Cbt!

I like em fuzzy.

I have been thinking about this SO MUCH wrt my own high sensitivity. This sort of three-factor approach to emotional personality stuff is really useful for sorting thru your own life and thoughts for personal growth and self awareness, etc. My personal low baseline, high sensitivity and slow recovery time are all "problems" that have to be addressed seperately. Once I acknowledged that my own baseline is pretty skewed toward the negative thru NO fault of my own it helped me resist attempts to shame me for not being a naturally "happy" person. Some people are rays of sunshine and some people are misty fogs and that is OK. Its been much harder for me to accept the sensitivity because I grew up under the delusion that this was something I could change about myself. I feel this is related to the attitude that sensitive people shouldn't be "coddled" and bullying/abuse can be justified if it toughens them up. So it really did take an entire lifetime of effort and FAILURE to realize that was patently untrue. No amount of willpower will make this skin thicker, and thats OK too. The time it takes to return to baseline/regain equilibrium/find balance is the most important thing to address in my experience. If you don't have a whole lot of control over your basic brain chemistry (medications can only do so much after all) or your sensitivity (degree of sensitivity to stimulus is *biological*), what CAN you control? Your thoughts, decisions, and your actions. These affect the intensity and duration of emotional reactions. This is what true cognitive behavioral therapy is all about. Acknowledge what makes you feel things and why. Understand WHAT you're feeling. KNOW that emotions serve a PURPOSE. I see lots of posts circulating with long lists of actions you can take to deal with negative feelings in a healthy way and that makes me happy that people are sharing this, because I had to learn most of those things on my own and the more time saved from having to figure out what to do is more time you can use to figure out what actually works for YOU. Coping skills, emotional management skills are all just that, skills you can learn. It boils down to the usual idea of change what you can control and accept what you can't change... the hard part is figuring out which is which. tl;dr, feelings.

Madranek looks like a pretty sweet guy. What's his story/what's he like/got anything interesting to tell us/etc? :) Spill! <3

Madranek is a minor councilman for a small wealthy province of Esterahad, he's psychic and is sort of a mentor figure to Lillia who is a very young powerful psychic. Because my story is mostly about politics a huge portion of my characters are politicians of some kind D: 

HOW DO YOU ART SO GOOD?! Also why you no been on for like a year?

I was on the fence about answering this XD; BUT I got a bunch of new followers recently (HI THERE) so I figure I will give it a shot. tl;dr guys.

That’s.. kinda related to the second question. It’s hard for me to articulate why I am such a freaking hermit. It’s not shyness… a lot of it is sensitivity because my relationship with art is SO personal. People can dislike me IRL all day long and it’s not even an issue cos FFF they dont KNOW me. But if they don’t like my art its like OMG I’m giving you a peek into my BRAIN, that IS me, it just got personal, time to throw down. When I say I peaked early, I was a fairly active artist on the internets when I was a teenager and got a LOT of attention I wasn’t able to handle well. The pervasive attitude that artists are sort of visual candy dispensers with a duty to share everything they do makes me reeeeaaally uncomfortable. I don’t draw for attention. I draw because I have stuff in my head that has to come out, and because creating makes me whole (I say creating instead of drawing here because I also love to make stuff, dance, sing, play music, I wanna do EVERYTHING).

I feel weird saying “I don’t draw for attention” because there’s a sort of implied diss that I don’t want to be there. Attention is actually really valuable! Motivational encouragement, constructive criticism, etc, all great stuff. I have made a lot of amazing friends through sharing art, and I totally love talking about it all the damn time, it’s often the medium that gets in the way with me. I like realtime chats best. I’m gonna sound like a cranky old lady now but it took me way too long to figure out tumblr and I miss IRC >:( And in my crankly old lady old age I just don’t have anything to prove to anyone and fucks are no longer given. I draw what I want, when I want, and share when I feel like it. SORRY NOT SORRY.

