Don’t Even Joke About Stealing Candy From A Baby Man. I Used To Do It Constantly But I Quit Cold Turkey

at your wifes house rn😏 she hitting me with a broom

Deep down we all want to bite someone hard as shit. Jaw power on 100% for like 5 to 8 seconds. Just once.

walks out of a closet covered in blood with a goofy lovestruck smile on my face

“uhhh i can’t find this book at my public library” that’s because you’re not going to the secret public library (stealing from barnes and noble)

You ever think about the kind of guy who makes a cursed amulet? Like, “ooh hoo hoo, whoever puts this on is gonna have a nasty surprise!” Get a real hobby.

And the angels wouldn’t help you… because they’ve all gone away.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992) dir. David Lynch

starting a conspiracy theory that all scientific beliefs were correct at the time they were developed. the earth was the center of the solar system until later it changed and thats why gallileo noticed. you used to be able to cure tuberculosis with mercury and cocaine. subatomic particles didnt act like that until we tried to look at them