Effeminate Dentist: You Need To Brush More On Your Gums-- Hold On Why Am I "effeminate?" What? I'm Literally

reader chan?

some of u dont know reader chan…i cant believe this…..

boyfriends at the beach

speedrunning getting fired by sending this to my boss over slack

TIL Dr. Sigmund Freud was addicted to smoking and failed to quit for good throughout a 45 years long battle that included 33 operations for cancer of the jaw, an artificial jaw replacement, and attacks of “tobacco angina” exacerbated by nicotine . He was known to smoke up to twenty cigars a day.

via reddit.com

I tried something new. Writing a Middle Earth story about young Fili and Kili and Uncle Thorin. I was inspired by this amazing piece of art by @sugarsu Here is the link to the original post. If you like the artwork, please consider reblogging the original post as well.

In the woods of Ered Luin

Summary: Uncle Thorin is taking care of young Fili and Kili and they visit the woods in the area of Ered Luin, The Blue Mountains. Just a lot of fluff and a somewhat anxious Thorin at times, but we all know the boys, so we can't really blame him 😉

divider created by me

It was still early, but Fili and Kili had already been running around since their eyes had opened to a beautiful day in Ered Luin. Dis and Thorin were sitting at the kitchen table, quietly drinking their coffee and listening to the chatter and laughter of the boys. Thorin usually didn’t have a lot of time, so he valued these family moments very much.

Thorin had offered to spend the day with his little nephews. His dear sister Dis had gratefully accepted the offer and looked forward to having some time to herself. But as soon as Thorin had offered to take the boys, next to excitement a little pang of fear hit him. What mayhem would he encounter this fine day? Nothing ever did not happen, something always did.

Thorin mustered up his courage and got up to fetch the boys. When he saw a heap of pebbles, blankets, pillows and a cat on top of it, he wondered what had happened in the few minutes he had taken his eyes off of them. Shaking his head, he said, 'Come on boys, get your coats, put on your boots.’

The heap of blankets, pillows, pebbles and cat immediately came apart and two pairs of eyes looked at him questioningly. 'Where are we going uncle Thorin?' they asked. 

“You’ll see. Now come on, get ready,’ he told them.

Not long after, they entered the forest near the Blue Mountains. It was a beautiful day so far, but the big furry clouds in the distance promised some well deserved rain for the plants and wildlife in the forest. The leaves were softly rustling in the breeze, birds were chirping and singing, insects buzzing. The forest was so full of life, yet so peaceful. 

Kili was jumping and running around. There was so much to see. Flowers, plants, little rocks, insects. Thorin smiled. That boy never seemed to run out of energy. Fili was usually much more reserved and quiet. He was walking alongside Thorin, observing the woods, asking him all kinds of questions and Thorin was answering them patiently.

‘What animals will we see today uncle Thorin?’ Fili asked. ‘Will there be moose? And wolves? What about bunnies? Oh look, uncle Thorin, what kind of bird is that?’ his little fingers pointing at a bird with a bright red chest, singing its morning song on one the branches of a big oak tree.

Thorin cringed at the idea of encountering a wolf and the pebbles being in danger, but he didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, for Kili came running up to him. 

‘Look uncle Thorin, look what I have!’ he exclaimed enthusiastically. He was holding something in his tiny hands, careful not to drop it. Thorin crouched down. ‘What have you got there little man?’ 

Kili opened his little hands and a black spider crawled out. ‘You can have it uncle Thorin,’ he said proudly and with a big grin on his face. ‘I fetched it for you.’

Oh dear, how to get himself out of that situation.

‘I think the spider is …,’ he started

‘Ciaran’,  Kili said.

‘What?’ Thorin looked at Kili, confused.

‘It’s name is Ciaran,’ Kili explained.

Thorin raised his eyebrows at that and scratched his beard. Wow, he had only just found the spider and it already had a name as if it were part of the family and needed to be taken up in the Durin family tree.

The new addition to the line of Durin was quickly forgotten though, when a rustle of leaves alerted Thorin and he looked in the direction of the sound. The word ‘wolves’ still fresh in his mind, he grabbed Kili and told him to be quiet. He checked on Fili, who was crouching down beside Thorin, imitating his uncle and all three of them looked in the direction of the moving bushes nearby.

