The Portrait Of My Colleague Andrey

How to fight your doom (Pt. 3)

Episodes 9-13 From now on, Devil is interested in Girl not only because of the curse. Нe likes that Girl likes him and, as a result, he likes Girl back. And it changes his behavior, making his attitude more obvious. He could protect her just as before, by forcing her to stay always within his eyesight, but instead of it he secretly gives her an amulet so he could protect her from afar (because she didn`t want him to be here). This amulet is made of Blood of Devil`s Heart, that is very xianxia thing too (In c-dramas I have watched this is the most powerful magic of immortal beings, which is used to save and to protect the most important people. Extracting it out of one`s heart is very painful and destroys part of one`s cultivation. Maybe it doesn`t work this way in this story, but I like to think of it so). And then he says that he doesn`t want to disappoint her, so he would wait until the most important for her meeting is over to ask her again to fix the Destiny Book.

So, they like each other and they are equal for now: some ordinary fairy and some ordinary demon. But as we know, she thinks he is an ordinary demon only by accident (the power of accident in this story is HUGE): she sneezed while he was introducing himself so she didn`t hear his true name. And sooner or later she should face the truth and cope it somehow.

Btw, it`s funny, that in this story Heavenly Emperor says many times, that God of War is the only equal to Devil, but we repeatedly can see that he is not. Even with the help of his hypocritical friend he can`t beat Devil. The situation in Emperor`s Hall brings Devil`s and Girl`s relationships on the next level by revealing their misalliance: he is not just ordinary demon.

"So, you are Dongfang Qingcang".

She cries because this level of caring she saw only from her long gone Mistress. And he fights all the Fairy Realm forces including Heavenly Emperor himself to take her back! First of all, of course, he protects his life, but he doesn`t destroy Emperor`s Hall ONLY because Girl asks him not to do so. He does as she said because her opinion is important to him. He hopes to win her heart.

This scene is beautiful too: he doesn`t kill God of War because of Girl`s plea but also he tries to show her that people like GoW never choose her over their duty. Unlike Devil himself (and Devil will choose her over his duties plenty many of times). She is in love with GoW and Devil wants to win her heart over him, so he tries to show her what he can do for her everything that her dream beloved can`t. It`s the right way to impress the girl.

"Do you want to save her or your Shuiyuntian?"

But now their relationships change a lot. She knew him before like a caring criminal who is in love with her. And now she knows that he is also the most fearsome monster in the world, covered with blood of fairies as well as his own father`s, a man, who was hated by everyone in the Fairy Realm so much, that his death date has been celebrated each year for 30 000 years. She is afraid of him. She thought she knew him, but she understands now that she doesn`t know him at all.

And the great tragedy of this moment is that he can`t understand it. For him everything is left the same. He treats her as well as before and thinks that she likes him as before.

He shows her his power out of petty jealousy (Devil is obvious more powerful than GoW and any fairy in Fairy Realm, in the Demon Realm everyone respects power, so why is Girl not impressed and still dreams of GoW?). But he still wants to win her heart so he makes very romantic thing and rides with her a dragon (it`s Chinese romantic trope and I like it a lot).

This is my favorite visual moment in this drama: a young and beautiful goth prince holds his beloved girl while her emotions swing from horror to excitement.

When they are in his realm, he wants her to treat him like before and proceeds to do things to please her. He even proclaims his feelings (not «I love you», but very straightforward anyways): I`ll do everything for you and indulge everything to you. But she irrationally wants to go back, wants to see God of War and that pisses Devil off. He is used to take whatever he wants, to conquer everything he needs (and he says it directly when they talk about home), but human`s heart can`t be conquered. Angry Devil tells Girl he was pretending all the time and even orders Dragon boy to find a sword pieces to kill Girl safely off. It`s very understandable but it ruins their previous relationships to the ground: before Girl thought that he treated her well AND a monster, but now only monster in her eyes left.

But he is really fluffy and nice guy in his soul and the only way to show it to Girl is to force her to know more about him and his usual life. So here we have another body swap.

"I think Shangque is very loyal to you and would never betray you. You don`t know human heart so you don`t know about it".

