Fighting With My Sheets - Matty Healy

Chapter 17

Word Count :2296

There’s not much warning needed for this chapter it’s all just talking and understanding unless honestly needs a tag then it’s fine

Matty's POV

I spent a lot of time that afternoon in my room, I'd received a few texts from Ross asking if I'm okay and if I'd told my mum what was up, I told him that everything was good and that my mum knows but that I never told her about the coke use yet because I can't do it yet, As well as that my dad phoned me just telling me that he's proud of me , and that he's always going to be there for me , I'm his son and that he loves me and that he'll speak to me once he's home because I hopes I'll talk to him a bit more I you know all that stuff , and I thank him and chat to him for a bit about what he's up to at work. Later on that day George messaged back

"Good afternoon love , I'm sorry to hear that everything's been all over the place for you today, I know that your struggling but once I'm home we can call again and talk about what happened , I miss your voice and your face", This is when we start Snapchating again because honestly I miss his face too. After seconds of seeing his face appear on my screen and face splitting grin appears on my own face, I sent him back a picture of myself so he can see me, I might not look or feel the best right now but I understand that and he's not going to see me as any different. We snap chatted all afternoon about nothing and everything all at the same time . Right now we're talking about a game that we'd like to play

"Yeh oh my god did you hear that street fighter 6 is going to be out soon, apparently it's got new game modes coming out aswell", Video games is always something I can talk about from dawn till dusk , losing yourself in another world , and if you mess up you can try again another day nothing to be anxious about. Very different from real life.

He snaps right back that smile of his makes everything in my life just feel like it's a million miles away and I don't have to worry about it "didn't it say that it's got like a new mode where your like touring the world and you can play against others online right ?". If he's anything like me this game is going to melt our brains when it comes out , I know it's literally just an online game but I've played every single one, and I love them all, Any new realise melts my brain, I get lost in them for days , there were times when I was younger the guys would come over and we'd cabin ourselves up in my room and we'd play every walk through of the game and make sure we'd find every single hidden gem and watch people play them online. Those were the days, where my mum would come in to make sure we were all okay but we'd be too engrossed in the game to even notice she was there or we'd all be passed out on the floor because we'd been awake for two days straight, my room would be an absolute midden. When there parents came to pick them up I'd sulk for hours, cry to my mum because I'd want them to come back, always been the sensitive kid I guess. Then I'd be so tired that night I'd sleep for hours and wake up at like lunchtime the next day and my dad would spend all day trying to cheer me up. Come to think of it I'd always been sensitive , I know I'd cry about stupid things as a really young kid, I'd built a fort with my dad when I was maybe 4 but when we had to take it down I'd thrown the biggest conniption fit, screamed the place down which in turn caused my mum to have to buy one of those silly little TP tents for my room which I still have now.

A few moments later I get another Snapchat through from George "are you still there love" , I blush at the use of the pet name , I feel like that will always make me blush I then snap a picture of myself and reply

"Sorry darlin , I was just thinking about stuff and got lost in a day dream , but yes I did read that somewhere" I send it off and decide to get dressed , I just noticed the time , Louis will be home soon and probably will want to play for a while. I slide on a yellow T-shirt and some black shorts. Just like I'd said Louis knocks on my door and slides his little head round the door "Mummy said you were sad so I was wondering if you wanted to play angry birds that always makes me happy". He comes in now and climbs onto my bed waiting for me to sit with him.

I skulk over to him and sit next him "come on then show me how to play" , I hand him my iPad and slide onto the bed properly , leaning against the headboard and pull him onto my knee, He easily navigated his way through my iPad finding the game he needs , watching his little hands working there way through the screen.He pauses for a moment to look at me "Why are you sad ?".

I tap his head and play with his hair "it's okay little man we don't need to talk about it , I'm just being silly , how about you show me how to play". The games page loads up. He turns back to it and starts showing me how to play. I know how to play but he loves this game and I love watching him play. George replies midway through this game . I open it he must be on his way home now because he's outside and the sun is shining , brightly into his eyes making them shine "what where you thinking about love". That brings a smile to my face, I snap a picture back of me and Lou he's sat on my knee and he's too engrossed in his little game to notice that I'd taken his picture. It's actually a sweet one, I save it. "Just reminiscing about how I've always been a kind of sensitive guy really, we can talk about it when you call later if you like" . I put my phone down on my bed and pull Lou close to me hugging him "I love you little man"

"I love you too Maffu" , he hands me the iPad means he's struggling with this level , so I take it and I show him how to do it talking him through it "Fanks, you're really good at this , you can do the next one too" , we go through a few more levels together taking turns , George has replied but I'm lost in my time with my little man.

