I Got A New Jacket And I Really Like It. 💛 ~Anon

Writing Timber is making these two so similar, but different in tiny, distinct little details. They're both conspiracy theorists, they're both the most insane person in any room they walk into, they use the cringiest slang, they're just Some GuyTM, they're addicted to Zestis, they're disaster bis, they're troublemakers, they're both magnets to tragedy, they're skater boys but in different ways.

But also:

Tim's first instinct in danger is to use his brain while Bernard's is to use his brawn.

Tim wins in the category of intellectual intelligence but Bernard wins in common sense.

For Tim, subtlety is everything. Bernard's never heard of it though.

Tim constantly has high expectations placed on him and usually manages to rise to the occasion. Bernard is constantly underestimated by everyone around him and that means he can occasionally surprise a couple people.

Bernard yaps a lot and goes on endless tangents about anything and everything. Tim doesn't talk much but he listens to every minuscule detail, and knows exactly how to use it against you when you least expect it.

Tim was that one guy in class who the teacher could not stand but always managed to get straight A's without trying. Bernard was the class clown that got mediocre grades but was surprisingly skilled in things he was passionate about.

Tim's a lot more reserved and calm but can make friends with just about anybody and is surprisingly laidback and snarky once you get to know him. Bernard is loud and annoying and extroverted, but he pulls back when someone gets too close and suddenly they realize he has secrets too.

Tim doesn't usually try to impress anyone romantically but he keeps managing to pull people into his orbit anyway. Bernard will flirt with anyone who breathes and ultimately fail to impress anyone.

They both love looking into mysteries but when Bernard is investigating, the What's New, Scooby Doo? theme is practically playing in the background, while for Tim, it might as well be the theme of Criminal Minds.

Tim seems all chill and put-together until you actually step into his room and wade knee-deep into punk rock dvds and mismatched socks. Bernard is visibly a mess, but he can get his shit together when it comes down to it.

Tim handles a situation by going out to take down a threat, as is the nature of a Bat. Bernard stays to tend to the wounded, because his time is Louis Grieves has scarred him and now he has to make sure what happened to Darla never happens again.

They both think of themselves as a magnet for the trouble and think of each other as a good luck charm that managed to bring the light back into their lives.

Last night's party

This is all over the place and so out of order but i need to get it off my chest.  So my family always has this thing where when we do get togethers, at night something always goes wrong, someone always ends up crying, and almost everyone is hurt.  So this year it was my sister.  My sister had been stuggling alot lately, and the night before the party talked with her husband and discussed divorce which he said he wanted.  She wanted to forget it so she didn’t tell anyone and she got drunk.  She found this girl flirting with her husband at the party and she got upset, and my brother is also going through stuff so they were going to basicly go and try to have fun and dance and listen to music with their family and forget about it until my brother pulled my sister inside and sat her down trying to give her basicly relationship thiripy, which this was not the time.  Because everyone was kinda drunk, so she was already emotional and my brother made it so much worse.  So I was there trying to calm her down because she was crying and trying to talk and getting overwelmed and dizzy and about to puke because she couldn’t calm her breatheing, and I wasn’t going to leave her because I know how she felt because I used to have really bad breakdowns.  And so my other brother came in and pulled me out and then they went walking up the road so I followed in which I watched someone my sister loves so much as a uncle tell her to kill herself and drive off.  And so at this point I was pissed and my sister was hurt so I was about to beat in anyone’s faces who dared say anything rude to my poor sister who is already going trough so much these past two weeks.  And her husband came up there and my other brother (nice one) and I defended her and he walked away giving up in which I then proceded to call him a dick.  Then I sat by her telling her it’s okay and to calm her breathing and tell her to breath in through her nose and she couldnt.  So we sat in the middle of the old gravel unused road in frount of her grampas old house while she cried as I held her and rubbed her back.  My brother told me to leave because I didn’t need to see her like this because I’ve been struggling with my anxity really bad lately and my sister told me thank you and to leave so I did.  And then I came back to the house.  I wanted to see my mom so I found her in the house where she was drunk and couldn’t even talk correctly, And that’s the first time I’ve ever seen her like that and it was because she had a friend come to the party who got her drunk,  and she’s in bed rn with a hangover too.  And last night she had some girl in the room with her so I walked out.  And my older cousin who sat with me last year while I cried after the party was there again this year ready to bring me into a giant hug again this year.  He brought me outside where we sat on the swing and talked about random stuff.  I texted my boyfriend because at this point my brother and I had already took him home and stopped by our old friends grave and I almost cried then too.  So I texted him and he made me super happy and then my brother and sister came back from up at her granpas house and my other brother came outside to start throwing stuff and yelling and my cusin just tried to distract me by asking me stuff while I cried.  And then my mom came outside while my brother almost punched her And my sister yelled at her.  So mom pulled me out of the house and forced me to go home with her.  Which I was not okay with.  And I cried until I got home and once I was home it was 1 am. Which I proceded to sit alone for 30 minutes on the bathroom floor and cry like it was sixth grade all over again. ~Anon

