probably my most powerful interpersonal communication hack is to, whenever possible, ask either/or questions rather than yes/no questions
for example, when chatting with coworkers, i’ll often ask if they have any fun weekend plans. but let’s be real - we all feel like friendless losers when someone asks that question and we go “uhhhhh… no.” so instead, i phrase it as “so, do you have anything fun planned over the weekend, or are you just going to enjoy having some time to relax?”
phrased like this, there’s rarely any awkwardness. you’ve presented two options & given both equally positive connotations, so your conversational partner has an automatic “out,” so to speak
but it works for higher stakes conversations too!!!! my mom was saying this weekend how she and her neighbor both like walking around the neighborhood & that she wanted to suggest they take a walk together sometime, but was worried about how to approach the conversation
so i said “how about you just say ‘i’ve noticed we both like taking walks! would you be interested in going for one together, or do you use walks for some precious alone time?’”
now Walking Neighbor has an automatic “get out of jail free card” if she wants to say no!!!! which means my mom doesn’t have to worry about the conversation being uncomfortable, because she’s set it up to go smoothly
either/or questions rather than yes/no questions. it is really like magic
January Endangered birds 3 (#62) - the Short-crested Coquette (CR)
[Male depicted]
This hummingbird has only been found on a single road in southern Mexico. And not even the entire road - just 25km of it!
Are there more hidden in the mountains nearby? We don't really know. Until more are found, they are listed as Critically Endangered, just in case. The population is probably less than 1,500 and declining, especially since there is continual habitat loss in the area.
BREAKING NEWS
I just learned about a bird species called Golden Plover. Their chicks have an amazing camouflage: their baby fluff resembles MOSS!
LOOK AT THEM! JUST LOOK AT THEM!
...Oh to be a tiny golden plover lying in the moss safe and sound waiting for your mom to bring you some worms...
I’m watching The Big Bang Theory in its natural setting—playing in the background of a hot spiral room—and I can say within that specific context, it is a very charming show. Like the saltine crackers of media.
everything should cost one dollar, ten dollars, or one hundred dollars. a drinky drink is one dollar. a t shirt is ten dollars. rent is one hundred. i might be convinced to allow one thousand dollars for some very big purchases like a house. i get it, you're running a business. i'm not unreasonable.
I'm gonna say it here too. Allow me to be crystal fucking clear.
It is not cowardly to stay in the closet. Full stop. You do not owe anyone any part of yourself you aren't ready to share
If you unable to come out because you fear for your safety or well-being or because you know it will cause you substantial discomfort, that is not a defect in you. It's a failure of the society in which you live and the community surrounding you.
If you just don't want to share that part of yourself, that is valid and I support you
Yesterday I almost cried because my baby cousin ran up to my grandmother and was like. “Ha! Buhbuh ba ha.” And she said okay you want to show me something? And he led her over to the garden patch and crouched down and pointed at rocks and plants and was like. “Ah. Habah ba ah” as she listened attentively.
And I was like that happened 1,000 years ago. Probably 10,000 years ago. Maybe 100,000. The youngest human in a group went to the oldest one and said to the best of their ability “come see.” And the adult went.
Go Lovely Rose! Tell her that Wastes her Time and Mine by Herbert James Draper (English, 1864–1920)
"I would kill for you. I would die for you" would you take a break for me? Would you sit down and rest? For a day, a week, a year? Would you let others take care of your needs for me? Would you let yourself be held for me? By me?
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