It’s Not Lost On Me That The “softer” Characters - Nat, Travis And Van, The Ones Who Wanted To

no one is doing it like them. taivan you will always be famous

for anyone expecting to talk to a normal human being for at least the next month this is who you are actually talking to!

he is doing WHAT during his breaks

prints

i feel like shauna being the butcher and the antler queen….is kind of starting to make a lot more sense to me. shauna is angry and resentful because the rest of these girls (and travis) have made her the butcher. she butchers because she’s the only one that can do it, and she feels like all of the other girls owe her for the work thats she’s done. she’s angry that natalie gets the praise she wants and deserves because she had to cut up javi, she had to give the okay for the rest of the girls to eat her best friend. so when natalie fucks up and lottie says shauna should become leader, she twists her role as the leader to create fear and push her unspoken resentment about the rest of the group not having to experience the things she has. she makes natalie cut up coach, and dismember mari.

i think we all know that shauna is angry, the butchering and the trauma have pushed all levels of actual humanity out of her. death and destruction dont phase her anymore. yet what i really think a huge part of everyone following shauna’s orders is pure guilt. they didn’t know what it was like for her, to lose her best friend and baby and having the butcher javi because none of the rest of them couldn’t. she is scary to them because they have had to watch this girl at the lowest moments of her entire life. they watched her shake jackie’s corpse and talk to it for months. are they really scared of her? or are they guilty? i’m thinking it’s a bit of both idk i hope this made sense

beloved exy boyfriends 🤲

fucking hell

God, the little-kid panic-excitement of Van going “I’m gonna call my mom!” This woman we KNOW isn’t a present or really functional parent, but Van’s impulse is still to reach for her. Van, who has nearly died so many times, who is faced with a piece of tech that is designed to save her life. Who finds it broken. Who finds it just out of reach. You can keep going, but we’re gonna keep pulling that football before you can kick it. You must keep going, but the flames will just keep licking your heels. Of course she grows up fixing old tech. Of course she does. Of course she still dreams of flames. Of course she does.

we talk a lot about shauna losing jackie and her baby boy and yes those are major traumas. however, i think the moment that truly changed her fundamentally was butchering javi. that moment is truly symbolic of what shes sacrificed for all of the others. she let him die to save nat and then his blood was literally on her hands because no one else could handle the burden of butchering him. this is a kid she LIKED. that she had some small bond with. she had to pull her headband over her eyes because she couldnt bear to look at what she was doing. and the others just left her alone out there cutting up his body because none of them could bear to even watch it. so shauna shoulders it alone. how does the human brain even cope with that experience? especially since every single time gen brings back a kill, shauna has to butcher that animal and relive that moment in some way again and again

and whats crazy is yes shauna resorts to violence easily, shes impulsive and deeply angry, but she doesnt enjoy killing. when she threatened the carjacker her words were much more about the power she felt over him, enjoying the fear of someone who'd wronged her, than actually threatening his life. shes willing to kill for power and control, but her relationship with the actual physical act is complex. sometimes trauma can become strangely familar and soothing, maybe thats why shauna butchers the rabbit in season 1. its like a fucked up coping mechanism based in her need to feel a level of control. and it was okay in her mind, because the rabbit had wronged her, ruined her flowers. but when gen comes back from a hunt with nothing, dont you think shaunas the one who chooses which innocent duck or rabbit has to die so that everyone can eat? like why do you think she cried over the goat? It was probably the first time in her life she was handed something innocent and told, very explicitly, that she was not going to have to hurt it.

essentially what im saying is you dont have to agree with shaunas actions to see her point of view. all she does is feed them. she told them it was what jackie wanted. she told them to wait for javi to drown. each time shes shouldered the actual burden of the choice. and all whilst not even having any faith, in the wilderness or otherwise, to alleviate her guilt. pregnant and starving and she never took extra, she makes sure everyone eats to the detriment of herself, and what does she get in return? shes left alone. in pain. she lashes out at anyone who comes near her and because of it they give up on her, like she isnt what they made her. reliving her trauma every time she peels the skin off a stag. her baby is turned into a diety for a faith she doesnt even believe in. jackie and javi too. the others take her real, human losses and make them mythology, stake a claim on them before shes even had a chance to properly grieve. and ofc these are just kids in an impossible situation needing something to believe in, so you cant even rly judge them for it. but that doesnt make shaunas rage any less understandable

what if i use this blog 4 book reviews?

i need him …..

i love you fuckboy jeremy knox. i love you jeremy sneaking into his ex-situationship's room through the window. i love you jeremy stealing a rose from his ex-situationship's garden. i love you jeremy desecrating the backseat of that car. i love you teenage dirtbag jeremy knox. i love you jeremy "why? is warren shopping for a new beemer?" knox. i love you jeremy's satisfied smile after laila asks how he's still talking to sheldon. i love you jeremy lying on the hotel bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. i love you jeremy "i'm not going down on you on linoleum" knox. i love you jeremy taking off his shirt for jean's attention. i love you jeremy "give me his new number and i'll tell him myself" knox. i love you jeremy smiling at the bobcats after they talked shit to his face. i love you jeremy "if i threw a rock into the chasm between your talents and his, i don't think i'd ever hear it hit bottom" knox. i love you captain sunshine jeremy knox who's not afraid to be a little mean. i love you i love you i love you.

do it for him