Previous Anon Is So Real I Love The Dishwashing Fic Sm

I was wondering if how can I address you?? Is there any name/ nickname or we can just refer to you as “deer” ? :)

whatever you want is fine tbh haha i think deer is cute :)

Nikolai Gogol asks you to stay. You agree.

This is part of a series of standalone works about Nikolai Gogol. The rest can be found here including content warnings for each separate part.

general cw: yandere tendencies (possessiveness, manipulation...), very toxic, could be dubcon?, he deffo doesn't ask you to stay he more just tells you to, sorry! "agree" cw: above, he's the best here probably, you might be into it a bit more here oops mb

Pinned down onto Nikolai's couch, he sinks his teeth into you again and again, littering your skin with harsh bruises as he marks up your neck.

"Don't leave," he nearly growls, pressing gentle kisses over the bites.

You shift underneath him, shying away from his harshness. "Nikolai," comes out breathlessly, the sound catching in your throat as your hands grip his shirt tightly to try and keep yourself grounded.

The white-haired man looks at you beneath him as his hands clamp down on your waist, holding you tighter as he moves his lips to your shoulder. For a few moments, Nikolai plants kisses along your neck while you catch your breath. Just before you can fully calm down, his teeth are right back on your collarbone and biting down with reckless abandon.

"Stay," he growls once more, teeth digging in to send another batch of shockwaves all across your body.

You whimper beneath him, thrashing tirelessly under his hold. "Nooo!"

Hot breath against your skin and sharp teeth grazing your flesh overwhelms your senses, sending you into a spiral while his fingers trail up and down your arms gently. It's hard to soothe someone while also causing them pain, but Nikolai's ministrations lead to your thrashing subsiding, chest heaving up and down as you merely breathe against him.

"It hurts?" he asks hoarsely.

The only response he gets is a feverish nod. Your eyes are screwed shut as your hands fumble with his shirt, clenching and unclenching the black fabric. It's an attempt to ground yourself, but your stinging neck keeps it from fully working.

Nikolai looks down at you, his eyebrows raised as he slides his teeth against your neck again, this time applying only enough pressure to be noticeable, ghosting over your bruised and ruined skin.

Monotonously, he replies, "Then I won't stop," as though merely stating a fact and not deciding your fate. Your breath catches, holding it for a moment while he lets out a low growl of satisfaction.

An unwanted hiccup passes your lips, tears spilling from your eyes while squirming beneath him. The feeling of pain clouds your mind, your head spinning from the sensations he's causing.

"Keep struggling," he demands softly while his eyes flare with excitement.

"Niko...lai," you pant.

The man grins excitedly over you, seemingly taking this as a challenge as he increases his biting pressure. Nikolai's tongue licks around the areas he's previously bruised before his teeth sink into you just right, breath stopping again at the pain. The action happens twice more before he yanks on your hair, forcing your head to crane back to give him better access.

A yelp sounds from you as your grip tightens on Nikolai's shirt, knuckles turning paler as the fabric stretches under your hold. You whine out a pathetic pleeease, tears turning to big globs while squirming once again.

He doesn't let up though, choosing instead to slide his mouth down your neck in search of another sensitive spot.

With his teeth hovering over your shoulder, threatening to bite down once again, Nikolai whispers, "Tell me you'll stay.” His voice is soft, the gentle tone he uses making your mind hazy.

You hesitate contemplatively, trying to weigh your options. All you have to do is promise you'll stay and he'll stop, right? That's not such a bad trade. Why did you even want to leave again? He protects you, always doing things in your best interest, right? Sure, he's hurting you now, but it's only because you hurt him first when you tried to leave. If you had just stayed in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.

Honestly, this predicament is entirely your fault, isn't it?

After a brief moment of hesitation, you end up nodding quickly. The motion agitates the bites along your neck, which causes you to flinch and recoil slightly. "I'll stay." The words come out easily, a promise you were sure you wouldn't break. Knuckles loosening, your hands move up from his shirt, the fabric now stretched out and wrinkly as you gently hold his shoulders.

