Breakdown.

What's in a Name? (UnBetaed Ficlet)

“So, that’s my name?” His fingers hover over the wet sand, terrified to mess up the pretty lines and loops and dots in the shore. It was clean and spread out evenly. He let his eyes wonder over word again.

It was his name, but it’s seeable, not spoken. That’s his name. There on the ground for anyone to see if they wanted. However, it was just shared between them. On the East side of the village, where people hardly go. It’s between ocean blue skin and mellow brown eyes. Hidden in their soft words, and distinctive physiques. Tucked under their forms as a tan pinky points at the symbol. It’s amid their souls. Him and Spider.

“Yep, although we can get rid of this apostrophe if you want,” The elder’s smallest finger taps at the dot between the circle and the next symbol, it looks like the curve of a net falling into the water. Spider’s other hand floats in the air next to his larger, pinky less one. It makes him appreciate the difference and similarities between them. The careful articulation of the digits, and soft pads. But the striking color contrast when he slips the elder’s fingers between his own.  Even when it’s a little awkward to feels a digit on each side of his fingers, or when his hand swallows Spider’s smaller one. Ao’nung welcomes the soft squish of the other’s skin and sensitivity of his slimmer palm, “I just think it makes it look cooler and emphasizes the direct change of morphemes.”

“I like it.” He does, mainly because of the way Spider’s dark eyes reflect the bright sun when he gets to explain the organization of the symbols, letters, and how he’s putting them together to form a visualization of Ao’nung’s name. He looks so excited. His blonde hair glows like syuratan. Ha, imagine that, syuratan that glows during the day.

They were on the shore, kneeling on the semi-wet sand. Sea water occasionally licking at their toes. Ao’nung couldn't help but be captivated by the sight of the human’s long, blonde curly hair. He’s never stood before someone with such salient hair, He marveled how every strand seemed to catch the light, creating a halo of golden warmth around his head.

A gentle breeze played with Spider’s curls, causing them to dance and shimmer. The way his hair framed his face, accentuating his features, it made his stomache twisted wonderfully. Spider’s hair was different, thinner. So thin, that sometimes, the strands allowed the golden curls to puff up just a bit when they were dry. Like now. He watched as Spider’s ran his fingers under his hair, pulling it back from his face, and he couldn't help but feel an urge to cup one hand along the other’s jaw while the other caress the loose, undreaded hair.

It truly was yellow-yellow. It was like an endless current of yellow. Some strand darker than others, and the pieces would weave themselves in and out of each other. The other glanced over his sand shaded shoulder, turning to him with a smile, blunt teeth showing off and, his deep, murky water eyes sparkling with joy. Eyes delighted at seeing him. He returned the smile, feeling the fangs tug at his bottom lip.

            “What about your name?” He queries with a serene hum. He feels the need to bump his head against the gold mane, letting his tough skin feel the slick and smooth glide of the blonde ocean beside him. His does such, feeling the soft tufts along his cheek. It tickles his nose as the curls rub against it. He smells of an odd mixture of something bitter, ocean salt and hard metal. It’s a weird comfort, but he tends to enjoy weird things.

            “Which one?” There’s a small pressure resting on his wrist. He cracks an eye, just widen enough look at Spider’s other hand resting on top of it. His tan look so bright on his blue. He feels held as they lean on each other. “Miles or Spider?”

            “Your name.” He repeats gently. Sighing and feeling the flyaways brush against his skin as they move with his breathe, dancing with the air before falling back onto his cheeks.

            “Okay.” A saccharine utter hummed back.

            Spider leans away from him to put his finger into the sand. Carefully tracing his own symbols into the ground. There’s a similar number of symbols underneath Ao’nung’s name. But it’s dot is on top of a line instead of between symbols.

            “I like it.”  He answers, resting his chin on Spider’s fluffy hair.

“Mother, father, I’m marrying Jakesully’s eldest.”

“Neteyam??”

“The gold one.”

Back on my Bull

Soooo, y'all know how much I love cracked AUs right? And cracked ships? I mean, I did write a ship for a lesbian and a dead man... anyway, I almost want to go back to the feral-ness of the wattpad days. Oh yes, we are going there.

I lowkey want to write a highschool AU for the celebrities, and politicians of course, because nothing says American woman like reading an A/B/O-verse of Biden and Trump at two in the morning... regardless.

