ANNOUNCEMENT!! ♥️

not so patiently, but RESPECTFULLY waiting for my favs to post more content so i can read fanfics all night long

this is so real

🕯🕯copia prayer circle. He better be just fucking with us 🕯🕯

dude yessss I looove alice in chains no one else I know listens to them, I just love music I could listen to my playlists on repeat forever!! Do you design your own tattoos at all? Or is this your first one??

trying to motivate myself to be a little more active here, i want to discover some new writeblrs to follow!! feel free to reach out if you wanna!

i'm particularly interested if you...

🎧 write adult fiction, especially literary fiction, horror (gothic or otherwise), gothic romance, fantasy, or really anything with a gritty/emotional feel

🎧 like any bands from the 90s grunge scene (or 80s hard rock) (i can and will yap for days)

🎧 like vampires, pirates, or cowboys

🎧 are a fellow college student (we can struggle together!!)

even if we don't have any of this in common, i'd love to chat anyway! hopefully this finds some folks <3

Spiral

Bucky Barnes x teacher reader 

Warnings: AANGST Arguments, mean Bucky, break up, make up, fluffff 

listen, don’t eat me alive for this, I’ve been craving some angst (with a happy ending), the type that makes my chest itch so here we are. If this is too toxic for you and you only live for sunshine and rainbows and perfect communication, then this is not the fic for you. He gets mean because that’s what I wanted. So mean. I wanted to feel physical pain while reading. But then my hamster brain got exhausted to write more groveling. So don’t come at me about “she shouldn’t have taken him back, he should’ve begged and groveled more” He groveled. 

-

You sighed, rubbing sleep away from your eyes, trying to get them to focus on the time on the clock. 

2:57 AM

You stretched out some of the kinks from your neck after falling asleep on the couch, reaching for your phone and squinting at the bright screen, all your calls and texts left unanswered. He didn’t respond to one. You sat up hearing the lock click open, some of your anxiety melting away hearing the thud of his bag hit the floor. 

Keep reading

omg I need more this was perfect

phone works two ways, you know

pairing: sam winchester x fem reader 5.2k

summary: stories of that one time sam surprises you, that one time you surprise sam, and that one time you surprise each other

contents: childhood bsfs to ‘i sometimes want to kiss you but like the normal amount’ to strangers trope will always be loved by me

notes: title from baby came home 2 by the nbhd. this is set during season one because ive only watched the first season of spn lol. this fact also makes me not liable for mischaracterization ok enjoy please!

— thank u to the lovely @locknco for editing this love ya

Nightmares follow Sam Winchester like a moth to a flame.

Most of the time, they’re about Jess. Before the nightmare even starts, he knows what he’s about to see because it’s always the same.

The steady drip of blood against his forehead.

The burst of unbearable heat exploding against the ceiling.

The guilt that creeps in every time without fail.

He wakes up from those nightmares with his heart pounding and a blanket of grief smothering his lungs.

But sometimes, Sam Winchester is lucky.

Sometimes, Sam Winchester dreams of you.

—

Sam wipes his eyes as he stands over your bed.

It’s your actual bed, and not one at a crappy motel in the middle of nowhere. It’s unfortunately humid since it’s creeping toward the middle of August, but Sam doesn’t care. It’s a pretty special occasion — you’re taking a break from hunting for a few days.

He’d been beyond surprised when you’d told him. Catching you at your house during the summer was near impossible with the way your parents ran you around the country, so all your free weekends were taken advantage of.

John had dragged him and Dean to a case just a state over from yours, and Sam had realized it was the closest they’d been to your house in a while. The second the bones had gone up in a pile of salty flames, he was halfway to the nearest bus station and on his way to your city.

The bus pulled in late, and the long walk to your neighborhood meant Sam arrived even later. He wondered if your parents were home and decided he hoped they wouldn’t be. The last thing he wanted them to see was the pitiful sight of him walking through their front door at four in the morning.

And despite the way you insisted it wasn’t true, Sam knew your parents didn’t like him. He’d probably be seeing the barrel of your mom’s revolver before he saw her smile at him.

(“It’s not smart to be telling people the code to your house alarm.”

You laugh in that girly way you do sometimes. Sam imagines you twirling the coiled wire of your phone cord and his throat runs dry.

“Come on. It’s just you, Sam. And how else are you going to sneak into my house?”

Your parents change the code to disarm the alarm every two weeks as a precautionary measure, and you never forget to update him everytime it changes. Sam thinks it’s sweet, but the both of you know he’s barely lucky enough to get the time to call you. The stars would have to align for him to come visit.

“I’ll go in through your window,” Sam says.

There’s a small lift in your voice. “I’ll make sure to double check it’s not you when I throw a knife at the freak climbing up the side of my house.”)

Zero-five-zero-two-eight-three, you’d told him last week.

He’d gone silent on the other end when the numbers clicked in his mind — his birthday. The code to your house right now was his birthday.

Your dad had been too busy to set it, so you’d done it yourself, using the first six numbers that came to mind.

His birthday, apparently.

Sam tries not to think about it too hard.

But now he’s here, standing over your bed and trying not to pass out from exhaustion on your carpet.

Your room looks slightly different from the last time he visited. The walls are a new shade of your favorite color, and the old desk that was in the corner has been replaced with a vanity. There’s pictures of your hometown friends pinned all around the glass, but there’s a few photos he does recognize.

One is from your ninth birthday. Dean had smashed your cake in your face, as expected from the then thirteen-year-old, and you’d clocked him with your fist a second after. The photo was taken post-punch, and you’re grinning through the frosting on your eyes while Dean clutches his face.

The other picture is of you and him from when you were both about twelve. He’s sitting between your legs, laying against your stomach with your American Girl doll in his lap. He’s braiding her hair using the instructions in an old book of yours, and you’d shoved the camera in his face before he could stop you. The photo captured him glaring into the lens of the camera, his thick brown hair pulled into two pigtails on top of his head.

It’s nearly cut out of the frame, but you’re smiling so hard behind him it makes your entire face light up. It’s one of Sam’s favorite pictures of you.

Now, you’re a lump on your full sized mattress, a new step up from your trusty twin bed. The blanket thrown over you has little flowers on it that match your bedsheets, which he already knows you’re very proud of. Still asleep, you roll over onto your back, and that exhaustion from earlier comes back with a vengeance.

Sam drops his jacket onto the heap of clothes on your chair and works to unzip his jeans before his legs give out.

If you were awake, you’d slap him on the back for that, a teasing grin on your face. “I would’ve brought some cash if I knew you were going to strip for me!” you would probably say, like a menace.

He can’t wait for you to wake up so you can annoy him even more.

Sam’s left in a pair of boxers and a baseball t-shirt from a supermarket in Pennsylvania, sweating even in your air conditioning. When he lifts the covers off the bed, he freezes.

You’re wearing a shirt he’d given to you as a souvenir a few months ago. A movie theater in Jersey they helped with their ghost problem gave them a free shirt in return. The cartoon penguin smiles at him now, balancing on one foot with his arms out, like he’s surfing. Sam smiles back while he settles in next to you.

Now that your bed is bigger, there’s more than enough room for the both of you, which is good since it’s so hot out. It means there’s no need to sleep piled up like you had to in the past.

…but Sam hasn’t seen you since that time your families had run into each other in New Mexico, and he hasn’t slept with you like this since you’d been home during your finals week a few months ago.

Under the eye of the penguin on your shirt, he slides one arm below your side pinned to the bed and uses it to pull you against him.

You complain up a storm, even asleep, but settle down quickly. He wonders if you’ll kick him in your sleep again, claiming you were dreaming of being a soccer player.

With your face pressed to the spot between Sam’s arm and shoulder, he listens intently to the nonsensical string of words you mumble out against his skin. Your musings only get more muffled as you press even further into him, throwing your arm over his torso and staying there.

Sam’s hand kindly soothes over your hip, where your shorts have little pink clouds printed on them.

“Woah,” you grumble, dragging out the word. Your hand flexes and then clenches into the fabric of his shirt. “Woah.”

His eyes dart to you embarrassingly fast, guilty for disturbing you but more than excited that you’re awake. Your voice always sounds sweeter in person than it does over the phone.

When he finds your face in the darkness, he realizes your eyes are still shut. Sam runs his hand up your side, warm with sleep. “Hey. You okay?”

Your mouth twitches into a frown. “My friend. My friend’ll do it.”

Oh, he realizes. You’re just sleep talking.

“Okay,” he answers quietly. He wants to hear your voice again, but he also wants you to go back to sleep. You only really mumble like this when you’re about to wake up from a dream. “Sorry,” Sam adds, though he’s not sure what for.

Your face screws up, but then you sigh sweetly against his chest. “Dean?”

(Even when Sam dreams of this, he still feels like you’ve beaten him over the head with that single word.)

You’re dreaming, all right. Of his older brother.

“You gotta get rid of it,” you complain, a pout pulling at your lips.

“He will,” Sam agrees, just to appease you. Thankfully, the worry lines on your face flatten out, and you move yourself even closer to him.

You’re quiet for a few seconds, so Sam closes his eyes, squeezing your shoulder in hopes you go back to sleep.

It doesn’t work, though.

You jolt up and practically launch yourself off the bed, nearly slipping on your hardwood floor before you grab onto your bedside table.

Sam calls for you, but you don’t seem to hear him, busy fumbling in the dark for the lightswitch. He leans over and flicks on the lamp, flooding your room with warm, yellow light. “You okay?” he asks.

The way you spin towards him is comically slow, like you’re being spun in a microwave. There’s a crease on your cheek from being pressed to your pillow for so long, and your eyes are barely open. Sam laments the heartbreaking fact that he can’t see you everyday.

Within the next second, he’s being flattened back against your pillows. You’re by his side so quickly, he’s half inclined to ask you if you’ve gained the ability to teleport.

He squeezes your hip. You take the hint and loosen your hug.

“Sam!” you say, at a volume much too loud for four in the morning. You don’t say anything when he tries shushing you, too busy flitting your hands over whatever parts of him they can reach, laughter spilling from your lips. “You’re here!”

“Took you long enough to realize,” he teases. “I could’ve been some kinda killer, and you would’ve gone on sleeping.”

“What kind of killer would have a face as sweet as yours?” You’re kneeling over him now, smiling so wide it makes Sam feel winded. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” he says, matching your smile. “Do you wake up from all your dreams like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’ve been electrocuted.”

You smile. “I think my brain knew you were here. Made me wake up so I could say hi.”

Sam kisses your forehead. “Hi. Thank you to your brain.”

“Hi. And you’re welcome.”

The two of you sit like that for a little bit, taking in the sight of the other’s face for the first time in months. You seem to enjoy his new haircut, and he studies the new scar going down your bicep while you tell him the story about how you got it.

When the recount of how you were thrown out of a window starts turning into more yawns than words, he pulls you back down to the bed.

“How are you?” he asks, like he hadn’t just asked you that this morning.

Your tongue darts over your chapped lips. “Good. Missed you a lot,” you say, for the second time in the past five minutes.

“Your parents are—they’re good too?” he asks, stuttering over his words.

Whatever he feels for you gets stronger every day, but it’s only when he sees you again that he realizes just how much he likes you. He forces his eyes up from your lips and squeezes your side. Sam really wants to kiss you.

You nod, moving his arms around so you can cram yourself as close to him as the world and physics allows. “Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Your dad and Dean?”

Sam hums. “They’re fine. Didn’t even ask where I was going when I took off.”

“You didn’t tell them?”

“I think they know by now. My dad asked about you on the drive back to the motel.”

You’re curled against his left side, your chin resting against his chest so you can stare up at him. It means that his next few intakes of breath have to be done with a lot of careful thought.

“Can I just come join you guys?” you ask, and Sam’s surprised he can’t hear any hint of a joke in your voice. “I’m sick of missing you all the time.”

He makes a fist, and uses his knuckles to drag circles over your back from the hills of your shoulder blades to the jut of your hip bones.

Sam laughs. “I don’t think you’d want that.” He can tell you’re about to argue until he adds, “Moving in with my dad, that is. You know what he’s like.”

“I’d put up with it for you, though,” you say honestly.

“He treats you like shit,” he stresses. “And he likes you. Maybe it’d be better if I moved in with you instead.”

You push yourself onto your forearm so you can give him a real serious look. There’s a sore spot on his cheek from where he’d gotten shoved into a wall by some spirit, and somehow, you know.

You caress his face, dragging the pads of your fingers over it. Sam makes a weird sound in his throat, something like a hiccup, and you thankfully don’t smile too hard about it.

Sam decides that it’s probably best for his health that you don’t see each other too often. He knows without a doubt that his heart would give out if he felt any stronger about you. He soaks up the warmth of your hand on his face before you let it drop to his collarbones.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

You lean down to press a kiss to his cheek before shifting your face into his shoulder. “Just appreciating your pretty face. If you moved in, I think my parents would have your head on a stake by the end of the week.”

It startles a laugh out of him. He can’t quite look you in the eyes because you’re trying to hide from him, but he tries to anyway. “Are you serious?”

“I’m sorry!” you groan, using one of your free hands to push at his face. “I thought they liked you, I really did. But my mom found out what I changed the alarm code to and made me clean every single gun in that stupid closet.”

Cruel and unusual. “All ‘cause of me?”

You think long and hard about it. “I think it was part of it. She was also mad because I forgot to do the dishes last week, so it could’ve been that, too.”

Your parents have quite the array of weapons. The jacket closet turned armory in your living room has enough rifles to arm half the state of Kansas, and Sam thinks about what a sad sight it would’ve been: you on the floor with a cleaning rod in hand, and about fifty more handguns to wipe down.

“Poor girl,” he says, pulling your palm into his hand. He presses into the calluses you have from where your gun usually sits. “You didn’t suffer too much?”

“Nope,” you say, awfully cheerful. Your next blink is slower than the others, so he resumes his ministrations against your back. You go limp again. “Only cause I… knew you were coming over soon.”

His face warms, but he has to poke fun at you before he lets you fall asleep.

“Sam, my parents love you,” he mocks, letting his voice go quieter. “Come over for dinner, Sam. No, my parents won’t mind, they love having you over.” He smiles at you. “Must be why I gotta show up here before the sun is up, right?”

Your chest stutters before you laugh, which usually means you’re really embarrassed.

