People Do Not Talk About The "only Once" Line Enough. Not Only Is It Hot As Fuck, But Jean Is Under Contract

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

I am rereading aftg and I got to Neil asking Andrew to get out of their deal and its got me thinking that that scene might be the most desperate we ever see Andrew (outside of the obvious lol)

"Im asking you to break it" Andrew heartrate spikes.

I can imagine whats going on in Andrews head.

.

.

This cant be happening. "No." Not like this.

"You said you'd stick with me if I kept Kevin south, but Kevin doesnt need me anymore-" Fuck Kevin, hes not the one I asked to stay "...theres nothing else I can give you in exchange for your protection." Im not a reason for you to stay, I never was , not really. I knew that.

"I dont want you to." He doesn't want me. "I need you to let me go" I'm losing him, hes going to run.

"I'll think of something." Dont leave, I can still protect you, it was never about Kevin, its you, you fucking idiot. Stay, stay, stay.

"Give me one good reason" I cant let you go yet, Ive only just gotten you.

"If I'm hiding behind you I'm still running" I'm begging you, stay.

"I want to stand on my own two feet. Let me do that. None of this means anything if I dont" stand next to me, dont run, dont disapear.

Neil sits back and relaxes into the beanbag, closing his eyes, letting Andrew think it over.

How can you do this? How can you be everything I need, everything I want and ask me to let you go? How can you respect every boundry, even my silence and say you have to walk away? You are all you need to give me, just stay.

.

.

.

You cant comvince me Andrews "ill think of something" isn't his way of telling Neil 'i need you with me' because Andrew doesnt believe people are willing to stay without a deal or protection or some kind of benefit. He doesnt have friends, not really. Nicky is family, looking out for them, the deal with Aaron, Kevin's deal, even Renee gets stuff out of their relationship, though its less of a deal and more of just mutal benefit. He doesn't expect Neil to stay if he isnt protecting him, and hes scared of losing him, of the kisses stopping, of their game ending. At least that how I see this scene now that ive read it and i know more about them. This is Andrew clinging to Neil and he doesnt even know it. Because in Neils eyes, hes keeping him safe by ending the deal, Andrew wont get hurt trying to save him, but for Andrew, hes losing the one person who he wants to choose him and he didnt know if Neil would make that choice if there was other options.

"that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" is an iconic confession for a lot of reasons but i love that andrew obviously picked his wording so so carefully there to avoid admitting any feelings involved and then neil's demisexual ass just totally bypasses that and he responds saying "you like me." WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDREW WAS TRYING TO AVOID ADMITTING.

I’m going to casually drop this here and pretend I’m not embarrassed with myself 😅 I wrote a Kevaaron fic that is VERY sexual, anyway!

Ok I just made myself so sad. I'm sitting here listening to The Devil Wears Prada : Louder Than Thunder and I imagined Aiden laying in bed screaming this song into an empty house.

"Are we meant to be empty handed, I know I could, I could be better, I dont think I deserve it"

This kid probably so desperately wanted a house full of a family being obnoxious and annoying over all the things he dealt with in his head.

If he truly was s**cidal than I feel like he would have had a lot of those moments (I remember laying in bed crying to this song, maybe I'm just reflecting😅)

NO BECAUSE IVE DWELLING ON THIS

The panel right before this one, he is off in the back ground and he looks so dark and gloomy. Everyone else is staring ahead but he is looking down.

Everyone is frozen, no one knows what to do and they are in danger. Ashlyn feels responsible for all of this and (I believe) she wants to try to help Ryan, she wants revenge against Jasmine but they need to escape. Everyone is so caught up in the moment, in panic, anger, frustration, so no one moves. Aiden is the crazy one, the lunitic, he doesnt think before he does things (prime example, jumping off the fucking WALL) but when no one was thinking, he stepped up, he made a decision everyone else was unable to make because they had to move. But if he had gone by himself, if he had just walked away, everyone would be concerned "what is this idiot doing" "where is he going, hes going to get himself hurt" but he took Ashlyn with him. He didnt hesitant to pull her along. She trusts him to do so, although she may see him as a moron, she trusts him because yes he is impulsive and reckless but one thing he is not, inconsiderate. She knows this because the pure panic he had when she got taken on the roof, the fear he had when he fought to get her back. He would never put her or the group in danger. She was, in a brief moment, unable to lead them, so he did it for her. The safest thing to do was to run, the only way they all 100% could get out is to run. The infected were coming, the staff had guns and was hunting them, there was no option but running. He was not going to let anyone get hurt again.

Chapter 86 spoilers

He always does the most

the fact that jean knew next to nothing about bryson but took one look at jeremy’s face and decided something had to be done about him is wild. the fact that he stood up calmly and yet waited for jeremy to react again, heard the panic in his voice, and acted, is telling.

“it is my place to assess and handle threats against you” is like the absolute best way of saying “I’ll protect you” that I’ve ever read.

and I know we all lost our minds over this scene because of what jean goes and does and APPROPRIATELY SO, but like…

I almost never see anyone talk about the fact that this is the first time jean has a protective instinct towards jeremy. and instead of something like “I’ll go talk to him” or “I’ll make him leave” . . . . .

nora really had jean pretty much go “cat, hold my monopoly money. I don’t want to get blood on it.” and then he went and THREW A MOTHERFUCKER OFF THE PORCH. and then held him against the windshield because bryson was too stupid to stay put. choked him.

again we all lost our ever-loving minds and squealed and screamed because HOW COULD YOU NOT? but nora set a wild standard for people everywhere because this was jean’s first time protecting jeremy and look at how extremely he reacted. raven or not, damn.

guys. peeps. that next book is gonna be gold.

I imagine this is what goes on in his head the whole time he has an empty stare 😭

i hate you

you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs because obviously someone could never look at me like you do. nobody could SEE ME the way you do. nobody else would dare to step into a viper pit on the off chance that it might protect me because nobody else has ever considered that i’m a real person. and that means you cannot be real. because there isn’t a single person who would try to protect me. i’m the only person who can save myself and i haven’t wanted to save myself in a very long time. i cannot be saved. but then i saw you standing there with auburn hair and blue eyes… jesus christ you cannot be real. because you are a terrified runaway and now you’re telling me that instead of running away like i told you to, instead of letting me take the fall like i expected to, you somehow ran directly into danger for ME? unreal unreal unreal you are a hallucination and a pipe dream because you’re saying things nobody has ever said to me and there is a catch in your voice that i’ve never heard before and it’s all because you were worried about me and it makes me sick because nobody should ever make you feel that way, least of all me. i see every piece of myself and my pain directed back at me, reflected in the ocean of your eyes and it makes me want to burn down the world, it makes me want to destroy myself, and yet you keep telling me that i deserve to live. you see me and you won’t let me tear myself apart but you don’t see that in offering yourself up to be slaughtered you are ripping me to shreds. you cannot be real. you cannot exist. and yet here you are, standing in front of me, bruised and bandaged and more alive than you’ve ever been. and i’m so terrified to want any piece of that because it’s impossible. you’re impossible. you don’t listen. you won’t back down when i tell you i’m not worth it. you’re a dream. you’re all the hopes i threw away when i was a child. you’re not my savior. i wish you would save me. i wish you could. i’m terrified that if i look at you too long, you will.

i hate you.

Andrew Minyard

I tried so hard and I feel like I didn't do him justice but I have drawn the boy

Also I don't know if its tumblr or my computer that is butchering the quality, I swear it looks neater on my end.

Ive been on a drawing binge of sbg fanart 😅

The first one is just a silly pic if them flexing at Ashlyns ballet practice. Got inspired by Full Metal alchemist for the second one.