Babe Your Suffering Is Not Noble. Your Self Destructive Habits Do Not Make You Cool. Your Self Loathing

i just wanted to reblog this to clear some stuff up, because a few radfems have reblogged this with their own thoughts.

i was 100% including trans people in this, i meant to write a paragraph on them but it slipped my mind.

but yeah i have heard stories of trans men in academia who got treated better after transitioning, and trans women who got treated worse.

i don't rlly know how to phrase this i just wanted to make the point that this blog is not a safe space for trans-exclusive feminism, i beleive trans women and women and trans men are men.

btw if you say 'i'm just a girl' you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotype that women are silly and ditzy and lesser than men. if you say 'girl math' you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotypes that girls are not good at maths. if you say 'pink jobs' or 'pink chores' to describe washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and cooking, you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotype that women belong at home or in the kitchen.

i personally am a humanities/social sciences student. frankly sciences and maths baffle me. but i love my female friends in architecture, engineering, medicine, maths, physics, and coding. i think they are so smart and cool!

please do not start contributing to the rise of 'humanities are for girls, sciences are for boys' this is bullshit!

also it should not, and quite frankly cannot, be separated from the rise of the arts being seen as 'useless' or 'mickey mouse' degrees. they are defunding the arts! be angry! they are saying that this what women should be studying and then they are making it harder to chose to study it! they are trying to remove women from academia!

also shout out to men in humanities, y'all are important to!

TLDR: women in stem rock, they are defunding the arts in an attempt to remove women from academia, your harmless jokes spawned from tiktok trends actively contribute to negative misogynistic stereotypes

What you call self-sabotage might just be your body saying: "Familiar pain feels safer than unfamiliar peace"

What you call procrastination might just be your body saying: "I'm overwhelmed and everything feels too much"

What you call anxiety might just be your body saying: "I've been in danger before, and I don't know if it's over yet"

What you call neediness might just be your body saying: "I didn't get what I needed, and I'm still longing"

What you call overreacting might just be your body saying: "This feels like danger to me because it once was"

What you call emotional instability might just be your body saying: "I was never taught that feeling emotions could be safe"

What you call resistance might just be your body saying: "I don't feel safe enough to do what you want me to"

What you call laziness might just be your body saying: "I'm frozen because I had to work hard for too long"*

What you call numbness might just be your body saying: "I had to shut down to keep you safe"

What you call avoidance might just be your body saying: "Im not ready to face this yet. I need slower exposure to it"

(the.trauma.educator on ig)

*gentle reminder that body gets tired also after doing mentally draining work/job (which includes feeling stressed too, not just studying or working 9-5 in front of a computer -which holds responsabilities, anyway)

the unsent project

i like to browse the unsent projects messages, and make myself feel sad over all the lost love in the world

i search up my name over and over, obsessively

i search up your name over and over, obsessively

they say we reflect the love we are shown

and maybe there is something in that, because when i look up your name there are hundreds of messages

and when i look up mine

there are two

i sent some of the messages to you

and when i scroll through every dark green one catches my eye

and the really pathetic thing is that i don't remember which ones i sent

maybe what we had wasn't so special if i am mistaking others messages for mine

i dont know

but i do know that you probably never search for my name

and you have certainly never sent me a message

studying isn't always aesthetic, and that is totally ok.

not every study session is accompanied by a cool bright matcha and and a perfect messy bun. not all of your notes will be written in beautiful looped cursive and perfectly highlighted.

sometimes the only way you can study is in your pyjamas, sometimes the only place you are sitting down long enough is the bus, sometimes your notecards are tatty and ripped.

you don't always have to be perfectly aesthetic, let go of your performative notes, write notes that help you.

wear things that are comfy and easy to concentrate in.

be gentle with yourself, learn what works for you and stick to it.