When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

If you ever want to talk: My Tumblr ask is always open.

this is not the end.

Grandma

I have free time right now so I figured I would tell you what’s going on with me at the moment. The main problem is I found out some stuff about my grandmas condition. She hasn’t been doing good lately, and about two weeks ago she was put into the hospital due to heart failure and while I was visiting her she seemed okay and everyone said she would be okay. They kept her for about four days before they released her to go home. From here on I was very uninformed about how she was and her condition, that was until yesterday. No one told me how she was doing, I actully had to easedrop on my mom telling my older brother over the phone. She is back in the hospital and her condition is terrible. They said she’s back because of her heart condition because it’s racing out of control. They said they can’t fix it either because she’s to old and will die in the Surgery so they are hoping it will slow down by itself. Then aparntly when they arived at the hospital she said she was happy to be somewhere she has never been to before….. she had spent four days there not even half a month before. They told her this and it was completely gone from her memory. She’s getting worse everyday and I’m so scared that she won’t be okay. My grandma is the most important person on this planet to me and I don’t want to lose her. How would I even react to that? Secondly my mind has been getting me down alot more lately and I actully caved in because of my anxity. I’m getting bad again. Really bad. ~Anon

Lonelyness

I can already see tomrrow in my eyes as I lay here at 3 am. The tiredness that will cradle me as if I'm dying within its arms. I'll lay here until I feel I can't anymore. I know I'll go to stand and fall back again as my legs give out to the pain behind my left leg. The gaping hole that will suck me in and heal back up once it's broken me down into nothing. My existence will not be anolage for my family is gone and my friends are none existent. I'll tell myself I'll clean later knowing that later never comes. And once again I'll hear the low grumble of my stomach as it begs for food i will not give it. I'll pretend that I can't hear, nor feel it as it twist my insides. Im prone to Blocking out the thoughts such as the fact I haven't had a proper meal at all this week, nor have I had proper social interaction, it seems I have forgotten how. I'm upset, I'm more than upset but not quite at the same time. I feel this feeling I haven't experienced much as of lately. But once again it's back. As if I'm it's toy to play with and it's the toddler I belong to. I'm nothing but I slave to its existence. I try to creep away, to disapear, but it's truely no use because im stuck here. My environment is diffrent and because of this. I am lost. ~Anon

Sat, Jan 7th - 04:49

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New year! We officially say it’s now 2017, it’s completely unbelievable.  2016 flew by so fast it’s like it never even happened.

I’m currently watching homestuck and snacking on some starburst minis and drinking some water, I should be in bed but it’s way to late for that now.  I figured it would be a good idea to update this blog on my current situation.

I’m actually doing quite great at the moment.  That’s not something i say much on here anymore but I am feeling better.  Yeah, my family is still horrible but I, as a person am doing better. 

I’ve finally started caring for myself more which I’ve always been bad at.  I have also gotten a lot better, how do I say this, outlook?  When I say this I mean I try to think more positive things in bad things and I try to smile more and to be more cheerful.  I have also gotten to the point of trying not to cuss.  I am getting better with these things as time moves on so please excuse me if I do mess up on these things. 