I pause the game after a while "Hey kiddo, do you have homework", I know he's only young but he might have class reading to do and I love hearing him read he's such a good little reader. "Go get your bag and I can help you with it yeh ?"

"Okay", he jumps off the bed , scrambling to go get his bag , while he's gone I reply to George, he's still stood outside but has a joint in his hand "If it's something you'd like to talk about then we can , how's the little man ?" , he's so darn pretty , how can some that looks like a literal angel just be allowed to walk the earth and not have a partner like it doesn't make any sense. The fact that he cares about me and even ask about Lou is also something that I can get down with

I snap back , I'm probably blushing because the picture he sent was really pretty , "I would really like it if we could talk about it , also he's doing grand , we were just playing angry birds , im about to help him with his homework , you look really pretty today by the way George x" , I hope that makes him smile even just a little bit.

He replies instantly he looks to be home now, he's sat on his couch has his headphones in and there's a tinge of red adorning his cheeks and he's smiling "says the pretty boy on the other end of the phone , would you like to call when you've finished with the little man then !?x"

I send him just a quick text this time because I can hear Louis running back up the stairs shouting to my mum that I'm going to help him do his homework "I'd like that alot x" , he send back just a quick alright then I plug my phone in to charge and then loius comes running back into my room "I got it", we end up setting his little books on my desk and he climbs up onto my knee so we can read his book, I remember reading this one when I was his age. He's reading away, he gets stuck on a few words but he honestly does so well , it's only a small book , ten pages at most but I'm so damn proud of him. This grown up little man is going places. The next part of the homework is where the issues began , neither of us a very good and maths it may seems, I'm trying to help him with his times tables as he has to learn them before he moves up to year three , I'm doing my best to try and help him where going through the 8 times table because that's the one he struggles with , and although I'm 17 going on 18 years old , I really should know my 8s but I don't not by heart anyway. I start panicking when I'm trying to explain how to do it, because I can tell he's getting upset about it , again another similarity we have is we both get upset quite quickly over small things , it's stupid how fast I get panicked over this and it's even more stupid how quickly we both get frustrated at it. I do try to keep my cool but eventually after about half an hour where both just frustrated messes and I don't want to see him upset anymore so we pack his things away and I let him go play for a while. I go to talk to my mum. I make my way down the stairs to see that my mum is working in her office but my dads home and sat on the couch flicking through the channels

"Hiya dad", I stand at the doorway slightly flustered, I lean against the door frame. I can feel myself getting a little twitchy but I force it down

"Alright yungun, what's up?", he's looking at me , I can see he's a little bit on edge trying to work out what's going on and trying to figure out if I'm okay.

"I just um came to tell mum something but she's busy so could I tell you ?", after I few silent moments I stride over to the sofa and sit next to my dad. "I think , I may need a little bit more help than mum thinks"

"Why's that yungun", he puts the remote down and sticks it on the arm of the chair. Paying close attention to me now .

"It's just everything stresses me out , small things that mean nothing to anyone, and when I get like that I can't do anything. It's like I try to speak but when I try it's nothing but a squeak in my own head , like I'm living in a house with just three walls and everyone can see me falling apart" . I don't want to cry right now, I can do this , I can have one conversation about how I feel without crying Jesus I need to do it "like everything is changing , there's this pressure in my head that's telling me I need to keep everything the same and not let it change and obviously I can't do that and when it starts getting to much my whole system just shuts down and I feel like I'm gunna explode" , I take a breath that I'd been holding , letting out a sigh at the same time rubbing my hand over the back of my head violently.

