Jealousy Looks Different On You

Steve and Gareth as Cousins, no longer a warm-up and now called Lifelines, part three! I’ll throw it up on A03 when I finish the fourth part. 

Prior parts can be read here: Part One / Part Two 

First things first, the most amazing @ sereinpetrichor managed to track down the OG Twitter thread this runaway train is based off of! 

It was this thread by @gatorthots, the Tumblr version of which can be read, here.  All blame for this idea firmly rests on their brilliant, plot bunny inducing shoulders. 

The other, follow up thread I mentioned was this one by Silas, whose tumblr name I do not know. 

As always and forever, shout out to the most amazing @chalkysgarbagefire​ who helps me edit/plot/pats my head while I’m crying in their inbox bc the words aren’t wording right. 

Warnings: Steve and Robin are canon (S3) drugged. I took a slightly (kinda sorta) more realistic approach. Vomit mention, canon threat of violence/guns (the Russian guards) Mention of pantsing/past bullying, Steve and Robin’s drugged asses not understanding personal space, Dustin’s canon…Im gonna go with assholishness? but like, I think its more than he’s a young kid and doesn’t quite have the emotional growth/awareness yet in this kind of insane situation to know how to react to the whole address/torture bit (really who does)/its a defense mechanism–and Gareth sort of has a panic attack. 

Whatever the hell they had been drugged with, Steve and Robin went from ‘giggly happy fun time’ to 'vomiting into toilet bowls while loudly wishing for death’ awfully fast. 

Gareth was not an expert on drugs. He knew Eddie wasn’t either (the guy never dealt anything stronger than your average psychedelic–had some agreement with his Uncle about only selling “the 70s basics”) and repeated looks towards him proved Eddie was still trying to figure out what Steve and Robin were on. 

Answers hadn’t exactly been forthcoming–Eddie’s gently made attempts at ferreting out information had only caused more confusion.

Like why the two of them were so freaked out about a gate, or what had made Robin gasp, and then laugh so hard she cried when Steve had made a particularly rough noise then muttered; “Even that sounds better than Tammy Thompson.” 

Either way, Gareth was mostly trying to figure out what the hell they were going to do, because sobering up in a busy, public mall wasn’t exactly the best idea. 

“I regret,” Robin tried to say, in-between gagging. “I regret–hrk–" 

"Me too.” Steve moaned, head resting against the stall wall. Gareth, still caught up in panic, had been permanently regulated to door guard while Eddie alternated between sweet talking, rubbing backs and offering quietly whispered advice. 

“Let’s go back in time and ignore the whole silver cat thing.” Robin continued, slumping back down onto the floor. 

“Wouldn’t have mattered.” Steve muttered. “Dustin would have figured it out without us. Kid’s too damn smart." 

"So?” Robin grumbled, quietly thanking Eddie as he once again brushed her hair out of her face. 

“So he would have gone down there anyway, which means I’d be down there anyway.” Steve concluded. “We shouldn’t have gotten you involved though." 

He shakily pushed himself up, staggering to his feet and looking like bambi on ice while doing it. 

Eddie quickly came round to offer his help, hands spread as Steve groaned out a curse and clutched his head.  

The older took a step forward right as Steve lurched back, unbalanced and shaky. 

 "Oh shit.” He said, eyes wide as he crashed backwards into Eddie, the latter catching him with a grunt. 

Despite the entire situation, Gareth found himself stifling a laugh as Eddie wrapped his noodle arms around Steve’s chest, trying to hold the other up without falling himself. 

“Come on big boy, why don’t we just siiiit back down.” Eddie said, slightly breathless as he helped guide Steve back to the floor. “There we go…”

Weiterlesen

I love this narrativ and I see why this is probably the truth.

It feels like there's this narrative that fandom keeps wanting to explore, with Steve Harrington, about this very specific type of martyrdom where self-sacrifice is an expression of a lack of self-worth. And, like, yes, write the narrative that's meaningful to you, and yes ok Steve does admittedly get beaten up a lot, but -- legitimately I do not think this narrative is actually Steve's story.