The dream ends when he takes pity on you and kisses the spots on your arms you tell him are aching from all your hard work.

—

Dean wakes up that morning to the sight of Sam hunched over the old table in the corner of the room. There’s a pile of newspapers at his feet and one in his hands, which he stares at so intently it looks like he’ll burn a hole through it.

“Y’know, if you keep scowling, your face is gonna get stuck like that.”

Sam doesn’t grace him with a glance. It’s clear he’s been up for a few hours already. “I think I got something.”

—

Rachel Anderson and John Hansen were two college kids from the suburbs of Virginia. Both were from respectable families, both were straight A students, and both were well-loved by the community.

Two nights ago, John left family movie night to shoot himself in his backyard. And last night, Rachel drowned herself in her bathtub during a sleepover with her friends. In the center of their bedroom floors were identical suicide notes. Each in their own handwriting, but not a single difference in wording or sentence structure.

Sam has to park the car down the block when they arrive outside Rachel Anderson’s house. The street leading up to the building is lined with shiny new cars — Mercedes, Lexus, and BMW logos as far as the eye can see — making the Impala stick out like a sore thumb.

Dean cranes his neck to look up at the houses on the same street as the Andersons. Pretty suburban towns like these scare him a little more than he’s willing to admit.

He whistles. “Didn’t know they made BarbieLand a real place.”

Sam cracks a smile at that. “How many of these people do you think have a membership at that country club down the street?”

The two of them snicker all the way up to the front door. Sam knocks, his brother too busy looking around at the rest of the neighborhood.

“If any of your little college friends have houses as nice as these, maybe we should make a quick visit the next time we’re in California,” Dean jokes, eyeing a neighboring pool.

Sam stops rolling his eyes because the door swings open, and he plasters on his most sympathetic smile for whatever grieving family member is on the other side of the door.

It’s a guy about his age, wearing a crisp black sweater. The dark circles under his eyes make it clear he was close with Rachel — a man plagued with grief through and through.

“Hey,” Sam says. “This is Rachel’s house, right?”

The man flicks his eyes from Sam over to Dean, who’s only now looking away from the nice looking houses to join him at the front door.

“Yeah. This is it,” he answers, though he still doesn’t open the door fully. The three of them stare at each other for an awkward second before the guy clears his throat. “If you guys don’t mind me asking, who are you?”

“I’m Sam, and this is my brother Dean,” he explains. “Me and Rachel had psych together. She saved my grade in that class last semester.”

Sam’s not surprised at how easy the lie rolls off his tongue. Lying is almost as important to the job as the guns in their trunk are.

The man, satisfied with the answer, lets the door creak open. “Oh, I see. I’m Will. Thanks for coming, you two. Everyone’s out in the backyard.”

A girl’s voice floats to the front door from somewhere nearby. “Will, is it Deb?”

William Anderson was mentioned in the article about Rachel’s death. He’s the girl’s older brother, who pivots to face the girl speaking from behind him.

“These are friends from Rachel’s psychology class,” he says, stepping out of the doorway.

Olivia Anderson was mentioned in the paper too. The youngest child of the family, just a year younger than her older sister. For a second, Sam thinks he’s hallucinating. She looks just like her and a little like Will too, down to their twin black sweaters.

A different voice responds, and something about it makes the hair on the back of Sam’s neck stand up. “Psych class? Rachel didn’t—”

The closest Sam can get to describing this moment is like the seconds before a spirit manifests. His heart kicks up a little bit quicker. Alarms ring in his head, and the area around the Andersons’ front door turns electrified.

It’s you.

You get pulled into view by Olivia Anderson, a deer caught in headlights wearing your own matching black sweater.

Sam doesn’t want to blink, certain that your face will shift and it’ll be some sick trick of the light. A dream haunting him even while he’s awake.

“Rachel didn’t what?” Will asks, not suspicious, just curious.

Your mouth opens and closes, like you’re fumbling for something to say, and Sam doesn’t blame you.

For one, you’re going to lie for them. Both him and Dean are beginning to realize that Rachel didn’t take a psychology class at all, and you’re trying to figure out how to twist your sentence into an excuse that makes sense.

And two… you’re standing in front of your best friend who you haven’t spoken to in four years. Sam isn’t surprised that you have nothing to say to him.

“Rachel didn’t like anything about that class,” you decide on, your eyes shifting from Sam to Dean then back again.

You swallow hard. It looks like you’ve—

“—seen a ghost?” you ask, grinning.

The duffel bag in Sam’s hands hits the motel floor, but he’s too stunned to even wince at the sound.

“Looking a little scared there, Sammy,” you tease, pushing yourself off of the old bed in the center of the room. “A little old, too, honestly—”

He’s crossed the room before you can finish your sentence.

You squeak at the impact, your arms being crushed to your sides with the way he captures you in a hug. The two of you stumble two big steps back so you don’t tip over.

“You’re here,” Sam says, like he can’t quite believe it. You manage to work your arms away from your body so you can hug him too. “What are… How did you—”

“Dean finally remembered my phone number,” you joke, squeezing him with a big smile on your face. “I know you guys have to drive out early tomorrow — uh, I guess today, actually — but you know I had to come see you on your birthday, Sam. Even if it’s just for a few hours.”

It’s seven minutes past midnight on the second day of May.

Sam Winchester is eighteen.

“You’re here,” he repeats. He doesn’t bother trying to wipe the smile off his face. “I can’t believe it.”

When Dean had clapped him on the back and told him he’d booked him an extra room for his birthday, Sam was shocked. Birthdays weren’t anything special to either of them, so he’d been thankful, but also very confused. Buying another motel room wasn’t cheap, yet he’d done it anyway.

From the adjoining room next door, Sam’s sure his brother has a shit-eating grin on his face. He’s probably going to hold this over his head forever, claiming how much of a great brother he is, and Sam will let him.

He hasn’t seen you in four months. He thinks he might throw up.

“You drove here all by yourself?” Sam asks you, once the two of you have settled on the bed. He takes a seat cross-legged and both of you pretend like you’re not about halfway into his lap.

“Yep,” you say proudly. “Dean had to teach me how to parallel park over the phone so I would have my license in time.”

Sam’s heart swells ten sizes. “Thank you. I can’t believe you came out all this way.”

You hit him on the shoulder. “Of course. You’re my best friend, did you really think I was gonna miss your eighteenth birthday?”

He leans in close enough to the point that it’d be easy to kiss you. So, so, so easy.

He doesn’t, though, and you don’t push it. You reach for one of his hands in his lap and trace over the ridges of his knuckles, a little smile on your face.

His hair has finally recovered from the Nair that Dean had put in his shampoo a while back, so it hangs just over his eyebrows and curls around his ears again. You blow the brown locks out of his eyes and then smile a little wider.

“I have a gift for you.”

You slink out of his lap, and Sam tries not to frown when you get up to grab your backpack. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Stop worrying,” you chastise, dropping your bag onto the bed to look through. “I’m your actual birthday gift. This one’s just extra, so it’s nothing fancy.”

“You being here is worth more than any fancy thing you could've bought me at a store,” he says, and you brush his hair from his face affectionately.

“I’m happy you think so, Sammy.”

Too wrapped up in the sight of your smile, he forgets to say something about the dumb nickname.

“I got this from the grocery store down the street before you got here.” It’s wrapped in the plastic bag you’d bought it in, but Sam takes it from your hands like it’s made of gold. “Consider this one… supplemental.”

You huddle close while he takes the gift out of the bag and reads it.

“Thirteen Ghosts,” he says, flipping the DVD case over in his hands.

“Figured we could watch a movie together.” You poke his side. “See how funny they make their monsters look.”

This isn’t the first time you and Sam have watched a movie together. There was that one time when you’d watched Notting Hill on your couch, but your parents kept giving him warning looks from in the kitchen and he’d made sure to keep the bowl of popcorn and half of the couch between you two.

And Sam will always hold some level of respect for your parents because they’re your parents, but he could not be more glad to be hundreds of miles away from them right now. Because the second that he comes back from popping the DVD into the player, you’re very kindly asking to spoon, and Sam is not well known for being able to say no to you.

You tuck yourself against his front, and he slips his arms around your middle. You trap his hands there by slotting yours together, tracing over the lines on his hands like a palm reader. Sam watches you while you watch the movie, pretending to follow along with the dialogue and your whispered commentary.

The lights of the TV flicker on the side of your face as you poke fun at the actors, and he’s hit with a wave of anticipatory sadness. Sam prays to whoever’s listening that he never falls asleep. Prays this night lasts forever, and that you don’t have to go home and he doesn’t have to leave in the morning. If the rest of his life is bad horror movies and sleeping next to you, he’d die happy.

You laugh at something that jumps on the screen, and Sam can’t help himself anymore.

When he says your name, he practically winces hearing the sound of his own voice. It’s shaky and nervous, and you shift to look at him with concern in your eyes. One of the actresses screams on screen, and you squeeze his hand that you still haven’t let go of.

“You okay? Did you wanna turn the TV off?”

“I love you.”

You turn to face him completely, and Sam Winchester, the luckiest eighteen-year-old in the world, is able to watch the smile light up your eyes.

You let go of him to hold his face, like he’s something to be treasured. “I love you too, S—”

“—am, and I’m Dean,” his brother says, offering his hand for you to shake.

Your grip looks solid when you reach across the threshold of the Anderson house to take his hand in yours, as if you’re meeting him for the first time.

The whole thing feels like a nightmare.

It’s unnatural to watch your tight lipped smile and awkward shuffling while you stare blankly at Dean. You let go of his hand like he hasn’t pulled you off your couch and taught you how to dance in the middle of your living room. Like he hasn’t let you finish the rest of his food at rundown diners just because you ate yours too fast.

You turn to Sam next, and his stomach does a backflip.

Four years was a long time.

Sam knows he’s not the same person who left you on your front porch. He’d held you for longer than usual that day, and left you with a promise to visit that he hadn’t meant.

He doesn’t think you’re the same girl who was left there either. You look different. A little older, a little more mature.

(At eighteen, you would’ve given him a nasty look for that. “Older? You can’t say that to a girl, Sam.”

“I said you looked older, not old!” he would’ve defended frantically. “There’s a difference!”

“Why the hell would I want to be told I look older, you jerk!”)

And he loves you, but it’s true. You look older, but it means you look as lovely as ever. Grown into yourself and radiant in ways you hadn’t been at eighteen. You look like you’re glowing.

Your hair is also done in a way you never liked to do by yourself. He knows it for a fact, because you’d always complain to him over the phone about it, wondering how he was able to do it for you so nicely.

(He’d always said it was because he was patient and you were clearly not, but it was mostly because he’d practiced it on your old dolls a bunch of times before he’d asked to do it on you.)

Your hair now looks nicer than anything Sam could’ve done for you. He wonders if you did it yourself—if you had to learn because he wasn’t around anymore, and was never coming back.

Sam wants to tell you that he’s missed you, and that there hasn’t been a day he hasn’t thought of you.

He wonders what you would say. He wonders if you'd sound the same, and he’d be able to tell, ‘cause of how often he plays your old voicemails over when he misses you. He remembers just how you would sound when you were laughing and remembers precisely how much slower you would speak when you were upset.

You don’t extend your hand for him to shake, and Sam’s left to wonder if your hands would still feel the same in his.

And when he meets your eyes, he reads the hurt written all over your features. Hurt that he put there. Hurt that’s probably healed over in the last four years, leaving a nice long scar he’s sliced open again just now.

You nod at him. “It’s nice to meet you, Sam.”

He digs his fingers into his palms. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

notes: the party ended four years ago and she JUST GOT HERE!!!! LMAO ive been infected with the sam winchester virus but who can blame me look at his face

Camellia: Copia x f!reader - Chapter 6

Camellia: n. - A flower which symbolizes a deep desire or longing.

Summary: Even though you have finally begun to translate Elizabeth's diary, you still need context. A visit from the archivist answers some questions but raises even more.

Word count: 4.6k

A/N: Helloooooo! Thank you all again for your extraordinary patience in the long wait for this chapter. It isn't the most eventful (nor am I the proudest of it) but things are definitely happening, and I think you all will enjoy where it's going!

P.s., the identity of the archivist was inspired by the lovely @writingjourney <3

Warnings: Nihil being a bad dad (again), descriptions of anxiety/panic, descriptions of afab people being seen as objects

AO3 / Chapter 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Secondo thinks that abdicating the position of Papa might be the best thing to ever happen to him. 

That’s not to say he disliked being Papa. Quite the opposite, really—holding the scepter, wearing the crown, and hearing the title were all a generous ego boost. But the aspect he loved the most was that he could promote the tenets of the Lord Below how he wanted, how he felt was most effective. He was the mouthpiece of Satan, the proprietor of His word and the bridge between his unholy flock and the fires of Hell. 

But that’s about it. He loved the glory, sure. He did not like the man that the Ministry molded him into. Once he stepped down, it was hard to look himself in the eye without cringing. He was supposed to hold the power for Satan, not the Clergy, and certainly not for Sister Imperator. 

Just about the only thing he has to thank that woman for is the time he’s gotten back after “stepping down.”

Secondo has always been interested in the archives, ever since he was a boy. He would sneak around the Abbey in Rome into places he shouldn’t have been and see things he probably shouldn’t have seen, and keep everything he saw to himself. Having the knowledge of secrets he wasn’t supposed to know made him feel important, like he held some power over the Clergy if he decided to open his mouth. 

So when he'd stumbled upon a dim room towards the back of the library at the tender age of eight, he thought he’d found the Library of Alexandria. Wall-to-wall shelves of thick leather bound books, stacks of tightly-rolled parchment and linens depicting unholy scenes. An old wooden table holding a desk lamp and a magnifying glass. A single lone lamp that, when he’d pulled the chain to illuminate it, had emanated a click so loud that he thought he’d be caught for sure. 

He’d been so disappointed when he realized he couldn’t understand any of the books or scrolls or linens. They were all written in a language unfamiliar, which he knows now to be Latin. But at eight years old, his primary focus was to learn the unholy scripture, to serve Satan in his duties as an altar boy, and to make his father proud. 

That last point… he never did accomplish. 

But he did eventually learn Latin, so that he could read what was in that dim room. He’d learned to shimmy the lock open (the Roman Abbey is ancient, it wasn’t a difficult task) and sneak in, absorbing as much information as he could. 