"Hey yungun come ere", he pulls me into a tough hug, his strong arms holding me still as I am still trembling "we'll get your sorted won't we, you just need to keep doing this , talking about what's going on"

"I'm trying dad I promise I'm trying", once I've pulled away I give him a soft smile and thank him for listening, on my way back to my room my mum calls through to make sure I have my cheeseburger so I do I pick up the paper bag and bring it up with me and slowly make my way through it, I know it's literally just a cheeseburger and kids eat them but it takes forever to get through, it takes an age actually. I don't feel that great after it, bloated to all hell actually but I guess that's my own fault. I ponder for a while why it's so hard for me to just do things that I'm supposed to do to live bit I think about it for long because if I spiral I won't bounce back for a while

"I'm ready to call whenever you are Georgie x"

He’s had enough of me I LOVE IT

Hey guys it’s me ,

I hope everyone who has been reading Heart Out has been having a lovely time reading it and enjoys it, I’m really struggling with the next chapter it just doesn’t seem to be flowing , I know I send out a couple a week, but I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be getting one out this week. I’m so sorry if your waiting BUT what I can do for you while you wait is do some BLURBS OR IDEAS that you all may have , if you do have anything you’d like me to hash out or give blurbs for let me know and I’ll get them written for you.

IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ALL GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE AND ITS SOOOO APPRECIATED ❤️❤️

Thank you again

Dylan 💥

Part 24

Word count :2079

Mentions : just talking about codependency a lot in this chapter

George's POV

"Huh?", I totally didn't even register that I'd said what I'd said until I'd finished talking and now I look like a right idiot confessing how much I want him even though I've know him less than a week. What a knob I am, my mind is spiralling while he's just sat there with the biggest cheesiest grin and blushing

"You want me all to yourself, all you gotta do is ask Georgie", I looked up at him from where I was looking at my floor slight shock in my eyes I've barley know him a week as I've already said how do I as someone something like that he barley know me , I'm mental.

"Wh...eh...what do you mean love?", He might just be messing , hopefully , I'd get it , I understand why he'd be messing I have been kinda clingy, I have been all over him to just talk to me all the time maybe he's just trying to get me to back off , in's aging that everytime I think about him all I can hear is him telling his friend he likes me.

I watch him get comfortable on the floor and concentrate on what he's trying to say his mind already looks like it's racing "what I'm trying to say is um, I know we haven't know each other long, but like I feel this kind of like peace and tranquility when I'm around you and you keep me calm and I'm happy right, and people now a days are just striving to find happiness constantly looking for the pursuit of happiness and it's like if you not happy your wrong but that's not that case but either way you make me happy I don't have to pretend with you , I want you around , no , I need you around, so what I was trying to say is if you want me then you can have me, we don't have to label it as anything just yet, we can just talk and see where it goes", his hands flailing around as he's pulling his words together looking so animated "like it's nothing you have to force yanno just see where it goes and we can like , I don't know decide what we want to do at a later date if that's what you want", he lets out a big breath after ranting and shy smiles at me while picking at the skin around his nails.

It takes me a minute to process everything he just said and I lose myself in my thoughts until I hear slight movement on his side and jump out of my thoughts "if that's really what you'd like to do then I'd really love to give it a go but I don't want to put pressure on you" , There's no way he could be interested in me I'm not that amazing. "I really like you Matty".

"I really like you to Darlin , and I want to give this a go, I haven't properly tried with anyone in a long time, that's on me but I really want to try , and I need you to know that there will be times where I'm not talkative or might not wanna talk but please just bare with me when that does happen" , I'd give him anything he needs whenever he needs it so long as I always know how he's feeling and he communicates it with me.

"I promise I'll be what you need Matty", There's a smile adoring my face and my cheeks feel warm as shit and I can tell there blushing, his face mirrors mine on the other side. "Can I hear what you where writing ?", I start swaying on my chair. Swinging back and forth as he picks up his guitar from the floor and places the pick in his mouth again as he goes over the words on the paper

"It's not done yet but I'll show you what I have", he brings the pick down and begins to strum the guitar

"Now run,run away from the boys in the blue

Oh my car smells like chocolate

Hey now , I think about what to do

I Think about what to say

I Think about how to think

Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

But every-time he says think it comes out more like fink and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. I'm in awe of him every-time I hear him play, hearing his voice a little crackly and raw is amazing.

"Oh , we go where nobody know

With guns hidden under out petticoats

No , where never gunna quit it

No , where never gunna quit it no"

He awkwardly placed the guitar down and pulls his jumper sleeve over his hands "that's all I have right now"

"It's kinda funky actually I really like it, any discourse behind it or just a vibe?" , he's searching me , I can see he's willing himself to talk his mouth opens a few times but no words come out, "you don't have to tell me"

"No, no....no..it's okay...it's about the night of the crash really...very losely based on what happened....it was quite cathartic writing it really", I just want to be there with him and watch him go through that writing process with him, write with him , make music with him, my room suddenly gets really cold again , I guess the heating is broken and they can't get it fixed yet. I pull my hoodie around me tightly and pull my hood up. "Are you alright darlin?".

