I Need Your Love

I Need Your Love

I've finally finished this fic 🤪 You can also read it here ☺

Warnings: it's 18+ content, please, don't read it if you're a minor

James was awfully irritated lately. Whether it was because of the upcoming album release or the strained relationships with Jason and Bob Rock, Kirk couldn't say for sure. He had a feeling that even James couldn't name the reason for his annoyance. Maybe it was all at once. The tension in the studio had been growing for months. James felt imprisoned by constant criticisms and demands, which had strained his relationship with everyone around him.

Kirk wanted to help him relieve the tension, so he suggested James to go on vacation. Well, technically, it was James who came up with that idea a couple of weeks ago but they were busy that time and soon forgot about their conversation.

So, now, when they had at least two free days, they could afford to spend some time together and leave LA. They definitely needed a change of scenery, so Kirk rented a house near the ocean. It was a beautiful place just a couple of hours from LA. He didn't tell James where they were going since James'd told him that it didn't matter much as long as they were completely alone and as far from the recording studio as it possible. He was tired of constant arguing with Lars, Bob, and Jason and wanted to forget about everything just for a day or two.

Kirk was in a good mood this morning and planned the whole day they were going to spend in nature. He wanted to take James for a walk in Torrey Pines after they'd get to the house and rest a bit from the road. He also couldn't wait until tonight to surprise James with a dinner on the terrace. Honestly, he chose that house because of it's terrace with a long path lit by dozens of small lanterns. They created a wonderful and magical atmosphere so he didn't think twice and booked the house as soon as he saw the pictures.

After taking a shower, Kirk was about to wake James up but he was already awake which surprised Kirk a bit because James hadn't slept well that night in spite of their previous long day at the recording studio. And that was another problem: lately, he suffered from insomnia which made Kirk slightly nervous. He was determined to talk about it but not now, he didn't want to piss James off any more than he already was.

It was obvious that James was still tired but he got up and started to help Kirk pack and get ready for the road. One look at his exhausted boyfriend was enough for Kirk to start regretting the vacation idea. Maybe they could just spend some time at home not going anywhere? He shook his head, throwing those thoughts away, James deserved more than just being cooped up here all weekend.

"You can take shower, I'll pack our bags myself, you know," Kirk suggested James, he looked up at him with slight confusion and gave him a gentle smile.

"Thanks, hon, I definitely need it now, I feel like I'm gonna sleep all day."

"Then I'm waiting for you in the kitchen, when you finish, we'll have breakfast and be ready to go," Kirk kissed James on the cheek and took his guitar case.

At first, he wasn't going to write any new riffs because his main intention was to relax and try not to remember their stressful everyday routine but he knew himself pretty well: he couldn't feel completely relaxed without his guitar, it wasn't necessary to come up with something new, he could just play any song they'd already written. As for James, he was pretty the same, but Kirk decided not to push and let him make a decision whether to take his own guitar or not by himself.

By the time James left the bathroom, Kirk had already packed their bags and made breakfast. He decided to fry eggs with bacon for James and an omelette with tomatoes and spinach for himself.

James didn't talk to him during the breakfast as he was still sleepy, and Kirk didn't get on his nerves with unnecessary questions and only smiled sweetly when James kissed him on the cheek finishing his meal.

In half an hour they were ready to go. James helped Kirk carry the bags to the car. As they packed, Kirk occasionally glanced at James, noticing how fatigue lined his face. 'I wish I could do more to help you relax,' Kirk thought, resolving to make this getaway as peaceful as possible.

Kirk checked the front door and got into the driver's seat. He knew that James wasn't in a good condition to drive and let him rest for a while.

"So, are you ready to go? You didn't forget anything?" Kirk asked him. James nodded and got comfortable in his seat.

"Yeah, I packed everything, we can go."

Kirk started the car and pulled into the driveway. He glanced at his lover who had already closed his eyes trying to sleep. Kirk sighed softly and decided to let him rest since it was a long day ahead of them. Driving away from the city, Kirk couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope. They had a few days to reconnect and recharge, and he was determined to make every moment count.

