I Wish So Bad They Could Be Friends Again 😭😭

The sentence "whats your favorite color? Mines math." Is so Neil Josten, I about died trying not to burst out laughing in the break room at work.

That is literally how it goes though, Andrew reluctantly being attracted from afar until he tell Neil and then Neil being an endless cycle of puppy eyes and seeking affection.

something about andrew developing very complex and very not-casual feelings for the mysterious, dangerous, temperamental new boy and just being like "yeah. i'd fuck you. what abt it" only for neil to respond with "omg really?? u mean it?.?? that's so cool. what's ur favorite color. mine's math. ur so pretty. i think i love you. we're boyfriends right"

meanwhile andrew maintains his stance of "please die" but he absolutely knows he got himself into this and will not be getting out

Peacefully listening to this while thinking of Laila whispering this song to Jeremy

Spoilers under the cut

I imagine he goes through moments of wanting to relapse and going to her and just letting her hold him as he tries to calm himself. Very much seeking peace in each other when the world is too heavy. All of her anger and protectiveness comes from her being worried about him and I can see her letting all of that fall away when he needs her. 🥲 I need more sibling moments from them.

"Honey dont worry nobodys angry at any of this"

"Its like when you're tired, you"re someone else"

"Its easy to break beneath the weight of the earth"

"Cause darling I get scared for you and I'm not busy anyway"

"All of your falling, has it got exhausting have you gotten sleep"

There are so many lyrics that just resonate with them, my poor babies

No, because I keep thinking of Neil having his uncle do research, to find who bought her and what happened, all the details of her death. He knows its an absolutely horrible thing and how soul crushing it is but he finds where her remains are and takes Jean to her, giving him the opportunity to put her to rest, to be properly mourned. Maybe even getting to keep her ashes and learn the truth. It would be this horrible heartbreaking thing, but Jean can finally stop letting his mind spiral on the endless 'what if's' and 'could have been's'. Neil comforting Jean and realizing he just isn't want he needs so he takes him back to the floozies and Jean just spills his heart out because his little sister is gone. But he has her ashes and her urn has a little duckling on it. The engraving "Elodie Moreau" in beautiful French. On nights where he can't bury that box in his heart he craddles her in his arms and tells stories of things that make him happy, explaining his list, talking about maybe, just maybe allowing himself to fall in love, admitting that Jabberwocky isn't all that bad, but never mentioning the truama, never talking about the nest, because he needs his baby sister to know that one of them made it, that he's okay and that never once did he forget about her.

AHHH Im a little drunk and a lot heartbroken with too much to think about. I really hope we lesrn what happened to her and I want Jean to be able to properly greive. 😭😭

I am driving myself INSANE thinking of Elodie Moreau.

She was TEN when Jean was sold. TWELVE when she was sold. How old when she died? How many horrors did she have to suffer? How bad was her death for dead to be “a mild term for it”??

All I can imagine is how Jean must have torn himself apart at having to leave her. How he fought for himself and for her in the Nest those first few months and how he slowly had to lock her away to keep himself from sinking under. Because he was drowning all those years, there’s no mistake, but if he’d thought of what—who—he left behind and where? Oh Jean would have been dead long before 2007.

All I can think about is Jean finding out the details of Elodie’s death, of having to tell Jeremy and Laila and Cat. And having to sit there as they process and allow them to comfort him because he does want to be comforted, but how can he wrap his head around what happened to his little sister? And then he had to sit there while the Trojans find out that his parents SOLD both their kids and let them suffer. Jean has to sit in the eye of a hurricane, everything around him static, as the world finds out that Elodie Moreau was real, lived, and died gruesomely and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

How much of a failure Jean must think he is, even when it wasn’t his job to protect her, but he still did because if not him, who else?

I can’t stop thinking that she never reached 15. That Jean never lived more than 14 years with his beloved little sister and had to instead wrap her up in chains and hide her in the darkness of his mind. That loss, is soul shattering, and he will never recover, because she’s gone.