The action makes Nikolai swoon, excited that you finally saw the light- the truth. With a gentle touch, his thumb and pointer finger pinch the chub of your cheek, pulling it out slightly as he smiles adoringly down at you.

"Perfect dove," he says as gently as his touch, voice soft and sweet before he presses a kiss to the side of your mouth. "So good for me."

Breathing more relaxed now, you nuzzle into his hand as it cups the side of your face. Nikolai's sudden loving touches help to calm you down, knowing it's finally over. The hand trails down slightly, palm swinging away from your skin as his finger pads linger just over the highest mark on your neck, made just below where your jaw and neck meet under your ear.

Nikolai can't help but reel giddily as you don't even flinch, just leaning into his touch as he rests it just over where he punctured it. The thought that you weren't even scared of him touching the tender spot and making it sting really solidifies in his mind that, once again, you're his. No more running away, you're more than happy to let him watch over you once again.

"You did so well for me, dove," he coos fondly. "Took it so well, didn't you? Precious dove. Always putting up with me, aren't you," Nikolai adds, the last line not a question.

The white-haired man pauses for a moment, smile fading. It takes him a few moments of gazing at the harsh marks marring your pretty skin for him to decide he might have to apologize.

"And... I'm sorry for that," he whispers, tone much lower than the murmur from a few seconds ago. "I got nervous, you know how I can get," he tries to explain with an awkward and forced chuckle, the guilt he's so accustomed with eating away at him.

Like Nikolai said, you're always put up with him - actions like this aren't exactly new, he just usually knew when to stop. You squeeze his shoulders once. "I know. You're a lot," you speak candidly.

With a wide grin, Nikolai feels immense relief. the guilt is still there, but it's significantly minimized when he realizes you aren't all that upset or scared. "I am!" He grins, fingers hovering back and forth over each wound on your neck. "Too much, right?" Even so, Nikolai can't help the small giggle sitting on his tongue, a glimmer of mirth in his eyes.

"The bites, or you?" You teasingly ask, eyes looking up at him in amusement.

It makes his heart flutter whether he wants it to or not, knowing this was nothing but a footnote in your time together, still as obsessed with him as he is with you. Nikolai shrugs as your request for clarification, not really having an answer anyway. "Both."

"The bites... yes. A bit too much. You?" You pause for a moment, letting silence linger as though building up suspense. "I guess you can be. But it might be a part of your charm."

"Might?" Nikolai pouts before peppering soft kisses along your cheeks, alternating left and right.

He wouldn't let you leave, that's for sure.

y!dazai buying plushies and clothes for you :) but since he’s a massive douchebag he ended making you cry about it (probably didn’t feel bad either bleh)

he feels like he need to coddle you every single minute of the day or else he’ll go batshit crazy

anon i thought this said MAKING clothes for u i was about to cheer imagine dazai with his precise and nimble fingers hand sewing clothing for himself during the two years he spent underground, patching holes in his jacket and such ouughhh.. his darling gifts him a sewing machine after seeing his dodgy sewing set up utilizing a single bent needle and a lot of patience that he doesn’t normally have… ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS TOO…… tbh tho he’d prick himself one (1) time with the needle and never pick one up again he’s such a baby or he’d swallow one

Kidnapper!Dazai who drones on and on about how hard he works to provide for the two of you, the least you can do is cuddle the plushies he got you if not him. That’s money that could have gone towards the betterment of your forcibly shared apartment, rather than some childish plushies just to keep you placated. Stop crying, that’s why he got them for you, remember?

wait hold on

He tries and be all sweet and doting, dropping the plush on top of some cozy pajamas he’d purchased for you that day. With a delusional smile he’d pull you into a hug, tugging at the hem of your pants claiming he wants a fashion show. At least the pajamas are modest — long pant legs and sleeves that at least cover your shoulders. The worst offender has a low neckline, but he’s sure you’ll appreciate that he didn’t go for anything too crazy. You’ll gently push him away, picking up the stuffed plush from the thick paper bags instead: It looks just like the one you had as a child. Dazai knows this, of course, like he knows everything else about you. He sits back with a smug grin, watching as you gently push it from one hand to the other.