Secondo learned about rituals that haven’t been done in centuries. He read prayers and psalms that had been forgotten with time. He found drawings of long lost artifacts and relics shrouded in mystery. Each new bit of knowledge gave him that rush of adrenaline that could only come from forbidden things. 

When he was old enough, he was allowed into the archive room. Of course, no one had known he’d already spent countless hours there. His father wanted him to know his family history if he were to take up the helm of Papa one day. You need to know what is in your blood, his father had said. Just as Primo does, and just as Terzo will. 

Secondo had wanted to ask, what about Copia? But he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want his archive privileges revoked as soon as he’d gotten them. 

The first thing he’d done was find his family tree. Who came before him? Who was Papa before his father, and before his father’s father? How far back did the Emeritus bloodline really go?

It was in the family tome that he first discovered the words Primus Motor. Up until a specific time, every Emeritus heir had been conceived by a woman with the title Prime Mover. Then the women proceeding them had lost that title, with seemingly no pomp or circumstance. Nearly a thousand years ago, the title had been dropped and forgotten. The final Prime Mover, it seems, had been a woman named Elizabeth. 

When her diary had been found in some random basement room of the Abbey, Secondo immediately requested to be the archivist in charge. She was his ancestor, and the last Prime Mover on record. Her diary must have an explanation, or some insight as to what exactly a Prime Mover is. There were Prime Mover rituals outlined in those books he’d found as a boy, sure. But none ever explained what the significance was beyond “the chosen maternal body.” It all sounded rather dehumanizing.

But Sister Imperator had told him to keep that fact a secret. She’d brought in a translator to decipher the diary without telling her the whole story. So, he wasn’t terribly surprised to learn that you’d requested to speak to him, or that when he finds you in the restricted room, you look like a deer caught in headlights.

“Papa,” you say, standing to greet him formally. You bow your head out of respect and give him your name. “I can be out of your way, if you need—” 

Secondo simply puts a hand up to stop you. “No, sorella. I am here to speak to you about the diary, as you requested.” 

Your eyes go so wide that he almost laughs. “Wh-what?” You swallow. “Forgive me, Papa, I didn’t know that you are the archivist who evaluated Elizabeth’s diary…” 

“Is that going to be a problem?” Secondo asks. 

“No! No,” you scramble, shaking your head slightly to align your own thoughts. His intense gaze pins you to the spot, and not in a good way. Not a bad way, either, but… not in the way Copia’s gaze does. 

Determined not to make a fool of yourself, you steel your nerves. “It’s not a problem, Papa. I apologize. I have only… the highest member of the Clergy I have ever met until I arrived here was Bishop Beaumont. I still find myself a bit overwhelmed, sometimes.” 

The corners of Secondo’s painted lips tick up at your admission, but he makes no mention of it. “No matter. What is it you wished to discuss?” 

You sit and turn your notebook around so Secondo can read the translation of the first line. Today I was chosen to be Papa’s Prime Mover. 

“I was wondering,” you begin, “if you might be able to tell me what a Prime Mover is.” 

After reading the translated line, Secondo leans back. “I do not know much,” he answers gruffly. “But I do know that it was an esteemed position. Something to do with continuing the bloodline. However the title of Prime Mover is no longer used.” 

“How come?” You ask. 

“I do not know.” 

You hum and look down at Elizabeth’s diary, like it might speak the answer to you itself. Something to do with continuing the bloodline? “Sister Imperator told me that you estimated this diary to be about five hundred years old,” you say. “Is there a reason you chose that number?”

At Secondo’s silence, you meet his eyes again to find that his brows are furrowed and his jaw is set. His lips form a tight line, deepening the clefts beside his mouth. “I only ask because it may help with context,” you offer, defending your question. Your chest flutters with nerves again. You hope you haven’t somehow angered him… he’s quite intimidating. 

Secondo’s mind turns. Sister Imperator hadn’t told you that he was the archivist, and she’d told you a different number than the one he’d estimated. She asked him to keep Elizabeth’s status as the last Prime Mover a secret. It seems odd, like she knows something that she wants neither you nor Secondo to. He finds himself annoyed that Sister wants to keep something shrouded in such unnecessary mystery. 

“Sister Imperator has given you the wrong number,” he says after a moment of tense silence. “I believe it is nearly a thousand years old.” 

“A thousand?” You gape. For a volume that’s a millennium old, it’s in remarkably good shape. You’d thought the same when you believed it was just five hundred years old. 

Secondo nods. Whatever reasons that Sister Imperator has for wanting to keep the diary a secret, he doesn’t know. But if he can do anything to learn about his family and its history, or if he can spite Sister… he’ll take that chance. “Elizabeth is the last Prime Mover on record. I do not know why the title was dropped, and I do not know why it is supposed to be such a secret.” 

Oh. Yes, you understand. Papa must have his reasons for disliking Sister, and you have your own. If you can contravene her in this small way, a secret kept between an archivist and a translator, you will. You’re slightly ashamed that the thought makes you a little giddy, but not ashamed enough to not do it. 

“So,” you guess, “you’re hoping that this diary answers that?” 

“Correct,” Papa nods again, and stands. “I ask that you keep me informed, sorella.” 

“Of course, Papa,” you say with a polite smile. 

He leaves the restricted room and you’re left alone with Elizabeth again. Only this time, there is a new clarity between you and your subject. Your gaze drops down to the pages of jumbled letters, wondering. 

Papa Secondo had said that the position of Prime Mover was esteemed. If it had been, why was it dissolved? Perhaps it wasn’t dissolved at all, and it was only forgotten? And… the position is related to the Papal bloodline, so surely these Prime Movers would have been the mothers, right? 

The answers lie in front of you, waiting to be translated. Elizabeth herself beckons you with her slanted script, saying, read me. Hear what I have to say. 

And how you want to focus. How you want to spend the next weeks painstakingly deciphering letter by letter, word by word until you find these answers which will sate your curiosity. But, damn it to Hell, all you want to do is find Copia and tell him what you’ve found out. You want to tell him that you’re still here, that Sister Imperator had agreed to let you stay after your dramatic, last-minute discovery. You want to ask him all sorts of questions about what he might know of Prime Movers or his ancestors. You want to watch the excitement bloom in his eyes as it always does when you speak about the diary. 

You have your reservations, though. Going to Copia on anything other than Ministry business feels like you’re overstepping your position. Who are you to assume that you’re important enough to him to just pop in? 

In those moments in the gardens, and in the chapel, though… it sure felt like you were. He had looked at you like you were. In the gardens he was Copia, and you find within yourself that you’d rather be sent back to Liège than see Copia as only Papa again. 

~~~ 

It’s been two days since Copia has seen you. Two full days since he’d watched you half-waddle down the Sibling corridor, soaking wet and shivering and covered in mud from the knees down, and he can’t focus on anything whatsoever. 

There’s some official bulletin or another on his desk, awaiting his signature to distribute it out to the rest of the Ministry, but he can’t bring himself to pick up his pen and sign it. Not for a lack of caring—the bulletin is actually quite important—but because he’s conjured up this beautiful picture of you in his head, and he’s afraid that if he moves he’ll lose it. 

You must be busy. You’d told him you had an idea about the cipher on your way up the hill out of the gardens, and if he hasn’t so much as gotten a glimpse of you around the Abbey, it must have been a breakthrough. He knows how frustrated you’d been, how determined you were to figure it out, as you’d said. I want to stay and figure it out. 

Another part of Copia’s mind, the part he doesn’t want to listen to but that is so very loud, tells him that perhaps your idea had been wrong, and Sister Imperator had sent you home. Maybe the reason he hasn’t seen you is because you’re not even here anymore. 

So, he keeps still, his eyes unseeing as he stares into nothing but his own mental image of you. If you’re really gone, at least he has this. You might not be gone, but he’s almost scared to go looking for you because he might find that you are. As it stands, you are Schrödinger's Sister of Sin. Here, and not. 

His, and not. 

“Al diavolo questo,” Copia grumbles to himself, pushing himself up from his chair. He rounds his desk, sending a few loose papers (including the bulletin he’s supposed to sign by the end of the day) to the floor, and swings open the door to his office. He turns left, towards the library. If there’s a chance he can see you, rather than his limited mental image of you, he’d be foolish not to take it. 

His footsteps are determined, bringing him quickly down the stairs to the main artery of the Abbey, and across the wide hall towards the entrance to the library. His breath picks up and his heart pounds in his ears like he’s sprinting. By the end of this agonizing trek to the restricted room, he just might be. 

He takes the stairs to the right of the library entrance two at a time. Usually he would smile and wave to whichever Sibling is working the front desk, but not today. The guilt he feels is quickly squashed by the pressing need to either see you or not see you. It feels like it’s eating him up, not knowing. 

Copia has tried to be patient and give you time, if you are still here. He knows that what happened between the two of you in the chapel was a lot, all at once, and even if nothing had been said explicitly, you must know. You must. 

For a moment, when he reaches the top of the stairs, he wonders why it is that he feels so strongly for you, so quickly. It’s as if Satan himself deposited you on his doorstep, just for him. As if Satan had kept him from sleeping that night, so that you could run right into him outside the restricted room door. 

He rounds the corner to walk further into the library, into the shelves of romance books (which, he admits, is rather serendipitous placement). His heart thuds against his sternum when he sees the little square window in the door illuminated. Who else would be in that room with the door closed but you? Who else would have any reason to spend more than five minutes in there, aside from you, or Secondo?

Copia loves his brother. He really does. But he hopes to Lucifer that it isn’t Secondo behind that door, or he might punch him simply for the fact that he’s not you. 

He reaches the door, and pauses. His hand rests on the brass doorknob, but doesn’t turn, because what if you are gone? 

No, no. You aren’t gone. You can’t be gone. 

He turns the handle and pushes the door open on squeaky hinges. There you are, sitting at the desk you always do, head tilted up to see who is at the door. Your brows are slightly raised, your shoulders are hunched—you must be tense from sitting over your work all day—and your finger is placed against that grid of letters as if you had been in the middle of decoding a word when he walked in. The light of the desk lamp attached to your station casts your skin in a warm glow. 

If he thought his heart would calm when he saw that you’re still at the Abbey, he was mistaken. Just the sight of you here, that slight hint of heat in your face illuminated so plainly by the desk lamp has his chest vibrating with relief. At least his mind quiets, the tempest of thoughts and questions finally calming after a long, sleepless two days. 

“Papa?” You ask, after a long moment. You sit up a bit straighter and tilt your head. The slight crease between your brows returns, and Copia wishes he could kiss it smooth again. “Are you alright?”

Your voice seems to break Copia out of whatever reverie he’s stuck in, because he finally blinks and his jaw closes. “I— eh, yes, I’m alright.” 

You slowly stand from your desk and round it, but keep a respectable distance between you and Copia. “You don’t seem alright,” you say. “Copia… what’s wrong?” 

It feels like a weight off his shoulders to hear you call him by his name. With you, he’s not Papa. He doesn’t want to be Papa, not to you, not when you’re looking at him like that. “I thought you might have been gone,” Copia breathes, his voice just above a whisper. “I thought she might have sent you back.” 

“She didn’t.” 

“Good, that’s… good.”

You and Copia stare at one another for another moment. The air is thick with something unspoken. 

“I figured it out,” you say. Then you add, “the diary,” because you both know that there are two things you had to figure out. The diary, and… this. 

You’re still working on whatever this is, and Copia is still staring at you. 

“Copia,” you say with an awkward little smile, “why are you staring at me?” 

His own lips curve into a smile. “Sorry, cara mia. I’m just happy you’re not gone.” 

“Me, too.” 

“So, eh… what is it that you figured out?” Copia asks, blinking a few times in rapid succession. His heart still hammers in his ears. 

You round your desk again to turn your notebook over and show him. “She’s clever. Every word requires a new key, which is why we could only decipher one word using her name,” you explain. “Every decoded word is the key to the next one.”

Copia leans over to read the notebook. You have it flipped open to the complete translation of the first line, and his eyes scan the sentence a few times. “Prime Mover?” he asks, looking back up at you. 

“I don’t know, either,” you tell him. 

He hums in response, his gaze falling back towards the diary and your notebook. 

“When were you going to tell me that your brother is the archivist, you ass?” 

Copia’s head whips back up, afraid that you’d be actually angry at him. His mouth opens, prepared to defend himself because how would he know that you were planning on speaking to his brother? But he sees your wry grin, and the protest dies on his lips. Instead, he releases an airy laugh and his shoulders drop. “Ah, yes… I suppose I should have mentioned that.”

“Sweet Satan, I made myself look like a fool,” you laugh. “I’m not used to Papas and Cardinals walking around yet. Every time I see one I nearly fall over.” 

“You don’t seem so intimidated by me,” Copia says, half relieved and half worried. “What, am I not as scary as Secondo?” 

“Not nearly as scary, no! He could stare someone to death,” you say through a chuckle. “That, and when you and I first met, you were wearing sweatpants and rat slippers.” 

Copia smiles fondly, though you don’t catch it. “So you’re not starstruck by me, tesoro? I’m hurt.” 

“At first I was!” you defend yourself. “But somewhere after that I guess I just… forgot.” 

“Forgot to be starstruck?” 

“Forgot that you are Papa.” 

Oh. Oh, Copia could kiss you, you sweet thing. He doesn’t ever want to go this long without seeing you again. It’s all he can do to stop himself from walking over to you and sweeping you up in his arms and kissing you silly. His hands itch to hold you but you aren’t ready for that yet. So he says instead, “I don’t want to be Papa with you.”

Your heart rises to your throat. “You don’t?” 

“No,” Copia says softly. “I don’t.” 

You have to fight off the smile threatening to stretch your lips. You don’t want him to be Papa with you either, but you don’t know what you do want him to be to you. 

You do know that you want him to kiss you. You do know that the thought of leaving the Abbey without resolving whatever this is made your heart ache, but that talking about whatever this is would make it real and that terrifies you. You do know that falling in love with him means you have something to lose. It’s not quite that, not yet, but… it could be. 

Copia can see your mind working itself in circles. He knows that you’ll talk yourself out of it—whatever it is—if he doesn’t intervene. “Tesoro,” he calls to you, pulling your focus back out from inside your head. When he’s certain you can see him and not just through him, he takes a slow step forward and gently reaches for your hand. The white linen of your gloves, worn while you handle the diary, is a stark contrast to the black leather of his. It slips against his glove and settles into his palm like your hands were crafted for him to hold. Sathanas, your hands are perfect. You are perfect. “Please… tell me you know. Tell me you feel it.” 

Your eyes are wide when they meet his own. “I know,” you whisper. Your voice is shaky with the weight of speaking your feelings, making them real. “And I don’t.” 

His thumb rubs circles on your knuckles. “Cara… you know. You must.” 

“I…” you swallow dryly. “I do, but it’s… it’s scary, Copia. It’s happening and I have no control over it and…” 

“And?” Copia whispers. He takes your other hand, stepping just close enough that you can feel his breath ghost across your cheeks. 

“And I will have to leave,” you respond. Your eyes burn with unshed tears that you desperately try to blink away. “As soon as the diary is done, I will have to go back.” 

Copia looks at you for a silent moment. His eyes search your face, noticing all the details he hadn’t noticed before. This is the closest he’s ever been to you. A tear rolls down your cheek and he reaches up to swipe it away with his thumb, but doesn’t return his hand to his side. It cradles your face like you’re something precious, and to him, you are. 

He gently tugs you closer and wraps his arms around you, holding you against him. You tuck your head under his chin, savoring the smell of him, the comfort of his embrace and the warmth of his body through his suit. “It will be alright, carissima mia.” 

You shut your eyes and two fat tears escape as you do. Your body shudders with a repressed sob. 

Copia simply holds you closer, fighting back tears of his own. 

He’d nearly forgotten. Of course you would have to leave again, once your project was done. Just because you’re here now, doesn’t mean you will always be here. 

Maybe there are ways to have you stay. Maybe if he asked Sister Imperator, she would find a place for you here, doing translation as your sole duty. But can he keep you away from your home, when it’s so obvious how fond you are of it? How could he ask you to stay, knowing you would miss Marseille the whole time? 

Copia squeezes you tighter. “Will you do something for me?” He asks so, so softly. One of his hands strokes the back of your head, drawing you closer into his embrace. “Come and work in my office with me, yes? Just for a little while. Or a day or two, maybe. I hate that you’re all alone up here.”

“I can do that,” you say, and draw away from him slightly so you can look at him. You’re sure you must look a mess with your eyes puffy and nose running. But standing this close to him, clutching the fabric of his shirt like it grounds you to the world, you can’t bring yourself to care. “But I need permission from Papa or Sister Imperator to remove the diary from this room.”

Copia smiles. “Well, I have good news, then,” he says with a quirk of his brow. “There’s a Papa right here. Perhaps you should ask him?”

“Right, yes, I forgot,” you laugh. “Papa, do I have your permission to take Elizabeth’s diary out of the restricted room?” 

Copia laughs back and his breath is warm on your cheek. “Yes, tesoro, you have my permission. Only if you bring it straight to my office.” 

“Of course, Papa,” you nod, smiling. 

“Bene! Let me help you with your things.” 

Copia steps away and releases you from his grasp to help you gather your materials. For a brief moment you’re disappointed, but your cheeks warm at the thought that maybe he might hold you again in the safety and comfort of his office. Maybe you might gather the courage to allow yourself to feel the feelings you’re desperately trying to suppress, and maybe he might feel them back. 

But, you chuckle at his charming urgency to help you. You work on wrapping Elizabeth’s diary in its linens, and placing it in a wooden box you retrieve from a small shelf in the corner of the room. You still wear your white gloves. 

“Shall we?” Copia gestures to the open door once you’re both done preparing to leave. His eyes shine with mirth and something you might think was affection if you weren’t doubtful to a fault. 

“We shall,” you reply. He lets you slip past him and out the door, then falls into step beside you as you make your way down the curved staircase. 