"It's just cold in here is all, wish I could hold you, wish I could have you warming me up ?" , that's when my mind travels again, Imagine he was here with me right now, laying with me on top of my grey duvet, cuddled up together watching a movie or playing video game. Just melting into one another.

"Do you want a hug", he stretched out his arms towards me from his side of the screen as if to pull me into a hug and it just melted my brain.

"Love if I could possibly even touch you right now you wouldn't even have to ask" , I'm a stage four clinger the minute he's in my presence I don't know if I'd ever let go. "But yes love to answer your question I'd love a hug right about now"

I can see Matty looking around his room then he basically jumps up from his spot on the floor exiting the screen for a second but comes back with a really fluffy cardigan "I should send you this ay, because then you'd be warm and feel like your getting hugs at the same time and a bonus it smells like me, all the best things really" , I can see him holding it tightly and I can tell it means a lot to him even though it's just a cardigan.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to you know" , I can feel myself blushing again, this is going to be a very common occurrence when I'm around him "it does look cozy though"

"I want to give it to you though" , I can't get over how  beautiful he is right now, he looks so small in his room, the juxtaposition between his tiny body against the high walls.

"If that's what you want handsome, hey sorry but back to the song, em do you mind telling me about Janey, just so I know how to help you when you get bad, if I know about how you guys where and stuff I might be able to help” , I know this is really out of the blue but I’ve just really thought about it the last few days that telling me about her might give me better understanding on how to help him when he gets into his head.

“W…w..why?”

“Sorry that was stupid of me , you don’t have to, I uh just thought that, if I know how things were between you two I might be able to help you better when your in your head” , I begin to panic a little as I don’t want him to think I’m prying or deliberately trying to hurt him by asking about something that upsets him but if he can talk about her it might help.

“No no darlin , it’s okay, it just caught me off guard a little that’s all, we were very codependent with one another from like a really really young age, for the longest time we thought we were brother and sister , because her mum was friends with my mum and dad , so she’d be round most days we went to the same nursery , grew up with each other, one year she went to Tenerife when we where about 8 or 9 I swear those ten days where the worst days of my life, cried every single day asking my mum how many days till she’s home , the night she got back, I begged my mum to ask if she could come sleep over which she did” , he’s smiling and looks so happy talking about her , he still has his sleeves draped over his hands and he’s curled himself inwards so he’s holding his knees to his chest, I wish I could be there to lend a supporting hand, but for now all I can do is listen.

“As we got older, we were still joined at the hip, couldn’t have one without the other really but things happened with her , her mum left when she was 11 and her dad basically turned into a drunk more or less , then she kinda turned into a little rebel herself but I wouldn’t let her do anything by herself so if she got I trouble we’d both get in trouble , blood bonds and all that” , I could see him get up from his position on the floor and set himself up at his desk .

“Sorry it was getting uncomfortable down there , anyway , yeh I’d have done anything for her , she was the best thing to ever happen in my life you know , I was always trying to impress her , I know she’d never like me that way cuz she liked girls which is also another reason that when we dated it didn’t last long , but she was always so beautiful and I always wanted to be around her, so when she was drinking , I was drinking , when she was smoking , I was too , and the same when it came to coke”

“I always just wanted to keep her safe , so if she was getting high I was gunna get high with her , didn’t want her doing it alone , wanted to protect her because I know what guys where like and what they’d be thinking so I wanted to be there all the time when she was getting high so she was safe, we used to only get high at parties but then it happened more often to get us through school , or get us through work and it got really bad and people started noticing so we tried to stop , the last party we were at we both tried not to but people kept offering us and we could say no and that’s when it all went to shit really “

“Cuz uh , yeh um , we went to this party down the road…” as he’s trying to finish the story I can see him rise from his chair and start pacing around while trying to find his words hands racking together. So I let out a .