The difference between this plush and the one sitting in storage at your parents’ home is the life brought into it: fur that is no longer matted from love and eyes that aren’t scuffed and scraped from kicking it off your bed at night… Wow, you missed those days. You missed your mom. A frown crosses your face as you turn towards your shared bedroom, deciding to spend sometime on your own. Before you can enact these plans, however, Dazai plucks the stuffie from your gentle grip, holding him high above your head. Your eyes widen and your face immediately drops. Hadn’t he already taken so much from you? Tears begin falling before you can even register it, too caught up in the sudden fear that you’d lose another part of yourself. Your parents, your friends, your life before this: it was all imprinted onto that stupid stuffed toy Dazai had gotten as an afterthought.

Yet, he continued to dangle it over your head. “You’ll get this little fella back when you answer me. Don’t you wanna make me as happy as I’ve made you?”

Happy? You couldn’t help but feel sick. With how long you’ve been in Dazai’s home, you knew expressing that wouldn’t get you the plushie back. The sleeve of your current outfit helps to wipe the tears off of your cheeks. “Fa-fashion show, right? Okay, okay,” you mutter while dropping to your knees, digging through the bag of clothing for the first set.

This is not your prompt but Dazai who bought a cam stuffie. Unbeknownst to you, the eye of the cute little teddy your dear friend gifted you fed video straight to his laptop at all hours of the day. He spends his nights watching you sleep peacefully; the rise and fall of your chest soothing him and giving him something to focus on other than the negative thoughts on his mind. Something about the way you’d pat the little bear on the head every morning had him swooning, as though you were doing the action to him. Weirdly enough, you always seemed to turn the little teddy away before changing… Oh well — Dazai would have plenty of time to see everything he wants to once you’re finally together: something he envisions happening soon.

this is not proofread bc i have soo much due rn... classes are kicking my ass!!! hope you like it anon :)

Hello I’m new here, I just couldn’t help but notices how lovely you write. So I have little request for you.

Can I request Nikolai and any characters you want reaction when their s/o hides stuff between her breasts?

omg welcome just my drunk friend! tysm!!!! i love nikolai im on it 🫡 and dazai ofc..

has: no pronouns used but mention of boobs and bras, also one (1) use of the word tits. is that worthy of a warning? probably not. but Nikolai says it in a weird way bc he’s the worst so just in case 🤞🏻

You knock feverishly on Nikolai’s door. Fuck, where did you leave your key? You’d already made it back to your apartment when you realized it wasn’t in your pockets. The last place you were was Nikolai’s, so if he didn’t have it you aren’t sure who would.

“Nikolai, you dick,” you mutter under your breath. That asshole is definitely still awake, so why wasn’t he answering the door?

The knocking ceases as Nikolai swings the door open, hair unbraided and eyes glimmering. “Missed me that badly?” He leans forward, bending down slightly to maneuver his face just above yours. “You could’ve called, y’know.”

“Yeah, well,” you shrug. “I need to come in.”

“Pushy!~” He pouts, crossing his arms and standing up straight. “Not even gonna say hello?”

A groan passes your lips, too frustrated at your missing key to play his games. “You didn’t.” You pause momentarily. It’s less frustration and more so anxiety that makes your skin crawl and your tone snippy. “Sorry, I just lost my key. I’m worried I dropped it on the street walking home.”

Eyes lighting up, you would’ve sworn Nikolai beamed down at you with two mismatched flashlights. “You need your key, you say? And what if I told you I could procure it for you?”

Your shoulders slump down, relaxing. He’s being an asshole, sure, but at least you know he has it. “Please, Nikolai?”

“Mm… You gotta promise not to be mad when I retrieve it. Especially since I’ll be your savior, you know!” He puffs out his chest, already proud before he has even produced the key.

“I promise, I’ll be eternally grateful as long as I can find that key.”

