sammayrin

Latest Posts by sammayrin

paranormal investigator but the ghosts are the clients

Jiang Cheng: Is there anything you’re actually capable of doing?

Wei Wuxian: Putting up with you.

Sometimes I think about Allen’s habit of making terrible horrible deals with the devil, not asking any of the terms… but also they always come at very vulnerable times.

the first time, he’s dying and all of his comrades have been wiped out. The second, the only person in the world he loves and who loved him has just died (and he’s like 10, max). The third time, he’s just found out that his whole life’s a lie and he’s probably a construct—though to be fair, he was kind of given the terms on that one.

but I guess that is sometimes a characteristic of deals with the devil is that they come when desperate

I might make a more in depth post about this later, but there’s something about Allen and Mana’s ways of grieving that stick out to me. They’re so similar, but I think there’s one key difference:

Mana forgets, Allen doesn’t.

When confronted with guilt over hurting a loved one (regardless of circumstances) and the grief of losing them, Mana couldn’t stand to look at himself to the point he literally changed his own face. He spent years searching for the very brother he killed. He hated himself so much he became someone else (Adam). It wasn’t it his fault (Adam’s), it was his fault (Mana’s)

Allen is similar, but ends up swinging in the opposite direction. When he’s at his lowest, he couldn’t cope with it either, becoming catatonic (is that the right word?). After he comes out of that state, it’s because he needs to keep a promise that he (Allen) made to Mana. And like Mana he’s acting like a different person! But he’s still Allen and he carries the guilt of turning Mana into an Akuma directly. He can’t change his face. Everything about his appearance is a constant reminder. It was his fault, and he’s going to spend everyday atoning for it.

Mana, holding some clown gear: And one day, I’ll pass these down to you!

Allen, enthusiastically: Just like your mental illness?

Mana, equally enthusiastic: Yep, just like my mental illness!

my desperate craving for d gray man content has become near unbearable, so it may be time for me to take matters into my own hands. that being said. I have no idea what to write about.

so if anyone sees this and has any suggestions or prompt ideas, please let me know!

that being said, I’m not the biggest fan of modern no power aus (unless they’re funny enough). But I do welcome crossover ideas!

Allen: The enemy of my enemy is my friend? No, the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy.

Allen: They are fighting over who gets to kill me, though. So it does give me time to escape.

at some point in while being buried for 100 years, xie lian must have prayed for jun wu to let him die, right? so I just can’t get this out of my head:

xie lian, buried alive, begging for death: I’m tired of this grandpa

jun wu, in heaven: that’s too damn bad! You keep digging!

I enjoy this so very much because I’ve already been making jokes that Allen is somehow his own father in such a convoluted way.

Like his adoptive father is Mana, whose brother is Nea. Nea is possessing Allen, thus inhabiting the same body and making it not only his, but also his uncles body; you might think this is where it ends. But Mana and Nea are two halves of the same individual. So Allen is possessed by half of his adoptive father’s soul. Thus he is his own father.

If I integrate this new, fresh theory, I can now joke that Allen is both his own biological and adoptive father.

If past!Allen and past!Lavi got orbed to make Allen, does that make them Allen's biological parents? Since Bookman is past!Lavi's father, does that make him Allen's grandfather?

Allen, on the verge of death again: I’m tired of this Crowned Clown

Crowned Clown: That’s too damn bad! You keep going!

with the knowledge that innocence is an parasitic entity that basically eats misery, I want someone to know that I think of Crowned Clown refusing to let Allen be killed/die or be separated as a kid throwing a tantrum because someone took away their candy.

like Apocryphos is desperately trying to get this piece of candy away because “it’s not good for you!” and Crowned Crown is kicking screaming crying about losing this food.

I can’t remember if it was in any of the extras, but I desperately want to know what mortals thought of the whole situation after Xie Lian’s third ascension.

like the heavenly emperor was overthrown. An ancient curse/plague descended upon a city and was prevented by the same god who was blamed for it the last time. The heavens soared across the sky, pursued by a giant statue of that same god.

Did they ever find out how utterly insane Jun Wu was? Did they learn about how he sabotaged the Prince who Please the Gods into becoming the god of misfortune?

The plays must have gone crazy in the few years after. Either they knew some stuff and that’s wild enough on its own, or they came up with some shit that had to be equally batshit.

with the knowledge that innocence is an parasitic entity that basically eats misery, I want someone to know that I think of Crowned Clown refusing to let Allen be killed/die or be separated as a kid throwing a tantrum because someone took away their candy.

like Apocryphos is desperately trying to get this piece of candy away because “it’s not good for you!” and Crowned Crown is kicking screaming crying about losing this food.

everyone (but especially Cross and Mother) watching Allen Walker

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

reading dgm truly is An Experience (tm)

Xena: Gabrielle and I are courting!

Aphrodite: We already knew that?

Gabrielle: But we started courting two days ago?

Aphrodite: What the fuck were you doing before then?

can we get an animatic for ogCale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo with 'No Longer You' from EPIC the musical pls

Like. really fitting for both of them, and a few others, but I have no idea how to make those.

Snippet:

"I see you on the brink of death. I see you draw your final breath."