***

James slept the whole way and only woke up when they pulled up to the rented house. He looked around sleepily taking the view before him. There was a big house behind the high gates painted white on the contrast with bright green grass and bushes. Kirk got out of the car and came to the gates to open them. He needed to enter a code that the owner had told him beforehand, then he could take the keys hidden in one of the flowerpots on the porch and open the door.

Then Kirk drove the car into the yard and closed the gate. By the time he got back to the house James stepped out of the car and started unloading their stuff. Kirk hurried to help him.

Although they didn't have many bags with them, it took a good ten minutes to bring all of their stuff inside and put them in their places. Kirk took his guitar case and duffle bags with his and James' clothes and came into the bedroom. It was large and bright, there were big panoramic windows overlooking the nearby beach, a king-size bed in the middle with nightstands on each side, and a wardrobe in the corner. Kirk liked that room, it was cosy and the bed looked really comfortable. He took his socks off and dig his toes in a creamy beige colored fluffy carpet. Yes, he definitely liked it here.

Meanwhile, James was taking a better look at the house. The living room was spacious with a coffee table and several magazines on it, a big TV on the wall, a bookcase in the far corner, and a large couch with pillows on it. The beige walls, carpet and furniture made the room look pretty clean, almost sterile, and James felt a bit uneasy, he had to control all of his movements to keep that house pristinely clean.

He stepped into the kitchen to put some groceries in the fridge. The kitchen was combined with the dining room and wasn't big but cosy with wooden cabinets and a vintage stove. Soft light coming through the window added a homey feel to the room. He take a look at the dining table and chairs made of light wood, then opened the cupboards to put a pack of tea and some spices there, checked the utensils and made his way to the bedroom.

Kirk had already put their stuff in places and welcomed James with a sweet smile.

"Do you like it here?" he asked him, full of the joys of spring.

"It's pretty… bright in here," James couldn't come up with the better answer so he just smiled and hugged Kirk. "I'm gonna take a shower, it's so hot outside, I feel nasty."

Kirk chuckled and kissed James on the cheek, "Go ahead, I'll change my clothes and make us something to eat."

James sighed as he stepped into the shower, the warm water cascading over his tired body. He let his mind wander, trying to find relief from the swirling thoughts about the album and the constant bickering.

While James was taking shower and resting from the long road, Kirk went to the kitchen to cook lunch. It was simple - pasta with vegetables and tomato sauce. Kirk decided to boil water for spaghetti first and in the meantime started chopping pepper, a couple of onions and carrots. He wanted to fry them first and then to stew with a tomato sauce he bought with the other ingredients beforehand in LA.

Kirk felt a bit anxious given James' reaction to their rented house and lack of enthusiasm. He didn't know how to cheer him up, what to do or say. It was like he was walking on the edge. Kirk took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves a bit. The sound of the knife monotonously slicing through the onions acted as a soothing rhythm. The strong aromas of fresh vegetables filled the kitchen, slightly easing his anxiety.

When pasta was ready, he went to his and James' bedroom to call his lover. James was asleep, and it made Kirk tense because he was worried whether James would be able to go for a walk to the park in this condition or not since it was a pretty long trip. Honestly, if they had to stay at home or just go to the beach, Kirk wouldn't mind but deep down, he hoped to see something new here and share this experience with James.

"James, it's lunchtime, get up, love," Kirk said softly and shook his lover's shoulder. James mumbled something inaudible but woke up. He looked at Kirk with a tint of confusion in his eyes and let out a long sigh.

"I was sleepin' so well," he murmured and closed his eyes.

Kirk didn't give up and patted his shoulder again. He didn't want to be annoying but knew that James had to be hungry and should eat something.

"I know, but it's time for lunch, you haven't eaten anything decent in hours! You can't spend the whole day in bed," Kirk was determined to bring James to his senses.