“Matty my love , it’s okay , if this is to hard , we can talk about this another time if it’s to tricky”, I’m trying to get him to hear me but he’s pacing and not paying much attention to me “Matty ?, darlin?, MATTHEW ?” , he pauses his movement and looks at me his eyes slightly glasses. “My love come sit down please , I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask , it’s too hard for you too talk about right now”

As he sits down his head is in his hands again and I can hear slight sniffling on his end “Matty I’m sorry , I didn’t mean too”, he looks up at me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

“It’s okay darling, it’s not your fault, I just miss her like I’m missing part of me”

Also getting the middle one as a matching one with a friend of mine and I’m so excited ❤️

i just wanna love on someone and be a good boyfriend for someone atp man ❤️

Chapter three

Word count :1941

I think we all hate/hated school as much as matty in this fanfiction , I swear if I had the courage to walk out and act up I’d be exactly like this 🙄😂

I trudge through the halls pulling my rucksack straps around me before sliding into my English class all ther way to my seat in the back next to my friend Jamie I place my rucksack on the table infront of me and pull my phone out of my pocket again and put my earphones in to listen to music after picking a playlist I go back to Pub-G and open my messages sending George a quick message with my number and Snapchat attached explaining that it's easier to talk there I then rest my head on the table as I wait for the teacher to come , sleep once again overcoming me slowly

Again just before I have time to fully succumb to sleep my phone vibrates on the table I pick it up to see a Snapchat alert from the same user as Pub-G , I smile as I open it and swiftly accept it and quickly send him a quick snap of my hair with a simple "fancy seeing you here ". A reply doesn't come straight away so I gather he is in class now and actually working .

Just at that my teacher decided to make an arrival. I roll my eyes immediately as he starts talking and slowly sink into my chair avoiding his gaze at all costs because I just know he will be all over me for answers because I'm so far getting an A* for this class but I really don't want to be talking to anyone right now. The buzz of the classroom keeps me awake only slightly as everyone conversates over something or other and I have my phone glued to my hand again in wait of George's snap , which doesn't take to much longer to come through. I receive a snap from him , it's full face and damn is that a good looking man , not that I'm gay but I can very much appreciate a good looking chap , his eyes do how ever seem to be just as blown as mine and red rimmed , his face is broken out in a wild smile and his hair is trapped under his hood , with a simple caption of "Yooo dude "

I smile to myself at the obvious stoner I have befriended , I then take another picture but this time making sure I get my whole face in , leaning on my hand as I take it "Bro you look wrecked...are you okay?honestly ?"

His reply comes through momentarily another of his face but looks like he's rolling his eyes dramatically "nah man ...shit sucks right now but I'll be fine "

I look around to make sure no one is looking at me as I can't really hear anything then quickly snap another pick of me making a stupid face hopefully cheering him up a little "you sure don't wanna talk about it ay?". Helping someone through there struggles might help me forget for a little while why I'm so tense and stressed.

The replies are getting faster so it get another almost instantaneously his face still in the shot still looking done with life...I can relate "just girls man...broke up with my girl the other day ...well she broke up with me ". I feel bad for the dude , break ups are tough especially at his age , I know I'm not that much older than him but geez I was even more on edge then than I am now and that's saying something so if he's anything like me he's got to be struggling like mad right now

I send another snap of a stupid face back but this time with a video and I flip my teacher off from behind my screen , again hoping to maybe cheer him up "that's tough man ...any reason why ?".

I don't get a picture snap this time just a message "she thinks I don't care about anything ...I'm too laid back ...don't care about my future ...I don't have any "real" ambition and she also hated that I got so into weed " I scoff as I read the message as Ive heard that too much in my life from girls. They're pretty but they suuuuuck.

I must have scoffed louder than I thought I had , after being pulled out of my own little world by Mr Lezdon

"Mr Healy , is there something you'd like to share ....also please remove your bag from the table it should be long gone by now "

"No sir sorry I just hiccuped ...I'm so sorry " I move my rucksack into my lap so I can slouch  on it with my arms wrapped softly around it. I try to pay attention but my hands were itching to take my phone back out so I opt for drumming hands on my lap and resting my head back onto my desk while listening to Mr lezdon talk about symbolism and juxtapositions between two poems that we had been reading. Man I should have slept last night I'm really struggling right now. I have an apiffany and raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I'm allowed out this one time I take my phone out and reply back to George "I'm so sorry that must really suck girls really take a lot out of a guy ". I take this as an opportunity to sneak out for another zoot , If I'm going to stay here all day I really need this. It's not going to help with my tiredness really but anything to ease the dull throbbing vibrating through me, to still the buzzing in my brain. It's go to be quick though. My phone vibrates in my pocket once again I see another text reply from George "yeh I'm just done right now I know it's lame cuz she's just a girl but we were going strong and I guess I'm young but I thought we had a good thing ...but what can you do ,"