Back on my Highschool AU idea, the class divisions are between groups of ages. Like 20-30 is freshmen, 31-40 is sophomore, 41-50 is junior and 50-55 is senior. Any thing above 55 is graduated, anything below 20 is a 8th grade/middle schooler. MET gala is prom, Drake is that weird kid that can't take a hint and kinda creepy. Would Billie be the staple Goth girl? Taylor is... popular farm girl that wants to make it big in the city, sorry I don't make the rules. Pitbull is on the baseball team, but can free style rap anytime and anywhere making friends with literally everyone. Eminem is the town punk/anti-bully. What would be the Kardashins?

God forgive me. But seriously, I need help building this AU guys...

I always just like to tell folks I'm alive n' kickin.

A little Aonung/Spider I've been working on... (not proofread)

Warning: T rated for this one but might go up to M or E rated when finished (I might add a first time moment at the end of this)

Aonung has had enough.

Can’t they mind their own business?

Yes, he knows Spider is different from him, in more than one way. But he has accepted it. So why do they have to make such a big fuss and be so weird about it?! Three talks! He’s already had to suffer three talks! With their worried expressions and not so subtly allusions he might hurt Spider with his size and his weight, as if he were some sort of horrible brute. It makes him sick, this image they have of him… of them and his love.

Yes, he’s aware making Spider his official mate will be… a conundrum. He’s not stupid. He’s seventeen. He passed his Rite. He’s an adult now. Spider has no Kuru to make the bond with him. He couldn’t even pass his own Rite, being unable to ride a Tsurak like a Na’vi. Jakesully said that Spider can be considered an adult in human standards but the tribe will never validate it - not really. And Spider is small. Child sized. He reaches Aonung at the waist and Aonung isn’t stupid. He noticed how incredibly much larger he is and what it means. Yes, he’s scared. But he knows that adorable tawtute is the one. Did he ever think his mate would be a tawtute? No! But that’s what happened. And now, he’s determined to take things as they are and not as he wishes they were.

He will make this work.

He knows he can, somehow.

That Avatar - Norm - was a great help. He owes him a lot. He’s the one who told him about human physiology and how Spider’s body works. It was probably the only interesting talk he’s had so far… So much better than all the fearful warnings he got from his father, Toruk Makto and even his mother. Neytiri was… her whole sort of weird. That woman is terrifying - poor Toruk Makto. But Norm was different. Norm was… trying. He was instructive. 

Aonung wants the evening to be perfect. 

He has spent hours preparing everything while Spider was held busy by his very supportive sister. When Lo’ak understands why Tsireya insisted they needed to weave twenty five new nets when most of the used nets seem to be perfectly fine, he might get angry. But that’s an ordeal for another day. Right now, his priority is to finish having things ready when Spider returns to his shack. He hopes the boy will not find him intruding or strange… He has no idea how to court a Sky Person. He knows Spider was born and raised among Na’vi but he still has his own things about him that Aonung can barely start to understand. 

It took Spider months to understand the young Na’vi was courting him at all. 

He accepted the gifts but with an expression that even Aonung translated as confused. It was only when Kiri told him that Spider had no idea Aonung was courting him at all that he decided to communicate with words and Aonung confessed that he was indeed interested in the tawtute. He thought it would finally settle everything down but then Spider rejected Aonung’s courtship and it hurt. Because Aonung wasn’t expecting to be rejected.

It could have ended right then and there but Aonung was not one to give up and he persisted. He liked this cute but fierce little tawtute and was determined to win him over. It took a moment but Spider eventually confessed his fears and Aonung did his best to reassure him. Yes, they were different species but he was sure they could make this work, somehow.

Then, his parents - and the Sullys - decided to step in and discourage him, arguing that he was going to hurt the little human with his large body and that this relationship had to stop before it even got started.

But Aonung doesn’t care. He knows he can make this work. He knows he can.

Which is why he finds himself currently preparing a pik’nik right in the middle of Spider’s shack, not really knowing if what he’s doing is the right thing at all.

The door of the shack suddenly depressurizes and the metal clicks.

A few seconds later, Spider’s voice rises into the windowless room.

“Hey Nung, Reya said you were looking for me… Why are you in the dark-”

He stops right at the threshold, his sentence finishing itself in the air. Aonung feels his heart beating in the back of his throat. His tail goes rigid behind him and his ears fall backwards. Spider is blinking at him with the most dumbfounded expression he has ever seen on his face, eyes wide, lips parted and Aonung does feel like a fool, his immense body knelt as it can in the middle of the room on a blanket that is already too small for him and that forces more than half of his body on the cold metal floor to leave enough space for the small human to fit. He tried to reproduce as best as he could the pictures Norm gave him but couldn’t find any candles like they had and he didn’t want to risk burning the whole place with a torch so he settled for bioluminescent plants that he put in jars instead. It doesn’t give that warm orange light, the plants basking the room in dim hues of pink and blue that reflect on the walls around them and the floor. He harvested Spider’s favorite human edible fruit and took some bread, vegetables and dippings that he arranged in bowls, as well as swamp nectar and prune juice.

