Trying Something And Being Very Late As Always Mmm

what are you guys’ most “tumblr is a website” moments

Wanted a new pfp XD

these posts have the same vibes imo 💯

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

you wouldn't download a limited edition ace attorney christmas sweater from 2016

pattern adapted from this post by @acerunaway from original design by nina matsumoto/space coyote :))

cross stitch pattern + fcjson here bc i don't gatekeep + other notes under the read more!

for 3852 in the pattern, i actually used some of my light effects threads, E3852, for that sparkly feel. i couldn't find a reliable source on what the closest non-light effect equivalent is, and flosscross wouldn't let me put in light effects, so i just left it as 3852.

i stitched this with 10 count aida and 4 strands. if you want to make this on a sweatshirt, make your own measurements accordingly & make sure it fits and has good coverage.

i stitched this similarly to the original sweatshirt in that the navy background fills in the dark areas on the design itself (like maya and nick’s hair and nick’s suit) so you don’t have to stitch them. if you want a lighter color sweatshirt, keep this in mind & modify the design accordingly

i played with the colors a bit from the original design (fun fact edgeworth’s suit is the closest dmc thread color i could find to b00b69, and maya’s outfit is also modified from a funny hex code but i don’t remember which one). if you want to make changes, you can go to flosscross.com, import the fcjson file in the google drive folder, and make whatever modifications you want <3

please do not sell this pattern for money or put it on mass-produced merch as the design is not originally mine or acerunaway’s! on that note i encourage you to support the original artist nina matsumoto/space coyote; she has a ton of cool video game merch (including ace attorney) available through fangamer. i myself have the ace attorney desk mat on my desk at work and have gotten a lot of compliments on it from my coworkers

i am compiling a list of Freaknix wright moments bc. i see absolutely no one talking about his. preferences.

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

this fic has my brain in a chokehold, save me.

the fact that he covered up every portrait except for the parts showing Octavia...I am unwell

Narumitsu Fanfic Recs

Hey friends! I made a post around a year ago now(?) about a google doc I made, compiling my favorite niche narumitsu / wrightworth fics! That post has been long buried, and I see some people looking for fic recs in the tag as of late. Look no further! In the replies will be Taffy’s Narumitsu Fic Rec Masterlist™ for your viewing pleasure! (the doc is read-only and anon is on, so no worries about anyone seeing your email or anything. enjoy!)