Forced to spend her time with the monster and to be in his shoes for a couple of days, Girl learns a lot: spooky demons are not so spooky as fairies have said – they are just another immortal race; it`s hard to be the demon lord – everyone is afraid of you or hates you, you can`t trust anyone, even your relatives; Devil is really a jerk, although is more like human being jerk, not this faceless monster from the fairy legends.

He feels that she treats him in different way and even questions himself if it is because he is the legendary demon lord, but in his mind there can only be two options in girl`s heart: either she likes him (and not GoW at the same time)  or she doesn`t like him.

He knows he is already dead because she obviously likes GoW and wants to go with him.

So when Girl saves his life instead of going back with GoW he thinks she chooses him over GoW, so this is partly the reason why he kisses her for the second time (but mostly because he wants to mock GoW with her choice), but she rejects him again and leaves him not understanding anything.

Then he realizes that he really doesn`t understand human heart: he thinks about her words and actions (she likes GoW and wants to be with him in the Fairy Realm, she plead for GoW`s life so many times when Devil fought him, so why would she save Devil?) and even asks Dragon boy what`s going on (He has HUGE potential to know humans hearts in all of their subtlety and it was a real crime to take this potential away from him in his past). But the most important thing in Dragon boy`s life is loyalty, so he thinks it was it (and from now on he starts to like Girl). Was it something more than Girl`s merciful nature in that moment? I don`t think so. But it tells Devil that he is on the right path. So he proceeds to make nice things to her. He is very solid in his feelings towards her.

I like this moment not only because of his will to make her happy (because he knows she likes flower showers) but also because she looks for him too when it happens. As if she thinks that he did not tell her the truth when he said that there is no love between them.

Episodes 1-7 Episode 8 Episodes 13-19 Episodes 20-26 Episodes 27-34

How to fight your doom (Pt. 4)

Episodes 13-19 To fix the situation the story needs deus ex machina, and because the power of accidents is very huge in this story, it`s not a problem to have one represented by Shop girl Jieli. She brings to Girl a simple thought: it always matters only what you DO for each other, not what you SAY. Words can be a lie or can be misunderstood, but deeds are always deeds. Girl thinks carefully and finds out that Devil is in fact very caring even if he said he was pretending. So, just a monster turns back into a caring criminal AND a monster. And then she finds out that he was so heartless in ancient times because of his dead Feelings Tree and is willing to revive it for him.

 There is the hint to the main plot of a story we don`t know fully yet: he says that even ancient gods can`t fix someone`s primordial spirit or Tree of Feelings, but later we will learn that she IS an ancient goddess and she can fix primordial spirits as well as Trees of Feelings.

She likes that he cares for her and because of that she likes him too. She really wants to repay his kindness by doing something important to him but she also thinks that she can fix him and turn him into an ordinary demon (whom it will be easier to like). It`s an illusion that lovers often have: if there is something disturbing in people we like, we often think that we can fix it with the power of our love, our fairy power or whatsoever. We like not a person that in front of us but an image of this person in our mind.

Then he saves her from Haishi city and their mutual care starts to be very obvious to each other.  On their way home Girl takes a chance to look into daily routine of demon village and she learns that war and hatred took from them too much. Demon people are in pain, their wish to take revenge is understandable, although she can`t support them at this point. And Devil demonstrates that he is an EXELLENT LEARNER once more: he doesn`t force Girl to take off the hairpin to bare her feelings nor will he do it later even as he will be badly in need to know about them, because she asks him to respect her private mind space (she likes him at this moment already, obviously, and doesn`t want him to know it).

Devil`s father is really a jerk. Like God of War before, he represents that type of people who sacrifice their love according to fulfill their duty. Maybe it was the right way in those circumstances (it`s a popular moral dilemma IRL), but it unbearable hurts those who are sacrificed. To be sacrificed by the most beloved person in the world, to be called a patricide and to be hated by only left relative so much that he gave up on the whole realm to kill him hurts Devil a lot.

He was a very sensitive child and now, returning to his real self, he is in huge pain. He wants to be free of it by any means because there is no chance to calm it (as he thinks).

Before, he told Girl that he is Moon Supreme and doesn`t need someone to love him, but the whole story is about him craving love (from his father and from Girl later) and willing to give much more in return if someone will be willing to love him first.