For long seconds, Spider just stays there, watching the display in front of him, stunned and at a loss for words. It doesn’t help alleviate Aonung’s nervousness in the least.

“What… What is that?” Spider eventually asks.

Aonung’s ears flicker. Did he do something wrong? Did he miss something in his… reproduction of tawtute culture?

“It’s uhm… A… pik’nik,” he says, trying to pronounce the foreign word correctly.

Spider blinks, “Oh!”

“You know them, right?” Aonung presses, feeling more and more anxious that his idea completely missed the point.

“Only from Norm and Max’s stories. I never really… had one before…” His face takes on that adorable pink color Aonung loves so much, “But… why?” he asks and he sounds like he has no idea why Aonung went through all that trouble.

“For you,” Aonung explains.

“Me?” Spider repeats as if the concept of someone doing something like this for him is an impossibility.

“Yes, you. Please, come sit with me.”

Spider blinks and wobbles on his legs, joining Aonung on the blanket. He swallows. Aonung smiles. It’s one of the first times he can see Spider without his mask. What a beautiful sight. He takes a deep breath from his own mask. 

“Is that… swamp nectar?”

“Yes.”

“Where did you get it?”

Aonung smirks, “I’m the Olo’eyktan son. It comes with privileges!” he says, sounding shamelessly smug and proud of himself.

Spider chuckles and his face flushes again.

They begin to eat, talking about their day. Spider is always shy at first but when Aonung starts speaking with him, he suddenly opens up and can no longer be stopped, going on and on and on about the fish they saw and the nets they weaved and how Lo’ak kept growling the whole time. Aonung smiles and chuckles, watching him. There are so many colors on him when he speaks. It’s like the words are dancing on his skin, each one of them a different emotion that lights him up in so many different shades. His own human bioluminescence. It’s fascinating.

Spider suddenly realizes that Aonung is staring at him intensely. He stops talking and frowns, looking self-conscious again.

“What?” he asks, pouting a little.

Aonung smirks, “You’re beautiful,” he whispers.

Spider swallows, his Adam apple bobbing as he does. Aonung blinks at him. Slowly, he cups his face. His hand is so much bigger, it encircles his head completely. His heart starts beating faster. It’s the first time he can touch his beautiful face, the first time he finally has access to that masterpiece held behind a glass for so long. Gently, he swipes his thumb under Spider’s eye. The skin is so soft.

“Sevin,” he whispers.

Spider swallows again. His eyes are huge. His lips tremble. A breath passes through them, hitting Aonung’s hand with its warmth. He blinks at the tall Na’vi. Aonung bends down slowly toward him. Spider’s breath hitches through his nose and fills his lungs with too much air, making his throat tickle with the need to cough. 

Their lips touch for the very first time.

Aonung has already kissed his mask a few times already but nothing compares to this. Spider’s lips are warm and tiny against his. Aonung’s mouth takes almost all of Spider’s lower face and he adjusts his angle not to smother the human and free his nose, making Spider’s chuckle in the kiss. Yes, that size difference is really awkward. But Aounung wouldn’t change it for the rest of the world and laughs. Spider wraps his small arms around Aonung’s neck, his fingers digging into the thick curls. The Na’vi moans at the gentle contact. Slowly, he opens his mouth and pokes the tiny lips with the bit of his tongue, requesting entrance. Spider shakes against him but parts his lips nonetheless and Aonung touches the tip of a tiny tongue and it feels like a spark of electricity. His braid is heavy on his lap. From the corner of his eyes, he sees his Kuru open and the tendrils reach up, desperate to touch the tawtute. 

The kiss deepens. Spider’s hand cups Aonung’s face. Aonung strokes the soft skin of Spider’s cheek with the back of his fingers. The kiss is slow, careful. Aonung knows that he can’t push the fragile human and he doesn’t want to. This feels so nice, kissing him and touching him like this. Spider tastes like fruit and Swamp nectar. He’s delightful. 

They part. Spider gives him a shy smile and looks down. His lips are a bit swollen and pink. He looks adorable and so much more edible than any of the food on that blanket. Aonung keeps his hand on his face and kisses the tip of his nose gently, making Spider chuckle.