"Who's gonna stop me?" James scoffed but started to get up. Kirk offered him his hand and together, they made their way to the kitchen.

There was a silence during lunch as there was at breakfast. James was picking at his food unenthusiastically, and that broke Kirk's heart a bit. Yes, it wasn't the best meal he cooked but still, he tried to help James feel better, he gave him his time to relax and do whatever he wanted to, and all of that was for nothing?! He tried not to show his disappointment so decided not to talk either. He knew he wouldn't have been able to hold back sharp or rude words if he started any conversation in the state he was in.

"What are your plans for today?" came an unexpected question from James, Kirk cleared his throat.

"I was planning to take you to the Torrey Pines Park if you don't mind, of course," Kirk answered carefully.

He was aware that James could flare up if he didn't like something. He didn't discuss their trip with him before, and that was a mistake, James could think that this vacation was only for Kirk but it was wrong. James just shrugged and continued picking the already cooled down pasta and vegetables with his fork.

"If you don't wanna go there, we can stay here?" half-heartedly offered Kirk. He started to think that his idea to come here in general was stupid, he couldn't help but blame himself that he pushed James to activities which he obviously didn't like or wasn't ready for.

"Can we?" James asked him hopefully and Kirk already knew what he was going to answer.

"Sure. Anything you want," he smiled sadly and took his plate to put it into the sink. He was going to make some tea when James came up with another question suddenly.

"What are you reading?"

Kirk frowned and froze, not understanding where this question came from. James seemed to notice his confusion and hastened to clarify, "There's a book on the coffee table. It's yours, isn't it?"

"Yes. It's 'The Horla' by Guy de Maupassant."

"Never heard 'bout this book," James admitted. Kirk couldn't figure out why James started this conversation since it seemed he wasn't so eager to talk just a minute ago.

"It's a horror story, you wouldn't like it anyway."

"Mhm, so now you get to decide what I would and wouldn't like," James' voice was raspy and dangerously low, Kirk felt like he was standing in front of the predator who was ready to attack him any minute.

"No, I just supposed that 'cause you're not much into horrors," Kirk didn't know why but he was ready to cry. It was so stupid, James didn't say anything rude or hurtful, but he couldn't miss the slight annoyance in James' tone.

"Oh, you know me that well," came an instant sarcastic reply. And that was the last straw.

"I don't know you at all," Kirk barely whispered and gave up his idea to make tea. He wanted to hide somewhere from James and this stupid argument they had, he needed time to calm down. He was ready to turn around and go outside when he heard a sharp squeak of chair against the floor and then the heavy footsteps. Kirk sadly hung his head, ready to hear the loud slamming of a door, but the footsteps stopped behind him, and Kirk could feel the warmth of James' body.

"Kirk," James called him but Kirk didn't answer. He knew himself pretty well and didn't want to aggravate their quarrel with his harsh rash words. He knew he would regret them later. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

'I don't need your condescension,' Kirk thought but hold his tongue. There were nasty words, sharp like a razor, he could cut their relationship off with this razor for good. He didn't want to.

James put his hand on Kirk's shoulder and turned him around to look in his eyes. There was sadness in them and something James couldn't quite identify. He hugged Kirk squeezing him as tight as it was possible.

"I was an asshole, I know. I just can't stand when someone decide everything for me. I know you didn't mean anything bad, it wasn't fair to spill my anger on you. Don't shut yourself off, please, tell me."

Problems need to be spoken. They knew it like no one else. It was one time when James sad something stupid without thinking and obviously hurt Kirk, but the latter refused to talk about it and almost broke up with James. James had to make amends. And here they were.

Kirk heaved a heavy sigh and snaked his arms around James' waist.

"You made it clear to me that I and everything I do for you is insignificant and unimportant. That you are still separate and I am still a stranger to you."

"Kirk, no," James could hardly breathe, "It's not like that at all."

"OK," was the only answer.

***

"Now it's my turn to take care of you," James told him some time later and took Kirk's hand leading him to the bathroom. He intertwined their fingers feeling the slight tremble in his own, this moment was more than just an act of caring.

