If You Can And Want To, Go To College When You’re 30. Move Out At 40. Learn To Drive At 50. Life Is

i dreamt that he spoke french to comfort me

i dreamt that he spoke french to comfort me

his lilting voice butchering the complex french words he tried to say

making such a beautiful language sound so stilted and choked

there is a metaphor in this

one that i am too lazy to write

i have never understood french

despite years of private school education and ski holidays and a father who is fluent

i remember the words 'trois petit cochon'

i do not remember how they are spelt

i remember the word for condom, the word for london, how to tell someone my age

but if i woke up tommorow in annecy or paris or toulouse

i would be hopelessly, desperately, lost

french people cannot say my name

they do not have the 'th' sound in their language

so my name ends harshly and abruptly

so in this dream he speaks to me in a language that is barred to me

see now that metaphor writes itself

𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔬𝔠𝔱𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯

on lurching towards the breaking point

The X-Files (01x17) // tumblr user @/inkskinned // Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

studying isn't always aesthetic, and that is totally ok.

not every study session is accompanied by a cool bright matcha and and a perfect messy bun. not all of your notes will be written in beautiful looped cursive and perfectly highlighted.

sometimes the only way you can study is in your pyjamas, sometimes the only place you are sitting down long enough is the bus, sometimes your notecards are tatty and ripped.

you don't always have to be perfectly aesthetic, let go of your performative notes, write notes that help you.

wear things that are comfy and easy to concentrate in.

be gentle with yourself, learn what works for you and stick to it.

studying isn't always aesthetic, and that is totally ok.

not every study session is accompanied by a cool bright matcha and and a perfect messy bun. not all of your notes will be written in beautiful looped cursive and perfectly highlighted.

sometimes the only way you can study is in your pyjamas, sometimes the only place you are sitting down long enough is the bus, sometimes your notecards are tatty and ripped.

you don't always have to be perfectly aesthetic, let go of your performative notes, write notes that help you.

wear things that are comfy and easy to concentrate in.

be gentle with yourself, learn what works for you and stick to it.

the idea that your behind someone implies that you are going the same way, which is inherently wrong because no one is on the same path.

to use an orienteering metaphor (which y'all might not get bc my sport is a niche sport, so message if you want an explanation) if you reach a checkpoint and dib it, and your excited that you're halfway done, and someone else comes up behind you and is excited because this is their second last checkpoint, you aren't behind them, you are just running different courses. it might feel like you are going slower than them, but they are on a different route, they might have set of sooner, the route they are taking might be shorter.

but even if someone on the same course as you overtakes you, you aren't necessarily behind them. they might be better at running, or have more grippy shoes, or be more hydrated.

this also applies for passing others. you're not necessarily better than them, you might be more equipped, they might be lost, they might have taken a different route to avoid slopes because of an injury.

you don't know what help others are getting, you will never know their circumstances. so don't assume you are ever better/worse than anyone.

last seen 20:47

sometimes i open my phone and i check when he was last online.

i don't ever message, we have nothing to say to each other anymore, we have already said far too much

i just want to know - its a small act of comfort. i picture him checking his phone at clapham junction, or putting his phone away because a lecture is about to start, breifly replying to a text between sets at the gym.

i picture him doing these inane, everyday activities because i don't know anything about his life anymore. i focus on the facts i know irrefutably because the fact that our routines no longer intertwine like smoke kills me.

he always seems to have come offline just minutes before

maybe this means something, something about how we always just miss each other, the timing was never right, tangled miscommunication

'i can't sleep, can i come back in' 'sorry i missed this message, i fell asleep' 'not here, not here, not here'

i sit and i look at his profile picture, and my heart reaction to the last message he sent, and the words 'last seen 20:47' and i imagine i can smell his distinctive scent, like i have entered a room he was in only moments before.

i think i will spend the rest of my life chasing this boy.

not my typical academic study content, but I have my grade 5 cello exam next Tuesday, so in five days time, and I am planning to do 50 minutes of music practice everyday between now and then. will update as we go!

“You shouldn’t self-ID as ADHD/autistic, you’re turning a very real mental condition into a trend” Ok then stop saying delulu. Stop speculating on which cluster C personality disorder the criminals you hear about on the news have. Stop saying “schizoposting” and “acoustic” and “is it restarted?” Stop using “psycopath” and “sociopath” as catch-all ways of calling someone a bad person. Stop saying “the intrusive thoughts won” when you bleach your hair and then turn your nose up at people who suffer from very real, very scary urges of physical/sexual violence. Stop saying “I’m so OCD” as a way of calling yourself neat. Stop treating BPD/ASPD/Bipolar as inherently abusive. Stop saying “OP I am living in your walls” without tagging for unreality. Stop diagnosing complete strangers you’ve never met on r/AITA with NPD.

You first. If you don’t want our disabilities to be treated like trends then stop belittling and minimising them. I’ll NEVER judge a person for trying find labels for their symptoms when an apathetic, racist, sexist, ableist healthcare system refuses to. But I will absolutely judge a hypocrite. Which a lot of you are

studywithelle pinpost

I am 16 and i am in S5 in Scotland

This year I studied Highers in English, Biology, History, Latin and RMPS (religious moral and philosophical studies)

Next year I will be taking Advanced Higher English, RMPS and Modern studies, and a Higher in Classics

I hope to study English at Oxford, and then do a law conversion degree

I play cello (taking grade 5 exam in a few weeks), and piano at a grade 2/3 level. my sports are orienteering, ski-racing, tennis, and badminton. member of law, politics, debating, and newspaper societies at school.

would love moots!