Cuz This JUST Happened To Me😭

im so sorry for not updating my fic in like two weeks😭😭 im doing my best to get the new chapter out by tmrw fs, and it's gonna be extra long for the wait!!

if you're new here, and want to read my fic - the link to my ao3 is on my introduction post. it's a maze runner fic - the classic, girl in the glade. id loveee it if you read it, and id love it more if you'd leave a comment!!

idk if it's bc im growing up or what but recently ive been noticing all that my mom does, so much more. and the way that she's treated by my father. now im not my father's biggest fan, but recently it's more of a definitely not my father's biggest fan. and idk if this is js what goes on in a marriage or what but it irks me the wrong way, so badly.

first off: my dad had to get up early one day, and he told my mom (on a day she didn't have to go to work) to set an alarm on her phone so that she could wake him up. and she, regularly, gets up early on those days just to wake my dad up and make him breakfast and coffee.

then: she asked him if he had a doctor's appointment that day, he said "why would i know? you check." and shes the one that's always setting up his appointments and she goes with him for doctors appointments and shit. like he's a baby and not in his fucking fifties.

next: me and him went to the store today, and we came home. i got myself my lunch and he told my mom, "get me something for lunch. you don't need to make it-" when she offered to make a sandwhich- "just anything." and this was AFTER she said that she has to call somebody for work. and i asked her like don't you need to get on a call and she said yeah. then i said, "then why doesn't he make his own lunch?" and she repeated it to him, laughing. as if that wasn't an option or smth

there's definitely more, and don't get me wrong, she does like him (somehow) but it's js annoying to see that happen. especially in a society like ours to notice that my mom is being treated like all those other women out there, it's an odd feeling.

tfw your fyp turns into stranger things edits and compilations and bloopers again and you realize that this is the last time it'll happen.

WOULD YOU????

sure you can match my freak but would you write me a letter about our friendship before you died? would you remember the first time we met? would you know that you would follow me anywhere from the first time the i did something stupid in front of you? and would you? along with our entire dwindling group of friends? if you could do it all over again, would you? even if it meant you went insane and i killed you? would you not even change a thing???? would you know i would find a way to do what’s right because in your eyes i always have? would you tell me to take care of everyone else when your gone? to take care of myself? would you tell me i deserved to be happy, and thank me for being your friend??? and have a nickname for me?

Chapter 3 - free woman. free woman?

go read! and if you do, comments are alwaysss appreciated <3

SO THE ONLY REAL PROBLEM WIH OUR GENERATION IS FINDING A GOOD WAY TO SPEND ITTTTT

when school ends and it starts to sound like there’s a hundred and four days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it

man have y'all ever FELT yourself become more confident? like literally FELT it? bc OHHH what an amazing feeling. the other day i wore a tank top and jeans and realized that im wearing a fucking tank top. in public. and i hadnt ONCE thought smth negative. and i js felt so fucking amazing and happy and it was so exhilarating and then another day i wore a cutesy little peplum top and ONCE AGAIN i felt AWESOME and i was js so happy. bc knowing that if you were to show me from not even a year or two ago but me from the beginning of this year a photo of me wearing the tank or the peplum top in public and id freak tf out and i did that shit IN PUBLIC WITHOUT GIVING AF???? OHH THAT FELT GREATT

the thing that no one tells you about being someone who's gaurded over their vulnerability and their tears, is when you finally need someone to talk to, when your finally crying at night, your body shaking and your throat raw - there's no friend for you to talk to. you're alone, and for a moment, you regret being so tough on your emotions.

so today i bought a journal, ripped a piece of paper out of a different old journal, and wrote "the book of people" on said piece of paper, and taped it to the cover of my new journal.

then, i skipped two pages and titled the page "mom". i proceeded to write - what i could only describe as - a letter of sorts, to my mom. now of course, she will never see this letter, nor will anyone else, so i did my best to be as truthful as i could possibly be. im not sure why but, even in my journal, i tend to censor myself a little - im not fully honest. i say i am, but im not. i did try tho.

after i finished my letter, where i wrote all my feelings towards my mother - the good and bad - i went back a page, and titled it "table of contents" and skipped a line and wrote "mom (1-4)".

the idea of this is to, essentially, write a letter to everybody in my life and fill the book up with it - a book of people.

im not sure why i wrote this or why im sharing this. but it was fun. i found that when i wrote this letter, i was able to reflect on a lot of things. able to think back on things, and see things clearer. now of course, the idea of writing things down to better process it isn't new.

i think, overall, im js excited. to write about all these people who i love. and of course, the name is "the book of people" so i have to write about the people i hate too. not fun. but idk. i js wanted to share. have a good night y'all.

ITS OUR TIME TO SHINEEE BITCH SO GO SHINEEE!!!!!

i know things suck right now for a whole lot of people but you guys are seen and heard and loved, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!! BE MOTHERFUCKING PROUD!!!!!!