Synnamon-rolls - Insert Creative Blog Title

Remembering these gems/also fuck the fia new rules

been loving the recent posts about chase because bro is so insane as a character

- dead mother, abusive czech dad who visits him while dying of lung cancer and doesn’t say anything

- goes to seminary, tries become a priest but gets axed after sleeping with the groundskeeper’s wife

- ends up becoming a doctor like his dad after all

- is australian

- has an ambiguous background in bdsm

- falls in love with his coworker after hearing her mention sex one singular time

- has internalised fatphobia

- is friends with nuns

- sleeps with his coworker (who’s stolen meth from a patient after possibly getting hiv from said patient)

- has sex with his coworker in a patient’s house, and in the hospital’s sleep lab, and in a storage closet

- kisses a 9 year old with terminal cancer after she begs him to

- gets fired and proceeds get a different job on a different floor of the same hospital

- hypnotises his boss (who has just gotten his skull cracked open)

- goes into anaphylactic shock after doing body shots off a stripper at his bachelor’s party (planned by his ex-boss, who’s subconscious (in the form of a hallucination of ex-boss’s best friend’s dead girlfriend) tries to murder chase by deliberately hiring a stripper who uses strawberry lotion that chase is allergic to)

- marries his coworker on the day their ex-boss gets committed to a psychiatric hospital

- murders an african dictator

- nearly gets caught for murdering the dude, has to be covered by his ex-ex-boss and coworker

- goes into a spiral which convinces his coworker-wife that he’s cheating on her 2 months into their marriage

- confesses to murdering the dictator to his wife, who leaves him

- sleeps with his ex-wife/ex-coworker in an exam room while the hospital is on emergency lockdown

- gets his only new haircut in the entire show after his divorce

- pretends to be a dumb, misogynistic, unemployed american while speed dating to prove that his looks don’t matter as much as his personality. even while pretending to be a loser, he still gets a bunch of women’s numbers

- sleeps with a woman at the wedding of some important hospital person, gets photographed nude, and is then made fun of by all his coworkers for having a tiny dick

- gets stabbed

- has a sex dream about his coworker who he is very much not into after the coworker confesses to having a sex dream about him

- takes over the diagnostics department after his boss and boss’s boybestfriend run away for their gay death pact

okay heres the rosquez history™️ im fully copying this from dms i sent my bff so- do not judge how it looks. i am truly sorry for this monstrosity and that you have to read it

okay so vale dominated the mid-2000s, he has 9 world titles, 7 from motogp (or 500cc back then) marc is uhhh 14 years younger i think? and he looked up to vale. like a lot. (he mightve had a poster of vale in his bedroom growing up)

and then marc starts riding in moto3 and moto2 and its like ‘holy shit that kid is so good’ but also he’s insanely aggressive ?? like so aggressive that he essentially develops a new riding style. and around that time there are a bunch of riders in motogp, namely vale and jorge lorenzo (who marc DID ACTUALLY have a poster of i think) telling marc to calm down and ride cleaner.

in 2013 marc moves up to motogp and life is good for him!! so good!! he becomes the youngest race winner ever and then the youngest motogp champion ever and hes like in love with vale and keeps making heart eyes at him but thats ok!! bc vale makes heart eyes at marc all the time too.

so in 2013 and 2014 everything is great 🫶🫶 theyre in love, vale invites marc to the ranch, blablabla theyre gay whatever. but then 2015 it all goes to shit

marc has a bunch of retirements so it becomes pretty clear that hes not winning the title again. but vale is very much in title contention (hes fighting jorge) plus marc and vale have fought like a lot of times on track and uhhh… things arent that great between them? but whatever bc at least its still cordial. until sepang where they’re fighting again and marc crashes and oops!! it looks like vale kicked marcs bike. vale gets a back of the grid penalty for the crash and he cant recover from that so jorge wins the 2015 title! and from that point marc and vale hate. each other. vale thinks that marc fought him so hard bc he didnt want vale to be champion/wanted a spanish rider to be champion and obvi marc is mad about the kick/alleged crash.