Nikolai’s warm and ungloved hand slips under your loose shirt collar, digging beneath your bra and in between your breasts. You freeze, even with the warmth of his hand on you. Before you can chew him out for the random grope, the jester pulls your apartment key from in between, flashing both it and a wolfish grin to you.

You say nothing for a moment, just staring slack jawed at your key. Had you really..?

“You dropped it in there before you left,” he shrugs before dropping the key back in between your breasts, not bothering to hand it to you properly. “And I just stare at your tits all the time, so I noticed.”

With a gentle smack to his bicep, you fish the key out once more and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god; I thought I was going to have to change my locks!”

“You still should - I have, like, several copies of your apartment key littered around my apartment,” Nikolai smiles once more.

You don’t even bother replying, just turning around and leaving his place for the second time that night, your apartment key in hand.

Dazai would start hiding things in there too. He tosses a pen your way before heading out on a mission, one where he knows you can’t bring a bag along, just to watch as you stuff it in between your breasts. You’d sigh resignedly, used to his actions by this point and having long given up arguing or telling him off.

When on said mission, he’d find any and every reason that one might need a pen and turn to you expectantly, waiting for you to pull it out and hold it out for him. It’s always so warm after, heated up from its time nestled between where he’d like to be stashed away.

You’d complain after he asks for the pen for the nth time, telling him if he needs to use it so often he can get one himself! Those words were meant to tell him to bring/carry his own pen, but he’d grinned before taking that as meaning he could jam his hand down your shirt to reach for it himself.

“What? You told me to grab it myself…”

i randomly thought of pm!dazai and ada!reader and……

You shifted uncomfortably on the wooden seat, hands fiddling with the hem of the black tablecloth. Dread isn't strong enough to describe what you felt leading up to this.

"You haven't even looked at the menu, darling," Dazai smirked across from you, a glimmer of amusement in his eye.

Without your usual aggressively crude retort that always had Dazai holding back laughter, you timidly picked up the fancy, leather bound menu - hands now fiddling with the thick string keeping it sewed together rather than the tablecloth. Your gaze was thoughtless, barely registering the exorbitant dishes listed alongside exorbitant wines.

The bandaged man sighed, his frown a clear indication of his annoyance, but kept his mouth shut.

You thought back to the president’s plea with you the day before. He hadn’t expressly told you to play nice with the executive of your rival organization (he wasn’t that kind of man), but the way he asked you to stay calm and remain vigilant told you all you needed to know. Furrowed brows pointed down at the menu allowed Dazai to read your frustration.

The two of you had done nothing more than trade blows on the battlefield — usually to Dazai’s success — and yet he’d appeared at the agency one day to ask for permission to court you. Had he not been your enemy, you would have considered it sweet, dismissing that the bouquet of daisies he brought came stolen from the flowerpots of the café below. He was anxiously fiddling with the white petals, panic in his gaze when he’d accidentally pull one off the flowers. The dangerous demon prodigy of the mafia you’d been warned against time and time again was utterly smitten with you to a pitiful degree.

He seemed to have cleaned up his act since then, smirking confidently at you while leaning back in his chair across the table. Shifting, he moved forward just enough to gently push your menu down, following the action with a soft, “Hey.”

You looked up at him, taking his place as the nervous one between the two. Having succeeded in gaining your attention, Dazai rested his chin on the palms of both hands, continuing to lean in towards you.

“You’re uncomfortable.”

It wasn’t a question, merely an observation, and yet you replied as though it were. “I’m not.”

Still no witty retort. The thought caused Dazai to sigh once more, but his grin remained the same. “If you didn’t want to go on a date, why did you agree?” His tone was nonchalant, a slight shrug punctuating his question as he leans back comfortably once again, but you knew better. His finger running over the rim of his empty wine glass, gaze shifting from you to down at the table for a moment too long…

“You know why,” you choose to reply, not mentioning his nervous demeanor.

Of course Dazai knew why.

“Have you two had enough time to look over the wine menu?” A cute waitress stood at the edge of your table, a polite smile on her face and hands clasped together behind her back professionally.

