Quantumjames

THIS IS HOW WE PLAY WITH DOLLS

Hi, I know you can’t share the letters for ethical reasons, but could you share some tips on how to write effective fuck you letters? It sounds like a useful skill to have.

Oh absolutely. So a fuck you letter should always be in response to an inciting action from another party. We don’t write “fuck you” letters unprompted, we write them to illicit a specific “oh shit, I’ve fucked up” reaction from the recipient. Furthermore, the inciting action on the part of the other party ideally has to be wrong. Now, when I say wrong, I really mean two things: 1) that it would incense a reasonable person, and 2) that it’s the type of action that people can get in trouble for.

So, I’m going to make a example up to demonstrate. This example has literally nothing to do with the type of letters I write, but I think it illustrates my process. Say you live in a neighborhood that has a Homeowner’s Association, but your house was built prior to the HOA forming and no owner of the house, including you, has ever agreed to join. You hung up a Pride flag on your porch last June, which is unremarkable, as many houses have flags displayed on their front porch; some are purely decorative, others convey meanings, like your neighbor’s Blue Lives Matter flag, or your other neighbor’s Build the Wall flag. The day after hanging the flag, you go on vacation for a week. When you return, you find that your Pride flag is missing, and you also find a letter in the mail from the HOA stating that you have 24 hours to remove the flag or it will be removed and you will be billed for the cost of its removal. You have, furthermore, recieved a bill for 200 dollars for the expenses incurred by the HOA in removing your flag.

Okay, so we obviously have our wrong act. So now we’re onto Stage Two, and this is the most important stage, Fact Gathering and Research. The obvious move is to find proof that the HOA had no right to enter your land or remove your property, and naturally we’ll do that as the very first thing, but really, is that going to make them sweat? We want them to sweat. So, let’s find news articles about other times this HOA or other HOAs in this neighborhood have entered someone’s property and removed or materially altered the property. Let’s find out what happened to them - were they sued? How much did they get hit for? Was there a ton of negative publicity? How did that impact housing prices?

Even though you’re not a member of the HOW, can you get a copy of the bylaws and see what they say about decorations outside homes that are part of the HOA? Is there a rule against displaying all flags? How about the neighbors? Have any of them recieved demands to take their flags down?

How about researching the demographics of the neighborhood? Do any gay couples live there? Have any gay couples applied and been denied housing there? Does the jurisdiction you live in have a law against discriminating against housing applicants due to sexual orientation? Has anyone ever complained that the HOA has acted in a discriminatory fashion against them because they’re gay? What penalties are available in your jurisdiction if that were the case? Are any of those complaints still pending, and could the complainants use the HOA’s act of removing your flag as proof of discriminatory intent?

What about the bill for $200? How was it calculated? Was it based on the time it took to remove the flag? Did it actually take that amount of time? Do you or your neighbors have a video doorbell that might have captured the removal of the flag? Who actually removed the flag? Did they say anything while removing it that might bolster your argument that the HOA acted with the intent to discriminate against gay people?

How about your own property? Did anything get damaged in the course of the flag’s removal? How much was the flag worth? How much was the property damage worth? Have you spent money related to this incident?

Once you’re done with your fact gathering and research, you’re onto stage 3, which is organizing the letter. So, you line up everything you’ve figured out, and arrange it from “least scary to the HOA” to “pants shittingly terrifying for the HOA.” Let’s say here, least scary is probaby “the cost to replace your flag” and most scary is “the prospect of a ton of lawsuits from other people who have been discriminated against and the prospect of publicity that will cause every HOA associated home’s property value to tank,” with a bunch of other stuff in the middle. Start with establishing that you’re not subject to HOA rules, and then walk them, sentence by sentence, step by step, through just how badly they’ve fucked up, and the bad outcomes they can expect in response to their fuck up.

Finish by telling them who else you’re copying on the letter, if it makes strategic sense to do so and will result in a better outcome for everyone that’s been wronged. In this case, you might think about a variety of gay friendly organizations, local news media, and governmental representatives. Wrap it up by asking them to provide you with a list of the actions that they intend to take to repair the damage that they’ve done to you and to the community within, say, fourteen days, so that you can give that to your attorney in order to help you consider how best to respond to their actions.

End with the most brutally infuriating sentence known to man: “Thank you for your kind attention to this issue.”

You’ll sleep like a baby once that letter’s in the mail.