in 2016 they seem to make peace for a lil while? but then in 2018 argentine theyre fighting again. and like i said marc is really aggressive so he kind of crashes vale out? ( im biased towards marc he can do no wring sorry) and after the race marc goes over to vales motorhome to apologize but uccio (vales bff/truck driver/idrk hes just always there) sends marc away. vale later says that he did it bc he knew it wasnt a genuine apology ?

yeah and from that point on they just dont talk. they hate each other for a while, sure, but that fades to a dislike, and dislike fades into indifference and they just do not. care anymore

also there are a lot of other moments like the infamous handshake press interview thing, but also they apparently shook hands in private later? and them in 2020 marc crashes, misses a season, comes back in 2021 for like half a season, then vale retired blablabla they just don’t interact anymore but motogp still liked making them sit awkwardly next to each other in press conferences. uhh yeah that’s basically it but marc did talk abt vale recently and he talked abt how vale had a giant impact on the sport and also he said that he wouldnt act differently in 2015 bc vale was the one who lost his temper 💀💀

omg they really are strangers to hero worship to friends to lovers to enemies to reluctant colleagues with history to enemies again to strangers what the fuck. what is in motorsport water that makes men act like this

George Russell as the yellow/red tail hawk

Laguna Seca 2008: Valentino Rossi might have entered the eleventh round of the season with the lead in the championship, but he did not have momentum on his side. After a tricky start to the season, he had claimed three consecutive victories... before the tide began to turn against him. The man who had beaten him so easily to the championship the year before, Casey Stoner, had fought Rossi for second place at Catalunya, only narrowly missing out after a race-long battle. It was the start to a worrying trend: Stoner was in the process of bringing his rocky title defence back on track. His Ducati team managed to take the decisive step at the post-race test at that circuit; from then on, Stoner once again seemed as invincible as he had the year before, taking dominant victories in Donington, Assen and Sachsenring. Worse still, Rossi's crash at Assen had made him briefly relinquish the championship lead to Dani Pedrosa and had slashed his points buffer to Stoner. While Pedrosa's crash at the Sachsenring had ensured Rossi retook the championship lead, Rossi was once again frustrated with his struggles in qualifying. Against the fast-starting and clinical Stoner, he could not afford to keep fighting his way through from a long way back. Otherwise, Stoner would keep escaping out front and Rossi's points lead would keep dwindling and dwindling... Something had to change.

Stoner had dominated the round at Laguna Seca the year before, winning by almost ten seconds. It was the only circuit on the calendar save for Misano (only introduced in 2007) at which Rossi had raced and not yet secured a victory. The previous year he had come a distant fourth, the best of the Michelin tyre finishers at a track where the difference between the two tyre manufacturers was particularly egregious that season. His best result had been a third place secured in 2005 - which he intended to improve on that year, this time equipped with Bridgestone tyres to match Stoner's. From Friday morning, however, it looked like Rossi's task that weekend would be one of damage limitation. Just like in the previous three rounds, Stoner set about his business by dominating every practise session. Meanwhile, Pedrosa - still in severe pain caused by injuries sustained at the Sachsenring - faced the prospect of another dire weekend for the Michelin tyres. He eventually made the choice to withdraw from the race, effectively turning the title fight into a two horse race. Come qualifying, Stoner comfortably secured pole, with Rossi managing to at least take second place... but going by the evidence of that weekend, there was no real doubt as to who the winner would be. In press, Rossi joked he would need a thirty second head start to beat Stoner.

The race was supposed to be a fight for second place. It turned out to be something nobody was expecting. Stoner rocketed off the line as per usual, while Rossi got a decent start - briefly ceding ground to Nicky Hayden but managing to hold second into Turn 2. Stoner was already pulling out a few tenths over the field during that very first lap, which felt like a precursor to the inevitable. Rossi clawed back the gap, however, and overtook Stoner for the first time into Turn 8. From there, it was game on. To everyone's surprise, Rossi had managed to find just about enough pace overnight to keep himself competitive against Stoner's vicious pace... not enough to be faster than Stoner, but enough to frustrate him from in front. The battle between the two was at its most frenzied on Lap 4 - with a series of passes that culminates in Rossi's infamous corkscrew overtake in which he briefly goes off the track and only just about keeps the bike upright, bumping into Stoner in the process. Stoner threw himself at Rossi again and again as Rossi took ever more creative lines to keep Stoner behind, to make Stoner's life as miserable as possible. It was an escalation of hostilities from Rossi, who had decided to drag Stoner into a vicious scrap and intimidate him through any means possible. Stoner responded in kind, furiously desperate to beat Rossi - and willing to take some substantial risks to do so, see his overtakes around the outside at the notoriously terrifying blind Turn 1.

