✷ JOKER ✷

'Robin' by Laura Makabresku

by schroederphoto

I went out with my cousin. We only went out for coffee and some light walking around. It was fun it’s nice to get out and just walk around the city and not have to run errands. This week was a long one of just me running a around from place to place like a headless bird ugh. My cousin was trying to persuade me to move to New York when she does next year lol. It’s a scary idea for me but I'm not opposed to it. I would have to leave everything behind and start over again, and I'm so scared. But I'm also so tired of my current life it’s so draining and I feel so alone. Plus I have no idea what I would be doing in NYC, career wise. 2024 as a whole has been such a weird year for me. I realized that I had been doing almost everything wrong my whole life and it’s tearing me up inside. Saving money wrong. Making friends wrong. Eating wrong. Doing my hair wrong. Just overall living wrong lol. Sigh I'm trying to not be so hard on myself. Trying to convince myself that 2024 can be the beginning of something good. But it all  just feels painful. Anyway on to less depressing stuff. We saw a lot of fun stuff today, a lot of cute doggies, I should of took pics of them. I went to this interesting thrift shop, at least I think it was, everything was Hella expensive. They had this really cool painting in the back. And these giant amazing lamps, it was so cool. I can only dream of owning it. After  that we shopped for books, I'm trying to get all of dungeon meshi. I wanted to buy them all at once but buying them individually is fun too. I love the covers so much. It still amazes me how much I've come to love dungeon meshi, all thanks to my sister lol. It’s not a series I would usually get into, because I'm so picky sob. It’s probably gonna be a long lasting favorite for me.  Then we went to this house of oddities type of place, I forgot to get the store name. It was really cool but the inside smelt so bad like death lmao. There was a large coffin in the front of the store. I couldn’t stop taking pictures of everything I must of been annoying lmao. They had some really cool bug taxidermy frames, they were so pricey lol. But I would of loved to have some. Maybe in my future home.

Floored by the fact that not feeling like shit really does boil down to just eating well and drinking lots of water and keeping screen time to a minimum and making lists and not obsessing over any one thing and reading books and like not putting things off and letting them fester forever. Self help books will never tell you this but sometimes it just is that simple

dancing in my storm, may 2025

Surrender the Snail

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Remnants of April

April was pretty ok, when I wasn't spiraling lmao. I kept hoping that my April would be cool, cause my March was so ass. But when I started to think about it, I'm not sure what a good month is like, I haven't had one in a while lol, I forgot how they felt.

I got caught up with a lot of anime backlog,

svsss

Ousama

Apothecary(even tho I didn't finish yet)

Castlevania Nocturne (sososososososo good!!!! have to watch again)

Arcane(I'm so late ik, it was so good tho, a bit short but cool)

Kuroshitsuji school arc

its been really comforting, helps me not think so much. I even started keeping track of them when I finish lmao, and adding more stuff to watch. I thought this was gonna be my book year. I did manage to finish TGCF book 5, it was so good, that book had me giggling, it was a really silly book, with a lot of dark themes. It got really heavy at some parts (well for me it did). I keep thinking about all of MXTX's series and how I feel no problem in rereading Svsss and MDZS over and over again. But when I think of TGCF I feel sick lmao, this series is so dark and sad at times( XL past I mean, and others) that I just shutter at the thought of rereading. I will have to bookmark all the past arcs so I can skip them lmao. I can watch the donghua's just fine tho, maybe because they haven't touch any of the heavy arcs. (probably never will sob) 😭.

I also got a lot of books in April too, I haven't gotten to enjoy them yet, cause my life is always in chaos lol. But still super excited for them. Gonna miss you April, you were actually a chill month. May is kind of kicking my butt now, and it's only the 6th lol.

May so far, I haven't had an appetite for like a week now. It's kind of freaking me out. Like I still try to eat but I get full so fast and then I feel like wanting to vomit if I try to overeat ugh. At first I was like this is good, I can indicate when to stop eating. But then I got sad because I like food and I like eating. But my body won't let me ughhhhhhhh lol. I hope this doesn't last.

I got a haircut, it was long overdue, I cut like 4 inch. I asked my mom to cut it. usually I cut it myself but I was just so tired that day and asked her to do it, I wanted her to cut more, but she has this control thing about hair or whatever, I would cut it all off if I wouldn't absolutely hate myself the next day.(it has to be someone else lmao)

I have decided to sell clothes that I don't use anymore or never have used. I am lowkey excited about getting rid of things. My brain has been on sell rot and everything I touch I'm like "YES SELL IT" lmao.I have a lot of clothes that I have accumulated over the years and never regulated because life keeps getting in the way, so I've just been ignoring the mess lol. So thats why I am excited that I found a solution for this. I'll try to also donate half of it to, I just need it all to go. But I have to be calm and be smart about this because I still need clothes to wear lol.

sigh~ this was suppose to be a short post