very playful and mischievous, and the roles he’s chosen reflect that.

Alexander Skarsgård: When I got a little brief from my agents about the project, biker and sub-dom, it just sounded quite intriguing to me…and from our first conversations, he just felt a lot of confidence in me and his vision for the project. I definitely wanted to put on the leather gear and jump into the trenches with it.

In the film, most of the members of the biker gang in the movie are basically playing themselves—they are members of GBMCC. I’m forever grateful and indebted to them for their generosity and support and patience. They told us about their lifestyle, and how they socialize and about these gatherings, when they go out riding together, down to details in terms of the outfits, and the dynamics between the subs and the doms and what that would look like. I credit everything to those guys.

The film is obviously graphic, and sex is a key engine of the storytelling. Harry L., this is also a relatively commercial film. So how did you figure how much you wanted to, essentially, show?

Lighton: I remember trying to ignore the practicalities of wanting it to get seen for as long as possible. Because so much of Colin’s experience through the film is driven by transgressive sex, and the way in which he experiences that, I didn’t want to be too hands-off or prudish in the handling of that. I thought that that might feel like it was a judgment on the part of me as the filmmaker, and I wanted to leave it to the audience to be able to decide at which point sex strays into something which is unpalatable to them rather than to give them that information by keeping too much off screen. Once we got into the nitty-gritty, it emerges that you can’t just chuck a load of dicks on screen.

But we shot some stuff which was more explicit, and it wasn’t the case that I was told to remove it out of the cut. I chose to remove it out of the cut because I think it was always important to me that the provocation of it didn’t override the sentiment, the experience.

For the actors, what was your comfort level filming the sex scenes going in?

Skarsgård: You can’t just apply the kind of the sub-dom structure to every relationship. I talked to some people who are in sub-dom relationships, and certain aspects of Colin and Ray’s relationship rang very true to them. And others, they’re like, “Well, I know people who have that kind of relationship…” It was just important for us to figure out what worked for us, in between Harry and myself.

I knew that it was going to be graphic, and Harry was very clear on his vision for it—when and how nudity was going to be depicted. I felt that it really served the story, and it made sense to me. I was very, very comfortable with all that. We had a really terrific intimacy coordinator named Robbie [Taylor Hunt] who was there with us the whole way.

Melling: Alex is just the most generous, dreamy scene partner, so what could have been quite a daunting experience couldn’t have been more different, really. When you sort out the choreography of it, which is often the most difficult part—you sort out what everyone’s doing, where their hands are going—and then once action is called, you’re in the world of Colin and Ray.

Skarsgård: I fell in love with Harry from the first second I saw him. He’s just the sweetest, nicest, loveliest human being. I felt comfortable going as far as we needed to go in these situations with him. I also discovered a lot of things about Colin and Ray’s relationship that I didn’t anticipate discovering when we first started working on it. There were these tender, beautiful moments that just happened organically, and some moments that were weird and some moments that were funny. But he was incredibly game, very brave in just throwing himself out there.

Harry L., how did you work with the intimacy coordinator and others to figure out how best to depict this kind of sub-dom relationship?

Lighton: I was speaking to Robbie three months before we started production, about the way in which we were going to approach it. So it wasn’t the case that he just turned up and did the blocking of the scene at that moment. What was key was that whichever way we achieved it, it didn’t feel like the symbol of sub-Dom sex—that it felt like there was a reality to it. And that meant embracing moments of clumsiness or discomfort as well as the highs of the sex.

A lot of the supporting biker-gang people we cast from both the GMBCC and the kink world—we definitely leant on them to tell us, like, what lube you might be using if you were doing an orgy. I wanted anyone who watches it from the kink community, or whatever community, to feel like what they’re watching is accurate.

Melling: In a way, that made it easier. It wasn’t close-ups of hands. It felt very real. This wonderful community of supporting actors was so valuable. Just in terms of taking me through what a successful boot-lick would be so that I knew how to do it...not successfully.

Skarsgård: There are orgy scenes in the film, and with a combination of actors and non-actors with different levels of experience in that field, it was great to have Robbie there to kind of help and guide the team.

Lighton: It was the moments of mundanity that I most took away from that [research]. There are 80 men in leathers getting onto bikes at the beginning of the day, but then an hour-and-a-half later, you’re having a pork pie and talking about what people thought of Kylie’s Glastonbury performance. And the GMBCC are not definitionally a kink-based or a sex-based organization. It’s for queer people to go biking. So the bike gang in our film, and the way pillions and riders are delineated, that’s very much a fictional creation.

Skarsgård: The way it’s set up in the script, the audience knows as little about Ray as Colin does, and we kind of maintain that kind of level of mystery around the character. In terms of the specifics of the sub-dom relationship, he’s very clear and very upfront with Colin about what he wants, and that also creates an interesting trajectory for their relationship as the story and the love relationship evolve.

The film has a surprising sweetness to it that might not be what you expect in a film with this subject matter.

Lighton: There’s a knee-jerk reaction when you hear about BDSM—that it’s going to be either very ironic or it’s going to be very severe—and I knew that I didn’t want to lose the fun of it. But I also didn’t want to create a distance between the audience and Colin and Ray through irony. That’s probably where the sweetness comes through. The film is meant to be funny, and I want people to laugh. But it’s not meant to be funny in a way which detaches you from the people in front of the camera.

Melling: It grounds it in an interesting way. It’s familiar, and then suddenly we’re somewhere else. That tone is constantly what Harry L. was playing with.

Lighton: No matter how atypical your sex life is, the likelihood is that you’ll have some aspect of typicality from family life or something like that—those two things can live side-by-side. You can go from a family lunch to an orgy, and those two things can not feel incompatible. The hardest thing for me was allowing the characters to exist as extremes without turning them into cartoons—and allowing for that to be quite broad humor at times without compromising the realism.

Pillion will be premiered tomorrow 18 May at Cannes. No word on release date and how we can see it - anyone have a clue there?

goddamnit look at this @mariuch @villageidiotlove @howaboutboth1

@maxwell-demon @askarsjustsoswedish @m-f1 - when you have a chance. I didn't write it - it's from Cannes today about Pillion via Vanity Fair.

OK, but what if that was the plan, and then someone broke his hydraulics? And now he just lies in the drawer, pemanently bent, but looking fresh & healthy - yet only able to bump & flump kind of like a fish - no power thrusting or balls vibrating anymore. sigh, he was so active back in the day. but not now...

so, what if your penis dies before you do (asking for a friend)?

honestly just play with your penis until you die

OP: "Every respectable lion head has a rebellious butt."

OMG! Bill Compton’s job before being turned?

I have to wonder if this was known by Charlaine Harris when she wrote the books!

@differentcatcat @trueblood825

Lol! Look at his face in every one of these pics - he is having more fun in Cannes than he has anywhere else in years! He is totally in his element! And he’s getting more attention than any other man at the festival. He is this year’s fucking A-bomb. THE BOMB! Poor Anon. I’m sure we’ll continue to hear from her/him anon…

https://x.com/hennethed/status/1924544864802230451?t=5-iY4Qbp5J3jlsMCevrTzQ&s=19

Is alex even doing OK? Wtf is wrong with him. Its like he needs people to sexualize him and he is seeking for attention like ... The fuck?

God forbid a man wears short shorts. Manifesting this for Bill!

Morning breath???

Catmander!