ofturmoil

Latest Posts by ofturmoil

my name is [ ARABELLA KASPRAK ] … and i am from [ HELLTOWN, OHIO ] and i’m a [ DRAMA TEACHER ]. i lived in helltown for [ 21 YEARS ] because [ I WAS BORN HERE AND FORCED TO RETURN ]. i am [ 31 YEARS OLD] my pronouns are [ SHE/HER ] and i am [ EMPATHETIC, ADVENTUROUS, FEARLESS ] though some may say i’m [ TEMPERAMENTAL, SHADY, UNTRUSTWORTHY ]. i also hear i look a lot like [ MAIKA MONROE ] but, i don’t know if i see it. i’m here because [ OF FAILED CAREER  ] but, maybe there’s more to it than that. you never know with helltown.

TRIGGER WARNING: drugs, addiction, toxic family dynamics, mentions of blood

There’s a smile on your face as you watch flames devour the house from your childhood; the house that keeps coming back to you in your dreams. The house you were unable to escape. You hear your mother scream, and you laugh loudly – you catch yourself before she smacks you; before you even need a chance to explain yourself. It was involuntary; subconscious. Of course this would happen a week after you move back, you think. Nothing good ever happened here, not for you at least. As the inferno unfolds in front of you, your hand catches a lighter in your pocket and you light up a cigarette. Nothing good ever happens here, and you wish you could turn back the time.

serafina – wears a bright blazing crown of flowers and down

Born in Helltown, Ohio, Arabella was a child who was immediately introduced to a life of wealth and intellectuality: her father is still pathetically joking she learned how to say “diagnosis” before she even knew how to utter the word “mother”. She was, however, unusually gloomy for a toddler; and too depressed for a child. Arabella, softly named Bella by her nannies, was well aware of the reason why everyone thought she was different and why she felt this unbearable pressure in her chest most of the days: even if she was given everything she wanted, it was rare to receive a hug from her parents. They would, after all, rarely leave their operating rooms. Bella grew up with sitters and housekeepers, with no friends.

She’d spend most of her time watching films, dreaming of visiting Los Angeles and Nakatomi Plaza. The friends she eventually made were in the same boat as she was: the ones barely loved by their parents; the ones who found refuge in cinema and video games. 

sadie said, "i'm gonna buy us an old house in a big town where we can start a life and burn it all to the ground"

For her 18th birthday she didn’t ask for a car or an apartment – she wanted a motorbike and permission to study drama. When she was finally granted both, she left her town with two middle fingers up in the air. Hoping to never see this place again, she got on a plane and opened her eyes only when they landed. 

She led a relatively sheltered life before, and her new start in California came with a lot of changes: studies meant parties, work meant searching for another dose of adrenaline, new friendships meant one night stands. She got into the life of illegal racing during her first year, by the second she was already working as a stunt double for a small indie film. She didn’t become an actress as she wished, but what she ended up doing brought more joy than anything else. 

As she promised herself, Bella rarely visited her parents, and they weren’t exactly mad – they were more unhappy about their dauther’s career choice than that. Your sister was a lot better. Where is she. Where is she…

Bella would call sometimes, and sometimes they’d answer. She surrounded herself with the people of her choice, and some of them may not have been the best influence. 

She can’t remember when was the first time she was offered a little plastic bag, and she can’t remember when was the first time she accepted it – it could’ve been one of the races during a breezy summer night, perhaps. There’s also a chance she enjoyed it a lot more than expected – it did, unfortunately, become her road to descent. 

They all were disgusted by her bad habit, but they were happy to watch her bleed – at least as long as her career was going well. When she pawned her dignity for cash and could not remember the phone calls she would have, they’d finally become concerned. And after hours and hours of talking, they’d put her life on pause. 

That’s how her Hollywood dreams ended up in rehab. 

"people are who they are, " she said "and i want their kind of love where you're bad together and it's good"

Her rebirth tasted like blood. She couldn’t talk about it – only scream or cry. Bella had a couple of decisions to make: either stay in the city of Angels and get back to work, which, as her shrink said, was not exactly good for her health, or go back to Helltown to work as a teacher at a shitty college – a job she had already secured as there was no one else who would take it. 

It was humiliating, and yet her finally sober mind made the decision quite easily: she went back to her hometown, hoping she wouldn’t have to stay too long. Just for a bit. Just until she solves her own personal trouble she had with this town.

HEADCANONS.

Did you notice her sister was only mentioned once? Well, she doesn't like talking about her: she is (was?) one of the missing bowling alley employees and Bella is still very much grieving. Some might say her disappearance was the reason Arabella went off the rails. Give me a dynamic of someone pushing Bella to start looking for her again.

Catch her riding her bike around town at night. Yes, she’s still very much in love with speed and the rush of adrenaline it gives her.

Has been sober now for a couple of years. However, she surely went to a lot of parties back in her early twenties. Her life was very, very messy.

Does not get along with her parents at all. Even though they now live in the same town, she rarely visits them. She’d love to salvage it, but she’s not entirely sure if she’s capable of it.

Can be nice and friendly, but usually appears cold and unapproachable. She’s dripping with cynicism and gets annoyed easily. However, if she becomes your friend – you now have a person you can trust your entire life. However, she does have some trust issues. 

Rahul Kohli as Napoleon Usher in the official trailer for The Fall of The House of Usher! Coming to Netflix on 12th October 2023

fallen angels (1995)

Kim Go-Eun and Lee Do-Hyun in 파묘 Exhuma (2024) | dir. Jang Jae-hyun

MAIKA MONROE as Julia in Watcher (2022)

Shiva Baby dir. Emma Seligman (2020)

guy who says grace before doing a line of coke

Mad Men, S1 E7 “Red in the Face” (2007-2015)

Betty’s private story later that day: “No one hmu had to slap a bitch earlier”