I’ll be honest, it’s only because once in a while someone tells me that they are really inspired by my art that I make the effort to share. But I forget often, and the fact that I can go thru really long periods without drawing much at all… well. Gushy fangirling is about the only thing that will bust down that wall these days. I used to feel guilty about this but it’s just how I am.

I’m a lot happier answering more specific asks about art tho XD Composition? Design? Style? CLOTHES? Lighting/Materials? Color theory? COLORSILOVECOLOR? Gimme.

hoss. (Taken with Instagram)

Sharing art from 2009 without sharing anything from 2019? Because I don't really draw like I used to. I'm sad about it sometimes, but I don't see it as having quit art. I still sketch regularly, but for years now my interests have been absolutely all the way into Making Stuff. Lots of learning and experimenting with Skills and less easily consumable content to share online...

Since I made my illustration I still like to call my Masterpiece (lol), my life changed a LOT. I changed a lot with it. The mockup of companion poster I started not long after is STILL asking me to complete it, it belongs right next to the poster of my Elf Son. I made a file of unfinished illustrations that I still Care about, this is the major one. I miss how much mental real-estate my elves took up, it was fun! But had to make room for Other things.

Stuff I've learned since drawing less: C/C++ (I'm garbage at it but I keep trying lol), Crochet & Knitting, writing small programs for Arduino, Blueprint Reading/Creating, metal machining on lathe and CNC milling machine, Circuitboard Design, Sculpting/moldmaking, Drafting slopers and clothing patterns from scratch for sewing... Next will be welding xD I want to MAKE! AND! BUILD!

How to achieve your dreams when you have 6 or 7 of them? I've abandoned two already (professional puppeteer, stage magician) but I still have only so much time on this earth! ;p

I also keep quiet these days cos I dont seem to have relatable problems. Creative block? I don't know herrrr.

When I die there will be 38,472,000 unrealized project ideas that simply cease to exist ಠ_ಠ

I'm keeping the Illustration skills in my back pocket, but it was honestlyyyyy never what I REALLY wanted to do forever, I want to do SO MANY things. I'll be 35 soon (hhhhhhhgh) and if I view my life as ONLY an illustrator then I peaked REAL early and have been Struggling since lmao! My destiny is tangential to colorful drawings. But lets be real its tough to be literally ANY kind of artist. Im just a lot busier Adulting and trying to survive/thrive in a worker-unfriendly economy with insufficient mental health care xD

ALL THAT SAID, I really do want to finish that poster, eventually xD and the elves need their story out in the world in some form. Still gotta decide what that is.

River near Cut Bank, MT

I really like the look of that Naroth fellow! Why don't you tell us something about him?

Naroth was born into a very superstitious tribe that took his red eyes and hair as a bad omen and tossed him and his mom out because she refused to sacrifice him. They were taken in by a surly desert dragon who raised Naroth as his own after his mom died of heartbreak due to exile or something equally pitiful. He's a very talented warmage and specializes in casting spells in song/chant form but due to having a strict slightly brainwashy master/apprentice upbringing by a dragon he is really socially and emotionally stunted. His sidekick role to Errikan is a typical cold silent loner, but really brutal in battle.

vigilante chic - street ninja by quantumQstar DERP well, since I am entirely out of artfuel for a while now (and I feel like I have been running on fumes all year anyway afkjadfksdf no joke! whenever I try my mind goes how can you draw at a time like this and I can't ignore it anymore, seriously, I'm trying seriously so hard not to turn this tumblr into bitching and flailing about artblock but it is so hard you guys, so hard.), posting to an art blog is uh... tricky?

I was one of those people who had heard of polyvore but had no idea what it actually was and so when I found out I was just HOLY SHIT ITS LIKE THIS SITE WAS MADE FOR ME. So I went nuts and made a bunch of outfits cos that's what I do. Godammit I love clothes.

And of course I wanted to post to be like oh hey, worldbuilding wednesday, I really like it so I would uh, encourage some asks, yes.