Girl is very eager to help him to be the man from her fantasies about how he should be, so she makes huge effords to recover his feelings, to reconcile him with his dead father and his almost dead brother. And she moves from these legends about how awful Devil is to the thought that he is something other than stories she has been told in Fairy realm. A little bit better that that.

Sometimes external pain is much bearable that internal, so here Devil`s punishment of himself starts. He saves his brother but also punishes himself for all of these years when he didn`t care of what he has done.

And then he shows us that he is a really GOOD LEARNER: he simulates his illness to get attention of the girl he likes the same as she faked her illness before to lure him into Fake Arbiter Hall and to swap their bodies.

And when life gives him a chance to learn how to express his affection to his nearest, he embraces this opportunity fully. He embraces his ability to be merciful, in love and empathic even if he knows that it means to him being in pain or losing his great power. He knows he will lose it as his Feelings Tree will recover so he is terrified when he finds out Girl really has cured it but then he chooses by himself to feel good things as well as bad things. There is no use in great power if you are a living corpse without everything that makes you a living being.

Knowing that Girl likes him back (according to her care and eagerness to help him in recovering his soul and body no matter what) he thinks they can be together and he can make her happy by making the biggest wish of her come true. There is no lack in his way of thinking: his goal as Demon lord is to avenge his people and to wipe away their enemies and her wish is to have an opportunity to go back to Fairy realm. He can kill two birds with one stone. And she is terrified of his words because her rose-tinted glasses have broken. He can`t be just an ordinary demon and live with her happily ever after because it is in his power to wipe her nearest and dearest people away just by flicking his fingers and, what is even more awful, it`s his duty to do so. It is the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet in a nutshell.

He confesses his love for her once more («I don`t care who you are, I only want you to be by my side forever») but she refuses him. Although she is in love, she finally understands their misalliance and pushes him away. It hurts her as well as him and he can`t understand the reason. «You took so much care of me, you did so much for me, was I wrong thinking you liked me?» he asks her in another words. Although her explanation of a problem is pretty clear («Can you give up on your home and friends for me?» «And you? Can you give up on your duty for me?»), he doubts that she refuses him only because of that  (and this is so HUMAN – to be in complex, hopeless situation, to suffer from it, not knowing if you should leave it for later or let it go completely). So he doesn`t give up on his plans although he is in pain and loves her and she also decides to disturb his plans although she is in pain and loves him too. No one chooses love over their duties by now (just as Devil`s father and God of War did), but love is still an option and neither Devil nor Girl wants to give this option up.

The Romeo and Juliet problem has got two ways to be solved: either the conflict is not huge and could be resolved (or someone turns side), or you just broke up (and someone optionally dies in process). This story orders us it`s variant of the Romeo and Juliet problem salvation, which is not death (at some point of view).

Episode 1-7 Episode 8 Episodes 9-13 Episodes 20-26 Episodes 27-34

Spending the night on your roof

Spending the night on the roof of one's beloved is an ancient Chinese way to confess one's love. This is it.

Li Lun, a villain I feel for (Pt. 2/4)

So, by the beginning of the drama LL says that he wants to kill all of ZYZ’s new friends. In fact, he just likes talking. He says: “Let’s kill ZYZ’s friends starting with Baize Goddess, like the previous time” so the viewer thinks he killed previous goddess off, but later we learn that he didn't do it. Even if he has a perfect opportunity to kill someone of ZYZ’s new friends without ruining his own schemings, he does pretty nothing to achieve it. He just stands and talks. Because he doesn’t really want to kill anyone, including ZYZ. He wants to attract ZYZ’s attention and to make ZYZ stop ghosting him.

Li Lun speaks to Big Bad in Mask while possessing a courtesan. Meanwhile, he lends Truth Eye to Ao Ying so she could see his true self.

LL joins hands with Big Bad in Mask, not knowing he was the one who tortured demons in that bloody dungeon (yeah, LL is not the smartest guy of the Universe). By doing it he tries to achieve his own goals. First, he wants to break free from his custody, and second, he wants to get attention from ZYZ, who ignores him.

In order to break his chains LL works as matchmaker for ZYZ and his girlfriend, so they could fall in love with each other and find and unite pieces of Baize token, because only if the token is intact, it can be broken and its spells can be dissipated. He is not a saint, so he kills some folks (by possessing them or just because) and tricks other demons into helping him, although he is said to value his own kind more than anything. It means he goes through break-up with ZYZ so badly, that even his principles fade into the background for his anger and pain. Or it’s just another script flaw.