Eventually, however, Rossi caught Stoner out, forcing Stoner's error as Stoner ran wide off the track. Caught out by shallow gravel giving way to deeper gravel, Stoner went down in a crash slow enough to be more of a tip-off, effectively ending the fight for the win. Stoner managed to pick up the bike and - as a result of the ferocious pace the pair had been running - managed to finish in a comfortable second place. Still, the damage had been done. Stoner was visibly furious at how Rossi had conducted himself, first refusing Rossi's handshake in parc fermé and then telling Rossi he had lost respect for him on the podium. He would later walk back those words, extending an apology that Rossi accepted, but it still marked a turning point in that rivalry. Worst of all, Rossi had seen his tactics worked - and his rhetoric after the race was dedicated to letting Stoner know to expect more of the same going forwards. It was as clear a message as Rossi could possibly have sent to inform Stoner of just how much he was willing to do in order to win.

okay right let’s get something straight about kevin magnussen in the context of sports nepo babies: kevin does not fit the traditional understanding of it at all. the best you can say is that he is the son of another motor racer - but he has very much /not/ had the advantages that other drivers including: lance stroll, mick schumacher, carlos sainz jr and max verstappen have had. here’s why:

- jan magnussen fathered kevin when he was nineteen. kevin was raised by a single mother and self-admittedly did not have a conventional relationship with his father and describes it as “more of a friendship”.

- jan magnussen didn’t have any money to support kevin’s career. in fact in 2008, kevin had to give up racing and take work as a welder. that’s basically the closest thing the grid has to being working class.

so yeah, kevin’s surname opened some doors for him at mclaren, but that is literally it. in fact jan magnussen’s success (like his le mans win) actually came after kevin’s career in f1 had begun. kevin does not have any family wealth backing him, didn’t have anyone giving him helping him to secure seats or sponsors, and his dad’s name carried very limited weight until after he’d already been dropped by mclaren. he was not groomed from birth to be a racer like some and has never had a safety net.

this really puts into context why he’s such a scrappy little bastard as a racer and why he loves his scrappy little bastard team so much. they may have passed over him in favour of money in the form of nikita mazepin but they were very upset about having to do so to stay afloat and got him back as soon as the opportunity was there. that’s loyalty!

Mark Webber Lore Masterpost

This is for @percervall who had the good fortune to ask for Mark Lore when I had just finished a massive Fernando Lore post and was itching to balance out my OTP Lore Files.

Disclaimer: I am primarily a webbonso girlie (gn), but I also love Martian (aka Sebmark), Butter (which we are now calling Aussie Cake - Mark/Jenson), and Nicomark, with an occasional dash of Oscarmark though I have Feelings about that (see below on Personal Life).

I was watching F1 for the last five years of Mark's career so his RBR days and personal life are what I know best but even so, I'm not claiming to be an expert so if anyone reads this and disagrees with any of it, please weigh in with your own thoughts! Input most welcome.

CW below for transphobia, ED/eating disorder, and vomiting unrelated to ED

EDITED TO ADD: I CONFIRM THIS POST IS SAFE FROM THE CANBERRA MILK KID ADVERT

Anyway - to the DILF Files!

Racing and Luck

Couple of things on this: Mark is from a town close to Canberra called Queanbeyan that is, according to fans who know Australia, the single most unlikely place in the world to produce an F1 driver. Throughout his book, he constantly comes back to "how can a boy from Queanbeyan get to F1?"

Mark got into racing comparatively late, at 13-ish, and he was tall. Tallness was a huge disadvantage during the era he raced, because of the regulations favouring low weights. Before he got his first F1 test, Bernie Ecclestone dismissed him as "too old, too big." He made his F1 debut at 26 which is *really* late in the modern era. He has said that he "didn't eat for five years" to keep his weight down and that the possibility of weighing more and relaxing his diet was a factor in moving to WEC instead of doing another season in F1.