He prepared a relaxing bath, cleaning it and filling with steamy, hot water.

"Careful, it's hot," James warned him but Kirk just gave him a reassuring smile.

"It should be hot," Kirk took his clothes off staying stark naked.

"I couldn't find any bubbles or bath bombs, sorry. It's not as romantic as I was planning. But here's some coffee shampoo. It even says 'Vegan Formula'," James chuckled and gestured to Kirk, who playfully rolled his eyes still smiling, to get into the bathtub.

"I'm not a vegan, you know. I bet it smells good," Kirk got comfortable and reached out to James. Sitting in hot water, he instantly felt how his body started to relax and the tension left his sore muscles.

James hesitated for a second but finally took his clothes off and stepped in the tub, getting used to hot water and sitting down behind Kirk.

Honestly, he didn't plan to take a bath with Kirk as it was not for him but only for his lover, however, he could still take care of Kirk by washing his hair. Firstly, he warned Kirk that he was going to scoop up the water and pour it on his head to wet his wild curls. Then he took the bottle of shampoo and squeezed a small amount of it on his palm starting to wash Kirk's beautiful hair. He massaged Kirk's sculp gently, making him moan softly. He knew that Kirk loved when he stroked his hair or brushed it but what Kirk loved the most was a head massage. It made him melt like an ice cube under the sun rays, he became a moaning, completely boneless mess, and James always felt proud of himself for that.

"I want to apologize for my behavior these days," finished washing his lover's hair, James spoke a few minutes later trying to sound confident but his voice was a bit shaky. He buried his nose in Kirk's dark wet curls snaking his arms around his lover's middle and breathed in the smell of coffee mixed with Kirk's natural scent. He loved Kirk's smell: it was sweet and a bit spicy at the same time like that raspberry chilli ice cream he once tasted.

"You know, I'm quite nervous because of the new album and the relationship in the group but it's not an excuse, I know, I just… Dunno, I feel like my life became the endless night, I can't see anything, I can't do anything not being judged by Bob or Lars. It feels like I'm not doing enough for our group, I come up with one riff and Bob says it doesn't fit and I have to try something new, I bring another one idea but he still criticizes whatever I do. I play wrong, I sing wrong, fuck, I am wrong. I know, he's doing his best and wants us to grow, to become something more than we already are, but I can't help but feel annoyed with him, and all of my anger is spilling on you and I hate myself for this because you did nothing wrong, you help me, you put up with me, you're perfect partner and that's another reason why I'm so stressed out. I mean, it's not because of you, no, I just have a feeling like I don't deserve you, I'm always grumpy and rude to you. Look what you've planned for me, and I ruined everything as always…" James' voice was tight like he was holding back tears and that vulnerability wasn't typical of him who usually hid those kind of feelings and didn't discuss them so Kirk tensed up a bit and turned his head to look at his lover.

James was obviously upset and that was no good.

"James, listen, I'm not mad at you, not one bit. You have every right to be nervous, upset or angry, it's OK, I promise. I was a bit sad earlier today, yes, but not mad, I know how much you love Metallica and everything we do, of course it's tough to work with us sometimes, we can be real bitches, I know that," Kirk laughed quietly and lifted his hand to stroke James' soft cheek. "Just don't forget that I always care about you and you should too. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing great, but sometimes even Mighty Het needs rest."

"Thank you, babe, I don't know what I'd do without you," James wanted to say more but couldn't find any appropriate words, he was overwhelmed with feelings he felt for Kirk so he just pressed him closer to his chest and looked at him. It was a look full of adoration and love, and Kirk understood him without any more words.

Kirk smiled at James and reached for the kiss. James willingly closed the distance between them and softly touched Kirk's wet lips with his. It was a featherlight caress and felt like a gulp of fresh air after a long exhausting day. James felt every movement of their lips, his heart beat faster, his breathing calm and slow as he sank deeper and deeper in that kiss.