Like, without gendering things too much, there is something in the Steve fanon that I keep seeing that's so reflective of the specific kind of sacrifice and societal pressures exerted on girls, specifically -- this story of 'you make yourself worthy and worthwhile by carving pieces out of yourself', of believing that you must always give and never receive to justify the space you take up in the world. Yes, boys can experience this same pressure (and obviously trans and nb people of all genders run into it as well! sometimes a lot!), but especially in the mid-1980s cultural context where Stranger Things takes place, it's just...really not likely to be a dominant narrative for Steve to be operating under? It doesn't even really match the Steve we see on screen -- who is happy to make sacrifices for the sake of others, yeah, when needed, but who's not particularly kind or giving unless somebody asks first.

And Steve does get hurt a lot on other people's behalf! And this is a problem! It's just a completely different problem than the one fandom keeps writing.

Steve, and I'm going to say this forever, is a story about toxic masculinity, which the show may or may not even know it's writing. The archetypes influencing Steve's character as it shows up on the screen (and the stories and messages that Steve would actually be surrounded by in his actual life) are not deconstructions of suffering heroes who never should have had to fight in the first place and were destroyed by it. That's the Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Steve's not Buffy. Steve's cultural context is Indiana Jones.

Steve is The Guy! And part of being The Guy is that you're expected to take the hits -- not because Steve is less important than the women-and-children he's supposed to protect, but because, the story says, he will get less hurt. Why should Steve get in between Billy and Lucas? Because Steve is an eighteen-year-old athlete and Lucas is in middle school, and of the two of them, Steve actually stands a chance. (And yes, Steve got badly hurt there, and Max had to save him -- but if Lucas, if Max had taken that beating they would not have been running through those tunnels later.) Was somebody else better-qualified to dive down to the uncertain bottom of a cold lake in the middle of the night? Steve doesn't list his credentials there as a way of justifying some ideal of martyrdom; he is literally the most likely person on the boat not to drown.

And make no mistake: when Steve's pulled into the Upside-Down, he survives the bats long enough for backup to get there. Realistic or not, he's apparently tough enough that he's physically capable of hiking barefoot through hell without much slowing down. Steve is the tank for the same reason as any tank: because he literally has been shown to have the most hit points in the group. You cannot honestly engage with Steve in this context without dealing with the fact that he's right.

AND THIS IS A PROBLEM! This is still a problem! But it's not the same problem that fandom seems to expect. It's not an expression of caretaking or the need for self-sacrifice; it's not an issue with Steve valuing himself less. It's an issue of toxic masculinity so ingrained that Steve doesn't even recognize he's suffering from it, because one of the tenets of toxic masculinity is that Big Strong Guys don't suffer. It's just a concussion, it's fine, he'll walk it off. It's not that Steve thinks he deserves to get hurt, or even that he's less deserving of safety than the others. It's that absolutely nothing in his cultural context allows him to admit that he can be hurt in a significant way.

There's still so much tension that can be gotten out of this situation, I swear. There's so much that can be explored in writing! Hell, the show itself is deconstructing some of this trope, believe it or not, by giving us a Steve who absolutely can take all the hits thrown his direction but still doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with his life. It turns out that doing his job as The Guy is only mildly helpful in horror movie situations (mostly by buying time for smarter, squishier people to do the damage from behind him), and somewhere a little worse than useless in everyday life.

But Steve does not go out of his way to self-sacrifice, he really doesn't. He just does his job. He's The Guy. Of course he's not going to let a kid or a girl or some scared skinny nerd who just learned about monsters yesterday take the hits. Of course Steve's got this.

You ever been in a state where you physically have no energy, but you're bored and socially understimulated so you kind of wish you could just invite people to come over like this:

Coming in late on Pack Dynamics day for @stmarchmm

Pack Omega Steve Harrington is so important to me.

Like, he doesn't really have a pack with his family, which is both small and distant, and never formed anything but a preliminary bond with anyone besides Tommy and Carol. He gets really close to pack with Nancy and Johnathan, but its cut off swiftly and abruptly when Nancy dumps him and turns to Johnathan.

Then all of a sudden he's got one pup, and then three, and suddenly he's Pack Omega to seven 10-13 year olds. They raz him and bully him, but they also look up to him and seek him for comfort. They don't always listen to him, but they know that he's always going to keep them safe.