Silence held still for a moment too long before you decided to speak up. “No, sorry, not quite— “

“We won’t need to.” He quietly folded up the separate wine menu, handing it back to the waitress. Your brief moment of shock quickly turned to disdain as he continued. “The bottle that should have arrived this morning will do. Under Dazai,” He spoke cockily.

This motherfucker had a bottle of wine flown in for this. He asked you out the day before, so how long has he had this planned out?

The waitress politely took the wine menu from him, her eyes lighting up momentarily as she realized who he was. “Ah, Mr. Dazai! We’ll have that out for you shortly. Our owner wanted me to commend you on your great taste. It’s a shame she couldn’t be here in person.”

A dismissive wave of his hand sends the waitress away, leaving to grab whatever bottle he specifically ordered.

“What’s the occasion?” You spoke distastefully, forgetting yourself for a moment. Instead of tripping over your words to save the moment, you just let out a low breath and waited for him to respond.

“Why, it’s to commemorate our first date. Even if you only agreed to appease me, I still want it to be special…” He trailed off, words turning soft before he cleared his throat. “You deserve only the best, darling. I ordered the most expensive wine for us tonight: a 1992 Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon. The price comes from the vastly small quantities of bottles ever produced. I had the owner track down a bottle and paid her the difference.”

“Oh, how kind,” you spoke awkwardly. “I don’t really drink, though.”

Tense, awkward silence practically stung the two of you. Dazai felt so stupid; the first time he actually likes someone, and he couldn’t even figure out what you like in preparation! Chuuya had guaranteed this bottle would impress you, but you didn’t even like wine.

Dazai stood up abruptly, his face unreadable for a moment.

“But, um, I’m fine trying it! Like you said, it should be special!” You figured your recovery attempt was poor as Dazai spun away from you, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his fancy suit pants.

“Let’s go.”

The waitress watched in shock as the two of you leave the restaurant, clutching the $500,000 bottle of wine in her hands.

You’d been following silently behind Dazai for a few minutes, and with his quick pace, your legs were starting to ache. The fancy shoes you’d donned were killing your heels - you could practically feel the blisters forming. But still, you remained quiet. What would he do now? You pretty much ruined his whole plan, told him you weren’t interested, and made him waste a bottle of wine you didn’t want to begin guessing the price of. It was a 1992 Something Eagle… What was it? You’d definitely ask Yosano when you saw her next at work.

Suddenly, Dazai stops in front of a small curry shop. The place looked cheap when compared to the restaurant you were just in, and the idea of Dazai being well versed in the place felt like a joke. You two were visibly out of place in the joint, something that only hit you as he held open the door, letting you walk inside ahead of him. The place was well kept, but clearly not a restaurant you’d wear a suit and tie to, which is what Dazai was happily flaunting in the original restaurant just a few minutes prior.

“We’ll both take the usual, please,” Dazai speaks to the man behind the counter, who happily smiles and begins dishing out two plates of curry.

Your date pulls out a chair for you at the counter, pushing it in gentlemanly once you sit down before taking the seat next to you. “Thank you” is muttered by the both of you as the bowls of curry are placed in front of you.

The only sound was the clattering of dishes as the attendant cleaned and you and Dazai ate. After a moment, he started whining, tongue sticking out as he complained about how hot it was. The view was… welcoming. It was nice to see Dazai in a state that wasn’t so perfect. You figured all the anxious fiddling you’d been exposed to earlier (and the day prior) was an act, but you were starting to view all of it as genuine. Maybe he really did just want a chance with you.

The soft laughter you let out had Dazai turning to you with hearts in his singular visible eye, cheeks red (from the spicy curry, of course) and breath still. “The infamous Demon Prodigy can’t handle his spice?” You smirked, and for the first time in two days, Dazai relaxed. That was a witty retort, wasn’t it? You were feeling more comfortable.

“Wow,” he spoke breathlessly, completely enamored with you for a moment before clearing his throat. “I mean, wow. I can’t believe you’d make fun of me for not eating spicy foods.”