Their eyes meet.

They’re both breathing hard and deep.

Their bodies are hot, heart racing behind their rib cages.

Gently, Aonung lays a soft kiss on Spider’s cheek before diving into the warm crook of his neck. The human’s reaction is immediate. Goosebumps suddenly cover his skin and he moans loudly, tilting his head. Ok, so the neck is very sensitive for humans. Good to know! He gently sucks on the skin, mindful to keep his teeth away and not leave any mark. But that skin is so soft and tender.

“Nung!” Spider whines.

Aonung pulls away and returns to face him with a playful smirk.

“My cute little tawtute is sensitive!” he gently mocks.

Spider turns beet red again but looks down in haste.

“Spi?” Aonung asks, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he’s suddenly anxious - he did try to be as gentle as he could.

“What?! No! Of course not!”

Aonung relaxes at that.

“Then, what is it?”

He touches Spider’s cheek again, marveling at the softness of that skin he can never feel against his fingers. With his other hand, he takes his mask and breathes deeply in it, the intensity of the kiss having left him a little too dazed for his own good.

Spider shrugs, “Nothing… I just…” shyly, he looks up at the Na’vi, “I just like you, I guess…” he’s quick to look down again.

Aonung feels his heart miss a beat. Here, just the two of them in the confinement of this tawtute shack, in that strange colorful darkness, it feels so much more intimate than in the open of the sea. It fits them. It makes them belong.

“I like you too,” he says, “So much, Ma Spider.”

Spider nibbles his bottom lip, not looking at Aonung. He’s adorable. He smiles and bends down to kiss him again just as gently as the first time. He tastes fruit and swamp nectar again. His mouth is so warm and wet. He loves it. His fingers sink into Spider’s dreads, then on his shoulders, brushing against the blue painted patterns on his skin - he wonders if Spider will let him paint him. His hands find their way down Spider’s arms and onto his waist. The skin is so hard there. There are so many muscles. He’s really beautiful.

His ears fall backwards.

He can feel himself… react. But he won’t give his parents reason. He can control himself. He knows he can. Spider’s is more important than any heat. 

“Can I… see you?” he asks in a whisper.

Spider looks up in haste, “What?”

Aonung’s tail swipes nervously behind him, “Can I look at you… I really want to see you, Ma Spider.”

“I’m right here,” Spider babbles.

“Without your Tweng,” the Na’vi specifies with a smirk, “I want to touch you. All of you. If you allow me."

Spider’s eyes widen and he thinks he’s going to faint.

“Mother, father, I’m marrying Jakesully’s eldest.”

“Neteyam??”

“The gold one.”

Does this Happen to Anyone Else?

Long story short, got stuck with a psychology class I didn’t want to be in, Child and Adolescent Development. I fucking hate that class. But like… it’s improved my writing?

Seriously, when writing through the eyes or about anyone with a traumatic childhood, or even mildly neglectful parents, little things matter. For example, my favorite traumatized noodle, Spider Socorro, should be by many definitions VERY FUCKED UP. However the JC hasn’t shown those parts yet.

At a first glance, yeah, he’s a cool character and kind of a stereotypical stray cat close friend. Whatever, however when you take a deep diver into the psychology end of it. He was basically raised in a daycare, has a insecure resistant attachment style, son of a villain, no actively-engaging family (blood related), isolated from peers until who knows how long, and probably very behind on various socioemotional markers. In perfect theory, that screws someone up, for life.

Now, I’m not saying psychology defines everyone and is always right (cough cough Freud cough). But this class has given me tools to more accurately assess a character’s mind, reactions and decisions. Holy shit do I love that.

But again, just curious if it’s normal for that to happen to writers or if they end up getting personality contradictions.

Little Blurb while I Work On the Next Part of My Aocorro Series...

Note: This is all subject to change. Just wanted you guys to know I am, in fact still working on it.

---------------

“…” The thought is catching on the younger’s tongue, Jake sees it. He sees how the little twitches around his mouth get snuffed by a second thought. “Am…Am I in trouble?”

It’s not what he was expecting. Is he really all worked up over some paint? He feels whatever tension building up in his temple fade away.

“No,” The word falls gently, because why would Spider be in trouble? He’s learning, and exploring and expressing himself, the way kids are suppose to. “Why would you think that?” He takes another hit of the mask. Heavier air filling his lungs properly.