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you."

demon underling: we found out who’s been raiding the territory! It’s polyamorous Lou Binghe.

demon canon fodder: that little fuck! I want him dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wife dead! I want his wife de— *repeats ad nauseum*

I love Link and Allen (the parallels between their relationships with their father figures are great too!), but I have to say, I was kinda with Kanda in the whole “don’t take him with you, he’s going to betray you.” Like, I understand Link’s reasons and I’m not mad at him.

but at the same time, when Allen agreed wholeheartedly to take Link along, I was just thinking “girl stand up”

I think if Allen makes it out of this alive and sanity intact, he’s gonna have a rock solid sense of identity. Fuck an identity crisis after all that nonsense. If I went through that, you can bet your ass I would be unshakable in who I am. I may not know exactly who I am, but this is it. Fuck you, this identity was made for me and by me. Yes it’s comprised of multiple others and manipulated for nefarious purposes, but it’s what we’re rocking with. Mind your own business.

if the Noahs’ reincarnation was given to them via salesman

are you worried about dying young? generally disgusted by humans or sex? feeling a deep distaste for humanity, and an even deeper regret you won’t be able to inflict generational trauma on your non-existent children?

well if so, there’s great news! with “reincarnating into an already living person,” you can inflict all your worst memories to the next generation without all that reproduction and childrearing nonsense! All for the low low price of dying!

me, starting d gray man and seeing Allen: what a nice, polite young man :)

me, seeing Allen gamble: what a… nice?… polite young man :)

me, seeing Allen get into arguments and fight with Kanda and Cross: what a… nice?… polite?… young man :)

me, finding out more about the 14th situation: what a… nice?… polite?… young?… man :)

personally, I’m not the biggest fan of modern aus (the more distance from real life the better lmao), but in particular the significant traumas of the characters don’t always translate well (which… maybe the point actually). But seeing how the author does is always interesting! that said, here’s how the closest I can think of for a dgm modern au:

Allen: if you cut out the whole past self and possession situation, up until the Order, it’s pretty one to one. As a child, he had a limb difference and was trafficked. He met Mana and Allen the dog, the dog died, the place he was trafficked to burns(? maybe attacked and he was spared out of pity?) Due to the trauma of the incident, Mana gets worse, thinks Allen is Allen the dog and then they live on the streets until Mana’s death. Occasionally Mana mistakes him for Nea to keep that aspect of the trauma. Allen is attacked shortly after, survives, and is eventually taken in by Cross (and his debts). He gets a few stalkers or already has them and finds out later.

Lenalee: once again, the fighting is a bit tricky for a plain old modern au, but I can make some things work! After her parents died in an attack, she was adopted out of China into England to an abusive family. Eventually Komui was able to get custody of her… I’m unsure/doubtful he would actually be able to do this with the systems in place, so maybe foster care would work better?

Kanda: A cult??? I guess? And Alma died setting a fire maybe? Unless you want unethical government experiments in your modern au!

Lavi: … I don’t know about this one. A very emotionally distant family that shamed any expression of emotion or connection as weakness? But it doesn’t have quite the same implications, I think.

Miranda: Pretty easy! She’s still miserable and can’t keep a job. Poor Miranda.

Alistar: A bigoted, isolated small town? Very tough on this one. Maybe such a small town that superstition still runs strong and he was run out of town during a series of disappearances (actually caused by his girlfriend, Eliade).

Timothy: Pretty much the same. Abusive father who was eventually jailed for thieving, the orphanage where he lived had money trouble and he started stealing himself. Not sure where the trauma from the orphanage being attacked could fit in.

Mana: A crime family/mafia?? His brother (for reasons we aren’t sure of yet) went on a rampage and managed to take out most of the family, forcing Mana to kill him.

Link: he and his siblings/friends from the streets are adopted by a corrupt government official.

I think I remember him being better in later episodes, but by god do I hate season one Ares. He gives clingy ex vibes. Or maybe toxic father.

Nea: you look nice. Who dressed you, the Great Depression?

Cross: you look lonely, Nea. I’m so sorry I couldn’t attend your funeral 35 years go.

a pet peeve I have in media is when the writer(s) try to write a strong female character and instead the just write a masculine woman. Of course woman can be masculine and strong (together and separately), but often I don’t feel like they write women who are masculine, they try to write a strong women and they can only conceive masculinity as strength. Also, I’m not sure if I’m phrasing this poorly, but it doesn’t always strike me that they write masculinity in the way a woman (or maybe a genderqueer person, though I haven’t had the pleasure of reading many original media featuring these characters prominently) might experience/express it.

one thing I appreciate about Xena as I’m rewatching it as an adult is that it feels like they’re women who have masculine traits/are masculine. Like, even beyond the fighting aspect, Xena often sits in stereotypically masculine way and takes charge/fulfills roles that are shown to be taken by men within the world they occupy. Additionally, I know that later, Gabrielle is joked to be “father” to Xena’s daughter, but I’m not that far yet, so I don’t know how far that’s taken.

idk, it just feels different to me. If anyone else has input/polite pushback I’d appreciate it/conversation! Or any other pieces of media that do this/explore women’s masculinity/gender expression/afab exploration of masculinity.

It's actually funny how humans decided "fuck living in caves with all these creepy crawlies", got out of caves, built houses that have all the nice parts of a cave without any of the yucky parts, and then all the little bugs and spiders and other creepy crawly creatures that used to also live in caves thought "sweet, new and improved caves" and moved right back in with us.