~~~

March 27

Today I was chosen to be Papa’s Prime Mover. 

Mother said it is a gift from Satan to be chosen. I am to conceive the next Papa, and continue the bloodline with the blessing of the Olde One. 

Truthfully, I am frightened. Mother said that it is now my only duty. She said it is an extreme privilege to be a Prime Mover and to carry the blood of Emeritus inside me. But I did not get a say. I was chosen, and that was the end. Papa did not even tell me himself, it was Mother. She said it is better to hear the good news from the mouth of the fairer sex, from the woman who did her duty as I must. 

Fairer sex. I must laugh at that. Fairer sex, and yet I must be a vessel for Emeritus blood at the whim of Satan. Fairer sex because I am beautiful but better to be seen and not heard. And yet I am expected to carry and birth the most powerful man in the Ministry, a power that no one else has. To ‘fairer sex’ I bite my thumb. 

There is to be a ritual tomorrow night, to solidify my role as Papa’s Prime Mover. I am horrified. Mother said that a woman can only hope to be so lucky as to be Prime Mover. Must I pray to be a bred heifer? What of me? What of my own wishes? 

I believed the Dark Lord to be wiser than this. I believed he would not ordain any sex to be lesser than the other. I believed in his doctrine of free choice, of fairness and civility, after having been cast down for disobeying. My faith wavers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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this early dancing (2/2) | sirius black

Sirius rested his hand at your neck and you felt yourself seize up as he pushed his thumb into your throat. He was gentle, sliding up slow until the tip of his index finger was pressed into the underside of your jaw. He stretched his hand out over your neck. You swallowed, which he surely felt, and then he moved his hand to the space behind your ear, thumb pulling your lips into a wonky smile. "Smile, beautiful."

You smiled. He nodded approvingly and kissed the corner where his thumb wasn't, head tilted in, before pulling away like nothing had transpired.

summary you and Sirius navigate the dizzying affection between you both while trying to keep it secret [14k]

warnings fluff, smut, marauders era, mutual pining, idiots in love, she/her pronouns used for reader, fem!reader

read part one here

You woke up to somebody knocking loudly at the door. You flinched, disentangling yourself from Sirius' iron tight hold and remembered you were wearing his shirt. "Shit. Shit. Fuck," you cursed in a whisper. Sirius didn't even stir.

You pulled your dirtied pyjama bottoms from the day before yesterday on and cracked open the door. Lily stood on the landing, arms crossed, gaze quizzical.

"We want to go into town. You two are the last ones up."

"Right, I'll get him up," you said, cringing at your appearance.

She peered over your shoulder at Sirius, at the duvet you'd thrown off of you both, at the body sized space facing his chest. She looked back at you and zeroed in on your shirt before she shut her eyes, holding her weight up with her hand on the doorway. "You didn't."

You shuffled from foot to foot. "What?"

"Tell me you didn't."

"I didn't."

Despite asking for it, your denial rubbed her the wrong way.

"Do you think I'm blind?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I tried the door. It was locked."

"Sirius is serious about sleep privacy."

She groaned and tipped her head to the sky, ginger curls bouncing.

“Oh my merlin."

"I like him, Lily," you said quietly, leaning in very close.

When she deigned to look at you again her eyes were softer. "I know you do. I only hope you know what you're doing. Do you know what you're doing?"

"Not yet," you said, clearing your throat.

"Well," she said, tucking a curl behind her ear, "you have another two days to work it out."

"Right. Two days."

You both looked at each other, Lily solemn and you embarrassed. The holiday was taking place over a long, 4 day weekend. The first day, Friday, you'd spent mostly in the car as you and James has spearheaded the no magic rule of your holiday; though no one was really listening, James had insisted on the drive from the Manor to his family cottage. Day two, yesterday. Today was day three.

She peered over your shoulder again and then looked straight in your eye

"What's he like?"

You giggled breathlessly, infecting her with your glee until she was laughing too.

"That good?"

You nodded multiple times, feeling heat climbing your face to roost at the tips of your ears. "Yeah."

She smiled and then shrugged. "Well. We're young, right? Any mistakes should happen now.”

You felt the word mistake like a jab in the side but continued smiling. "Yeah."

She sensed a potential misstep and her smile wavered apologetically.

"I'll wake him up," you said quickly, nodding your head towards the sleeping ravenette. "We won't be long."

Lily said, "Alrighty," and made her way across the landing and down the stairs. You trusted her to keep your secret for now, turning from the door which you'd closed to slink back into bed by Sirius, stealing time you didn't have.

He groaned and wrapped his arm back around you, the weight of it across your front still unfamiliar despite a whole night of checking it was really his arm. He pulled you close, breathing in the back of your neck. You felt your pulse hammering in your chest, a rush of adrenaline coursing through you as you remembered what you'd done the night before. How he'd been – after the photograph he'd persuaded you into the shower and had continued his manhandling, pressing you to the cool tile. He'd dropped to his knees, spread your legs.

Sirius' arm came to life and snapped you from your reverie, hand moving up your chest and neck to turn your face to his. He was blinking, bleary eyes already full of a tenderness that turned your stomach. You turned in his arms until you were practically nose to nose.

"Was that the door?"

"Lily. Everyone's going up town," you clued him in, tucking a misbehaving strand of hair behind his ear. He closed his eyes again at your touch.

"Town," he mumbled, drifting off. You giggled quietly and set your hand on his face, fingernail scratching lightly down his cheek. "What for?"

"Just to look, I think. Maybe dinner… Sirius, we really have to get up, everybody's waiting."

He groaned one more time and then forced his eyes open. His hand came up the back of your head to lead your forehead to his mouth, where he planted a firm, chaste kiss. Then, appeased, he tumbled out of bed to look for something to wear. You watched him stretch distractedly, the late morning light catching his body in stripes through the curtains and painting him the blinding white you often imagined him as. Glowing, he pulled a fresh t-shirt on and discarded the one he'd slept in as well as his boxers. You looked away, eyes drifting to your own made bed.

No wonder Lily had clocked on so fast.

You moaned and curled in tightly on yourself. You would've liked to work out for yourself what had happened last night before the others found out.

"What's the matter with you?" Sirius asked, scraping the front parts of his hair into a bobble.

"Some twat defiled me last night."

He gasped, legitimately shocked. "Defiled. What a way with words you have."

You squinted at him.

He chuckled, meandering over to your side. He sat by your knees and pulled his rings from the bedside table, sliding them on slowly and then setting his large hand over your hip. "C'mon, sweetheart. They're waiting for us."

You inhaled to say something and then shut your mouth.

"What?" he asked.

You weighed your words carefully before you spoke. "Kiss me?"

He grinned, leaning down until your mouths were barely an inch apart. "We haven't brushed our teeth," he said, and then pulled away.

"Get dressed," he encouraged, patting your shoulder and standing, "'nd then I'll kiss you. Deal?"

You resented his rejection and scrambled into a cheerful summer outfit, a midi skirt and a graphic t-shirt torn asymmetrically to expose your navel. You barreled into the bathroom and saw Sirius already at the sink, smelling of deodorant and cologne with a toothbrush between his lips. You did as he had, deodorising and spraying perfume on your neck and behind your ears, toothbrush in hand.

Sirius spat into the sink and wiped the back of his mouth, running the water.

"Think there'll be breakfast?"

You laughed, feeling toothpaste at the corner of your mouth. "Hungry?"

"Worked up an appetite."

You spit and washed your mouth out with a handful of water, trying not to care that he was watching you dribble. He'd seen worse, at this point.

"What do you fancy?" you asked him, squaring your hair up and wetting a flannel to quickly dab your face clean.

He sidled up into your space, hand going straight to your chin.

You looked up at him and felt apprehension deep in your marrow, but he didn't move to kiss you. You pouted at him, feeling hard done by. He leaned forward to peck your pout, expression all cool and collected when he pulled away, refusing to show if you’d had any effect on him.

You hated his guts sometimes.

You'd sorted your purse out for the day and was just about ready, pulling the door open when Sirius reached out over your head and shut it, effectively pinning you between his chest and the door.

"What?" you asked.

He looked at you steadily.

"What?" you asked again, giggling nervously.

Sirius rested his hand at your neck and you felt yourself seize up as he pushed his thumb into your throat. He was gentle, sliding up slow until the tip of his index finger was pressed into the underside of your jaw. He stretched his hand out on your neck. You swallowed, which he surely felt, and then he moved his hand to that space behind your ear, thumb pulling your lips into a wonky smile.

"Smile, beautiful."

You smiled. He nodded approvingly and kissed the corner where his thumb wasn't, head tilting in, and then he pulled away like nothing had transpired.

"Ready?" he asked you. You nodded, dazed.

-

The sun was especially cruel today, you thought, taking shelter under the awning of a fragrant gelato shop. You stood as close to Sirius as you could without one, being clingy and two, being obvious, breathing in the comforting drifts of vanilla and cream.

"What flavour will you get?" Mary asked you. You got up on your tiptoes to see over the small crowd at the front of the shop.

"I'm not sure, there's too many."

"I'm gonna get strawberry," she said. "And maybe pistachio, if they have it. And rocky road. And salted caramel."

Marlene snorted. "You don't want much, then."

Mary wiped her hands down her lilac sundress, model hands pressing into her waist, wrists adorned with silver bangles that clinked when she moved. Dorcas returned from looking at the menu in the window and pushed her chin over Mary’s shoulder. “I agree with Mary.”

“Did you even hear what she said?” Marlene asked.

Dorcas smirked. “Nope.”

A lover’s quarrel ensued. You looked out the corner of your eye at Sirius and found he was doing the same thing, and you both had to look away to stop from laughing.

Lily, Remus and Emmeline had stationed themselves at a cafe table a little ways away, the latter two looking positively miserable at such warm weather, while Frank and Alice had wandered off an hour ago. James emerged from the crowd with his hands full of ice cream pots and a big fuck off cone covered in all the trappings, a flake and nuts and a maraschino cherry.

You eyed it, in awe at its gravity defying physics.

“Wonder who that one’s for,” Sirius murmured, words for your ears only. “He’s irredeemably whipped.” And then, when James kept the cone for himself, his roaring laughter, which warmed your chest. James looked over at Sirius and grinned, soft scoop on the tip of his nose, stark against his brown skin.

Lily was rolling her eyes at the whole debacle, a smaller tub of gelato in her hands.

You looked between your friends happily. Only the ones who’d heeded your advice remained unburned. Emmeline was red from head to toe and complaining of it miserably, where Remus was much more sun-kissed. James’ colour had warmed where Lily, who had let him slather her regularly in sunscreen, was still pale as milk with a dusting of pink over her face where she’d forgotten.