Li Lun behaves himself very much as a ghosted ex-boyfriend (in fact, he is), and I understand him well. He goes through stages of acceptance: throws himself from denial (ZYZ is no better than me, why don't you treat him the way he treated me?) through anger (ZYZ, I’ll kill your friends and make you suffer!) to bargaining (Why does he find you better than me? What if you would be like me, would he still love you?).

To talk about his feelings with someone, he uses the only way to leave his dark lifeless place of imprisonment, which is possessing others. At first, this ability and an omnipotence of it looks intimidating, but later we learn that he cuts his lifespan by a half each time he does it, so his need to talk to someone is very desperate. (Later, LL says that it was his way to enjoy the world and freedom but GJM never showed us such a use of this LL's ability). ZYZ knows that destroying LL’s leaves (through which he possesses bodies) will hurt Li Lun, yet he does it anyway, and LL kinda... enjoys it bitterly. As if the fact of him being not ignored by ZYZ is more important that his wellbeing. It's miserable and pathetic, but understandable.

And anytime LL tries to get some answers for his questions, ZYZ and his friends say something like “You don’t understand a thing, I won’t bother to explain, though.” or “We have friends and ZYZ is our boyfriend, and you are a lonely loser!”. How it supposes to help LL understand his wrongs? I have no idea.

Ghosting your ex is the sure way to make him a villain.

LL breaks free from his jail and destroys a “support beam” of the “wall” around demon ghetto. An accent on “I’m destroying the wall” is strange, because I can’t understand the gain demons will have when they aren't in their ghetto anymore (and it obviously should be). Would Great Demons even the scores of victims if not only humans would catch and torture demons but demons would also catch and torture humans, or what? However, it sounds pretty fair, as long as said Baize Goddess’ and ZYZ’s protection of demons consist in only preventing them from going outside their ghetto without passport, LOL.

Although LL is free from the seal, he is still dying from the fatal wound causing by ZYZ 8 years ago. His true body is smoldering slowly, so he has got not so much time left.

For plot purposes, the main heroes need to visit LL’s birthplace to get the last cup of magic water to fix Baize token and to restore a “support beam” of ghetto’s wall. What would a normal villain do, knowing about it? Yes, he would spill it. What does LL do? He, in fact, hands it over to the main heroes. Yes, stained, but LL was a student of Mountain God, too, so he could know that there is a way to restore the pureness of magic water, and the best way to destroy the token for good is to spill this water.

During their visit LL kidnaps ZYZ’s girlfriend (it is funny that the main heroes don’t notice it for something like first five minutes 😅) and has a phycologist session with her (in which she is a psychologist). They have a superstrange conversation, something like: LL: “ZYZ supposed to be my friend but ghosted me for no obvious for me reason and I’m hurt!”. WX: “Oh, it’s because you are a loser with no friends, ZYZ did everything right!”.

Then ZYZ and his current boyfriend come and LL tries once more to tell ZYZ that he is hurt, but ZYZ has absolutely no desire to talk to him or to explain to him something and acts like they were never boyfriends and LL is his archenemy.

So, they fight and ZYZ hurts LL with Everburning Wood once more, now deliberately. LL dies, and although ZYZ has red eyes at this moment he never thinks of LL again. So, LL is right: ZYZ is a hypocrite with double standards. It is such a contrast with the stories of the main heroes and ancient dragon gods, in which killing your friend for Higher Goals is a tragedy.

But there is a plot twist ahead!

Here is Part 1 Here is Part 3 Here is Part 4

Previous year my biggest crush canon was "The Silmarillion" by J.R.R. Tolkien, specifically the story of Fёanor's sons. So here I am. Before and After All that they had before turned into ashes, only bloody Silmaril burnt Maglor`s hand in the end.

Cenotaph Cenotaph is some kind of symbolical grave where is no one to be buried. In my mind one is ready to let their deceased ones go when it seems that their grave has become empty. Maybe before it was a real grave of Maedhros' and Maglor's brothers but life goes on and now it feels empty indeed.

