Dexter Puts This Sign Up In Front Of His House In Phase 2 Because He’s Sick Of Skulduggery Returning

this is 100% canon!! 

hey it's niche, overly specific, barely canon-compliant theory time so that i can convince myself to write this into my fic

okay so for some reason i headcanon skulduggery's wife as being called annalise? idk that's just what i call her in my head so that's what i'll call her here

annalise was caught up in the war early - by the time she was fourteen, she was helping her father (kenspeckle grouse) with healing wounded mages, and in herself was a pretty good healer. during this time, she meets skulduggery; a couple of years older, ran away from home and met ghastly on the way, and they signed up for the war together

things are dire, everyone knows too well that each day may be their last and annalise and skulduggery are close. in a relationship, in fact.

skulduggery comes close to dying one day, and annalise brings him back from the brink of death. at this stage, he's eighteen, she's sixteen. he proposes where he is, and as a spur of the moment thing, she says yes.

the wedding is messy and fast and barely a ceremony, but they're in love and everything is such a brash decision now that they want to savour their relationship for as long as they can. everything is good, or something.

annalise starts to get caught up with everything - she's struggling to find a purpose to this war, she's eighteen years old and married for two and watching her husband be battered to bits on a regular basis and going through that too, she's seeing death and blood and gore and everything awful around her and she's just so sick of it and wants it to end.

slowly, the idea of the church of the faceless starts to appeal to her. she was brought up in it as a child, her mother's family devout worshippers before her father took her away. it's something familiar enough that it's impossible not to fall back into.

slowly, she becomes more desperate. finds herself flitting between sides secretly, finds herself on mevolent's side. it was never supposed to be like this, but now she's her own faceless one - nobody knows what she looks like. she's simply a name, someone spoken about from the shadows, managing to push herself into power. nobody knows what she looks like, only that she is powerful and devout and someone who knows secrets, who holds knowledge.

skulduggery is clueless, unknowing about the way his wife leaves his side on "missions" and comes back, only for the church to have gained information, power - all from the hands of this unknown woman.

rumours, of course, start to spread. they say she is too beautiful to look at, and that is why she stays hidden. she must be older than time itself to have all of this information, and yet looks so young. she flits through mevolent's castle, seen as nothing more than a low-ranking convert, unknown and worthless. nobody associates the name known by all with that young, young face.

annalise is nineteen, and wakes, one day, to her lover's dead body beside her. she is alive, and realises that someone must know. this is a warning.

within two days, she is back at her husband's side, saying nothing about where she was. nine months later, the baby comes.

it has been three years. there is still that unknown enemy, the woman with a face beautiful enough to make men give their lives for her, and yet it is a face known by none. their daughter is three, now, and looks nothing like skulduggery. annalise knows that he'll start to suspect soon, knows that his suspicion of her unfaithfulness to him could lead to more.

one night, she leaves. releases her reflection, her child's reflection, orders them to hide until the time is right. and annalise runs.

three days of travel, alone, her child in her arms. three days and she meets a witch, offers her a deal.

a new face. a new face, one which will make men give their lives for her. a new identity, a new life.

“and,” says the witch, “what will i gain in return?”

her magic. her healing. she is young, only had her surge a year ago, and yet she is strong. stronger than she should be.

the witch accepts, and annalise brings her reflection to mevolent's castle, lures skulduggery in, and watches him die.

perhaps, in a few hundred years, she will allow herself to feel remorse. but not now. for now, she has power and a new identity to fill.

years pass. the child picks the name solace, and when skulduggery pleasant meets china sorrows for the first time, he notices her eyes. they are beautiful, a pale blue, just like his wife's once were.

four hundred years later, china still finds herself looking at her husband for longer than she should.

still kinda into that “Anakin Skywalker becomes a trophy husband and gets really into Naboo fashion” idea, tbh. 

He resigns from the Jedi Order sometime during the clone wars all “I know we’re having a war and all and it’s reeeeeeally important but Padmé is currently wearing space Dior and my head is just not in the game, okay??” Padmé of course immediately welcomes him with open arms because look, she knows they both have duties but Anakin already told the Council to go to space Hell soooo … 

There’s gonna be a wedding. She is gonna make it EPIC. 

Meanwhile the Naboo tailors are like dropping his Jedi robes in the trash pit all “mister naberrie what would you like to wear?” and Anakin’s like “… cccclothes?” and they immediately realize they have been given a BLANK SLATE and are DELIGHTED. Anakin gets a crash course in how to dress like the Naboo and also discovers that he is allowed to wear things like SILK and SATIN and ACCESSORIES and is just entirely floored. Really he can wear this? You’re SURE? And there’s a place to hide a lightsaber in it? 

What do you MEAN “and throwing knives”. Tell him more about the throwing knives. 

More of my if Saracen mentored Valkyrie au because I can’t get it out of my head

Valkyrie and Saracen surrounded by a group trying to kill them:

Saracen: okay Valkyrie you’ve got this

Valkyrie: there a five grown men here Saracen.

Saracen: it’s a chance for you to practice what I’ve taught you, good luck!

Valkyrie: *fighting the group off on her own*

Saracen, standing back:

Natasha Romanoff + deleted scenes from trailers

These are so amazing!! I've never agreed with any SP cast ideas, but if those were real people, I'd cast them 100%.

Following the trend set by @venividivictorious, I am currently trying to master Artbreeder (unsuccessfully) in order to create some of our Dead Men. Here some of the ones I am happy with so far…

Dexter Vex

Saracen Rue

Anton Shudder

a character you think isn’t appreciated enough?

I actually really like Militsia?? She seems really sweet and I like her interactions with Val (although sometimes they can feel a bit one sided)

Like she actually raises some good points early on when they first meet + genuinely cares for Val (so far..) rather than using her as some weird ego boost and entertainment unlike a certain scamdullery pheasant

thank you @sw-incorrect-quotes for letting me draw this!

based on this 

So are we gonna talk about how unnecessary Saracen´s death was?! 

If those fuckers had taken one freaking second to think, they could have just shunted back to their universe and taken a plane instead of walking through all of Europe during a zombie apocalypse... 

That would have saved them months and it would have been so much easier and safer. Like there´s no decent explanation why they decided to walk except for them all having -1 brain cells together.

Dude, how can it be that every single fucking thing about US politics trends on here immediately, yet when 27 countries in the EU vote and there's a historic, alarming lurch to the right (far right parties have won the elections in Italy, Austria and France), it's not even trending? In Germany, the AFD, a right-wing populist, anti-democratic, racist party with a wing that is officially extremist (read: Nazis) and is in parts monitored by the office for the protection of the constitution, is the second strongest party (also among 17-24 year olds!). Guess I'll die.

Yesss, I´m Tanith!

hey y’all, i made this quiz if you want to find out which of my sp faves you are

https://uquiz.com/2Xg7Kh