A little spooked by Fili’s question about wolves, Thorin wished that he had brought his sword. He held his breath, but he sighed with relief when a deer and a fawn appeared and not a big bad wolf. 

‘Oh look uncle Thorin,’ Kili pointed at the fawn, ‘A baby deer! Can we go pet it?’ he asked excitedly.

‘No, Kili,’ Thorin said, ‘They are erm … having breakfast. It’s best to leave them be.’ 

Kili sighed disappointedly and Thorin chuckled.

‘Come on boys, let’s go about our way. There is a stream not far from here.’ 

That also got Fili excited and both pebbles ran ahead, their chatter and laughter echoing between the trees. It warmed Thorin 's heart to see them so excited and happy. With a smile on his face, he followed his nephews in the direction of the stream. 

The clouds, which had seemed so far away at the start of their walk, now gathered above them, hiding the sun and making the forest a little darker. Drops of rain started to fall and the calming sound of the raindrops falling on the foliage and the fresh smell of wet earth had a calming effect on Thorin. All anxiety about wolves forgotten. 

He loved the woods, the sounds, the smells. He filled his lungs with a deep breath of fresh air and for a moment closed his eyes and held his face up to the sky, the fresh rain drops gently falling on his face, his beard and his long, dark hair, which was held back with a beautiful handcrafted clip in the form of a raven. 

He stood there, enjoying the moment, but then, at once, snapped back to reality. It had gone quiet. Even though shouting and noise usually didn’t mean anything good when the boys were concerned, neither did absolute silence. He quickened his pace and almost tripped over a boot and another one and another. He followed the trail of boots, picking them up. Apparently, the boys had decided that they no longer needed those. 

He approached the stream and saw Fili crouched down, his blue cape over his head and his chin resting in the palm of his hand.  Kili was perched on his hands and knees on a flat stone in the stream.  They were studying a black bird which was hopping from stone to stone in the stream. The bird paused, sat on a stone and curiously turned its head from side to side, seemingly as curious as the boys. It was altogether a peaceful sight, the dripping sound of the raindrops making little circles in the water, the gently flowing stream, and the boys watching the bird, watching the boys.

Thorin crouched down next to Fili and put his big hand on Fili’s tiny shoulder. So that’s why the little rascals had gone quiet, he thought and smiled.

‘Can we keep him uncle?' Kili asked, breaking the silence. ‘Can we take him home so that we can show him to amad?’

‘No my dear boy, your mother wouldn’t be very happy if you took a bird home. It lives here, in the forest, you know. This is its home.  Everyone and everything has its own place in this world and the woods is where the bird belongs. It would be sad if it had to leave his home. You don’t want it to be sad, do you?’

Thorin heard himself say the words and for a moment sadness hit him. His thoughts went to Erebor, his home, where he belonged and which he had been forced to leave and for which he longed with all his heart. One day, he would return to the Lonely Mountain. He was sure of it.

He didn’t have long to think about it, because a frog hopped out of the water, onto the stone chasing off the bird. 

Kili giggled and reached for the frog. ‘Can we take …’ he started.

‘No, Kili, we can’t take the frog home either,’ Thorin said sternly, but he had a hard time keeping a straight face. Kili seemed to want to take home every animal and insect he encountered. Thorin was sure that Dis wouldn’t appreciate a zoo in her home. 

After a moment, Thorin got up and said, ‘Come on boys, put your boots back on. Let’s go see if amad has something nice to fill your bellies ok? You must be hungry after all these adventures.’ 

With that, the frog was all about forgotten, the boys hurried to put their boots on and off they went with Thorin in tow. Thorin was quietly enjoying the walk back home, while Kili and Fili chased after butterflies, found treasures - read 'stones' - along the way, chased each other and left Thorin wondering if he, Frerin and Dis had ever had the same amount of energy as these two boys. 

The rain had stopped, the sun had broken through the clouds, its rays illuminating the way home and he couldn’t have been more relaxed.

By the time they got home, Thorin was quite proud of himself that so far, the day had passed without any incidents and mayhem under his supervision. He was grateful for the family time, but also, deep down, grateful to be handing them back over to their mother, his dear sister, whom he admired more and more, every time he looked after the boys.  But also deep down, he longed for another day with his nephews, whom he loved as if they were his own sons.