Dorcas and Mary had charged into the shop holding hands now the line had receded, Marlene unhappily at their heels.

“Wanna change your bet?” Sirius asked, bumping your shoulder lightly.

“Wanna change yours?” you fired back. He met your eyes and said nothing, though he was smiling something awful. “James wouldn’t let either of us. God forbid he’s right, I don’t have the galleons.”

“I’ll bankroll you,” he said.

“So generous.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard it, funnily enough.”

“Yeah?” you asked, pressing your lips together to hide your smile. “And who’s telling you these things? I’d love to meet them, compliment their ability to lie so well as to trick you, loverboy.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re going wrong.” He leaned down to talk into the shell of your ear, sounding insufferably full of himself. “Can’t lie with their mouths full.”

You chortled, pushing him away. “Girls are good fakers.”

He nodded, looking up very quickly and then back at you, struggling to hold back his own smile. “I’ll have to keep my eye on you, then, next time. Lest you pull the wool over my eyes.”

Next time.

You nodded your head as if it were the most agreeable course of action. “I’m an adept liar. Even with my mouth full.”

“You don’t mind if I test that theory?”

“Anytime you want.”

His eyes had darkened, pupils dilating. You didn’t think it was the sunlight. “I’ll hold you to it.”

You held his stare for only a few moments before you were looking away, shy again. You couldn’t understand where your flirting had come from, only that it had you crossing your legs where you stood. You looked into the parlour to avoid Sirius’ eyes and saw the line had depleted now to only your friends, who were dawdling as Mary glanced over the ice creams, sorbets and gelatos with her hands spread over the glass as she made up her mind.

You started into the shop without saying anything and he followed, knuckles brushing yours for a split second as you walked. Pins and needles traversed the skin of your hands, eating up your wrist. You screwed your hand into a fist.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Will you choose for me?” you requested, having thought little about it.

He grinned. “Sure will. You wanna go wait outside?”

It was freezing in the parlour. You weighed your options; the edging on unpleasant cold with Sirius or the sweltering summer heat with the rest of your friends.

“I’ll stay,” you said impishly, looking down at your sandals.

You could see his arm out the corner of your eye, tanned and dewed with sweat.  You were sweating yourself and still hoped for it to get warmer, excited for the opportunities higher temperatures might bring about, like shirtless Sirius, and sweaty Sirius, and maybe even cranky Sirius.

Mary had decided and was now being served two pots with 5 different flavours of gelato. You huffed a laugh through your nose, the situation made far funnier by Marlene’s clear lack of patience. Dorcas was crunching on a wafer loudly at her side. You missed Sirius ordering, much too distracted by Mary’s reception and review of each flavour, and even more so when she tried to get Marlene to taste some off of the same spoon.

You turned back, “Marl won’t even share a spoon with Mary, there’s no way they’re going out,” you informed him, turning back to find he had his wallet out and had already paid. You rummaged through your bag for your purse. “Wait, Sirius, I’ll get you back.”

“You’re alright.”

He clapped you on the shoulder in a friendly manner and then massaged the skin there in a way that was decidedly not. You listened for the sounds of the mystery throuple exiting the shop and turned around to make sure before bending your neck so your cheek rubbed against Sirius’ hand on your shoulder. His ring scratched your cheek.

“What’d you get us?”

“It’s a surprise.”

You hummed, turning your face to press your mouth into his fingers, allowing yourself a full minute of this.

Sirius squeezed your shoulder and pulled you into his side, running his hand with pressure down your arm. You turned to face him, hoping he could read the domestic contentment dripping from your every pore. Something about his returned look made you think he could.

It was an insane pleasure, this stolen moment between you both. You’d often thought that the whole, ‘you make me feel like we’re the only two people on earth’ thing was a total farce, love dramatised by fools who didn’t know better. Now, you’d admit (perhaps as a newly-stated idiot), that loving someone and feeling it returned was a transcendent feeling: the kind of feeling that had you one second standing in an ice cream parlour and the next second standing totally alone with your love for company — and it didn’t feel lonely, despite it all.

And then somebody spoke and you were tethered, back in your shoes, meeting eyes with an apron clad shop worker who handed Sirius two ice cream cones with a big customer service smile.

They were startlingly pink, besides the light brown waffle cones. Pink ice cream, pink wafer, pink chocolate straws, topped off with matching maraschino cherries.

You gawked at them.

“What are these?” you asked.

He pointed at the scoop. “That’s raspberry sorbet.”

“Right, but they’re pink?” you asked softly, adoringly, digging through your bag for your camera. “Can I take a picture of you?”

He looked like his first impulse was to say no. He, with a chagrined expression, stepped back with the ice cream counter and chalkboard menus behind him. You moved back to fit it all in frame, smiling at tough, cool Sirius not knowing which way to pose.

“Smile, baby,” you said. The pet name caught him off guard and had the desired effect, a brilliant, carefree smile overshadowing his unassuming stance.

You snapped a photo of him and cheered.

You put your camera away and let him hand off your cone, seeing it now up-close. “Wow! The wafer’s a heart,” you said, eyes wide.

“It’s a Pink-Heart cone,” he informed you, pulling his maraschino cherry free to push gently into your cone. You licked the sorbet, surprised at its refreshing, fruity flavour.

“You didn’t want something cooler? They have your favourite,” you said, glancing at the tray of vanilla brownie. “We never see that these days.”

“I thought we should match,” he said, uncharacteristically quiet. His cheeks were dusted pink as the sorbet.

You stretched up to kiss him as quickly as you could.

“Thank you,” you said, lips cold on his warm cheek. “I’m gonna get you some vanilla brownie by the time the week's up, Black.”

-

You emerged from the parlour after finishing your matching cones and nobody batted an eyelash, eager to begin the walk to the indoor market before the sun was any higher in the sky. James was fanning Lily with a menu he’d nabbed at the parlour as they walked, Lily in the throes of a deep conversation about meditation and spiritual  healing with Marl while James was turned the other way, shit-talking Sirius.

You were dawdling at his side, talking to Frank about something he couldn’t quite catch in between James’ intense conversation.

He liked how you gravitated to his side before you remembered yourself, how you fell into his step and then shook yourself. Sirius knew you were both distracted to the point of suspicion but neither of you could help it, apparently. Finally, you bumped into his side and apologised, blushing.

“You can bump into me anytime you want, sweetheart,” he said, throwing his arm around your shoulder. And, as he’d thought, everyone was so used to his flirtatious behaviour that it flew under the radar.

You relaxed under his touch and continued your conversation with Frank with no further incident. James was glaring at him when he turned back, feeling his smile slip.

James was looking at him as if to say, caught you, dickhead.

“What do you think? Yes or no?” he asked. Sirius scrambled to think of what his friend had said moments before, and thought, fuck it. Fifty-fifty chance I get this right.

“Of course, mate. Yes, all the way.”

James grinned a shit-eating grin. “You think Bulgaria has a real chance of winning this season?”

Sirius winced. “No,” he admitted. “No. I definitely do not.”

“That’s what I thought.”

James pushed his glasses up at the side with one knuckle, frowning. Sirius watched as James gaze travelled across his arm and to your shoulders, watched him study your face and your touching skin. He levelled Sirius with a shockingly uncharacteristic glare, and Sirius wasn’t surprised when James thrust the menu at Lily and grabbed his arm, pulling him away to the side.

“We both need a wee,” James lied haphazardly.

With little more than that he’d sequestered and harangued Sirius within an inch of his life, totally furious. “You absolute wanker. I tell you everything. I told you about my first erection. I told you about my second erection, which, if you remember, was very sexually confusing. I told you abou-“

“Your third erection?”

James scowled.

“You did.”

“I know I did, arsehole. That’s literally my point.”

Sirius leaned against the warm limestone wall of the charity shop James had dragged him to, now separated from the main group with no clue where they were besides the market, which was huge. They’d be lucky to find them again. Sirius wished desperately for a cigarette, and suddenly James was offering him one.

“I’m on holiday,” James sniffed at Sirius’ silent judgement, passing him the lighter.

Sirius lit his cig and kicked one leg up on the wall behind him. James attempted the same, slipped, and scowled deeper. “My point was,” he said, clutching the box of cigarettes in his hands so tightly Sirius worried he’d crush them, “we tell each other everything. So: you’re a wanker.”

“I wasn’t sure what to tell you. I’m still not sure.”

“Have you slept together?”

Sirius said nothing, flicking ash on the ground in feigned disinterest. James groaned and took his silence for what it was.

“Well, you could start there!”

“James, shall I tell you when I need to piss, as well, or are we allowing a small margin for privacy?” James looked so hurt at this that Sirius sighed and admitted defeat. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” James muttered. “Still an idiot.”

“Mm.”

“You didn’t tell Moony, did you?”

“What? When have I ever played favourites?”

“You’ve slept with two out of three of your best friends. It’s not unheard off.” The pair descended into laughter which itself descended into hacking coughs. Sirius stubbed the cigarette out under his shoe. James continued his joke. “Seriously, I’m getting insecure at this point. You only like the quiet types, or what? I can be whatever you want, baby.”

Sirius shrugged, chuckling, and found that James was right. He did like the quiet types, and that surprised him. Not that his fancying you was ever in question, but still.

“I’ll say - I imagined you with a proper bombshell.”

“Fuck off,” there was real heat behind this, ”she’s hot.”

“Sure. She’d be the hottest dame in the library.”

“Cunt.”

James’ startled laughter echoed down the streets as they set off walking again in the direction everyone else had gone.

“She’s a bombshell. A real stunner,” he argued, thinking of you in his jacket, in the shower, in his sleep shirt. “She’s killer.”

“Right, don’t get your cock out. I take it back. And it’s not that I don’t think she’s fit, it’s that she’s - Y/N. Very unassuming.”

“There was nothing unassuming about that bikini,” Sirius defended you.

“Margin of privacy, or something?”

Sirius knew he had gone red, feeling a little sleazy. He cleared his throat. “Your girlfriend is literally the smartest person we know.”

“Yeah, she is,” James agreed dreamily. “And she’s a bombshell.”

“Right. That solidifies my point. You can look freakishly hot and frequent the library.”

“My god, man, are we still on this one? I already took it back.”

“You’re a bitch.”

And with that the market came into view. The outside was busy, which made Sirius think the inside would be tenfold, herds of families and dogs on their leads could be heard from a mile away. The crowds of customers flanked each merchant, most already with a bag of goods under their arm or grease-stained brown paper bag in their fingers. Sirius could already smell the bakery on the air, salt and fresh bread and something sweet, and thought maybe he’d find you there, browsing the sweets, looking for something to share.

There was a bullet silver burger van camped out at one end of the market with a line that stretched to the other. The fragrance of hot oil and searing beef patty had both himself and Prongs looking at each other cheekily. Neither attempted to reason with the other as they joined the queue, and though both felt a shot of guilt for abandoning the group on a second excursion they couldn't be blamed, Sirius thought, half an hour later with a full stomach. We're only men. Boys, even. What were we to do? Ignore hunger?

Sirius and James pushed past stalls full of secondhand books that he knew you'd probably perused already and a man who boasted to have the newest selection of tapes, a tarp layed out with what must've been a thousand vinyl records tiled over each other like domino's that'd fallen flat, even a mobile home full of stuffed animals and porcelain dolls.

If the warm roar of the outside was anything to undertake, the inside was worse and better in different ways. Worse, much worse, to have people packed like sardines; shoulder to shoulder the people walked, prams bashing like bumper cars into the legs of dawdlers, kids screaming bloody murder anywhere you looked.

The first indoor feature was a man and what seemed to be an opening like a rabbit's burrow down into the room, toy cars piled floor to ceiling at the walls in their mint boxes. It gave the room an illusion of shrinking, he thought, and was likely due an imminent cave in. Sirius wouldn't go in there, to James' great disappointment. He ragged him for his cowardice until he was distracted by a stand of handmade copper trees endowed with sweeping boughs of crushed crystal coloured warm orange, cerulean blue, raspberry pink and a sunset purple so light that the light that shone through it took on no colour, where the others acted like stained glass, catching the light where it could to arc lines across the table.

"Ooh, Lily would find this so darling."

Sirius rolled his eyes at his ridiculous best friend, turning from the admittedly gorgeous trees to look, sceptical, at a series of bird shaped statuettes similarly made up of wire where fabric took the place of crystals to create feathers. He wasn't overly fond and moved on again to the next table, which was laden with velvet boxes tucked carefully with rings.

Most were of the time, natural, raw gemstone set in silver and gold. Some were more proper, a general everyday man's engagement or promise ring. He looked at these with no illusion of anything but still a general thrumming fondness that maybe one day he'd be looking over a kindred selection for something for you. And then he felt so absurd he forced himself to turn to the other side of the wide aisle to a different stall. It was from the same vendor but this table was stacked with earrings. The large majority were silver or sterling, shaped after simple things like stars, hearts, ladybugs and kittens.

Like the rings, there was a velvet tray of gemstone earrings as well. Roughly half were silver, the other gold, each set with shining stones. Though he had no clue how authentic any of them were, the sign boasted amethyst, jasper, carnelian, dark lapis lazuli and jade. The jade piqued his interest. He racked his eyes over the studs until he'd zeroed in on green, marbled cabochons set in gold. A spiky yellow sticky note just underneath said 'REAL JADE AVAILABLE, SEE ATTENDANT. IMITATION JADE ON DISPLAY'.

That answered his question about authenticity

When he'd finished at the jewellery stand he found James, who was where he'd left him, haggling over a small copper tree.

"Prongs," he said disapprovingly.

"Yeah, alright," James said, opening his wallet to pay the vendor in full.

"You've more money than half the people here put together and you're trying to rip off a struggling artist," Sirius said scornfully as they moved on, though it wasn't fully serious. James grinned, shaking the small tree in his hands and pausing to listen to the small sounds it made.

"It's not about the money," James said, tree still up to his ear, "it's about the haggling itself."

"Surely you can draw entertainment from other facets of your life? Like a normal person?"

"What do you suggest?" he said devilishly.

"Let’s find the sorry lot first before you start planning any jokes," Sirius suggested.

