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More of this (asshole reader self saving system) AU

In a reverse transmigration version, Loser Troll Bingge is finally getting everything he thinks he wants. Shen Yuan, in the flesh, ready to learn from his alpha male mojo. He’ll show them all. He’ll make sure Shen Yuan gets so much pussy he’s drowning in it!

Shen Yuan has different ideas. He’s more than happy to let this pretty man boss him around (hello not being responsible for your own life, how he’s missed you) but he doesn’t understand what Binghe could have to gain by pushing these strangers to join his harem.

(Cue Bingge getting mommied/soft dommed so hard he turns into a housewife.)

SV scenario where Luo Binghe is the same age as the peak lords, and it was in fact the last gen of peak lords who beefed (unfairly) with Tianlang Jun, well before their successors were on the scene.

So Luo Binghe gets accepted into Cang Qiong contemporaneously to Shen Jiu, Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, Shang Qinghua (Airplane flavor), etc. Shen Yuan is also there, not related to Shen Jiu, just making his way through the Beast Peak ranks and praying that the plot doesn't find him (it does).

Luo Binghe is still also accepted as a disciple to Qing Jing. He and Shen Jiu are rivals. Mostly because Shen Jiu quadruple hates him for having a similar background but being the "ideal age" for beginning his cultivation, and being competition for the head disciple position. How is he supposed to take over the peak and be second only to Yue Qingyuan and have power & money & social security forever if the world's luckiest fucker is right next to him, doing everything better with just as few advantages and managing to be slightly more personable on top of it?

Shen Jiu wants to bury Luo Binghe a million feet under, meanwhile Luo Binghe just wants to become a cultivator and doesn't even have designs on the head disciple position. He'd let Shen Jiu have it, except that SJ's made it clear that if he becomes peak lord he's going to do everything in his power to run Luo Binghe out of the sect entirely, and possibly also kill him and make it look like an accident.

Enter Shen Yuan, whose shizun has recently discovered his Liu Qingge wrangling talents and ability to understand more than half the shit that comes out of that Shang kid's mouth, attributes this to his equally phenomenal success in getting otherwise horrifying demonic beasts to treat him like a Disney princess, and loans him out to the current Qing Jing peak lord as a sort of Jackass Whisperer who might figure out how to resolve the drama between disciples long enough for the peak lord to actually assess their potential. Without someone get poisoned, or missing a test because they were locked in a shed, or getting the time of the test wrong and having to be awkwardly escorted out of a brothel by one of their shidi.

Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe manage to misunderstand this situation as like, whoever wins over Shen Yuan the best will be declared the superior strategist and get confirmed to the head disciple position.

They are both absolutely terrible at figuring out how to get people to like them, though. Shen Jiu just keeps attempting to find blackmail material and Luo Binghe is like, well I guess I could seduce him. That's practical. Plus I want to seduce him, so win-win. But then he's running aground against the rocky shores of Shen Yuan's internalized homophobia. Which only gets worse when Shen Jiu figures out that either Shen Yuan has no skeletons in his closet, or else what skeletons are there are so bizarre that he can't really utilize them, so Plan B: Steal that Beast's Idea and Also Seduce Him gets implemented.

Shen Jiu starts being "friendly" in the exact same weird way that Luo Binghe has been attempting, and Shen Yuan read the book, he knows these two are usually only nice to other men when they're plotting their demise, so he's just like why me??? Why do they both want to kill me??? WHAT DID I DO???

reblog to remind prev they're not a bother and their presence is wanted <3

🌸=^•-•^= ...mobile wallpaper LINK!

Things that Witch!Wei Wuxian knows: his next job is going to be a pain in the ass, he needs to figure out what (if anything) he's going to do for his twenty-two birthday, he has a video call with his sister tonight to discuss the mural he's going to paint in Jin Ling's nursery, and that the little bunny he just picked up from a dingy alley is definitely not a normal animal. No animal has bright golden eyes and a pissed off expression quite like this one. Will he still take it home? Of course.