I have gotten a few new hobbies as well.  I learned I want to learn to dance and I would like to get back into exercising.  I can’t dance good at all and I would like to learn, and I used to exercise every day when I was younger and it made me very happy. I loved to exercise so much and I hope I can get back into it.

I also have some new year resolutions I would like to share.  I had a hard time picking some and I tried to fit as much under one name as possible so here are some.

1. Be the purest version of myself I can possibly be.

2. Take well care of myself.

3. Take up hobbies (Dance, cosplay, make up, youtube, story telling).

4. Learn Korean.

5. Travel outside of comfort zone.

These are some of mine, please share some of yours too.  I would love to hear.

Anyhow, I must go now.  Anime is calling my name.  I hope everyone is having a great day, I love you all and please take care of yourself today.

“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”

Everything gets better with time ;

~Anon

The Glamour of Eating Disorders.

Because of my decade of eating disorders, this is where I’ve been 🦋

🌸I’ve purged in every single bathroom on my college’s campus.

🌸 I’ve been questioned for smelling like vomit

🌸 I’ve bruised my ass and legs (which hurt for weeks after) just by sitting down

🌸 I have fainting spells now! Last Friday I fainted 5 times and was nearly sent to the ER. Once I fainted in the shower and as a result, my boyfriend insists on keeping the bathroom door open and on checking on me. Every shower since.

🌸 I’ve eaten trash during a binge

🌸 I’ve eaten a 2 week old stale donut that I found in my boyfriend’s friend’s apartment during a binge.

🌸 I have rummaged through the homes of friends, family, and even strangers for scales to weigh myself. Once, I even pawed through a frat house during a party to weigh myself. (If you’re curious, I found one and did weigh myself.)

🌸I’ve shoplifted laxatives and diuretics in desperation.

🌸I have bone- bruised my coccyx (tailbone) by sitting on the toilet.

🌸 I’ve seized (had a seizure) because I had binged and purged so many times in a day.

🌸 I have destroyed my thyroid (a very important organ, I may add) because of my years of ED, and will now be on medication for the rest of my life.

🌸I have permanently damaged my intensities from abusing laxatives.

🌸 My stomach is beyond fucked up as a result of permanent damage.

🌸I have abused drugs I didn’t even want to do in order to suppress my appetite.

🌸I have damaged my heart because of my ED.

🌸 I have stolen food to binge and purge.

🌸I have both puked and shit blood because of damaged organs.

🌸I had, at one point, lost half my hair because of malnutrition– adding of course that I grew lanugo EVERYWHERE in addition.

🌸 I get dizzy spells every time I stand

🌸I have taken so many laxatives that I spent an entire day puking and shitting.

🌸 I have seriously emotionally hurt my partner (romantic) because of actions I took because of my eating disorder.

🌸 I have drained my bank account compulsively buying ED shit.

🌸 I have chronic chest pains because of my ED.

🌸 I have gotten bone-bruises in my sleep because I had my joints crossed.

🌸I have lost my adolescence and youth to my ED

🌸 I have estranged myself from my family because of my ED

🌸 I have not spent a day without thinking about my weight since I was 9/10 years old.

🌸 I have had my ED so long, it has become a part of my identity and sense of self– I am terrified of recovery because of this

🌸 I have shortened my lifespan significantly–to the point where I have discussed the fact that I will die first wth my partner, as we plan our future together.

This has ruined my life.

Please do not think these disorders will in any way improve your life, they will only plunge you into hell. I do not say these things for pity or attention– I simply want to deter others from ever dabbling in ED behaviors and encourage those who have not been disordered long to seek help before it’s too late. And, obviously, to deter anyone from seeking this kind of behavior. These diseases will destroy you in every realm of your life. They will kill you. I have lost friends to these diseases. Death is a real threat– do not make the mistake of thinking it cannot happen to you. It will. All an eating disorder will ever be is pain.

We need to destroy the glamour that seems to surround eating disorders, which only exists because of the rampant misinformation on the subject. We must bring the true reality of ED’s to light. We cannot let misinformation ruin any more lives. Please spread the reality of EDs. It’s never too late to recover. I encourage everyone to seek recovery/ and or treatment.

Much Love, K

💗

Please eat, you deserve to 💟