…Why Am I Not Surprised You Have Rabies

This warmed my cold dead heart

this did modest numbers on tiktok, i hope y’all like it too! here’s my…

✨dazai headcanons✨

but they’re all rlly specific & weird

(coming from a cosplayer who’s been in the fandom since 2016)

he has an astigmatism that went untreated for so long he’s now partially blind in his right eye. he needs glasses but hates his old pm pair and never wears them in public. he’s too lazy to get his prescription renewed/hates going to the doctor so they’re not even up to date for his vision

that’s why he’s a bad driver— he can’t fucking see

he drives/reads better if he closes one eye

mori forced him to get braces after he formally joined the port mafia. he had a lisp for the first few months and would blackmail ppl if he did it in front of them

he hid his bad vision for a long time, but mori eventually noticed and forced him to get glasses too. he fucking hated wearing them and “accidentally” kept breaking each new pair mori got

after that, mori got him contacts but he would lie and throw them out just to be defiant (totally not bc they squicked him out)

he originally started wearing his bandages because no one would touch him bc of his ability

he has awful tan lines bc of his bandages, his face and hands are tanner than the rest of his body, but since the sun can permeate light clothing/bandages he also has random splotchiness all over his body, especially his shoulders, arms, & back

in 15, dazai got so excited he was 5 cm taller than chuuya bc he was always the one being bullied for being short/malnourished before they met

at 16, chuuya grew slightly faster than dazai and started teasing him. dazai freaked out and started wearing lifts for a brief period of time. he was researching poisoning techniques to reduce growth right before he finally got his own growth spurt <3

he has chronic insomnia and is a scarily light sleeper. usually gets anywhere from 3-6 hours of sleep a night

he constantly has dark circles under his eyes as a result

whenever he shares a bed with chuuya, he’ll sleep twice as long as normal. at first, chuuya would get mad bc he was a huge brat to try and wake up, but now he lets dazai sleep in as long as he wants

his sense of taste is abysmal, which is why he likes really salty/spicy food. they’re the only flavors he can actually taste

he doesn’t decorate or furnish his ADA apartment because he’s scared that once he gets attached to the place, it’ll get taken away

he constantly beats himself up for not thinking to take odasaku’s coat with him. he bought his current one because it looked similar

he refuses to touch any of his pm salary, so it’s just kept accruing interest and is actually obscene at this point. he asked ango to “handle it” and cover banking stuff under the condition he gets to take out any expenses he wants. it irritates ango to no end that dazai won’t do anything with it

the day kunikida finds out about dazai’s pm bank account will be dazai’s final day on this earth

when he was 15 he was unironically into screamo bc “it screams for me when i can’t.” thought linkin park was super hardcore & his favorite song was “numb” (fucking loser)

he NEVER brushes his hair. like he doesn’t even own a fucking hairbrush or comb until chuuya has a conniption over it and starts keeping one at his apartment

whenever chuuya tries to brush his hair, it’s like trying to wrangle a feral cat. they’ve gotten in physical fights over it that always end with dazai pouting for the next hour while chuuya laughs at how flat his head looks without the rat’s nest

uses dollar store 9-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/bodywash/motor oil. it’s ocean breeze scented! :)

he’s had the same fake driver’s license since he was 15 and never bothered to get a real one

he actually has decent medical training from spending so much time as mori’s apprentice. about the same level as a battle medic would have. capable of stitching wounds & performing surgery, but not as good as yosano even without her ability

yosano has tried to reach out and bond with him about their shared pasts a few times, but he always comes up with an excuse to leave. she eventually gave up on asking

one time, he got badly wounded and had to be treated by yosano. she had to sedate him because her ability doesn’t work on him, and he called her mori the whole time. he doesn’t remember, but she never forgot and stopped trying to spend time with him

So y'all remember one of the very first scenes in bsd, right?

Yanno, the one Kunikida's kind of disgusted bcz Atsushi's "shamelessly eating so much food with his money" and calls Atsushi a brat but pays for him anyways and then Atsushi mentions he's a poor jobless orphan and it's one of their first interactions after originally meeting whilst Kunikida was on the job and Kunikida has no idea he's soon going to be Atsushi's superior at the detective agency?

Yeah well

I absolutely love this

Concept:

I love the idea that in the beginning Dazai tried to mimic how he’d seen others in law enforcement act.

Given he was going to join a detective agency.

One he didn’t exactly know much about other then the Port Mafia’s biases and assumptions of them.

Namely that they were a bunch of goody too shoes who obeyed the law above all else.

And how the second he meets his new partner that he’s completely thrown for a loop. To the point where Dazai seriously wants to sit Mori down and ask if he’d ever met any member of the Agency.

Like ever.

Because the Agency may operate in the light and aid law enforcement but they are a grey organisation.

Dazai recognises several of their clients but what confuses him is that the others are more then aware with their affiliations.

But a job is a job.

Kunikida feels like he should be the poster child for responsibility. And yet he’s the one proposing that they go steal someone’s car.

His ideals aren’t as black and white as they first appeared to be and it fascinates him.

Dazai was already ready to go play nice and smooth things over when the cops got in their way. Only to stand there in shock as Kunikida fearlessly lectured them.

Demanding that they get out of his way because lives are at stake. It takes a second but then Dazai’s right there with him following along.

The Agency are like 4 people who’ve banded together and vowed to save lives and protect this city no matter what.

With whatever methods they see fit to do so and they are loved and feared. With bonds that are forged by stars and every bomb, chainsaw and gun at their disposal.

And Dazai adores them.

Listen Fifteen is Dazai assuming that Chuuya’s some loud brash idiot and how he gets that completely wrong and paying for it.

And I love the concept of that theme carrying on here.

I'm at the pediatrician office watching two 3-year olds attempt to break the language barrier.

Oh no :(

Mini Chuuya but he is a bread.

HOLLYLEAF!!

I like to think im funny

Oh my god this is my time to shine

It was January 30th 2020, my mom’s birthday.

I was in fifth grade, and it was the day of the puberty video

I, being a biological female, was obviously watching the female one. And I got scared and started crying.

What was I scared of? The 3D model with boobs. I didn’t even make it to the part about periods before my dad came and picked me up.

I should have realized I was trans then.

I remember during puberty talk in 6th grade they handed out permission slips for parents to sign if they didn’t want their kids getting sex ed and like five students ended up having to wait in the library while the rest of us learned about puberty and health stuff.

Afterwards during lunch recess almost everyone in class spent our time telling those five kids what we learned and showing them our handouts.

What the fuck

would you hit the blunt if it had christian baby ashes in it?