James nodded sagely. "Yes, yes. Brilliant idea once again, my handsome friend."

"Handsome!"

"Fiendishly so."

"You're not half bad yourself," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

James needled into his path, silly, melodious tree still held higher than it had any reason to be held. He was close enough to kiss, which had been the intention, openly trying to feel Sirius up a touch as the butchers came into view.

"Maybe we should get something for dinner," James thought aloud, forgetting his seduction.

Sirius pulled his necklace from under the fabric of his shirt to run between his fingers, biting his bottom lip thoughtlessly. "I don't know," he said, thinking it over.

James nodded as if Sirius had said something more and said himself agreeably, "Right - what if Lily had the same idea. We rock home with enough for everyone and she's got double."

Sirius was peering over people's heads, searching for a familiar face. It was impossible to distinguish individuals from the fast moving crowds and he quickly gave up, flicking James square in the forehead.

James' hand came up to hit Sirius back and he caught it. "No need to get violent."

James tried again.

"Mate," Sirius laughed, having blocked him for a second time.

"You flicked me!"

"Yeah, cos it's your fault we don't know where anyone is."

"It's your fault for not telling me you're fucking Y/N!"

"You are?" Mary asked, wide eyed.

She'd appeared from the right, holding a pastry in a paper bag and looking very shocked at this revelation.

"No, Mary," Sirius said. Pleaded. Not no as in no, I'm not, but no as in good lord, please don't repeat that. No, as in, let the ground swallow me up where I stand.

She took a bite of her donut looking indelibly satisfied by this discovery.

The others were close behind her but not quite there yet. Sirius took the opportunity to stand crossly and spitefully on James' foot, pressing down with his heel. His mouth opened in a silent scream, and, after blinking rapidly, he hung his head. "I deserved that."

"You did. Where's Y/N?" Sirius imparted the first sentence on James and then the question to Remus, who was eating a chocolate donut. He chewed his treat slowly and made no effort to answer.

"She couldn't decide what to get," Lily provided, holding a bag out towards her boyfriend. "Oh, is that for me? We'll trade."

"She's that way?" Sirius asked, nodding.

"Yep. Enjoy your boy talk?" Lily asked him with a knowing smile, and fuck, did everyone know now?

"No. James got a semi. Super awkward," Sirius informed her solemnly.

He smiled to himself at the group's raucous laughter and set off to find you in the market, following the smell of toasted sugar until the bakery was in sight, a three-sided booth with a grill that was cooking freshly made Welsh cakes and scones. You were standing a little ways off, looking worriedly at the bulging paper bag in your hand, talking to yourself silently. You looked a vision, skin shining with the golden light streaking from the skylights, your hair a little messier than it had started this morning, lips hinting at a pout.

He'd managed to get toe to toe with you before you noticed him, and you jumped at someone suddenly in your space. When you realised it was him you smiled big, cleaving him effectively clean in two, before frowning.

"You scared me," you complained.

"I'm sorry," he said, so close he had to look down to talk to you.

You didn't mind his proximity, reaching up nonchalantly to push hair out of his eyes, bracelet slipping down your wrist.

"Did James rag you terribly?"

"Not really," he said, the small stresses of the day falling away as you spoke, "he was more interested in what's in my trousers than you, I'm afraid."

You were bemused, shaking your head. Your hand fell away from behind his ear to offer him the paper bag. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got a couple."

He looked into the paper bag full of his favourites and kept his face expressionless, worried if he started smiling too often at you he might never stop.

"What's for you?"

"I haven't decided."

He looked at you carefully. "Do you want something now?"

You were bashful, "I really can't decide. They all look nice."

"Pick whatever you want and I'll get it."

"No way, you already got me ice cream."

"You got me these, so we're square."

"And if you buy me sweets we'll be unbalanced again."

You didn't win the argument, compromising in that you'd only let him get you your favourite one and nothing more, licking the crumbs from the corner of your mouth as you chewed. Neither of you had rushed to find the group again, content to lean against a sliver of bare wall opposite the bakery booth away from everybody for a little while.

"You're not gonna have one?" you asked, looking crestfallen.

He grimaced, stomach still swimming in grease. The burgers would stay a secret between him and James, but he'd rectify your expression.

"I'm saving them for after," he said, appeasing you with both hands smoothing flat the top of your head to your neck, holding you still to kiss the top of your head. "Thank you, sweetheart."

You nodded and went back to your treat looking a little starstruck, if he did say so himself, his hands coming to rest loosely over your shoulders. It was nice, to stand there listening to other people living their lives, an amicable silence between you both as you ate, occasionally looking up at him with something to say about a passerby.

When you finished you wiped your face with a napkin and moved a hand up to hold his forearm, looking deep in thought, eyes on your touching skin.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

You looked like you might answer. He leaned down to hear you over the noise of the market but you never did end up saying anything, resting your cheek against his arm until you both figured you were stealing time.

Sirius led you to where your friends had last been. You'd hesitantly hooked your pinky finger through his as you walked, looking anywhere else but his face. He would've laughed at your shyness - he'd fucked you to the point of tears only last night - but he was endeared to you so deeply he couldn't summon up the sound. You dropped his hand when you reunited with your friends and was whisked away by Remus, to his disappointment. Lily laughed at this.

“You have been monopolising her,” she said pointedly. “She has other friends.”

“Not like me.”

Lily shrugged, grinning wickedly. “Guess not.”

“You spend too much time with James.”

“Says you.”

“There wasn’t a path for my life where I didn’t end up this way, Lilykins.”

She looked like she would disagree.

“I know this is a no magic holiday,” James whispered, looking in your general direction sheepishly, “but are we sure we can’t just apparate home now? I wish we’d brought the car.”

“The walk was good for us! And besides, what else could we have done all day?” Lily asked.

James descended on her, “I’m so glad you’ve asked that, love. I was thinking-“

Lily slapped her hand over his mouth.

“We’ve talked about this.”

Sirius tuned out of that conversation in a brilliant show of willpower and found his eyes on your back. He then shook himself terribly and thought, dear lord, I’m worse than James.

“Where are we going now?” he asked quite loudly, hoping to catch everyone’s attention. It worked to a degree as everybody stopped walking, though if it answered any questions was up to opinion.

“We're starving,” Mary said.

“You didn’t eat, did you?” Lily asked.

James smiled easily. “No ma’am.”

“Where are we?” you asked.

“Where’s Frank and Alice?”

“Some pub, they said. The Seagull.”

“We could go there? I quite fancy something cold.”

And so off the group went, trudging along sunburned or at the least sunwarmed, James leading the way because he swore he knew exactly where the pub was and this was definitely the quickest way. Then, when he asked for directions, the group miserably began walking back towards the sea.

The Seagull was a twenty minute walk from the Potter’s beachside home, which was reassuring, as the group didn’t look like they had much left in them.

“You know,” Sirius said, “you could’ve disapparated home and fetched the car.”

“It's a no magic holiday! We were very clear about this!”

“Grow up.”

“Y/N,” James called very loudly, “Sirius is dissing the no magic holiday!”

You looked over at them and sniffed. “I won’t recover.”

The group joined forces to tag team him until he’d had enough, pulling his trump card.

“So I’ll suppose you’ve all been doing the washing up manually?” Nobody would meet his eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“Lighten up, Black,” you said, drifting to his side like the breeze had carried you. “I’ve been doing them all with my hands.”

He frowned at you. “Since when do you do dishes?”

You bristled. “And what does that mean?”

“You should not be doing the dishes. I do your dishes.”

“I’m a grown up,” you said, embarrassed now.

“You haven’t been doing other peoples, have you?”

“Sirius, friendship is doing things for other people. You do my dishes. I do James or Lily’s or whoever’s — it's the same thing.”

“It’s not the same thing.” We’re hardly just friends, he didn’t say.

You walked in silence then, not mad at each other but at an understanding that there was more to be said in a less public space because you both knew exactly why Sirius did your dishes and opened doors for you, rubbed your back when you were sick and brought you soup. Not for a reward or with any expectation, but because you were his best friend, and he liked you to a point beyond that line.

There were a lot of things you probably should’ve said to each other by now. You should’ve talked about it. He should’ve told you how he felt the moment you’d kissed him and shocked him more than anything had ever shocked him in his life, frozen and wondering if he’d walked into a daydream.

But. He didn’t bring it up. You didn’t bring it up. And it felt right - that there was no question there, that there was no sudden affirmation. He realised you’d always been on this route together and the kiss hadn’t been between two friends, it had been between him and you. He wanted to reach out and hug you, upon this realisation, wanted to pepper you in kisses and praises like you deserved. How dreadful that so much love would have to be kept for tonight, or even tomorrow.

“Sirius?” you whispered.

“What?”

“Are we a secret?” you asked quietly.

He thought about it. Yards behind the others you meandered, content to walk in the summer evening and take in the sights, take in the other person, to roll in the simple pleasure of each other’s company surrounded by friends with nothing in the world to work out besides each other.

“Do you want to be?” he asked.

“No!” you cleared your throat. “No. I - I don’t want to be, if you don’t want to be. But, maybe for a little while longer…”

He nodded, having been thinking the same thing. “Let’s me and you work this out first, sweetheart.”

You opened your mouth to add something and was immediately cut off by James, who stood in front of The Seagull, waiting. “Come on, lovebirds, we’ve beer to drink!”

“He’s always so grandiose,” you laughed, and then, looking at him, “not that you’re much better.”

“Definitely need a doctor after that one, doll. Good one,” he said sarcastically, accepting the door from James and letting you walk in first, other hand pressed to his heart like he was wracked with pain.

The pub was nice and clean, more of a restaurant than a pub, really, with big ceilings and lots of open space. The smell of roast and gravy and then, under it all, the unmistakable sweetness of cocoa powder thickened the room, yellow light burning away in sconces on the walls. He walked over a paisley red carpet on your tail, past families at long, dark wood tables, past booths and the bar, where the wall was backlit and bright showcasing a miraculous variety of drinks, their bottles glowing like lava lamps. There was a small hallway which opened into a big, conservatory-like room lined with booths that surrounded a dance floor and a small stage at the back. The summer breeze drifted in through the open patio where a stone veranda housed tens of metal tables and chairs.

The veranda was where Alice and Frank were stationed, both obviously having already drunk their fill. They cheered with the rest of the group's arrival, Frank raising a mostly empty pint glass.

“Where the fuck have you guys been?”

Sirius helped James manhandle the tables into one big one and pulled a chair out for you, then threw himself into the one next to you.

“Where haven’t we been!” Dorcas said excitedly.

“Can we have a round before Dorcas starts her rendition?” Marlene asked. “I would like to be tipsy for this.”

“I’m parched,” Mary agreed.

“I thought you were hungry?”

“I’m both. Starved and parched, truly.”

Sirius pressed his knee to yours. “What’re you having?”

-

You tipped back the dregs of your drink, feeling the beginnings of warmth curling in your stomach, licking up your skin to nest in your chest happily. Tipsy warmth was soon holding your body like a lover, and you found yourself ridiculously happy. Sirius had been lovely all day and only got better with drink, hand under the table and squeezing your thigh.

He’d inched closer and his hand had inched higher under your skirt to match, pinky finger a hair's width from your underwear. He wasn’t trying anything, simply rubbing your leg as he chatted and laughed with the others]. You tried not to let it go to your head.

Your chips had gone cold by now. You reached for one anyway, cringing as you chewed.

Sirius slipped his hand in your shoulder bag and pulled out the baked goods you’d purchased for him earlier.

“Help me eat these.”

You stood so you could assess what he had. He tore the paper bag to lay the sweets out flat, a brownie and a donut, a millionaires shortbread and half a danish. You leaned down to inspect them, really thinking, moving half in front of Sirius’ chair.

You felt his knuckles against the back of your thigh. He drew a teasing line that made you shiver, dipping his hand under your skirt. He pushed the flat of his hand up the inside of your thigh and stopped before he could touch you. You turned sideways to protest, eyes landing on his slouched form. His other hand came up to your waist, straightening you out so you couldn’t see his face.

“Which one do you want, sweetheart?”

You struggled to make a decision. The tip of his finger was moving against your underwear now, so lightly it tickled. If he hadn’t been holding you in place you would’ve squirmed away. He shifted his leg in between yours, his shoe nudging your sandal, forcing your legs open that little bit more. His hand came up flat palmed against your cunt, rubbing. You moaned and looked around you with wide eyes.

Your friends were all half-cut or preoccupied. James was sitting on Lily’s leg, talking very passionately about something with wide eyes, so enthusiastic his drink sloshed over the side of his cup to drip over his legs. Remus and Emma had disappeared in a drunken bid to win something from the claw machines. The girls were drinking from a pitcher of gin and watching the tv at the back, you could hardly see them through the other restaurant goers who now populated the patio. Frank and Alice were both on the verge of being paralytic.

You would’ve intervened had Sirius not started searching, big fingers pushing your underwear into the crease of your cunt, looking for your sensitive clit.  When he found it he bullied it, sweeping rough lines until your legs were shaking. You braced yourself on the cold metal table and looked down at your skirt. You couldn’t tell what he was doing if you were an outsider, but you knew, and this was all enough to have you wet and seeping through the cotton of your underwear.

He knew it as soon as you did. “Baby…” he said softly, voice full of an arousal so reverential it made your legs weak. “Are you wet?”

You giggled weakly as he pushed your underwear to one side, fingers finding your wetness. He didn’t enter you, only pushed your slick up your front to circle your clit. He slid your clit between his two fingers and you were so scandalised you sat down forcefully on his leg with his hand trapped between you. He laughed, flexing his fingers before pulling away.

He leaned forward like nothing had happened and picked up the millionaires shortbread with the same fingers he’d just used to make a mess of you, fingers still shining. He sat up properly and pulled you to his chest, bringing the biscuit to your mouth. He didn’t say anything and neither did you, but he didn’t move until you’d taken a bite. He pulled it from you and you turned to watch him eat the rest, the heat between your legs was unbearable as he licked his fingers clean.

He laughed at your reaction to his amorous behaviour, swaying you on his lap, hand clutching your hip. “You look appalled.”

You shifted backwards on him in a staged show of wanting to talk to him privately. If he was going to play dirty, you would too, your thought, brushing yourself against his crotch. “Whatever is poisoning your mind is incurable, Sirius.”

