"Saw Traps For People With Moral OCD" Is A Phrase That Has Embedded Myself Into My Brain Because, Well,

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

More Posts from Starteller-7 and Others

1 year ago

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1 year ago

Wyll being a terrible monster hunter is something that is so special actually. told to hunt heartless devil? immediately convinced of her goodness and humanity and without hesitation agrees to defy the devil who has his soul in custody and spare karlach at tremendous personal physical cost. vampire in camp? well hes handsome and funny and pretty polite about where he puts his teeth so it’s fine all things considered. finding out the person who ritualistically disemboweled a tiefling in front of him is a bhaalspawn like an unholy progeny of the god of murder that is culturally immediately reviled? no that’s his friend and he completely trusts in their ability to fight their nature with their own inner light. it doesn’t matter that they created the absolute they’re not that person anymore. Like Wyll. you are literally categorically not hunting the monsters. guy of all time

1 year ago

NO OTHER PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM GETS TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSES!! THE SIZE AND DISTANCE OF OUR MOON FROM EARTH AND THE SUN MAKE THE PERFECT CIRCUMSTANCES TO GET TOTALITY!!! THE EARTH AND MOON ARE SOOOO COOL AND OF COURSE OUR SUN!! I LOVE LIVING ON EARTH I LOVE YOU EARTH I LOVE YOUUUUU MOON I LOVE YOU SUN


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1 year ago

PSA that's it's not just okay for you to not forgive the people that hurt you. It is actively a deeply fucked up thing for anyone to expect or advocate that you forgive someone that hurt you deeply. The choice whether or not to do so has no business being raised or influenced by anyone but you, and it has fuck all to do with healing and moving on. Not saying hold on to every grudge and resentment ever, but you also don't have to forgive them to simply not let it affect your future.

Fuck. Forgiveness. And fuck the culture of unthinking cruelty that insists on it, even when the people in question are still actively being impacted and abused. Prioritizing an end to discord over the tending of the wounded is unforgivably malevolent.

1 year ago

"who cares" new fandom motto bc we sorely need it around these parts. Time to embrace the Who Cares energy bc like fr actually. who cares

1 year ago
:)

:)

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1 year ago

this is your regular, cranky reminder that you are never going to get people to give up something that humans inherently do by guilting and shaming them.

no matter how strongly you feel that people ought to feel bad about doing something, and no matter how correct you are about whether or not they should feel bad.

shaming someone is an emotional attack. and the more vitriolic your attempt at shame is, the more vicious the attack is. most people, by the time they're adults, recognize this, and have built up various defenses against emotional attacks.

the only people that shame 'works' on the way you want it to work are not mentally well. they have moral OCD, or scrupulosity issues, or have been abused so badly that they do not feel like they have the right to have boundaries, or some combination of the three.

most people with healthy boundaries and healthy emotional responses will see your weaponized shame as an attack on them, and will react accordingly. and they are correct to do so. because part of having healthy boundaries is not letting random people emotionally attack you, regardless of how correct they are.

you can convince people that you are right and they are wrong. but the harder you try to make them feel ashamed, the less effective you're going to be. you're just gonna trigger a bunch of people who are mentally ill and make everyone else pissed at you.


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1 year ago

Why bother arguing in support of trans people if you’re not trans?

very simple concept called believing in human rights

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