Things that Witch!Wei Wuxian maybe knows: half a dozen purification potions and some talismans for repelling nightmares will likely do, he wants his siblings to be there, his nephew definitely won't get a peacock, he can't just upload a picture of the bunny to the MagiNet and hope that no one comes knocking with the intention of sacrificing the little guy—yeah, he checked—in some strange ritual. So he tells Jiang Yanli and trusts her to spread the word to sensitive people. Meanwhile, he makes sure the bunny is warm, full and rested, and only threatens to eat him a few times. Who can blame him! It's so fluffy, it triggers his cute agression. Also, it could easily be made of cotton candy. No one can really know with magical animals.

Things that Witch!Wei Wuxian definitely doesn't know: his job is about to be interrupted by a strange ass man accusing him of stealing his familiar, that is going to be interrupted by his brother calling him because guess what! His nephew is being born, and the little bunny that has been sleeping in his bed and hearing every thought that crosses his head and following him into the shower is actually a shape shifter. And not even any shape shifter: Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian's old high school crush that turned him down so many times his story still gets told in the School of Magic for Young Practitioners. One Hundred and Thirteen Rejections Wei Wuxian, that's him.

Right up until Lan Zhan accompanies him to the hospital along a magically stunned Su She, who apparently had drugged him to make him stay in his animal form and try to force a familiar bond—which, yes, it's as heinous and illegal as it sounds. Dude is so going to jail. But whatever. The important part: why is Lan Zhan by his side while Wei Wuxian is holding Jin Ling for the first time? And why is he going home with him after? And why is he... confessing... his love for Wei Wuxian... and saying he wants to be his familiar...?

Oh. Oh.

And so they magically bound their souls for eternity. And Su She gets his wand broken as well as his hand by Lan Xichen!

GIRLY JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT CYERCE ELEGANS

If Cyerce nigricans is a butterfly, then this is a fairy... Cyerce nigricans for comparison:

This whole “trust Tumblr blindly” thing is eventually going to kill someone, as I became pointedly aware of on one occasion I was making fun of how poorly a particular bleach-based drain declogger was working on my sink and got a chorus of really dangerously misinformed people telling me to pour vinegar in after it because all cute little cool kid diy home care blogs they’re following talk about vinegar like it it’s the big secret the cleaning companies don’t want you to know.

And I cringed knowing that someday, some Well Actually expert who read a blog article once is going to give that advice to someone who unfortunately didn’t take high school chemistry and isn’t aware that MIXING VINEGAR AND BLEACH MAKES CHLORINE GAS.

Cultivated animal au

Sqq was originally just a crow that hatched in a very spiritually dense area. He cultivated a bit, but eventually was hit by misadventure.

(a two-toed masquerade sloth was attacked by a wolf and used it's "change animal into other animal" defense mechanism but it hit sqq instead of the wolf)

Anyway he was then a human child and Very Bad At It. Find by Yue qi, plot happens as normal.

Part of why his cultivation is so fucked up is that he established a foundation AS A CROW and human cultivation is fundamentally different.

Part of why he's so reticent and acerbic at cqms is that he doesn't want anyone to know he's not only a slave but a literal animal and he certainly doesn't want to be forcibly changed back.

SQQ sleeps in a box bed that's hidden behind a secret panel in the wall behind his "normal" bed. It has soft grasses and long feathers and tufts of beast hair and a decadent fur on the bottom.

He maintains some of his crow instincts like pulling on tails (hair) of his peers and playing tricks on them and collecting shiny things even ones that are worthless.

I'm not going anywhere with this, I just want him to have an extra layer of hiding who and what he is.

(🥺 and maybe crowjiu sleeping across the hollow of YQY's throat bc it's warm and safe)

😁😁😁😁😁

like and reblog this if your account is a safe space for ppl who identify with xenogenders!!!!!

(also happy xenogender visibility day)