You chuckled, and Dazai swore he was in heaven. He got you to laugh twice. “Honestly I'd expected someone in your position to stomach the spiciest of foods with crazy-high tolerance,” you rested your chin onto your palm, leaning in towards Dazai.

“Well, I expected you to have terrible spice tolerance, so ha.” His response was bad, but the glimmer of amusement that flickered in your eyes made him not care.

“Hey, thanks for this. I don’t much care for stuffy restaurants like that.” You took a bite, not even flinching as you swallowed the spicy curry.

“I just wished I had the foresight to take you here first.” Another silence settled between the two of you, this one much more comfortable. “And… I’m sorry. I should’ve realized you’d feel forced to accept my invitation. After today, we can go back to only seeing each other in battle.”

“Hm,” you hummed, swallowing the curry you bit into as he started talking. “Honestly, this was still one of the better dates I’ve been on, if not entirely weird. Maybe we could hang out outside of work. As friends, of course.”

“Just friends?” Dazai let out a dramatic gasp, hand over his heart as he nearly fell out of his chair. “But Romeo and Juliet were a romantic pair! How are we to take over their destinies?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but the corner of your lips quirked up in amusement. “Their destinies were to kill themselves.”

“Exactly! And how are we expected to reach that point as just friends?” Dazai whined childishly, an exaggerated pout jutting out his bottom lip.

“Maybe we can revisit the topic in the future.”

Dazai didn't mind you playing with his hand. In fact, he kind of liked the attention and care you seemed to be showing him, even if it was just towards one appendage. Light tugging and pushing on fingers, delicately tracing his knuckles and the scars littering the back, and even occasionally lacing your fingers with his for a moment — Dazai was happy to let you do it all. To think hands that have previously participated in such horrid acts could be treated so gently made butterflies erupt in his tummy.

He let you do whatever (having trouble saying no to you) while he wasted time rereading his book. You'd pull his hand to your face sporadically through your time playing with it, so it never caused Dazai any alarm. Sometimes you would inspect it closely, sometimes you'd drag his calloused fingertips along your cheek just to see if the degree of toughness had changed, but his favorite was when you'd press a tiny kiss to his palm. Usually that meant playtime was over — soon you'd drop his hand onto his lap and scurry away. Even knowing it brought about the end of his favorite time with you, the tingly feeling of your lips on his skin lingering long after you'd leave made it worth it. All this to say, Dazai was used to you tugging his hand up towards his face, bringing it closer to your mouth. He had to work overtime to keep his heartbeat steady, certain of what was to come next, when...

"Ow!"

It was hard to catch Dazai off guard. You weren't even trying, you just... Well, you wanted to see what would happen.

"Did you just bite me?" He couldn't help the amused (his coworkers would say smitten) smile on his lips as he turned to look at you.

You turned to him with wide doe eyes, a deer caught in headlights as you seemed unaware you had even done something wrong. Timidly, you press a tiny, chaste kiss to the tip of his middle finger — the same finger you'd gently bitten the top of moments prior.

"Mmh... Sorry, Dazai." Your words were languid, gently squeezing his hand before dropping it out of your hold.

Dazai wanted to pout, to say 'you forgot my kiss' while pointing to his palm, but he was too focused on his middle finger — the tingling of where you kissed him and the warmth of your mouth he'd felt around his fingertip for a fleeting moment. As you shuffled beside him, preparing to stand up, his hand shot out to grip yours.

"Where do you think you're going?"

The smirk on his face told you he wasn't too upset by your impulsive action, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Um, away..?"

A grin spanned across his face as he leaned closer. "Not before my payback, you aren't."