As @stars-and-meteors wrote in the comments on @percervall's post, Mark was LUCKY in one way (though usually described as an unlucky driver) - he was in at least four major crashes in his career that could have been fatal. Two in Le Mans 1999 (video of his memories here), another flip in Valenica in 2010 which I saw live and nearly puked until I saw his head move. This clip shows the crash but not the aftermath - he threw his steering wheel out to signal that he was OK, and walked away with nothing more than minor bruises, so keep that in mind as you watch because it is dramatic. Then finally, when he was racing for Porsche in WEC after he retired from F1, he crashed hard in Brazil, so badly that his wife (watching at home with her son) assumed he would die. He was injured but ultimately fine.

So how was he unlucky?

Getting to F1 so late, with minimal sponsorship behind him - this was in an era where the driver academy systems we have now weren't as strong and he was outside of the bit of an academy system that there was

One early career bad move - went to Williams instead of Renault for 2005 (Renault won the WDC that year)

Finally got a WDC-winning car when he was 34, with a much younger generational-talent teammate (Sebastian) who was intensely favoured by the team (for pretty valid reasons in many ways) - never had good machinery in what could have been his peak years.

RBR and Seb Rivalry/Martian/Sebmark

The best way I can explain Mark's dynamic with Sebastian is that the Vettel grandstand at his home grand prix costs more to sit in than the Webber grandstand.

Here is a brief thematic overview of Martian I wrote in response to an ask. Please know that they once bought matching Porsches together, and that Mark has referred to their on-track crashes as "making love." They are a shipper's dream.

Because Seb is now such an elder statesman of the sport, a lot of people forget that he wasn't always as popular and well-liked as he (deservedly) is today. One of the many links in this post describes Mark as a "fan favourite" and he really was - he was seen as a chill, down to earth, funny bloke. Seb was also popular, but he was popular with a lot of the same demographic that are big Max fans today and he was a similar figure (though not as controversial). Some people compare Max-Checo to Seb-Mark but Checo has never been as popular as Mark was, and Seb was always less controversial than Max. But not a million miles away either.

Mark used to hold the record for most F1 starts without a win, and when he finally won his first race I think every F1 fan was happy for him. He was definitely seen as a safe pair of hands, journeyman driver, not a standout but not bad either.

Anyway, then Adrian Newey built a great car in 2010.

Mark led much of the 2010 season, but due to some bad luck, bad starts and a shocking last race, he came 3rd in the WDC to Seb and Fernando. It went to the last race. Seb won his first title never having led the standings all season, but he was consistent and had good strategy calls, and also he had the backing of the team. The Front Wing Incident led to a classic moment of Mark Lore. The team had a new front wing, Seb damaged his and was given Mark's. The team will say that Mark hadn't liked the wing, and that Seb was ahead in the standings at the time. Mark maintained Seb was being favoured because young, German, RBR Young Driver Programme, Helmut Marko, etc. Mark won the race. Christian came on the radio to congratulate him and said something like, maybe now you'll crack a smile. Mark replied with "not bad for a number two driver," and Lore was born.

(Apparently there was a team barbecue at Christian's house to try and mend fences, involving karaoke. Mark's karaoke song, according to Seb's remarks on the Australia GP podium some years later, is Summer of 69.)

Anyhoo, Mark lost out at the last race in 2010, Seb dominated all over 2011 (in his book, Mark says that the team behaved in 2011 as though Mark had been a second driver all through 2010 and Seb had led the whole season, when Mark had been closer to the title than Seb), and 2012 (Alonso was amazing that season, so it was great racing and not an easy title for Seb at all, but Mark didn't challenge him).

Then came Multi-21. I think it's fair to say that at the time, most people agreed that Seb had been out of line, although some thought so because he'd fucked over Mark and some because he disobeyed his boss. Either way, Seb was apologetic and then wasn't. It's been suggested since that Seb's lawyer letter to the team may have been sowing seeds for him to break his contract and move to Ferrari - he did activate a break clause in 2014 to move to Ferrari for 2015.

Anyhoo, after Mark's retirement he and Seb mended things, they are clearly on good terms now and Mark had lots of nice things to say when Seb retired. But it was acrimonious at the time.