“If the wet patch on my leg is anything to go by,” he whispered back, “I’d say you were suffering the same sickness.”

You shook your head, turning your body to cover your actions from prying eyes. You put your hand down flat an inch from his cock and spread your fingers, pleased at how his pupils had dilated. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He squeezed your waist with enough pressure to make you hesitate, moving so his mouth was hovering over your collarbone.

“What was it you said earlier, doll? You’re a good liar, even with your mouth full?”

“Adept,” you corrected him, breath hitching as his teeth dragged against your skin, “I’m an adept liar, even with my mouth full.”

He breathed warm air on your skin in a brief chuckle.

“That’s where you’re wrong. Your mouth’s empty and your lies are something awful. You think I don’t feel you making a mess on me right now?” he teased, lifting his head. You ducked yours.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What else did you say, hmm?”

You looked down at his lap to avoid his eyeline, wearily eyeing his hardening cock. “I don’t remember.”

His hand climbed your back until he was at your neck, lifting your head up. He looked much too calm and collected to suit you, eyes half-lidded.

“Gonna let me test your theory, doll?”

You smoothed your hand over his cock, revelling in his twitches. You squeezed his length and said coyly, “What theory?”

He grabbed your hand, the only sign he’d been affected by you. “Will you play stupid all night? I can treat you like you’re stupid, if you like.”

“I’m not stupid,” you mumbled, hand burning in his. “I’m a good liar, is all.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. You were both frozen in time, waiting to see who would give in.

He narrowed his eyes.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to the bathroom. You’re going to sit here looking all pretty and making a mess in my seat. You can even have another pastry, if you like,” he said this with a sardonic smile. “And then you’ll come meet me in the bathroom, and we’ll see how good of a liar you really are.”

You swallowed.

A slither of his usual softness welled to the surface. “Is that alright, sweetheart?”

You tried not to smile as you nodded.

He helped you up off of his lap, looking like he might kiss you before he went. He didn’t, turning sharply to the doors and exiting quickly. You followed him with your eyes, felt your longing like a harp string being plucked between your legs as the minutes ticked on. The anticipation had you shifting in your seat, worried he was right and you’d leave behind a clear mark of your excitement behind when you got up. You gathered the spoils he’d left behind and wrapped them back up as best you could to hide away in your purse.

You counted to sixty five times, just to be sure, concerned somebody would see you follow him out and connect the dots before you were ready for them to be connected.

You walked the small hallway with your heart in your throat, coming to the unisex bathroom. It was locked.

You knocked.

It was pulled open quick and shut quicker, Sirius pulling you in fast enough to steal the air from your lungs. You laughed and he laughed, mouths meeting in a wanting kiss, desperate after so many hours of dancing around each other, his hand forceful at the nape of your neck as he pulled you to his mouth with no time for soft touches.

“Is this okay?” he asked. “I know I was abrupt. Is this okay?”

You nodded over and over, trying to catch him in a kiss again. His laugh was melodic and hoarse at once, holding you back with his hands on either side of your face.

“You’ll tell me if you don’t want this?”

“I’ll tell you,” you agreed, aiming for his neck. He finally set you free after seconds that stretched like millennia. You used your freedom to kiss his jawline, pinching things down his neck that had him grasping your hair.

He pulled you back to his lips and pushed you up against the countertop that housed the sinks basin. There wasn’t enough room for him to set you up there which he lamented loudly.

“Thought the theory involved my mouth?” you asked bravely.

He looked surprised and then his eyes clouded up with lust a shade worse than before.

“Who’s the guinea pig?” he asked as you kissed down his neck again, down and down and down until you were on your knees in front of him, pushing his shirt up to kiss his torso lightly, plastering each tattoo in a blanket of affection.

“Definitely you,” you said, hands at his waistband. You pulled it from his skin and let it fall again, a soft snap that made him hiss through his teeth. You looked up at him and gave him your most demure smile, keeping eye contact as you slipped your hand into his trousers, into his boxers, closing your fist gently around his aching length. You pushed up to full height on your knees and watched yourself carefully stroke his length, nervous but wanting to do well.

Sirius was back to the version of him you didn’t see so much, suave and debonair with his hand resting at the back of your head. You looked away to dip forward, pausing with your mouth by his head. You stuck your tongue out and licked.

He groaned, hand tightening in your hair. Esteem raised by his reaction, you worked the bottom of his shaft with one hand and took him into your mouth, sucking his head. You popped off and started again, opening your mouth wider, using your tongue to your advantage. Already spit was gathering at the corners of your mouth waiting to dribble down your chin, you pulled back to catch it in your hand, pumping his cock with your wet fingers.

The taste of precum filled your mouth as you paced yourself, taking slow mouthfuls of him. He was beginning to guide you gently off and on to his cock, establishing a rhythm. He tried to guide you back and your resisted, taking as much as him as you could manage before you gagged on his cock, dribble connecting your mouth to his dick when he pulled you off, moaning loudly.

“Fuck, don’t do that.”

“You didn’t like it?”

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to," he reprimanded, eyes closing as you worked back down, bobbing your head as you worked. His grip was tighter now, and as he began to thrust up to meet your mouth you found yourself with your spare hand between your legs, spreading your cunt to play in your own slick, pushing two fingers inside yourself.

Sirius eventually opened his eyes and his cock jumped in your mouth at the sight of you.

“Fucking your mouth, you like this? This the kind of thing that turns you on?” he asked, moving his other hand so both were braced behind your head.

He thrust in and you stayed down on his cock for as long as you could manage, breathing through your nose. You gagged, wet eyes shutting on instinct.

He brought his thumb to your cheek. “Show me those pretty eyes."

You opened them, bleary with tears, to look into his handsome face adoringly. He tipped his head back, eyes on the sealing. “Fuck, I’m so fucking lucky. So fucking lucky, baby. You’re fucking-“ he was cut off as you pushed his cock against the back of your throat, hand tightening painfully in your hair.

You almost felt bad when you had to pull away, gasping. He was panting, thumb digging into your cheekbone. You caught your breath with your face pressed to his thigh and tummy, kissing his tattooed torso mindlessly as you pumped his shaft, rubbing your finger pads over the head of his cock to collect his beading precum.

His abdomen was tensing, you realised smugly. His breathing was fast and coloured by his voice. He almost sounded desperate.

You stuck your tongue out and rested this coke on it momentarily, and then away. “Ask me something?”

“What?” he questioned.

“Test your hypothesis,” you ordered him, aiming for the back of your throat again. He seized up, smiling wickedly at your game.

“Fuck… how’s this cock baby? Hitting the back of your pretty throat?” he was convincing, if a little breathless.

“No,” you said, or rather hummed, the sound travelling down his cock. He moaned, holding his hand against the side of your face.

“Y’so fucking good for me, letting me bruise up your throat.”

You pulled away to breathe. “I’m not.”

He grinned something awful. “No?”

You felt spit dripping down your face, pooling at your sternum. He fucked your mouth, your throat, not so it hurt but enough to agitate your gag reflex and tear ducts. He was moaning a steady stream of curse words now and they sounded like the sweetest thing - breathy and deep.

He wiped your eyes and cheeks with the meat of his palm for a moment, cleaning you up. “You’re fucking pretty.”

You smiled with his dick against your lips.

He fisted your hair and didn’t last much longer with your lips around him, pushing you away semi-gently to fist his throbbing cock until he was cumming over his torso.

“That’s spiteful,” you said, hand clutching his thigh.

“What is?” he asked, exasperated.

“Could’ve cum in my mouth,” you said, bravado dissolving as you went, words starting brave and ending shy.

He pouted at you condescendingly. “Oh, I’m sorry, doll. You’re right, I’m spiteful.” His thumb at your wet bottom lip, opening your mouth. “Spiteful - but not selfish. You can kiss it off me, if you like?”

You called his bluff and leaned forward. He pulled back. "How's my girl? You want me to take care of you?"

"No. Keep your hands off of me, Sirius."

You were a terrible liar, mouth full or not.

-

Your hair was wet, soaking even, salt water dribbling down your back, and you were cold enough now to regret your dip in the ocean, to regret even more that you'd left your shirt and jacket at the cottage. The sun shone all morning before this, the tide as close as it could be when you'd first made it down this morning, Sirius taking your hand to spin you around, dancing as you went. The rock pools had been filled, the sand freshly dampened under your bare feet.

You went for a swim while the sun was bouncing around on the waves, Sirius pulling you in without a word. He'd left his shirt on the drier sand and you'd both stood beaming, ankle deep in the sea and with little clothing. He'd grabbed you up and chucked you into deep water, where you emerged livid, throwing yourself at his chest to topple him over. He'd fallen into the water, waves lapping at his chest with you half on top of him, giggling in victory. It reminded you of your first kiss, laughing and unable to help yourself as you leaned down and connected, hand splayed on his lovely chest, feeling the metal of his pendant warm under your touch. You’d spent a long time like that kissing and smiling under the warmth of the sun until the cloud cover stole away the heat and left you a damp, shivering mess.

Sirius had retrieved his t-shirt and you’d quickly pulled it over your damp skin, long enough to cover your bikini bottoms when standing.

“You should keep that one.”

“Yeah?”

“Looks good.”

You twirled as you walked, shuffling backwards and him facing forwards, chasing the sun down the beach. You trusted him not to let you trip.

You felt like a new version of yourself. Hair wet, skin damp and clammy from the cold sea breeze and somehow still in high spirits, smiling as you trekked backwards over the squishy sand.

“We can’t go up there without shoes,” he said, pointing at the darker shade of rocks that covered some of the beach, “but we can definitely try to find one lower down.”

You searched, or rather Sirius searched and you watched his face. His eyes brightened when he spotted one that seemed to be traversable without putting both your lives in imminent danger.

“D’you see that?” he asked suddenly.

No, you thought, obviously I didn’t see that. You’re handsome and you fancy me and you think I’m going to spend my time with my eyes on the ground?

“No,” you admitted instead. He grabbed your shoulder in one big hand and pointed towards the sandy edges of a rock pool. You followed his finger to discover what had captured his attention: a small brown crab was scuttling around, burying itself in sand and then emerging, indecisive.

Only when you got closer did you realise it was a hermit crab, it’s shell a rich yellow ochre edged in deep browns. Sirius mad a wide circle around the crab and kneeled on one side, encouraging you to do the same.

You kneeled opposite him, felt your knees sinking into the damp sand. It coated your skin.

Sirius, shirtless, looking like he’d descended from some empyrean place where the streets ran deep in milk and honey and smiling like he was somewhere similar in your company. You felt, emphatically, that disconcerting feeling of blindness that came on occasion with being around him, felt as though looking at him for too long would leave his image burned into your eyelids. Masochistically, you found yourself unable to look away. He reached out his hand, knuckles flat to the coarse sand and was ecstatic when the hermit crab crawled close, slowly making its way into his palm. You couldn’t believe it, looking at him in shock. He looked up at you with elation in even the lines of his face and you found he wasn’t so blinding, after all; he was looking at you, you were looking back. The clouds shifted and gold leaked from the sky in gossamer threads, framing him in lustre, warming your chilled skin.

“You want to hold it?” he asked, frantically transferring the crab from palm to palm.

“No.”

“He won’t bite.”

“He has pincers.”

Sirius thrust his hand at you and the crab almost flew off. It then pinched him to which he turned his hand upside down with a shriek, shaking it off.

“Told you so,” you said. He nodded to himself, expression agreeable, and then got to his feet, his thighs at your eye level. You pulled at the edge of his borrowed t-shirt where it stuck to your wet skin.

“You did,” he said, looking at your thighs. You pretended not to notice until he met your eyes. “Still cold?”

“No, baby,” you said, words soft and ridiculous in your mouth. You said it anyhow, overtaken by fondness. “The sun's out.”

He smiled and bent down to kiss you.

-

“James,” you said later, showered and fed and trying to be discreet. The others were playing an intense game of crazy eights, from which you’d dragged your friend away. “I need a favour.”

James looked back at the large coffee table covered in booze and cards and surrounded by your laughing friends and said, “Can’t it wait ‘til we’re not having such a knee-slapping good time?”

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. He huffed.

“Fine, yes, what do you want?”

“I need you take me into town.”

He gasped. “Town! Whatever for?”

“Can’t you avoid talking like a posh wanker for a bit? I’ve only just eaten.”

He found this so funny he forgot to be mad, which was brilliant as you’d not intended any maliciousness to come with it.

“Why are we going to town?” he asked, turning from you to collect the keys.

“I want-“ right, you hadn’t technically admitted your situation to James yet, “I want to get a quart of vanilla brownie ice cream.”

“We have ice cream here!”

“Right, but we don’t have vanilla brownie .”

He frowned sympathetically. “Your period?”

You laughed boisterously and, when Sirius turned to look at you from the coffee table, cleared your throat.

“It’s for Sirius. It’s his favourite and we never see it anywhere and I want to do something nice,” you whispered, cheeks heating.

His smile was kind.

“Alright, get your shoes on.”

-

“So, you’re fucking?”

“James, please keep your eyes on the road.”

-

You’d managed to charm the ice cream to stay frozen and shoved it under your bed when Sirius opened the door. You flinched up and tried to look as casual as possible, hands behind your back.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked, closing the door behind him softly. He flicked the light on at the wall.

You couldn’t help smiling. It was ridiculous. You had a secret to keep but seeing him made you overtly happy.

“What’s with the smile?” he asked.

“When do people usually smile?”

He leaned against the door casually. “Something good happen on your fun run with Jamie? I don’t believe it.”

“You’re so mean. You do know he's your best friend?”

Sirius tipped his head back against the door and levelled you with a smirk. “I thought you were my best friend?”

“I am.”

You sat down against your bed's headboard, unable to work out what he was thinking.

“Come play Rummy.”

You let yourself fall flat on your pillow, groaning. “There’s only so many card games I can lose.”

“Exactly, and I already beat you in most. Be generous and give me the full sweep.”

“I’m tired.”

“Come on,” he said, walking over to pull you up by the hands. “Cards and drinks and then bed.”

“Swear?”

He was laughing now, pulling you into his hold. “Swear.”

You leaned into his chest for a self-indulgent moment and then you let him spirit you downstairs. The living room was airy and bright as the evening began. Everyone was exactly how you’d left them, half cut and giggling, piles of sweets and werthers in place of poker chips.