Robin very quickly becomes Steve's alpha in every way but romantic, but she never quite steps into the role of Pack Alpha. She's got a stable pack at home and never feels the need to try and look over the kids in quite the same way Steve does, even if she does love them and look out for them.

When the kids start highschool, suddenly the boys aren't around as much. Max, El, and Erica still spend most weekends and after school at his house in his big living room nest when they don't have their own extracurriculars, but the boys start coming around less and less. The Hellfire Club has scooped them up and taken all their time, and it starts to take its toll on Steve.

He's been left behind and rejected so many times that his body is on a hair-trigger, reacting hard and fast to the slightest hint of abandonment. It starts with a generally lower mood but quickly descends into something bordering in rejection sickness. Every time the boys brush him off for Hellfire or get in his car only to talk on and on about how cool Eddie Munson is and how much they want him to hang out that day, Steve sinks a little deeper.

El, who is also extremely sensitive to pack bonds, pretty much glued herself to Steve's side once he started feeling unwell. Unfortunately, she's very easily influenced by other people's hormones and eventually becomes unwell herself.

Once that happens, it's Hopper who has to step in. He gets Max and Erica to tell him what the hell is going on and Hopper takes that all to mean that it's all actually Eddie Munson's fault. He rolls up to Hawkin's High on Hellfire night in his cruiser, barges in, drags the kids out and squishes them all into the back seat, and then goes back to pull a very confused Eddie out as well.

He makes everyone apologize and make nice, especially Eddie who, again, is so very confused by everything that is happening.

But hey, he's not one to pass up a perfectly good opportunity, and he's always kind of had a thing for Steve. Maybe a very heartfelt, prolonged (like maybe a couple of months) elaborate apology is a good way to start a courting.

Rabbit Hole

God, never Google when Season 5 of Stranger Things is coming out. I just wanted the release date, clicked on a link, then another… and suddenly there was fan art… and now I’m on page seven of AO3, deep in Steve/Eddie. Have you seen how long their fics are? What even is this? I have never seen a fandom so collectively committed to the idea that writing anything under 10k words is for the weak.

God, now I desperately want to write something for them, but I know if my fic is under the unspoken yet sacred threshold, I’ll be exiled from the fandom. God.

Bless this fandom. Seriously. You guys are amazing.

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

Masterpost: How to write a story?

Compilation of writing advice for some aspects of the writing process.

How to motivate myself to write more

How to get rid of writer’s block

Basic Overview: How to write a story

How to create a character

How to make a character unique

How to write conversation

Introducing a group of characters

Large cast of characters interacting in one scene

Redemption arc

Plot twists

How to write a summary

How to write romance

How to write emotional scenes

Fatal Character Flaws

More specific scenarios

Slow burn

How to create quick chemistry

How to write a bilingual character

How to write a polyamorous realtionship

How to create and write a cult

Criminal past comes to light

Reasons for breaking up while still loving each other

Forbidden love

Date gone wrong

Causes for the apocalypse

How to create a coffee shop atmosphere

How to write enemies to lovers

How to write lovers to enemies to lovers

Arranged matrimony for royalty

Paramilitary Forces/ Militia

Honeymoon

Academic Rivals to Lovers

How to write amnesia

AU ideas

Favourite tropes

Inconvenient things a ghost could do

Headcanon: Steve & little Holly Wheeler remain really close after Steve/Nancy break up. During an intense storm she calls Steve in tears while Nancy & Mike watch is shock. They didn't know she was still close to him.

"Hello?" Steve answered the phone on the third ring, hoping it was Robin letting him know she got home okay after band practice.

The storm came out of nowhere, and since everyone was still a bit on edge after Vecna, he needed to make sure everyone was alright.

"Stevie?" Holly Wheeler whispered on the other end of the line.

"Holly? Are you okay? Where's your mom?" Steve was suddenly even more worried that Holly was somehow alone at home during this storm.

They never left her alone, she was way too young, but if something happened-

"She's not home. Nancy's in her room. I'm scared."

Thank god. She just wanted to talk to him like they used to do during afternoon storms all the time.