Broadly, I think most people feel like if a few minor things had gone differently, Mark might have been a one-time WDC, but that he never really had the next-level skill of the likes of Seb, Fernando, Lewis, or even Jens or Nico. He's often ranked alongside Felipe Massa as someone who would have been a deserving champion but never an all-time great.

Webbonso

I've done some Webbonso lore masterposts before, so please see this, this and this if it's something you're into. Mark and Fernando seemed to have a falling out in after 2018 (which we call the Divorce Era, and may be linked to Fernando signing with Alpine for 2021 when Mark wanted a seat for Oscar Piastri, who Mark managed) but the Divorce Era was confirmed ended in 2023, with Mark gushing over his boy again, on screen hugs, and Mark sharing a post on instagram with a little red stiletto heeled shoe emoji imposed on Fernando's tiny foot.

Actual Personal Life

Mark is married to an English woman named Ann Neal, whom he met when he was 17 and she was 30. She became a friend of his family because of her motorsport connections (she worked in motorsport in Australia), then became his manager, and moved him to England without his family when he was 18-19. He lived in a box room in Ann's mum's house, with Ann, her mum and her son (she was recently divorced), and they shared a car. Their relationship apparently turned romantic when he was 20 and she was 33. (This is all from his autobiography). @lightningmickqueen wrote a great summary of this which is worth reading. Basically - problematic AF and it's hard for me not to think of him as a victim though he does seem very happy.

This is also why Oscarmark is never a simple ship for me. I love their dynamic, I like them both as drivers, but because I feel like Mark is a grooming survivor and there is both an age gap and a power imbalance between him and Oscar, I don't think I'll ever write an explicit fic about them. Any I've written before are very much on the yearning side.

No serious allegations of cheating on his partner have ever emerged. He did a series of photoshoots and videos with Maria Sharapova for Porsche and a lot of people joke about their "affair" but nothing at all to suggest its real.

Controversy (esp transphobia) and Views

Well one big controversy is the fact he was groomed as a teenager, but no one in motorsport talks about this, although the fandom is pretty switched on about it all.

But the biggest is the transphobic tweet. I won't link to anyone else's blog here because I have been told that posting about Mark's transphobic tweet can bring out trolls with both pro-trans and anti-trans views (fyi: I do not believe it is possible to be anti-trans, you cannot be anti-people, it is simply not allowed, but I refuse to use the terms that bigoted people invent for themselves and reclaim and weaponise).

In short - Mark retweeted a tweet from a news channel about young trans people reverting to their assigned gender at birth with the caption "Now it's called Detransitioning" and a laughing emoji. (Ugh). Then he doubled down when called out and said it hadn't been meant to be funny, he found it hard to keep up with terminology and he is a "proud heterosexual" with "gay friends of both genders."

And he has never apologised.

Of course, the meme potential of proud heterosexual Mark Webber is endless, but trans fans have asked people not to use it jokingly because it is a reminder of a transphobic incident and can be upsetting to encounter.

Basically, Mark can be Gen X all he wants but he has the brain of a Boomer.

He's generally conservative. A big believer in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, "common sense", and "old fashioned country values" from his "traditional upbringing." That said, and I'm not suggesting this is a defence for the ways in which he is terrible but it belongs here, it seems these views don't extend much to racism, as he is a big, vocal fan of Lewis Hamilton although doesn't comment much on his activism except to say he is an all-round class act.

Mark was also managed by Flavio Briatore for most of his career and Flavio is dodgy AF and was literally banned for his role in race fixing, so. There was brief talk after Crashgate of suspending the superlicence of any driver who was repped by Flavio. Mark and Fernando were among them and held firm and the threats weren't carried out.

General Unhinged Lore

His almost-WDC in 2010 was achieved with a broken shoulder

He has Questions about Fernando Alonso's leg waxing

He coined the nickname Britney for Nico Rosberg by saying "don't think so mate, Britney's in the wall" when he was told not to enter the pits in favour of Nico before the pit wall realised Nico had crashed

He is ridiculously handsy with other men

Gifs of Mark making an oral sex joke on Ziggo Sport

I have a whole tag of Mark being unhinged - including his "fully expected sec-sex-sections" interview about Seb, the Piping Hot Dickstickers interview, and the buying matching Porsches story.

He is known to be obsessed with red wine, chocolate, tennis and dogs.

