I’m Not Canonically Autistic But It’s Strongly Implied

If a boykisser kisses a girl does he become a bikisser or cease to exist

if you’re a new tumblr user from tiktok or IG or something and only like posts and dont reblog them yeah people will think you’re a bot and block you but you will also make this website actively worse. they want “algorithmic” users like you, served recommended posts through likes, not people who just follow each other and respond to the direct chronological feed. there is a reason this website is still better than the rest, even with all its problems, do not ruin this

william the conqueror: i shall take england for normandy and become its king

william the concurrer: i agree

can't stop thinking about how silly executioner's swords look. you could flip burgers with that thang.

Sluts

I was a dick to my partner during covid isolation, and I was procrastinating on writing an apology, so – as one does – I eventually, half-seriously, googled apology templates.

And I found this amazing website. It did not bring me AT ALL closer to writing my partner an apology, but it brought me immeasurable joy. I made choked animal howling noises for much of my perusing time.

Sometimes they’re kind of normal (this one is a message saying “I can’t attend your org’s event because I disagree with their politics”) but the title is phrased hilariously.

Others are, in fact, hilarious.

Most are sincere, but not all:

“Zoom Incident”

And my favorite:

“I AM NOT SURE WHY I ASSUMED THAT HE WOULD NOT BE INDOORS WHEN I DROPPED BY ON MONDAY”

*sidles up to you at the bar* would you like to hear my wise aphorism

This happens to me too often. I'm starting to think I may be the problem.

narcissus at the pond

If you think people used to willingly stare off into the distance before smartphones, my dad told me he had this psychology assignment when he was in college in the 80s which was basically

Go to a restaraunt by yourself and eat a meal without a newspaper or journal or anything else to keep you occupied and then write a report about it

Which tells me that this was a way for a professor to inflict psychological torture on their students and that people used to bring little things with them to keep them entertained. Shown by those old pictures of everyone in a trolley reading a newspaper with one hand.

Frankly I think that the human brain has been craving smart phone forever. Perhaps we use it too much at times but if this was 1985 we also wouldn’t be talking to people. We’d just be looking at newspaper or drawing stuff on notepad instead. And the old people would all be shaking their fists about how kids spend too much time looking at that damn TV because yes this discourse has been going on long before smart phone