“It Was Difficult To Be One Of The First Women To Sit On The Pit Wall. You Have To Tell People What

Hey guys!

So I've been trying to get into writing again after taking a break for a while during university, and I've been so inspired by so much of the work that is on this F1 space. This is a snippet from an ongoing word document and university au that I've been using as stress relief while studying, and is just a bit of fluff with Nico and Jenson.

As I've said, this is a draft and I have taken a long break from writing so I do not make any promises that is anything decent and please don't hold back from any criticism! It is absolutely out of character for them and my only defence is that they are both very tired postgraduate students and I may be projecting as a very tired postgraduate student.

Words: 1831

It was quiet between them, the weight of feelings unsaid for six years heavy between them. Nico could barely breathe, afraid that he would ruin this once again. Jenson seemed as tentative as him, blue eyes flicking back and forth to him, for once not running his mouth at the slightest hint of a silence. They both held onto the rail in front of them, hands gripping on from fear.

Fear of what, Nico wondered. The worst had already happened for both of them. He still had nightmares of that night at the pier, and each and every time he had woken up to Jenson beside him, pulling him out of the water all over again. He had spent too long being afraid of what could happen, he had become a passive participant in his own life, letting himself get used to pain and distance. His Dad had always laughed and called him demanding as a child, an only natural occurrence when you are brought up in his wealth. When had he stopped that? When had he stopped expecting the best for himself and started accepting the worst? Where had that stubborn, blond haired boy been when Alex had hit him the first time, where had been the certainty that he was loved enough for it to matter? When did he start to believe that he was no longer worth the care and love he had taken for granted as a child? Why did he believe that he was so incapable of being treated with devotion that he had stopped loving himself?

He couldn’t answer that, nor could he go back.

He could only forgive the twenty-year-old he had been, the young man heartbroken enough at losing one of his best friends from his own stupidity that he had forgotten he was deserving of every devotion and more. The boy so lost and confused that he had run head first into the pain and hurt Alex had disguised as affection. The terrified student lost in the waves until his best friends had been there to drag him back to land.

He could forgive himself. And he knew the best way.

Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand over Jenson’s.

The light from inside the apartment fell perfectly onto their joint hands, illuminating them against the darkness. Jenson shuddered and turned his hand over, taking Nico’s back and bringing it to his mouth. The touch of his lips to the freckles on his knuckles felt holy.

Nico wanted him so badly it hurt. It ached within him, a six-year-old wound being soothed by the gentle kiss of a man who had seen him at his worst and stayed.

Jenson kept a hold of his hand, keeping his eyes locked with Nico’s, his blue mirroring the love he was sure was present in his. They were searching for something Nico didn’t have words for. What else could he do but nod.

Jenson reached down, arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him close as Nico’s found their way around his neck, one hand cupping his face.

“Is this okay?” Jenson whispered, close enough now that Nico could trace his freckles under his stubble. He nodded, a smile breaking on his face as easy as a wave on the shore.

“It’s okay.”

Like a prayer, their lips met. Nico gasped at the feeling of the other’s against his own, his hand falling and flying into Jenson’s hair, a touch he had committed to his most shameful nights since that fateful day in second year. This time, he could have it.

He had it.

“I have you,” he realised, breathless in the gap that opened between them as their chests heaved. Jenson’s face split into a grin, one of his hands coming up to cup Nico’s face and wipe away the tears he didn’t even realise had fallen.

“You have me.”

The dam was broken, and they came back together, Nico not even bothering to hide his delighted giggle at the thought. He was light, he was sensation itself, he was his lips on Jenson’s, his ribs between his hands, his hands locked into the blond mop of the other man, his eyes burning now with tears of a love realised.

He was Jenson’s. He was free.

He didn’t know how long they had been out there until a resounding bunch of cheers came from the open window by the fire escape. He collapsed back into Jenson’s arms, laughing in their shared delight and trusting Jenson enough to catch him again. Jenson was laughing too, pressing his lips into his hair and holding him close enough to pull him into his ribcage should he so wish.

Nico would let him at this point.

Mark and Lewis were hanging out the window, hollering and seemingly uncaring of the weight of Sebastian and Fernando on top of them.

“Fucking finally!” Mark yelled, the street light catching the glee in his eyes as he hoisted a cheering Sebastian higher on his back.

“Only took you six years!” Lewis screamed, and Nico was so full of love for him, for them all, for holding onto him when he started to get lost. The thought wasn’t accompanied by guilt for once, just a bone- deep affection for the men he was lucky enough to call his friends.