“It’s just that, you came over this morning after yesterday,” Spider’s thumb rubs over his mug’s handle and he looks way, “You’d just never said anything about the paint yesterday, sir.” The bitterness lingers over his tongue and slips down his throat, wrapping around it. Another twitch his eyes barked at him for his son to call him sir. Like he was an officer, or a drill sergeant. Not his fucking Dad.

It takes him a moment to just look at his baby. Eye’s still heavy with bags, and matted hair. He smaller hands wrapped around the warm mug like it’s the only thing protecting him from the big bad scary wolf sitting across from him. Maybe Spider really feels like it is.

The head tension is back with a vengeance now as guilt berates him. Spider thinks him wanting to spend time with his son alone, is to punish him. Eywa forgive him. That’s…that’s not what he meant to do.

“I’m sorry bud, I shouldn’t have just pulled this out of the blue,” Spider’s lips flatline and he realizes maybe that wasn’t the best word choice, “But I just wanted to…spend more time with you.” The bouncing knee cuts its movement and Jake can see the way he tightens his grip on the mug. He brown eyes still looking out the window beside them.

“…Thank you for, uh, trying” The sigh was less out of annoyance, or exhaustion, and more of not knowing what to say, tittering off towards the end. Those warm brown eyes shyly meet his. “I appreciate it.” Somehow, with the gentle orbs focusing in on him again, he can tell the words are forced, no matter how sincere they sound. No matter how pleading those eyes look at him, he can tell somewhere in his soul, Spider’s just telling him what he thinks Jake wants to hear.

He's failed before he could even try.

“Can I ask you a question?” He perks up as the words echo the hallow shack. He feels a prick in the back his neck. Spider wants to ask him something?

“Of course,” He trails off, almost letting some form of affection slip. Would Spider’s be okay with petnames or silly nicknames? Would it annoy him like Lo’ak?

He smells fire as Spider collects his words a bit more, eyes glazing over before refocusing in cycles as he mouth twitches to open before closing again. Jake’s stomach twists. What has his kid so worked up that he feels like he can’t even speak around him?

“It’s it true that your old call sign was Cerberus?” Air knocked right out his lungs. Who taught him that? Who told him that? Who let his kid know what he had been? What he vowed to never return to? Who told Spider about his time with the marines. Who told him about what happened in Venezuela. Who- “You don’t have to answer.” Spider’s meek, his eyes widen as he’s staring right at him. Jake lowers his lips, covering his bared teeth. He barred his fangs at his fucking baby. He blinks, before blinking again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

He stood as the heavy thumps echoed in his head, reaching over the table to calm his baby that he just snarled at. The other throws himself backward, coffee filling the air as the boy scrambles away. The chair is skewed on the floor, the mug rolling away from his child. Coffee stains grow on his shirt, eyes wide with fear.

He pulls back immediately, realizing he's scaring his son. His ears pull back, vainly trying to shut the echoes up.

‘That boy knows everything.’ Didn’t he scream that months ago when they took off?

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

He watches as Spider hyperventilates, his body starting to shake. First in the hands, then his lungs as he draws breath, growing from his shoulders to his torso and to his twitching feet. His head twitches left, twice, pulling him forward and back. Yerik's eyes stare at him from across that river. Blood in the water, and down his nose. The iron scent coats the room so fast as it dribbles thickly over his lip. Lamb to the slaughter, he felt a heavy weight settle in his chest, suffocating him with the iron tang of blood and the acrid scent of spilled coffee.

Jake is taut, his son is on the floor freaking out and bleeding. Your fault. Spider was not like this before they left. Your fault. Spider was not scared of him, certainly never flinched at a raised arm. Your fault. Spider never had nosebleeds. Your fault. He knew what the RDA would do to a prisoner. Your fault. Hadn’t he done that to prisoners too? Your fault. Spider didn’t know his name was Cerberus before then. Your fault. No one knew that. Your fault.

The kid knows everything.

_________________

Yes, yes, yes, I know. Not very Aocorro here. But little Jake & Spider interaction for the soul huh? Anyone huh? No? Okay. Anyway, there will be cutesy Spider/Ao'nung stuff at the end, probably a forehead kiss, because GOD. @lovermyme, their art is so fucking good! He makes me feral with his depictions of Spider and Ao'nung.

Pookie, make them kiss now😈😈😈

I mean Aonung and Spider, make those two being clumsy and idiots in love and they kiss and im happy and everything is happy and we are happy and the world is happy and-

Just make them kiss please.

Something about spiders first kiss being with his mask on is so romantic to me