Losing distance, his mouth opened slowly until his head stopped just over your shoulder. "I require penance, you know," he mumbled before biting down onto the soft skin.

deer i love ur mind every time i read your stuff i get all giggly and kickin my feet and spinning around in bed heehehe

OH ALSO im gonna be real i thought you only wrote dazai for a bit there then i saw that nikolai thing you did and

tell me ur fav characters ill make sure to send stuff about them in the future 🙏

ok byee

-🩵

omggg hi 🩵 anon!!!! (also happy late new year to you too!!! havent answered ur ask yet but i have seen it and its on my list 💪🏻) TSYM!!!! highest praise i can get is giggling kicking feetsies tbh thats what i strive for

DAZAI AND NIKOLAI ARE MY FAVORITES!!!!!! im not against trying to write for others just be aware they may be lacking in comparison 💀 if anyone rqs characters i dont know v well and am not comfortable writing for i'll just say that lol no harm no foul (feel free to ask if i write for specific charas in my inbox too!)

ive also written small drabbles for others (small yan!levi aot and hawks mha) that r collecting dust rn if anyone would mayb want to see... i put this in a different post of mine (might be in the tags lol) but i was thinking of making a separate blog to spam with other charas maybe? or should i keep it condensed? idk this tumblr shit is hard as hell 😨

y!dazai and emotional reader..,, since he’s somewhat emotionally unavailable it’s really hard for him to understand how reader is feeling but he’ll try to act sympathetic just for the sake of them</3

YESSS okay hold on lemme just .

Dazai groaned. This was the third time you’d replied to him with the same - in his opinion - lame excuse. “He can just finish the reports on his own! They aren’t even yours to complete.”

“I offered to help Kunikida and I’m sticking by it. He deserves time to relax as well, you know? What’s wrong with lending a hand?” Your words made Dazai puff out his cheeks as he thought. Well, the main issue is that it’s taking time away from him. Shouldn’t your boyfriend be your top priority, rather than your coworker? “I’m sorry, Dazai. We can have that date tomorrow, alright? I promise.”

“Okay,” Dazai replies curtly. He doesn’t mean to be terse towards you, his beautiful and wonderful partner (his words not mine), but he just couldn’t understand where you were coming from. All he does is pawn off his work onto others, and Dazai is sure the rest of the agency would do the same if given the opportunity. And yet, here you are, staying late just to finish reports that aren’t yours.

His sudden gruff attitude caused you to frown, feeling a little guilty for leaving your boyfriend alone. “Hey,” you spun around in your chair to properly face him, discarding the pen you were working with momentarily. “We can spend time together tonight, alright? I promise, if I had known you planned something for us I wouldn’t have taken this on.”

Dazai knows that; Of course Dazai knows that. But… “Doesn’t spending time with me sound more fun?” He leans in, bumping his nose onto yours to try and entice you into joining him at home.

“One hundred percent,” you chuckle. An amused smile pulls at the edges of your lips as you lean back, turning once more to the extra paperwork you agreed to take on.

“Then why won’t you?” It’s not every day Dazai comes across something he can’t easily understand. With eyebrows stitched together, lips pursed into a small frown, he couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t just join him. Kunikida wouldn’t be mad that you went home when you were supposed to; As much of a hard-ass as that man is, he understands the importance of a good work-life balance.

One of the reasons Dazai was always so drawn to you was your kindness and emotional side. At first you were merely a puzzle to him - a way to alleviate his boredom for a few weeks before something new came along. But even after all this time, he still hadn’t quite cracked the way you gravitate towards the illogical.

“I want to help out a friend, that’s all.”

Dazai thought back to his friend, one he’d have done anything to help out. Maybe he’s beginning to understand you.

“I’ll see you back at your apartment later, alright? I love you, Dazai.”

The brunet lets out a hum, indicating he heard you, before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head and slipping on his coat. “See you later, then.”

THE WAY DAZAI JUST ISNT YANDERE ?? i forgot LMAOO i'm sorry anon :(

small insinuation of self harm

Dazai realizing he loves his s/o, telling them, and then wanting to tell the world ! He's very dramatic, so he repeats it religiously at the agency - a mantra that follows him everywhere :))

Until afterwards when he's alone in his apartment, heart beating out of his chest and feeling especially anxious. What's wrong with him? He didn't do anything differently today than he normally does...

He thinks hard as to what might be causing this, when the door opens and you step in. Oh, he's anxious about you.

But why? He loves you! He's quick to say it as you close and lock his door, and the feeling suddenly returns.

Oh.