“Go away!” Jenson cackled, spinning them around so he could see them all better, “I’m getting my boy here!”

Nico couldn’t stop laughing, half- heartedly hitting him on the shoulder but delighting in the sentiment. He reached up, pulling Jenson back down and kissing him again because he could, because he could now, and barley noticed the ensuing hollers from the window. Jenson reciprocated as eagerly, pushing deeper and deeper with his mouth as if he wanted nothing more than to lay claim to Nico, lay claim to every inch of his mouth and his whole body.  He didn’t even hear the others going back inside, only registering the quiet broken only by their shuddering gasps and the muffled sound of music from indoors. He held onto Jenson, burrowing into that wide chest and letting his arms pull him even closer.

“Just in case it wasn’t clear,” Jenson murmured, dropping his nose into his hair and speaking the words into the top of his head, “I love you.”

Nico could only let out a shuddering breath, clinging even tighter to Jenson. The ache in his soul disappeared, soothed by the very words he had longed for.

“I love you too,” he whispered, kissing the patch of skin where Jenson had left a shirt button unopened and enjoying the shudder that ran through the older man. “I’ve loved you for six years.”

Jenson huffed out a laugh at that, pulling Nico back and cupping his face with nothing but tenderness and care.

“I can’t believe you waited,” he choked, tears beginning to pool in his own eyes. It was Nico’s turn to wipe them away.

“You were worth it,” Nico could only get out, his own tears spilling over again. Jenson smiled at him again, thumbs brushing gently across his cheekbones. He choked a bit, gathering himself in a way Nico had only seen before he did presentations or spoke to students.

“I doubt that, but Nico I-”

“No don’t do that-”

“No, let me speak, let me be brave Nico, please, you’ve been so brave already darling.”

Nico couldn’t hide his grin at the pet name, but nodded for him to continue.

“Nico, I have been an idiot. I liked you from the minute you walked into the kitchen with your, I don’t know, your Chanel luggage in first year. I was so scared, not just because you were a boy but because you were, well, you. You were so put together Nico, it was terrifying. I wanted you in a way I didn’t know how to say, but I was an idiot. I was so scared of you not wanting me back and of you seeing me for the mess I am, it was easier to shove it down. It was easy to keep dating and sleeping with girls, and I kept trying to find you in them. And then you kissed me that night, and it felt so right, that for a minute I nearly let myself have it. Then I woke up, and I felt awful for taking advantage of you when you were drunk, and it was the easy option to call Jessica.”

He paused, gulping for air. Nico reached up and kissed his cheek, gently tracing the line of stubble and waited for him to continue. He knew this next bit enough to know it would hurt.

“And then you met Alex, and we stopped talking, and it felt like the worst year of my life. I was so worried for you, we all were, and I was so jealous of him I couldn’t see how much you were hurting until it was nearly too late. God, Nico, I’ll never forget that night, you know? I thought you were dead for a minute when Mark brought you up and it was the most terrifying minute I’ve ever gone through. And I was so proud of you when you broke it off and when you went to therapy, you have no idea how proud I was. I just accepted then, that I was in love with you, but I promised to wait until you were ready.”

Tears were cascading down Nico’s face now. Jenson was staring down softly at him now, matching tear tracks on his own face.

“I love you, Nico,” he whispered, bringing him back in again.

“I love you too, Jenson,” he breathed, letting him. When they kissed this time, it didn’t feel like a triumph,

It felt like coming home.

They parted again, Nico shivering at the slick sound of their lips parting. Jenson seemed to feel it too, swallowing and gripping even tighter if that was possible. He could only blame that for the idiotic sentence that came from him.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Jenson let out one of his signature barking laughs, kissing the pout on Nico’s face that followed the outburst.

“I think that’s a given, darling.”

“Jenson-”

Another quick kiss shut him up and left him boneless.

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend.”

The pout tipped upwards into another grin.

“I have to wine and dine you properly now, don’t I?”

“I expect nothing but the best.”

“And you deserve it Nico. You deserve the best.”

“You’re the best.”

A fond smile. Another kiss. Nico’s thoughts had shattered into fragments by now.

“And you’re my best. My love.”

He didn’t know what to say in the face of such devotion given wholeheartedly to him. All he could do was steal another kiss from Jenson’s red, bitten lips. Jenson was only too happy to let him, dipping him back and kissing through the grins on both their faces.

“My Nico.”

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