I smile again as I manage to get outside without being spotted and take another  zoot and the lighter out of my trousers pocket. It's slightly flat due to the pressure between my thighs and trousers but it will do. After taking a video of me with the zoot lit and between my lips captioned by "just have a zoot bro  " I get a quick reply of laughing emojis straight back with a "smoking is bad for you Matthew " not so long after

I take about five minute to myself to finish my joint and just bask in the quiet and the fresh air before I go back inside. It's so hard to find time for myself at the moment there sooo much to be getting on with. The joint calmed me down quite a bit more than the last one had so after making my way back to class I get back to my seat after a few glares from people who I know 100% knew what I was doing. I reply to George quickly with a cheeky emoji and said "I know but I'm bad for me " meant to be as a joke but maybe not sounding so. For the rest of the class I just lay with my head resting on my arm on the desk as the world moves on by around me .

The rest of the morning up until break time flies by not paying attention in most classes and sitting with Jamie half asleep brings him to speak to me at break time

"Hey mate are you okay ? " I pressed a supportive hand on the small of my back as we make our way through the crowd of teenagers as we go outside to meet Ross

"M' fine " I keep my head down as I'm in the mist of a banging headache and I just want out of the noise for a bit "honestly just tired ay "

"I know Ross has probably said and your mum ...but your not giving yourself time to be at peace right now Matty....you do so much in a day ...have barley anything to eat ...and your not sleeping right ...can you promise you'll tell us if anything gets to much " . He pauses us in the hallway and lifts my head up with my chin so I'm looking directly into my eyes . I nod nonchalantly "I'm fine Jay honestly...everyone needs to stop worrying "

"Promise me ?"

"Alright ...fine I promise " I roll my eyes at him this time and continue walking . I love my mates so much but my god to they worry too much.

"Good " . We reach the back gate as I pull out a cigarette out of my also crushed packet and light it quickly relishing in the rush of nicotine floating through my body i slouch against the back wall and close my eyes and let the cigarette consume me while Jamie is talking away when Ross comes over. I  cant decipher every part of the conversation but it takes me a minute to realise they're talking to me. Ross nudges me slightly shaking me off balance "Matty mate ??"

"Huh ... I wasn't paying attention...what did you say ?" I look at them properly now giving them my full attention while taking another long drag

"Jay and I were wandering if you'd like to come back to his after school, some drinks , just to relax for a bit " . They look at me with hopeful grins "you've been on edge for weeks now you need it ?"

It's true I have been quite skittish and on edge for a while now. "I'm sorry guys , I've got work tonight then I've got to look after Loiue for a little while, you can see me at work though and help me look after Lou if you'd like ?"

"I can come see you at work" Jay isn't much round at mine so that makes sense

"Yeh I ain't seen the little dude in a while so I could come over bring some drinks and we can just chill while we look after him ? , Would you mum mind ? . Ross loves my house he was there most days before work and GCSEs got the better of us

"No I'm sure she won't mind so long as lou is in bed by 8 and we don't make to much noise " I smile and get slightly more excited at the prospects of seeing my best friend after school like we used too "thank you Ross "

"You don't have to thank me mate... we're just really worried about you and your mental health right now...and we want you to be okay " . Our conversation is interrupted by the noise of the bell ringing through everywhere alerting us it's time to go back in

"Guys seriously I'm fine stop worrying " I nod to them both before making my way back inside. I've got maths next. Let's so how this goes down it never goes well. I take out my phone again putting my headphones back in and realising I have at least 2 messages from my mum reminding me about looking after Lou later and asking if I've eaten . Shit I forgot , I message back a little white lie saying that I had as to not upset her. Then I see George has sent a snap

It's just his face again looking a little more awake this time "what do you mean by not being good for yourself "

Snapping back with what I mean expressing that im usually my own worst enemy and that it's not always the best thing for me to be me or in my head . Im sure he'd understand

I’ve come to realise that Matty and No Rome in the Narcissist video is me (my my last two adhd brain cells ) whichever, when I’ve had no sleep and too much sugar

IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE GUYS

ARGHHHHH

🥰🥰🥰

I know it’s not new years just YET , but my New Year’s resolution is going to be to read more (not just fan-fiction cuz I do be reading like so much of that) but like paperbacks and novels and stuff because I don’t read a lot of books so someone reminds me to actually pick up a book once in a while because I know I’ll let things “pile up” and forget 😂😂