Beyond Sorrow Maglor plays Noldolantë and his kantele laments about all the loses and regrets of his with quenya word nainië (lament). But his heart still hopes for the reunion of all Eldar and forgiveness from Valar and Eru in Arda Envinyanta and sings with quenya word estel (hope).

Withered and abandoned

Close-ups:

I wanted to honor Li Lun so much that I started drawing in digital. This is my first digital work (not bad for the first work, huh?). I have started it even before drama was over and finished it yesterday. The hommage to Li Lun/Zhao Yuanzhou is in two intertwined trunks of Li Lun's true form tree. My favorite part of the picture is the rattle drum, though.

How to be a more interesting character than the Main Hero (Pt.3)

Shangjue and his didi (pt.2/2)

Yuanzhi wants to save Shangjue from any kind of pain so badly, and not only because he feels guilt for brother's loss, but also because he is able to see brother's true personality: Shangjue is an invisible root of Gong tree.

When an assassin and didi have a conversation in the final part of the drama, she says that there are people, in front of whom Shangjue could be vulnerable, but Yanzhi smirks and says that the Martial World won`t allow it. And it happens to be true: he knows that Shangjue’s fiancée is an assassin and he knows that, no matter how much Shangjue is into her, she would not hesitate to kill him if she had a chance, so Shangjue`s soft spot for something (such as a woman he likes) would be his doom. But he needs to look invincible, because the whole clan counts on him and relies on him.

Because Shangjue is a root of Gong clan, everyone sees only thriving and green branches and beautiful flowers (which are wealth, power and secure of Gong clan), but no one sees that it wouldn`t be possible without a root, strong yet hidden under the soil (aka one hardworking man).

I often find the fate of Shangjue's type of heroes very unfair: a person unnoted takes care of everyone and is rewarded at the end only with sufferings and death. But this story is different, because Shangjue has got his didi, who doesn't care about world but eagerly takes care of him while he takes care of anything else. This scene was the second one during the drama that upset me a lot. I spoiled myself some shots of Yuanzhi crying over brother's body and I was sure he would die because he isn't fluffy and spotless enough to stay alive in Chinese drama. Fortunately, he didn't:

It works vice versa, too:

Yuanzhi is, I suppose, coded as someone like Asperger: he is kinda genius, he preferred insects and plants to people as he was a child, he couldn`t understand why people cry and felt uncomfortable with someone`s touching (he slipped out of Shangjue’s grip when Shangjue took his hand). And Shangjue did a great job socializing him.

Being an adolescent, Shangjue hadn`t problems with feeling expression. Things Shangjue taught his didi in a flashback are the opposite to those the Main Hero’s mum taught MH and to those Shangjue believes now. Shangjue told Yuanzhi that a man should cry because in that case someone would understand one's woe and this sympathizing could help to recuperate one's soul, but now he never cries in front of someone. However, Yuanzhi learned his lesson well and isn`t embarrassed to express his feelings freely.

I found this scene very weird (if not taking into account that the flower is obviously a red herring): the Main Hero and Shangjue both fancy girls, while didi fancies a magic flower. But later, as I finished the drama, I understood: didi fancies Shangjue the most. The unique and almost extinct flower isn`t some treasure for him, it matters only that this flower can save Shangjue`s life and increase his inner powers. The previous one was taken away from Shangjue, and Shangjue allowed it to happen, because his needs didn`t matter to him compared to prosperity of his clan. (Later, as we know, it was spent in vain by a villain, which made me feel terribly sorry for Shangjue). But his didi values him enough to try to take care of him once more (and for this time he has planted more than one, in order something would end up in Shangjue’s hands even if clansmen would need this flower, too. How smart of his!). And I like that his love is not in vain – Shangjue loves him, too, and believes him in any situation, and that warms my heart. I love their relationship a lot.

And the most vivid feeling that he freely demonstrates is a jealousy towards Shangjue’s fiancée (btw, I like that Shangjue understands it and pardons his tantrums):

"Go ahead, tell me what's on your mind." *opens his mouth to start talking* "Well, rather don`t. I can see it on your face." *smiles*

So, in the part 4 I will talk about Shangjue and her. Shangjue. Introduction Shangjue and his didi, Pt. 1 Shangjue and his fiancee