He feels a sudden urge to break up with you, loosen contact, drive you away - Does he love you? He didn't want to tell anyone else (he did, he regrets it now). What happens if he falls out of love? Why did he do that? His chest just keeps squeezing, keeps constricting — feeling almost as though he was drowning in his thoughts. A moment of reprieve is granted only by the gentle placement of your hand over his heart.

"Are you alright?"

A few deep breaths and Dazai's heart rate is back in his control. Yes, he loves you, he thinks. But saying it is too scary.

Dazai just looks at you, a war tearing between his brain and his heart, unable to decide how to feel. His brain wants him to vanish: pack up and leave you forever so he doesn't have to deal with this vulnerability. His heart, however, wants to pull you closer. Never leave you, never let you out of his sight, always keep you within six feet of him to protect and love— and like you.

You pull his head onto your chest, cradling it in one hand as the other cards through his hair. "You can tell me anything, you know."

Dazai knows. But telling you he's not actually sure he loves you after his huge breakthrough what was merely the night before feels cruel.

It took a lot for him to open up and admit that, and he's not sure he can open up and admit that he regrets it. He should leave you - you deserve someone better, someone who can shout from the rooftops that you're theirs. But selfishly, he wants to hold you close and let you sooth him.

Seeing him still so torn, not moving as you hold him, causes a frown to come onto your face. All you want is for him to be happy and healthy and loved, and you'd thought you had a 66.67% success rate (you're working on the health thing). Like Dazai had moments prior, you wrack your brain for a change, and quickly land the same place he did: his love for you.

You smile softly, maybe a little sadly, and pull him closer until he's sitting on your lap. "Osamu," you press a kiss to the crown of his head.

He says nothing, just staring blankly. This is the hardest he's ever had to work to keep his heart in check, to stop the frantic beating. Is it hot in here? Should he take off his coat? Why can't he tell everyone he loves his partner? He does love them, he does.

How are you supposed to approach this? If you say you don't have to love me, he could go on the defensive. You just want him to relax. "I'd never force you to do something against your best interest."

Dazai meekly nods. Of course not. You always focus on him and his needs, emotionally and physically. You pack him lunches so he doesn't skip it at work and force him to eat dinners with you most nights. He just now notices the plastic takeout bag on the table - you must have brought that in when you first arrived. You want what's best for him, and he loves you for that! Doesn't he? Does he?

"I don't want you to force yourself into doing anything— saying anything you aren't ready for yet."

Dazai shuts his eyes tightly. Of course you figured it out. Feeling anxious, his heart beats desperately as he relinquishes control, not caring if you notice. Several soft apologies begin to fall from his lips quicker than you can stop them. The turmoil of this is eating him alive, and he hates it. Is running still an option? Does he even want to? The only thing keeping him from opening up new scars tonight is the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He's not sure if he'd leave even if you made him.

Fuck, but staying is so hard. His hands move up to tightly grip the fabric of your shirt, bunching it up between his fingers in hopes to ground himself.

You say nothing, allowing Dazai time to collect himself. Minutes pass, the food you brought likely cold now as Dazai just breathes in your embrace. A small growl from your stomach pulls him from his head finally, a small smile on his face as he looks up, seeing an embarrassed blush decorating your cheeks.

"Sorry, sorry!" Suddenly you're burying your head in Dazai's chest, seeking solace from your embarrassment. You trust him, love him enough to let him comfort you, just as he does you. A groan comes out of your mouth as your hands cover your face.

Dazai chuckles, pulling your head up before gently removing the hands covering your face. Your shoulders fall as Dazai's smile makes you relax. Whatever's bothering him won't go away over night, but you'll always be there to help.

"Come on, let's go eat," Dazai says, voice much calmer than it is when he's loudly boasting about his s/o at the agency. You don't mind. You like this version of Dazai all the same.

He loves you, he's sure of it. He just needs some time to properly accept it before yelling it from the rooftops - and you're more than happy to give him that time.

Chuuya Nakahara masterlist bsd masterlist main masterlist

Doormat reader ft. Dazai, Nikolai, Ranpo, Atsushi