Was your star next to mine ?

propaganda a lot of y’all should fall for:

whispering “thanku” to your tea or coffee before the first sip.

telling your friends you love them when they least expect it. especially then.

googling “what kind of flower blooms twice” at 3 a.m. to feel hopeful again

deleting apps every two weeks and calling it a spiritual reset.

naming your plants like they’re ur friends. apologizing when you forget to water them.

believing ur younger self would still think you’re cool. even on your worst days.

using perfume before bed. for no one. for you.

making eye contact with yourself in the mirror when you cry. giving the pain an audience.

taking selfies when you feel awful. proof you existed even when the light wasn’t flattering :-)

on building mental discipline

do something small that challenges you every day for a week. something small, whatever that means to you. maybe that's drinking a cup of water with every meal, going outside for ten minutes, or going for a run, taking a cold shower. whatever a small but tricky task means to you, do that every single day for a week.

it will be hard for about three days and then it will be easier.

the week after do a slightly bigger task. again, do whatever the next step up would be. cook a meal from scratch, call your mum, schedule an appointment, make the bed every day.

it will be hard for three days, then it will get easier.

third week do an even bigger task. vacuum your apartment, go to the gym, iron your shirts. whatever the next step up is for you, do that.

over time your brain will find it far easier to pick up new habits. it will have become used to the idea that you do new things and it is hard for a few days, but you always stick to it. you've built up your reputation with yourself to the point that your brain automatically thinks of you as disciplined and hardworking.

work out what habits your ideal self will do, meal prepping, exercising, seeing friends, going to therapy, and do them. your brain will have learnt that you do things even when they are hard, because it knows they eventually will get easier.

build up your reputation with yourself.

obsessed and horrified with the romanticisation of the secret history. why am i seeing 'dark academia aesthetic' edits with the audiobook opening playing over the top, why am i reading posts about what it would be like to date henry winter (he would not date you, he would not socialise with people outside of the greek class), why are you guys talking about how fun it would be to go to a college like theirs and join a cult class like theirs. youu people are missing the point of the story!! morbid longing for the picturesque!!! you guys misunderstood the book!!!!

btw if you say 'i'm just a girl' you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotype that women are silly and ditzy and lesser than men. if you say 'girl math' you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotypes that girls are not good at maths. if you say 'pink jobs' or 'pink chores' to describe washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and cooking, you are contributing to the negative misogynistic stereotype that women belong at home or in the kitchen.

i personally am a humanities/social sciences student. frankly sciences and maths baffle me. but i love my female friends in architecture, engineering, medicine, maths, physics, and coding. i think they are so smart and cool!

please do not start contributing to the rise of 'humanities are for girls, sciences are for boys' this is bullshit!

also it should not, and quite frankly cannot, be separated from the rise of the arts being seen as 'useless' or 'mickey mouse' degrees. they are defunding the arts! be angry! they are saying that this what women should be studying and then they are making it harder to chose to study it! they are trying to remove women from academia!

also shout out to men in humanities, y'all are important to!

TLDR: women in stem rock, they are defunding the arts in an attempt to remove women from academia, your harmless jokes spawned from tiktok trends actively contribute to negative misogynistic stereotypes

the idea that your behind someone implies that you are going the same way, which is inherently wrong because no one is on the same path.

to use an orienteering metaphor (which y'all might not get bc my sport is a niche sport, so message if you want an explanation) if you reach a checkpoint and dib it, and your excited that you're halfway done, and someone else comes up behind you and is excited because this is their second last checkpoint, you aren't behind them, you are just running different courses. it might feel like you are going slower than them, but they are on a different route, they might have set of sooner, the route they are taking might be shorter.

but even if someone on the same course as you overtakes you, you aren't necessarily behind them. they might be better at running, or have more grippy shoes, or be more hydrated.

this also applies for passing others. you're not necessarily better than them, you might be more equipped, they might be lost, they might have taken a different route to avoid slopes because of an injury.

you don't know what help others are getting, you will never know their circumstances. so don't assume you are ever better/worse than anyone.