Remus seemed to be the most intoxicated out of everybody. You sat down next to him and Sirius followed, knee touching your knee cross-legged in front of the table.

“What happened to not needing alcohol to have fun?” you asked him.

“That's still true! I could be having fun without it, now I am having fun with it,” he said, talking out the side of his mouth. “Take Emma, she’s sober and she’s having a brilliant time.”

Emma was giggling wildly. “I don’t need to drink to have fun. The worse you get the more I win.” She had a large mound of winnings.

“What’re you having?” Lily asked, sitting on the arm of James’ chair.

“I’ll get it,” Sirius said, standing up, “I know exactly what she wants.” The joke was that he brought back two bottles of beer, chuckling at your grimace. He convinced you to try it. “You never try anything new, sweetheart, I’m widening your palate.”

You’d murmured, stupidly, “You widened my palate just fine last night.”

He choked on his mouthful of beer, slamming the bottle down hard enough to topple Emma’s tower of sweets. You took a tentative sip of your own and hated it.

“What is this?”

“James brought it.”

“Well, if that’s true this is blatant sabotage.”

“Try mine instead?”

You eyed his bottle suspiciously. It was darker than yours had been. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Try it!” he prodded, holding it closer to your mouth.

You shuffled back until your back was digging into Dorcas’ calves. She didn’t notice, half asleep on Mary’s shoulder while Mary and Marlene talked over her head.

“Try it,” he said again, rim of the bottle at your lips.

You let him tip it into your mouth and when you’d tasted enough you slapped your hand over his, pushing it away. You swallowed, almost gagging. “That’s much, much worse,” you said hoarsely.

“You’re pathetic.” Funny how that made you feel warm instead of sad. You shook your head at your own thoughts and pushed his hand away.

“I want something nice,” you complained quietly.

“There’s Pimms in the fridge,” Emma said, shuffling cards for Rummy.

“What the fuck! And you got me beer?”

“Widening your palate!”

“It’s wide enough!”

You climbed up onto your feet, felt his hand on your knee as you climbed over him to pour two glasses of pimms from the pitcher in the fridge, putting extra fruit in yours. Then you slinked back into your spot and took up your cards for Rummy, settling in for a good night. Sirius accepted the pimms though he didn’t look like he wanted to, tipping his fruit into your glass.

Halfway into the second game you leaned into Sirius’ side.

“What?” he asked you, dipping his head in.

“I don’t know the rules,” you whispered.

"I know you don't. Want me to teach you?"

"No."

He rolled his eyes and slipped his hand behind your back, fingertips pushing beneath the waist of your corduroys to mess with the elastic of your underwear absentmindedly as he expertly instructed your next play.

-

You mildly recognised when Sirius, having tucked you into his bed that night after too much alcohol soaked fruit, got up. Assuming he needed the bathroom you'd curled into the place he'd previously been, leaching his warmth and breathing in his smell. You weren't sure how long you drifted, waiting for him to come back but when he did he was buzzing with something akin to excitement, bringing his hand to your face.

"Wake up, sweetheart."

You looked at him in annoyance. "It's night time."

"You're so smart."

"I don't know why you're mocking me. I'm right," you complained, trying to hide your face in his side.

He rubbed your back in a placating manner before pinching the flesh of your waist. "Get up."

"Why?"

"I have something for you."

"Can't wait 'till tomorrow?"

"Nope. Quick, get dressed. Or don't," he added, fingers pushing up past the hem of your shirt to cup one of your breasts. This had you much more awake than his voice “I like this outfit. Doesn’t matter either way.”

“Where are we going?” you asked, feeling yourself melt under his touch. He moved his hand back to your ribs and squeezed.

“The beach.”

“We can’t swim, the tides out.”

“We’re not swimming. I’ve made a picnic.” He said this quietly, softly. You pushed a stray lock of hair behind his ear and considered your options. Then, with no choice, you dragged yourself out of bed and shrugged on a short, black skirt and a jacket overtop the oversized shirt you’d been sleeping in. You threaded your hand through the fabric circle on your camera and let it dangle from your wrist.

“Time is it?” you asked, shoving your socked feet roughly into a pair of ankle high canvas shoes. You didn’t bother tying the laces well, tucking them into the shoe.

“Past midnight, now.”

You followed him down the stairs and out the silent house as quietly as you could, hurrying down the path to the seashore. Sirius carried a picnic basket with a blanket stuffed between the handles and the camping lamp on top in one hand and took yours in the other, swinging it gently as you walked.

“We could’ve done this in the morning.”

“I was thinking…” he began, helping you pick over driftwood and seaweed to a patch of sand that looked dry enough. He set the picnic basket down and you took one end of the blanket from his hand to help him spread it out. Once it was done he looked at you from across the blanket. “That this would be our last night as a secret.”

“Okay,” you said, not smiling.

“Okay?”

You cracked, beaming. “Yeah, okay, idiot. Course it’s okay. Are you kidding?”

He moved the basket to the middle of the blanket and sat down heavily. You sat by his side, looking up at the sky, void black and smattered in stars like crushed pearls, breaths blanketed by the sound of far off waves cresting the shore. He cracked open the picnic blanket and found he’d made your favourite kind of sandwich and cut them all small, diced up fruit and drinks spelled to stay chilled.

“No magic holiday,” you muttered under your breath, taking one of the cold drinks into your hand. “Why does nobody respect the no magic holiday?”

“Babe. I didn’t want to say, but — your camera is enchanted. Did you know?”

You took the camera from your wrist and turned it on. “Fine, whatever. Can you begrudge me when I’ve had so many nice photos?” you asked, and then emphasised with a flash as you took one of him unawares.

He shuffled backwards and moved the basket to the side, switching the battery lamp off. “You’ll have to show me that one before I destroy the damn thing.”

“Don’t worry. You’re very photogenic,” you comforted him. You performed the spell and soon the photo was trying to project into the air. You turned the camera downwards and it was displayed across the blanket, Sirius’ handsome, surprised face, eyes blown by the flash.

“Hate that,” he remarked, stretching his legs out. You shifted closer to his side and tucked one of your legs over his, happy when his hand instantly came up to mess with your thigh.

You flicked to the next photo, one you’d taken hours previous of Remus nauseated in James lap, looking unhappy with Lily who was perched on the arm. James looked positively incensed, staring straight into the lens.

The next photo: James outside the ice cream parlour, the stainless steel bucket of vanilla brownie ice cream in his hands, beaming.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked.

“Nothing,” you said, flicking to the next photograph quickly.

Most of the group gathered at the kitchen table that morning for brunch, Sirius with his hair still wet from the shower. James had made enough blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes to feed a small army in the middle of the table, Mary squirting lemon juice over Emma’s pancakes. Marlene had a heaping spoonful of sugar suspended over her plate.

The early hours of the same morning, a wide shot of Sirius in the bathroom putting on deodorant while you waited in his bed. You still remembered how the morning had felt, warm and still dark out, your bare legs hiked up close to your body with his pillow pressed to your chest after a lazy, half-asleep make out session, your lips still tingling as you’d reached for the camera.

A group photo at The Seagull taken by a muggle who’d been amazed by the camera. Remus and Sirius had thrown their arms over your shoulders and each other, Lily on Remus' other side throwing up leave signs as James posed with his back to her side and his arms crossed. Alice and Frank had been too tipsy to do anything but smile abashedly as the rest of the girls took to kneel in front of them, all beaming, even shy Emma.

A few from the market of the amazing things you’d seen, as well as the weird things. Lily holding her little copper tree aloft with a brilliant grin on her face. Remus looking over a table of secondhand books while Emma already had two new ones in her arms.

The ice cream photographs, where Sirius had been much more ready and yet somehow looked less prepared.

A few from the night before featuring you in his jacket that made you blush to high heavens, flicking past them fast as Sirius protested.

Lily and James squished together on the beach the first proper morning there, posing happily. Remus being comforted for his repeated chicken losses on Mary’s thigh, protesting the photo with a hand half covering his face. The rest of the group played cards in the background while Marlene, cig held between her lips, wiped the floor with everybody smugly.

The first group photograph with the breathtaking sunset in the background. Alice and Frank book-ending the girls and Remus with Lily and James on the other end with Sirius, his arm stretched out over your shoulders at the end of the throng. You paused, looking at the photograph for the first time since you’d taken it. Your heart already ached with nostalgia, despite the photo being new. You knew that you were looking at a time you’d never be able to go back to, and felt that suddenly this whole holiday had been a gift. You laughed, pointing at James' face, his eyes barely open. You looked at yourself,  remembered how your skin had felt on fire under Sirius' arm.

“I don’t look half obvious,” you poked fun at yourself. Sirius didn’t say anything. You looked at him sideways and then slid your eyes to him. “You look-“

Sirius was looking at you in the photograph, face laden with guilty indulgence and then, worse, love. Eyes soft at the corners, lips not quite smiling. The real Sirius rubbed his hand up and down the inside of your thigh. You blinked, worried you’d tear up, and turned to him furiously, forgetting the camera.

“What the fuck is that?”

“What?” he asked, alarmed.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?”

He squeezed your leg. “Like what?”

“Like you loved me.”

He leaned in so his nose was close to yours.

“Why’d you kiss me?”

“You know why I kissed you.”

“Reckon it’s the same reason I was looking at you then. Like I loved you.”

You pushed back into the blanket, hair splayed out in the sand. Sirius followed you down, turning on his side to look at you. Only the moonlight illuminated him now, carving his face in shimmering silver and shadow. He searched for your hand and brought it up to his mouth, eyes on your face as he kissed your knuckles delicately. You turned on your side to mirror him.

“I’m mad for you. Mad for you,” he repeated, timbre low. “After tonight, I want everyone to know you’re mine. Are you gonna - be mine?” he asked tentatively, waiting for you to answer patient as any worldly saint, rubbing his thumb over your hand when you took in a ragged breath.

“I’ll be yours,” you told him shyly. “I’ve been yours.”

He ducked in to kiss you, mouth unyielding against yours. You quickly broke the kiss to seek an answer for your burning question.

“How long have you been looking at me like that?”

“A long time,” he answered, trying to kiss you again.

“Really?” you asked, giddy and disbelieving at once, evading his mouth. “Think I’d notice that.”

“Trust me, doll, you don’t know the half of it.”

The words struck you in the chest violently.

“You think I don't?”

“And what’s that mean?” he asked, nosing under your jawline until you were baring your neck, hand in his curls. He dragged his teeth up your neck to settle over your pulse.

“You think you like me more than I like you? Delusions.” Your words were broken up by shuddering inhales as he started tracking love bites over your throat.

“That’s exactly what I think.”

“Grow up, handsome.”

“Handsome!” he said against your quick-bruising skin, laughing. “What, you don’t believe me? Doubt the depths of my affections?”

“No, no.” He pushed his face up to look at you as you spoke, pressing his thumb into one of your hickeys. “I don’t-“

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Any doubts you have are my fault. I’ll endeavour to alleviate them,” he swore, tone serious. You felt the brush of his hand over your torso, felt him push up your shirt to explore the stretch of your abdomen.

And how did you manage to get yourself into these punishing situations? You felt your stomach tighten at his promise alone.

"I don't have any doubts," you mumbled, half to appease him and half to save yourself from his teasing. "I just don't think you know how much I like you."

He kissed you sweetly on the temple. "Of course I know, lovely girl."

You pushed him away from your chest, pushing your legs to one side, groaning at his sincerity. He sat up and dug through the picnic basket for a second before producing a small velveteen bag. You watched his hands carefully from where you were lying, watched as each finger moved, the flex of his knuckles. He offered the bag to you where you were lying still.

You held it high above your eye. "Turn the lamp back on?"

He did. You upended the contents of the bag into your palm. Three pieces of green and gold fell out, shining, shot through with silver.

You poked at them gently with your fingertip.

A pair of earrings and a charm.

"That's for me," Sirius said, picking out the charm.

"For you…"

"For my necklace."

You stared at him.

"It's my piece of you," he said softly, eyes tracking to your bracelet. "So we match."

You climbed up on your knees, leaning around his shoulders to unclasp his chain from beneath his dark hair. You slipped the charm over the eyelet and moved your knee between his legs to get close to him before closing the clasp and straightening the chain, secured again at his breastbone. You'd made to settle down again and he was wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close, arms firm but not rough against your ribs, hands closing around your back. You wrapped your arms around his neck in turn.

"You really think you like me more?" you asked into his hair.

He moved you from side to side, squeezing as he spoke. "I love you."

You pushed your fingers into his hair bringing his head closer to your neck, feeling a white hot adoration burning in your chest. "I've loved you longer."

"Not like this, sweetheart."

He kissed your smiling lips quickly, pulled back to look at your face before pushing back in. You shooed him away.

"Help me with these," you said, offering the earrings, which he clipped onto your ears with no complaints. “Thank you. They’re - they’re beautiful.”

He scratched the back of your hand delicately, a silent you’re welcome. "We need a picture," he said decisively.

You nodded in agreement, tucking yourself into his side as he fiddled with the camera. You couldn't bear to look away from his face. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, grinning.

"I love you," you told him, smiling through the flash as the camera went off.

-

"You're fucking?" Remus asked incredulously.

The entire people carrier groaned in disbelief.

"And he's supposed to be the smart one," Sirius whispered to you. You pressed your face into his arm, laughing.

thanks so much for reading! <3

my masterlist

Me seeing Barbie and Oppenheimer back to back

Night Triumphant and the Stars Eternal

🎨art by giannyfili on IG

I'm here!! I literally just stumbled across this and I have never related more to a post dude! do you listen to radiohead??? trying so hard to motivate myself to write

trying to motivate myself to be a little more active here, i want to discover some new writeblrs to follow!! feel free to reach out if you wanna!

i'm particularly interested if you...

🎧 write adult fiction, especially literary fiction, horror (gothic or otherwise), gothic romance, fantasy, or really anything with a gritty/emotional feel

🎧 like any bands from the 90s grunge scene (or 80s hard rock) (i can and will yap for days)

🎧 like vampires, pirates, or cowboys

🎧 are a fellow college student (we can struggle together!!)

even if we don't have any of this in common, i'd love to chat anyway! hopefully this finds some folks <3