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he looks like he works with his hands (part 2/2) | part 1

pre-outbreak!joel miller x reader | 2k words

cw: 18+ MINORS DNI, p in v sex, size kink, joel has a big d!ck, breeding kink (it’s me like come on), from the back, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, dumbification, reader is down BAD, it’s just p0rn no plot i fear

your back bounced against your soft mattress, the lamp in your room illuminating joel’s face as he stared down at you, unbuckling his pants. you were adorned only in a crop top as joel pulled down his jeans and it felt like hours passed by before joel was leaning over you in his boxers. your hands found the hem of his shirt tugging at it and joel removed it in one swift movement. you gasped, your cheeks impossibly flushed already as your eyes roamed his bare chest. the hair on his chest made you dizzy, your hands pressed against the firm muscles and softness in places. it felt like heaven touching his bare skin, and joel couldn’t even begin to understand the adoration in your eyes.

“did you think about me over the years?” joel growled out, when your small fingers brushed his nipples. the incessant thought that you had wanted him for years was burrowing a deep hole in his brain and even if he didn’t admit it, his heart. joel pulled you out of your head, his thumb brushing the skin of your hip, lighting your skin on fire. the man had just eaten you out like a starved man but the gentle touch alone made you squirm.

“more often than not.” you whined out, arching into him as his hands cupped your ass, his rough hands held on tightly, as if you were going somewhere. joel slapped your ass lightly, asking for more, wanting you to spill the dirty secrets of your little crush. “i thought about you at night, mostly,“ your words fell dead on your tongue as joel groaned at your words, his eyes narrowed as he shoved his boxers down and his cock slapped against his stomach. it was too big, there was so much of it, your mind raced with thoughts that made you flush further.

“did you think about me when you touched yourself sweetheart?” you nodded, your mouth watered at the sight of joel’s huge cock lining itself up with your entrance. joel could imagine it, your smell pretty fingers fucking into yourself as you whined his name out, he felt his ego boost at the image. his dick twitched as he swallowed down the need to make you his, as if you hadn’t been for the past couple of years. your eyes widened at the sight.

“joel s’too big.” joel’s grip tightened at that.

“you can take it darlin’, i’ll go slow.” he reached for your bedside table, seemingly looking for a condom and you shook your head, tugging on his strands.

“no, wanna feel you.” joel thought he might just cum from the words spilling out of your mouth, or the whine to your voice, or the dazed look in your eyes. he was losing his patience. he swiped his tip along your entrance, collecting the arousal that was forming again and you whined at the feeling of his thick head grazing your clit. joel was seeing stars. he pushed the tip in and your cried out his name, reeling for the stretch of his thickness. joel let you get used to it, pressed kisses to your cheeks and whispered encouragements, “good girl, you can take it, doing so well for me.” you felt your heart swell at his encouragements, it helped you relaxed as you nodded for him to keep going.

joel moved slowly, pushing inch by inch, praising and guiding you through it until his tip kissed your cervix and you groaned at the feeling. you were so full of him, you could feel his veins, could feel him pulsing and desperate to move within you. as he dragged against your walls, it felt he was molding you to his shape and it made you dizzy. you pressed a chaste kiss to joel’s lips, “fuck me joel.” and joel didn’t hesistate before pulling out and fucking back into you, robbing the air from your lungs as your hands flew from his hair to his shoulders. he fucked into you like he’d die if he didn’t turn you into jelly underneath him, every time his head brushed against your cervix or touched that spot, your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

joel was losing himself to the way you were sucking him in every time we fucked into you, like he was in danger of ever wanting to stop. you were so fucking tight, surrounding him and he could feel you practically dripping onto him, coating him with your need for him. he was brutal as he set a pace that made his balls slap against you, the room filled with obscene sounds. you clung onto his back, your hands slipping as he began to sweat. you were crying out his name every time he made your back arch, you felt close again. finally when joel pressed a kiss to the side of your head you came around him, clenching and suffocating joel, making him groan at the feeling. the feeling made joel lose control and he stuffed himself into you, filling you to the brim as he came. he was coating your walls, making you his, when he moved to pull out, your nails dug into his back, holding him there and joel fell a little bit in love with you.

