Enough Paintings Of Saints Where They're Looking Heavenward In Ecstatic Agony Or Down With Love And Mercy

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

but of course I had to draw Jon as big-lanky-insecure (but fiercely protective) eldritch monster

and Mr. Monster-Fucker Blackwood

also HELEN

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

Eskew episode 10, Performance: Terrible no good corporate brainstorming session (with specific mention of a brainstorming wall)

Silt Verses season 1, episode 7: Terrible no good corporate brainstorming session (with specific mention of a brainstorming whiteboard)

Silt verses season 3, episode 10: Terrible no good corporate brainstorming session (with specific mention of pinning ideas to a "wall of illumination")

This is becoming a pattern… is this a cry for help?

*leans into mic* yes, it is

In the centuries to come, future archaeologists will be bemused by a crude form of false democracy in which a group of workers were ordered to write as many ill-conceived ideas on a wall as possible in the belief that this was a form of strategy, when in fact it was merely giving them a sense of participation in the organisational changes that would be inflicted upon them.

You will patch up all the holes in 2025.

(this isn’t a post about knitting)

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

I'm emotional ok

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

Will u join the challenge?

Please tell me that y'all won't go back to tiktok once Trump gets whatever nefarious concessions he wants from the company and "saves" it. Like, you all NEED to stay gone. Stay on Xiaohongshu or move to other platforms or create a new one or whatever, but don't go back to whatever Trump-appeasement monstrosity TikTok is about to become. Don't do it.