He always has two dogs, usually with S names. He's had Shadow (RIP), Simba (RIP), Saxon and...others I don't know. He lived in England for most of his career (unusual) and moved to Monaco when he retired.

When he first won the Monaco Grand Prix, he hadn't packed a tuxedo and had to show up in jeans, a sweater and deck shoes. He says no one minded. this definitely bolstered his 'down to earth guy' image.

He once continued driving while literally being sick in his helmet. (This is GROSS).

His team radio on his first win is legendary.

And finally. YOU MUST hear his scream in commentary at Azerbaijan. It is amazing.

im so tired so here's a recap of what trump did today summarized and probably incomplete because we are in super hell:

End birthright citizenship (a.k.a the 14th amendment)

Remove the legal existence of non-binary people

Withdraw from the world health organization

pardon jan 6 people

Some James Hunt lore ✨️

Because man needs to be appreciated

Warning, potential nsfw and other triggering topics under the cut

James Hunt brought a v*brator to a Mclaren mechanic asking if he could fix it.

James Hunt supporting black-led groups in South Africa when trying to gain their independence. He didn't want to commentate the South African GP because of what was happening but the BBC forced him to. So he purposely revealed during the race that him and Murry Walker were not actually in South Africa commentating (which was not known to the public at the time). He also donated all the money he got from commentating the South African GP to charities to support the apartheid's even though at the time he was struggling for money

James Hunt learnt to play the trumpet at school and was rather good at it. He got to play at the Royal Albert Hall and everyone was suprised when he played well and got invited back to perform at another show.

At school he made his younger brother a pair of pj trousers and his brother proudly wore them around. James loved his younger siblings dearly.

James studied the female anatomy to understand and help his girlfriend at the time who kept having miscarriages.

Niki had to convince German guards not to arrest James when he tried breaking back into the track after a night out.

James having to convince airport customs to let him bring a playboy magazine through because it had an interview piece with him in.

James would throw up before races and Niki sometimes would piss beside him.

After retiring from F1 James brought a farm however he couldn't kill any of the animals so it fell through. His son, Freddie, now owns a sustainable farm in Scotland.

James loved the game backgammon and made everyone play it with him.

James sent Niki a telegram after his crash trying to motivate him to get better. Niki called James up on his birthday from hospital and they chatted for hours.

James owned a nightclub called 'Oscars' named after his dog.

James Hunt slept with a journalist then got upset when she rated him in a newspaper article.

James seized the PA system from a flight attendant and gave his own version of the welcoming address as they landed. Later on he appeared sitting on luggage riding the carousel.

One day during practise James felt tired and halfway through he pulled the car over and fell asleep. Niki who was sitting out watching James practise panicked when James didn't return and jumped on an ambulance that rushed around to find James, only to find him asleep in his car.

James went to therapy and concluded that he struggled with emotional intimacy with women likely down to the lack of emotional availability in his childhood.

Once, while being interviewed, James pointed to his hotel room and him and the interviewer watched as a woman broke into his hotel room.

James was happy when Suzy left him for Richard Burton as he felt responsible for her even though their relationship had fallen apart.

James was given a toy monkey after winning the championship and carried it everywhere.

He would refuse to wear suits to formal events, preferring to wear jeans and no shoes.

In his early days he tried to enter a mini car he had made with missing doors and a garden chair in the passenger seat.

Once James was stuck in the back of a car in traffic and he needed to go to the toilet. His then girlfriend suggested he piss out the window as the car tried to rush past all the traffic but as it was so cold his c*ck wouldn't work so he was just accidentally flashing everyone as the car rushed by.

After winning the world championship, Britian hosted a 'James Hunt' day. Niki went along to wave a flag for one of the races.

One of the first times James Hunt and Murry Walker worked together, James leg was in a cast, and he sat down and put his leg on Murray's lap which really annoyed Murray. He also drank two bottles of rose wine during that commentary session.

James was utterly dedicated to his dog Oscar to the point that they were inseparable.

James said that what brought him pleasure in the bedroom is the woman feeling pleasure and that he liked a woman who knew what she wanted and told him

He became very depressed and would call the bad days his 'dippers'

He struggled with a lot of addictions but got sober for his sons

descending toward devotion

Devotion - Ocean Vuong