Sorry.

A haiku for you.

Once upon a time

You left but I still stayed here

I miss you so much.

Sleep, where art thou?

Look like my insomnia is back tonight. I haven't had bad cases since college, but when I get really stressed I just can't sleep. It's not like I'm even actively thinking about things. Maybe it's just all in my subconscious but it's enough to keep me up. I tend to worry. A lot. I know it's not a good thing, but it's in my nature. Someone used to tell me that I worry too much, but he admired that aspect of me. I never understood why. Why would overthinking and excessive worrying ever be a good thing? Did he not know I have a crazy strict conscience, where things literally eat at me? (True story: I get stress ulcers when I stress.) So whenever something doesn't go the way I planned or I'm anxious about something, my head and body goes into worry mode. To anyone reading this: don't be like me! Don't stress over the little things. Everything happens for a reason. If things don't go the way you wanted, just give it time. Maybe it will go your way after all. Just don't give up. Don't lose faith. With that said, I'm working on following my own advice. Everything will be okay!

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Lost.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel lost. What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Heck, I even get literally lost with directions all the time. Life is all about changes. How you respond and adapt to those changes shows you what kind of person you are. Or so I've been told. I think a person is made up of many strengths and weaknesses, and all of them define each and every one of us beautifully. So regardless of what we determine as "success" in life, I think as long as we are happy with who we are, who cares where we are going, or what we'll be doing next. Let's just take things slowly, day by day. Living in the moment.

Time.

Time is a funny thing. It could mean everything. Or it could mean nothing.

Time.

Time is a funny thing. We both love and hate it. There are days and moments when we wished the time would go by faster (for instance, while we are waiting at the DMV). However, there are moments when we wished time could stand still or go slower so we could cherish that moment longer.

And I Let Go.

And today, I’ve decided.

That I will let go.

Let go of the past. Of all those fond memories.

No use reminiscing the past if it’s only bringing up sad feelings.

Look at what you just lost.

Distance.

Sometimes you have to distance yourself from someone, to provide them the space they need. This space – you thought it was what they deserved.

So you wait. And wait.

But you also long to hear from them. For things to be okay again. For everything to go back to the way it was.

But at this point in time, it hasn’t. And it kills you. And it’s your fault.

Can’t you hear my thoughts? I wish I could hear yours. To see if I even cross your mind.

I know you crossed my mind a million times today.

Silence.

Who knew silence could be so deafening? I’ve never been great at reading between the lines, but I can take a hint. But dare I do anything about it until it’s confirmed and stated loud and clear? Never.

Sometimes silence is very much appreciated. While anxiously waiting, you reflect on your actions. However, you sometimes stress yourself out trying to figure out what is going on on the other end and your mind races through the multiple possibilities that could result after the silence. 

So in the end, what do I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but sit and wait. 

Thankful.

Today I woke up. I woke up in a warm bed, had a warm shower, had a delicious cup of coffee, had a good car help me get to work. All those might not seem luxurious, but it might be considered a luxury to some others out there. It's a blessing to wake up breathing and living healthy. It's a blessing to know that you have a full day ahead of you, and that it's not your last. It's a blessing to have a job to go to, to have an income. It's a blessing to anticipate the next day. So even though the day may have been hard, it's only a few hours away from tomorrow. If tomorrow isn't great either, then hey, there's always the weekend!