Nyxoholic666 - Chaos & Ink

canon: they died

fanfic: fUCK YOU

desi culture (classical dance edition) is not realising you've been in the (once a very uncomfortable) neutral pose for the past hour for no particular reason

What I learned during one year of online school, and what another year may look like

Just some raw facts

first and foremost, pay attention in class, or at least try to. I spent the majority of my classes browsing through meaningless memes on Pinterest or chatting with my friends, and I regretted it as soon as exams came around.

try doing something physical doing your class, as this reduces the chances of you drifting off and/or losing focus (I personally chose to doodle mindlessly, nothing that involved too much brain power and focus)

all your organization systems fail you

and finding a planning system takes months, but once you find it, STICK TO IT. mine was a hybrid weekly and daily planner with absolutely no other spreads (except a separate calendar). efficient and less time-consuming to make.

you feel motivated in random bursts and will plan out the entirety of your remaining year and then forget about that plan the next day

routines seem appealing as you try to get your life together from the ever-increasing slumps but then your realize they just make everything even more monotonous that they already are

sticky notes are the shit. like seriously. I had sticky notes in my textbooks, past papers, study notes, and even other sticky notes. they’re versatile and a great way to jot down information quickly and right on top of where you want it (a paragraph on your textbook, for examples)

do not rely on just your textbooks, especially since it’s 10 times harder to ask for help (and by the time you get around to meeting your teacher, you might actually forget about it). ask anyone around you for help – friends, family – and use all the resources you have.

online learning resources are astronomically underrated. while I was struggling in multiple subjects all by myself, I decided to expand the resources I used for studying. My favourites through my senior year were:

OpenStax (FREE textbooks on a variety of subjects groups, by Rice University)

Khan Academy (need I say more?)

Crash Course on youtube, especially for AP Exams (I’m not a part of the US education system btw, and the resources I’m mentioning are applicable to everything)

online pdf versions of textbooks

tons of youtube channels (too many to list here,)

use your phone/computer’s night light. trust me it works wonders. plus, it’s cheaper than blue light glasses if you already own a phone/computer (most have it built in). also known as a blue light filter/yellow light.

a little bit of gratitude each week will help you keep your sanity (coming from a former skeptic)

sleepless nights will be common, especially with all the screen time, but you’ll learn to live with that.

and mental health will just go down the drain

but it will all be okay

you get both your grades and confidence high

i speak from experience

I respect poetry so much because it does what I cannot do - say so much with so little.

When I have something Much to say, it takes me just as many words to say it. I say it with words that are each of them bland and common, unimaginative by their lonesome, with the hopes that if I stack so many together and squeeze a single drop of Much from each that it might flow into something meaningful.

When I have something to say, I say it twice. I say it three times. Because the first or second may not have captured the point. Because I do not trust myself to express the full essence saying it just once. Like just now, those last two sentences. I’ll repeat myself a third time for good measure - because I do not say it right just once or twice.

Poems say things in only a half, only a quarter. They choose single words worth more than ten of mine. I want to know how their minds shop for words. I want to distill myself like poets do. I want to trade in all my too many common words for the way they use an extraordinary few.

If I keep writing this, I’ll write it forever. I’ll explain myself again, as I have already, as I’m doing now. With more and different other words, with the hope of saying myself fully, like how all the hatched and messy wanton scribbles from a pen might finally color in a page. I want to change that. I want to not rip the page I’ve oversaturated by the tip of my pen.

I’ll start tomorrow, maybe, to explain myself less.

good bones by maggie smith saturday . give it up for good bones by maggie smith saturday

This is the hill I have decided to die on

bingewatching will never come close to bingereading. there is nothing like blocking out the entire Earth for ten hours to read a book in one sitting no food no water no shower no bra and emerging at the end with no idea what time it is or where you are, a dried-up prune that's sensitive to light and loud noises because you've been in your room in the dark reading by the glow of a single LED. it's like coming back after a three-month vacation in another dimension and now you have to go downstairs and make dinner. absolutely transcendental

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

the front seat of the car is a type of confessional