When I Remember That No Amount Of Waiting Will Make Me Brave And No Amount Of Fear Will Keep Me Safe

I wish to put Richard Campbell Gansey III in a snow globe and shake it send tweet

my read on the chances of a successful gemma rescue was already very low but having mark basically turn to the camera and say "maybe I am the one guy who can bargain my way out of experiencing grief....?" oh buddy you are so fucked.

Imagine scarfing down chinese food like a rabid animal only for jeff bezos to come and sit next to you and insult your dead wife, so you go home and get a lobotomy about it

"This is the way I talk. I'm sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. He was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive."

- Gansey, probably

So. I love every character in TRC, with all my heart and soul. And I love them with the understanding that these dynamics and nuances of their interactions speak to their larger character themes. All of the protagonists are teenagers who feel very out of control in their lives and utilize varying coping mechanisms to regain external control that compensates for their internalized panic. They are dumb and hormonal and they make stupid stupid decisions and they hurt each others feelings because they are seventeen and all of them are seriously traumatized and continue the trauma train through all books.

Now, this feels like a safe space for me to not only admit I love Adam (if you can't tell by now please inform me so I can rectify this immediately) and he could have become the villain like originally planned and I'd have been rooting for and justifying him the entire time. So take everything with a grain of salt that I'm someone who thinks all his actions track and make perfect sense, especially considering who he is how he was raised and how he internalizes the environment.

So when I say that I don't see much nuance in the Gansey vs Adam dynamic when it comes directly to money and Adam's home life I mean it. Like I can understand that Gansey is coming from a good place, he doesn't mean to be condescending, and in his head he just wants to protect and love his friends. And we can tell that Adam positively adores Gansey, like an outrageous amount. Multiple times Adam has cited he's incapable of saying no to him. So when he does that should matter.

A constant theme of Gansey's character, especially early on, is the idea he can't speak without offending others. He's quick to make a verbal misstep. He doesn't think all his words through and he easily hurts others. This isn't even about the "repugnant" scene (that alone would have been enough for me cut someone off, especially considering Adam had just lost his hearing because of his abuser), or about Gansey saying Adam is just as bad as his mother, or any other time Gansey makes a particularly cruel jab about Adam's abuse. There is nuance to it, and I'll never ever say I hate Gansey because you know it's all about intention and Adam responds because he isn't used to people caring for him or how to not take it as pity.

But how many times do we see Adam calmly explain (and less calmly as the point continues to be pushed) why he can't accept Gansey's assistance or his money? Multiple times to Gansey, by the way, and more to others. It's implied it's an ongoing conversation. And Gansey steps over the line several times. He does what he can get away with and then pushes over and over. And I fully understand the intention, I cannot stress that enough, and I know it's because Gansey loves him so so much. But even if you boil it down to money, I truly think that if someone says "hey don't do [this thing] it pushes my boundaries and I need to handle my life in my own way on my own terms.' then it should be respected. And Gansey tends to push these lines and assume he knows how to handle situations better than his friends because Gansey is a very rich teenager who makes poor decisions, especially regarding money. He does it with Ronan, too. And you can have all the good intention in the world and still do something shitty in the eyes of another person. I see a lot of people say Gansey did nothing wrong and Adam is being an asshole and that fundamentally makes no sense to me. Not even counting the shit Gansey says to him, but the general attitude towards money and the disregard for Adam's very clear boundaries are an issue. I'm surprised they're defending because "Gansey just wants to help!" I'm very weird about money and favours myself and have a hard time viewing acts of kindness as something I need to repay (I got in a fight with a friend for buying me a present when I explicitly said not to get me one, I have a list of drinks or snacks friends have gotten me so I can repay them, etc.) and when my friends cross those boundaries I get pissed. And my friends and I are in the same tax bracket. Blue behaves in a similar manner to Adam surrounding money, and doesn't get nearly as much vitriol over it (Blue in general gets overlooked by fans but I digress.) Nevermind that Adam is a person who thrives on the ability to make his own choices, and his agency and sense of control is vital for his survival.

I think every character is deeply flawed. Every one of them. Gansey's flaws are a huge part of his story, his constant need for control (all of their needs for control) and his tendency to try and fix other people's problems to distract from his own. And it's difficult to criticize because it comes from a good place. If it was anyone else, it'd be unforgivable. But it's Gansey. And he truly doesn't consider this condescending or disrespectful. But when it's regularly laid out and explained to him it's hard to give him a pass. He speaks on how he doesn't want to be judged for his money, but he will use his money when he needs to solve a problem. (He will hate himself for it, of course. But nonetheless.) Because it's the environment he was raised in and its hard to put himself in a place where he understands why that can be inappropriate.

This isn't like... a major hate train on Gansey. I love Gansey. I really do. But pretending like the dynamic between him and Adam isn't as equally (if not more so?) influenced by Gansey's pushing of those boundaries is a huge misreading and a disregard for how beautifully complex Gansey is written. This primarily springs from my own TRC annotations and some posts I've seen swirling around.

I got a fun post coming up yall stay tuned!

You can be talking to someone and she'll be like, "Oh I made a silly mistake. Women don't deserve voting rights teehee." And you'll be like, "What." And she'll be like, "Oh I'm sorry! That must sound so bad out of context. No it's this Tiktok meme where, if you're a girl and you do something dumb, you say 'Women don't deserve voting rights teehee.'"

And you'll be like, "That sounds bad." And she'll be like, "No no. It's totally not that bad. It's just a meme. Men say it too. Like if a man does something silly he'll be like, 'I am like those women who do not deserve to vote.'" And you'll be like, "Does that make it better?" And she'll be like, "Well there was one guy who tried to make 'Men shouldn't vote' a popular meme. But it never caught on and also he got yelled at a lot."

And then you drop it there because like, you're harshing the vibe.

“Is that all?” She whispered.

“That’s all there is.” Gansey replied.

Adam Parrish was unknowable.

The heart of catcher in the rye is that children do not need to be "worthy" of being cared for. "But hes an annoying whiny little rich kid" Hes a child. No child should be likable enough to your taste for you to give a shit about them