even as you slowed your breathing you wanted him inside, you loved the feeling of being filled by him, never wanting it to end. you hated the fact that his cum was spilling out, coating your thighs but it was better than being empty. joel’s arms were getting tired from holding himself over you and as you came back to your senses you moved to shove his shoulder, joel didn’t know what you wanted until you shoved him onto his back. joel had no doubts, he was in love.

you frowned as more cum spilled out of you in the movement, but you let yourself slowly sink down on his cock, not being able to take it all even now. joel could feel his own cum spilling over his cock and he threw his head back, not able to understand how he had never experienced anything hotter than this in his entire life. joel propped a pillow under his head and brought his knees up, against your ass and you put your hands on his stomach for support.

“go on sweet girl.” joel murmured watching your pussy stretch around him as you sank down more. your back arched at the feeling, you had lost count of how many times you had come. you wanted more, you wanted joel to fill you up so you could leak his cum for days. you were probably losing your mind but in your haze, it was the only thought you could make out. joel watched as you ground yourself on him, cum spilling out every now and then, joel wished he could take a picture to make it last forever, wished he could record the noises you were making so he could listen to it whenever he wanted. the scene in front of him was making a familiar heat crawl back into his stomach, his dick twitching inside and your movements halted. joel watched as you looked down at him with a smile on your lips, he didn’t answer you just reached out to two fingers and wiped up the cum dripping down your thighs and tried to push it back inside you. you whined at the feelings of his thumbs against you, joel smirked.

a few more desperate movements made him hard, you gasped at the feeling of him so deep inside you you felt tears sting your eyes. joel tapped your thigh that was straddling his own, silently asking you to move. obedient as always, you moved slowly up and down his cock, your legs aching at the feeling. joel could see you losing your strength, his fingers shoving more cum back inside, before he planted his feet on the matress and fucked up into you. you cried out his name, your hands flying to his hips to found yourself as you felt him fuck his cum deeper inside you. “fucking insatiable.” he growled out as you arched your back and felt yourself grow close again, clenching around him.

“come with me darlin’” you nodded, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers. it was such a sweet act in contrast to the sinful image in front of joel he didn’t think he’d ever forget you. you were ingrained into his memory, like his first kiss or his first heartache. he fucked up into you, spilling into you even more and you let him fill you up, beaming at the fealing, joel’s free hand found your clit, using the mixture of his cum and your arousal to lubricate his fingers as he massaged it.

you twitched at the feeling and like it was the only word you knew you moaned at his name when you came, slumping forward, cum spilling onto both of your bodies. you groaned at the feeling and joel laughed at your reaction, you both were sweaty and filthy but it didn’t matter. joel pressed a kiss to your head, bringing up your intertwined hands to kiss your fingers and you melted into him. although joel appreciated your soft and warm body against his, he wanted to clean you up before you slept. he gently moved to his side, brushing your hair out of your face until you peeked at him. the warm smile on his face gave you butterflies.

“gonna grab a towel to clean you up,” you nodded slightly, letting him go as you removed your hands and joel left after covering you with a blanket. if he kept treating you like this you might never move on from him. after what felt like hours, joel returned with a towel, water, and back in his boxers. although the last part was a little disappointing you thanked him as he cleaned you up and let you drink the water.

as if he wasn’t already the best partner you’d been with, he helped you change even asking you where your pajamas were. when joel didn’t make any motions to leave you felt yourself your throat close, were you about to cry? oh god you were truly gone for him.

joel got under the blanket and you turned fully towards him. you wanted to say something, wanted to confirm this was real, that it would be real when you woke up, but you couldn’t find it in you. joel could see doubt and fear swimming in your mind, could see the storm brewing behind your eyes. but he thought you were regretting this.

“we can pretend this never happened,” it was more of a question and you swallowed down the anxiety that spiked from his thought. you controlled your voice as spoke next.

“do you want to?”

“no” joel didn’t hesitate, moving closer to you by a fraction and it was all you needed, your anxiety vanishing like that. a small smile creeped onto your lips and slowly joel was starting to understand.

“i don’t either, you’re stuck with me miller.” you said before you moved closer and pressed a kiss to his lips. joel let himself get lost in your taste, for the first time he felt like there was no rush. he had time with you.

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*seeing a 6 year old in the wild* and skibidi greetings to you my young mr beast

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