"You're safe, Hol. Remember it's just some angry clouds. They must have had to wake up early today, huh?" he smiled to himself. "What about you? Did you get up early for school?"

"Yes and my teacher was late." He heard thunder on her end and hoped she would keep talking. "She said it was because her no good husband left with her keys."

Steve bit back a laugh.

"Oh yeah? I bet she was mad at him."

"She was so mad! And then she yelled at Rose two times cuz she kept getting out of line on the way to lunch!"

"Isn't Rose the one who always colors on other people's pictures in art?" Steve loved to hear about the 1st grade drama as much as possible.

"Yes, and then Ben always distracts the teacher for her so she can say mean stuff to everyone. She is so mean."

"It sounds like it."

"Holly, who are you talking to?" he heard Nancy's voice on the other end.

"It's Steve!"

"Steve? Did he call for me?"

"No, I called him."

"Steve? Did Holly call you?" Nancy's voice was on the other end now, and Holly could be heard arguing about wanting to talk to him more.

"Yeah. She calls sometimes when she's upset or scared. The storm must be freaking her out a lot," Steve said.

"Hey, I need the phone," Mike's voice could be heard in the distance. "Who are you even talking to?"

"It's Steve," Nancy replied.

"Our Steve?" Mike asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Apparently, Holly calls him when she's scared."

"Why?"

Steve rolled his eyes.

"Is it so hard to believe that Holly and I are storm buddies?" Steve asked.

"Yes!" Nancy and Mike said at the same time.

"Put Holly back on the phone," he said, slightly irritated now.

"I think the storm is going away," Holly said into the phone. "Do you have the teddy bear?"

"Of course I do. He always sits right next to my bed so if I get scared I can hold him. Do you have yours?" he asked.

"Yes, but he has a hole in his leg and mommy has to fix him."

"Okay, well I can hug mine extra tight for now so he knows you're safe."

"Okay! Bye Steve!"

"Bye Holly," he laughed.

"I don't understand," Nancy said just as he was about to hang up.

"What?"

"Why does she call you? We're right here."

"I guess it's just our thing. I dunno, Nance. But I'm gonna go. I'm waiting on Robin to call. You guys good?"

"Uh-huh."

"Great. Bye."

Steve hung up and smiled to himself. Holly Wheeler was probably, almost definitely, his favorite Wheeler.

Blankie

Steve has a blankie. It's his blankie. Worn and threadbare over the years. His grandmother had sown it for him, simple and plain.

But Steve loved it. Could never be without it.

"I threw it out,"

Steve had been gone the weekend. Checking the places over in Indianapolis that they could maybe afford. He'd been gone two days. Two fucking days.

"You what."

His mother doesn't even look up at him. She never has actually, paid him much attention.

"God Steven, don't make me repeat myself. I threw it out. With a bunch of your baby things. It was old and ratty. I should have thrown it out sooner really-

Steve doesn't listen, he's out the door before she's finished her sentence.

"Steven!"

He can see them, the boxes, chucked out by the mailbox. For anyone to just pick up. He tears open the first one, doesn't care that he's throwing baby toys across the yard.

It's at the bottom. Torn in half.

He walks back to the house.

His mother looks at him with disgust. He can tell. It's the same way she always looks at him when he's acting o u t.

Steve's lips twist into a shadow of his former self and he walks past her. He smashes the number he now knows by heart into the receiver.

It rings once before a click "I'm coming. Now. Forever."

And then he hangs up.

"Steven?"

She doesn't sound so sure now, he voice quivers slightly as he tears through the house, grabbing what little he actually has left there.

Then he makes a last turn around the kitchen, his mother hovering as he grabs the bread, Dustin's favourite cereal and the expensive chocolates from his dad that Eddie loves stealing.

"Steven it's just a blanket what are you doing?"

Steve whirls on his mother.

"Once a month, on the third Tuesday, your husband goes to a bar just out of town and fucks the youngest thing he can find. Boy or girl, he doesn't really care. It's not just a blanket it's the only proof I have that I was loved, goodbye Mother,"

And as he slams the front door he doesn't look back.

"Steven."

He doesn't pause.

Eddie's van is turning the corner.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Steve clenches that blanket to his chest.

"It's worth shit,"

Part 2