Never lose sight of why you started

Don't think about Aaron Minyard

Don't think about Aaron Minyard at the Foxes and Ravens match

Don't think about how he had to watch his brother be attacked

Don't think about how he only had enough time to shout

Don't think about how he wasn't fast enough

Don't think about him seeing someone swing a racquet at Andrew

Don't think about how he knows damn well that a racquet swung with enough force can kill a man

Don't think about how he remembers the weight of that racquet in his hands as he swung

Don't think about how he fought for his brother

Don't think about Aaron Minyard

When Jean gets there, its a screaming match between Jeremy and Bryson, Jeremy sobbing as he is yelling his heart out. William opens the front door at the sound of the motorcycle, an open invitation to join the dispute. Of course Bryson is pissed to see Jean (also slightly scared) but Jean just ignores him, going directly to Jeremy, getting between them and gently pushing him to the door.

"You're running away? Again." Bryson barks at Jeremy, but before he can antagonise him further or before Jeremy can response, Jean whips around, all his rage seconds from bursting.

"You ignorant, intolerant flickle minded child! You have the kindest brother anyone could ever ask for and you fucking ruin him at every turn." Bryson tries to cut in, but Jean steps closer, getting louder. "You are beyond pathetic. Just because your mommy's favorite doesnt give you the right such a brain dead waste of oxygen. If you ever make him cry again-" Jean stops, taking in a ragid breath, attempting to calm himself "Walk away from me before I start breaking bones." The death glare Jean locks on him has Bryson stepping back. Jean doesn't budge as Jeremy tries to pull him to the door, waiting for Bryson to take a few more steps back. Only when there's distance between then does be turn, keeping eyes on him and he lets Jeremy proceed him.

"Lets get you home." All of the anger in Jean voice is gone, replaced with concern and grief. Jeremy cries the whole ride, tightly clingy to Jean as he desperately tries to stop his sobbing. When Jean parks, he doesnt try to get off. Instead, he holds at Jeremy arms around his torso, grabbing his hands into his own, gently squeezing.

"I'll never let him hurt you again. I'd bury him before I let him lay hands on you." Jeans declaration is left without response when Jeremy whimpers out.

"I tried to remember. My mind went blank, I couldn't find the words. I tried-" Jean shushes him lightly, rubbing at Jeremy arm.

"We will work on it. You did good. What matters is that your home. We will start speaking french more often, with practice, you will get there." Jeremy picks his head up, resting it on Jeans shoulder. Their helmets keep them from looking at each other as they clank together.

"Thank you." Jeremy sighs out. "For getting me out of there." The relief in his tone has Jean relaxing, leaning back into his chest.

"Come on, Cat should have dinner ready by now."

as much as we all want jeremy to use the phrase to get jean to whisk him away from his abusive family, imagine if he can’t. jeremy just can’t remember. and he calls jean, sounding so broken and defeated. so tired. crying.

“I’m sorry I forgot. I’ll let you yell at me later for it, I promise. But please— can you please come get me?”

and somehow jeremy’s broken plea is so much harder to hear than the phrase would’ve been.

and of course jean isn’t going to yell at him. forgotten phrases or not, he’s going to get jeremy the fuck out of there. no question.

What I would give for a scene with Jean and Renee where she finally gets to see him up closed and healed. She'd walk up to him with a big smile and offer a hug, maybe he would hesitate, but its Renee so of course he hugs her, but not some simple side hug or a quick one. Instead he melts into her, letting her pull him down with arms around his shoulders and smile buried into his neck. And he is just, completely relaxed, full body relief. Renee is all warm smiles and soft words and Jean has that heartbreak love in his eyes. Then theres Jeremy with a jelaous understanding that Jean needs this, that he needs her. She cradles his face after he pulls away and looks at his scars, traces where the bruises were before telling him "you look good." And Jean's response is honest "I am"

Later that night Jeremy doesn't mean to ask about her but its been on his mind, Jean can tell something is eating at him.