They won’t.

A little pic I’m using with an online DnD campaign. Playing as Servo, the glitchy old robot, should be fun.

The median artery is an artery that is occasionally found in humans and other animals. [1] It is present in 35% of individuals born in the late 20th century. [2]

occasionally I'm reminded that biology just sucks to think about

Bloody Rose as an Art Doll. Pop Mart x Skullpanda Ancient Castle series + Cave Club

In case anyone was curious what the inside of the DC Superhero girls looked like.

I'm planning on heavily modding the arms, so I swapped them out for donors that I don't mind cutting up. The cuts along the seems are pretty gnarly, but i'm planning on filling the gaps when I resculpt the neck.

here it is, the funniest most absurd line spoken in all of kingdom hearts 

fluorescent lights, express laundry

It is better than nutella. *dodges shots*

So I heard from dunstachim that the Netherlands eats bread with butter and chocolate sprinkles!?!?

This picture looked good so I want it on my blog.

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Climb aboard, then!” But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. “Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.” 

“I can’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

___

…But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.

“It was going to sting me anyway,” muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. “It was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.”

___

…But no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. “What do you think you’re doing?” said the frog.

“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.

“After the kindness I showed you!” said the frog. “And you threatened to kill me in return?”

“Kindness?” said the scorpion. “To only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpion’s sting.”

___

…“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

“You have a point,” the frog acknowledged. “But once we get to dry land, couldn’t you sting me then without repercussion?”

“All I want is to cross the river safely,” said the scorpion. “Once I’m on the other side I would gladly let you be.”

“But I would have to trust you on that,” said the frog. “While you’re pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land I’d be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.”

“But by the same logic, I can’t possibly withdraw my stinger while we’re still over water,” the scorpion protested.

The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. “So, I suppose we’re at an impasse.”

The river rushed around them. The scorpion’s stinger twitched against the frog’s unbroken skin. “I suppose so,” the scorpion said.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Absolutely not!” said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.

___

A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.

They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.

___

…Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell.

The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpion’s sting, was offended at the scorpion’s ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” sneered the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back.”

The scorpion pleaded earnestly. “Do you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Even a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!”

But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.

“I knew it,” snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. “A scorpion cannot change its nature.”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.

“I’ve only myself to blame,” sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. “You, you’re a scorpion, I couldn’t have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now I’ve doomed us both!”

“You couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion mildly. “It’s your nature.” 

___

…“Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.”

“Alas, I was of two natures,” said the scorpion. “One said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.” It smiled wistfully. “Ah, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldn’t it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.”

___

“By the way,” said the frog, as they swam, “I’ve been meaning to ask: What’s on the other side of the river?”

“It’s the journey,” said the scorpion. “Not the destination.”

___

…“What’s on the other side of anything?” said the scorpion. “A new beginning.”

___

…”Another scorpion to mate with,” said the scorpion. “And more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.”

___

…”Nothing we will live to see, I fear,” said the scorpion. “Already the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?”

___

“I love you,” said the scorpion.

The frog glanced upward. “Do you?”

“Absolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. You’re a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that trust? Isn’t that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?”

The frog swam on, the both of them silent.

___

“I’m so tired,” murmured the frog eventually. “How much further to the other side? I don’t know how long we’ve been swimming. I’ve been treading water. And it’s getting so very dark.”

“Shh,” the scorpion said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The frog’s legs kicked out weakly. “How long has it been? We’re lost. We’re lost! We’re doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. There’s nothing on the other side, don’t you see!”

“Shh, shh,” said the scorpion. “My venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.” 

“You - You’ve killed us both,” said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. “Is this - is this what it’s like to drown?” 

“We’ve killed each other,” said the scorpion soothingly. “My venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?”

“What a foolish thing to do,” murmured the frog. “No logic. No logic to it at all.”

“We couldn’t help it,” whispered the scorpion. “It’s our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - It’s all our fault! We are both blameless. We’re together now, darling. It couldn’t have happened any other way.”

___

“It’s funny,” said the frog. “I can’t say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But I’m doing this for you regardless. It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”  

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Come aboard, then!” But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frog’s back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the river’s bank.

The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. “Ah,” it muttered. “For some reason I never considered this possibility.”

“Because you were never scared of me,” the scorpion whispered in its ear. “You were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?” The scorpion bowed its head and drank. “How could anyone kill you without killing themselves?”