"Spill it." Jean demands without looking up.

"What." Jeremy startles out of his thoughts, not following the conversation.

"Whats wrong?"Jeremy hesitates, unsure of how to say it.

"You care about her." It only takes Jean a moment to understand who he means.

"She saved my life." Its not exactly an answer, but its true.

"You told Cat you had been a in love before. Was it Renee?" Jeremy regrets the question the second he sees Jeans pained scowl. "We dont have to talk-"

"No. Maybe in another life, but it wasn't Renee I fell in love with. I dont think I was capable of loving someone when I was with her."

"Not capable?" Jeremy echos confused, trying to ignore his phrasing.

"It was against the rules." Jean looks away "I'm trying to change them now."

"The ravens rules. They wouldn't let you love someone?"

"No. It was a distraction. But now I have someone worth breaking them for." Jean shrugs, getting up before Jeremy can question 'who'.

Hc that Neil Josten has an insanely high pain tolerance yet says 'ow' to everything. Bumped his knee on the coffee table? Chirps out a little 'ow' subconsciously. Knocks over his water bottle with his foot? Instinctively says 'ow' as he leans over to pick it up, nevermind the fact it barely taped his shoe. Andrew watches him do this at least a dozen times before he has to say something when Neil drops something that doesnt even touch him but he still mutters an 'ow shit' before scooping it up.

"That didnt hurt." Andrew deadpans

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'ow', it didnt even touch you."

"Did I?"

"Yes, you do it every time."

"Never noticed"

*deadpan flabbergasted*

Andrew has been particularly bored this game, they are tied for the third time in a row, yet nothing interesting has happened in the first half of the game. Taking their small rest of halftime, Neil approaches him with a smile that tells Andrew hes plotting something.

"What." Andrew gives him a curious glare as he sits down on the bench beside him.

"Shut down the goal." Neil demands blankly.

"And why would I do that." Immediately pissed off by this, Andrew gets ready to walk off, but Neil says something that makes him reconsider.

"If you do, that little corner store on the way to the dorm. I'll buy you everything you can carry." Neil stares at him with a look that says he already knows the answer, even though Andrew hasnt said or done anything, so he walks away without changing that.

The game starts again and Andrew defends the goal as if its sacred. 32 shots made and not a single one passes him, nothing is going to come between him and his seemingly endless stash of sweets. The rest of the Foxes are greatfully astonished, having no idea why Andrew suddenly kicked it up three gears.

Neil does as agreed, following Andrew around the convinent store as he fills his hoodie pocket, then his pants pockets, the hood itself, over filling his arms and tucking things in every possible location until Neil is certain he will start dropping things.

"Okay, youve already broken rules. You have enough." Neil chuckle as him barely able to see his face buried under the mountain of candy and ice cream.

"And what rules do you think Ive broken rabbit?" Andrew tilts his head with an intrigued glare.

"You filled your pockets. Thats not holding it."

"You said carry. Its on my person and I am carrying it. Buy up."

Rolling his eyes, Neil waits as Andrew awkwardly shuffles a fourth bag of skittles into his sleeve.

After another few minutes of him picking out his remaining choices, they go to the counter, the cashier a young woman wraring an mixed expression of 'what the fuck' and impressed. Before Andrew can start dropping it all on the counter, the click of a camera goes off. Andrew turns to Neil, anger overtaking his face. Another click. Neil lowers his phone as he pulls out his wallet.

"Youre insufferable." Andrew drops whats in his arms and digs the rest out of his sleeves, pockets and hood.

"What percent am I at now?"

"110%"

"Thats not even mathematically possible." Neil grumbles, but he smiles still.

Once they are back to the dorm, neil saves the photo of Andrew looking pissed with 300$ worth of candy in his arms as his phones background.

Andrew changes it to a picture of his middle finger two days later.

I love writing because sometimes its like this

And then other times... 😅