He snaked his right arm down Kirk's side, stroked his flat stomach, feeling how his muscles tightened at that touch. Kirk let out a quite moan and opened his mouth slightly, licking James' lips. Although the angle was a bit awkward, given his position, Kirk couldn't break the kiss, he missed James so much, they barely had time for themselves during the rehearsals and recording, and even if they were free after all of this they couldn't find the energy for anything more than taking shower and going to bed.

James sighed and slid his lips lower kissing Kirk's jaw and slowly getting to his neck. Kirk whined when James grazed his teeth over the sensitive skin.

"God, I missed you," James breathed out biting and sucking at his lover's neck and shoulder leaving small reddish marks on them. His arms still held Kirk tightly pressing him closer to his chest.

Kirk turned his head giving him more access, lost in the sensations, he was torn between the strong arousal and tender and extreme love for this man who made him feel secured, desired, and powerful no matter what. He didn't notice how one of James' hands slid down to his inner thigh and started to stroke his smooth skin close to his already hard cock. Kirk shuddered and threw his head back moaning louder and grabbing James' arm.

"James," he whispered leaning on James' chest, breathing heavily.

"What's up? You want something?" James teased him gripping his thigh harder but still not touching Kirk's cock, just accidentally brushing his balls with the back of his hand. Still kissing and licking his shoulder, he moved his other hand to Kirk's flushed chest and squeezed a nipple. The rapid reaction from his lover didn't disappoint him: Kirk shuddered and cried out.

"Wow, so sensitive," James chuckled briefly, impressed by his responsiveness, and let out a hot exhale which gave Kirk goosebumps.

Kirk felt like his body was on fire even though he sat in the water, which wasn't as hot as it was several minutes ago, and going to explode. James' slightly chapped lips, his hoarse whispers, big calloused hands on his tan body touching it's sensitive spots like they were touching the guitar strings, creating the best music in their lives: Kirk's moans and whines, - all of that made him quiver, he wanted more. They hadn't had sex for such a long time that he couldn't wait anymore, he needed James now.

He started squirming and tried to move James' hand to his aroused cock but James caught his hand and squeezed it teasingly with the devilish smirk on his face.

"Not so easy, babe, I didn't hear you. So, what do you want?"

"James," Kirk whined trying to touch himself discreetly with his free hand but of course James noticed it and stopped caressing him.

"Yes? Use your words, honey, I don't know what you want me to do."

'Such a teasing bastard!' Kirk thought. He was aroused, hot, and desperate but at that exact moment James decided to play his silly game instead of bringing them to the much-anticipated orgasm. He let out an exasperated breath and whimpered not having any strength to wait anymore, "Touch me."

"I'm already touching you. Could you be more specific?" James definitely was proud of himself, Kirk could tell it by his tone. James slowly pinched Kirk's nipple and kissed him behind the ear.

Fuck, he was killing him!

"Touch my dick, god dammit!"

"Now we're talking," James smiled contentedly stroking Kirk's thigh again, then covering his crotch with his big hand.

Kirk shuddered and moaned, finally getting what he wanted so bad. He felt like his body was struck by lightning, it was on fire, and Kirk couldn't help but close his eyes and cry out when James squeezed his balls lightly and swiped his thumb over the head of Kirk's cock.

James kissed Kirk's neck, gently stroking his cock and caressing smooth skin of Kirk's chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. His own hard-on was pressed against the small of Kirk's back, so he jerked his hips up a bit to get some pleasure as well. Kirk was a moaning mess, he tilted his head back on James' shoulder, his wet wild curls everywhere, and grabbed his hand that was doing its magic with Kirk's dick.

"God, you're killing me," Kirk whined and thrusted his hips upwards trying to get a release as soon as possible. The seconds felt like hours, he was going crazy.

James was squeezing and pumping his sensitive cock with such feverish desire that Kirk couldn't stay still, he writhed and jerked his hips up, he needed to cum, but when he was ready to let himself go, James suddenly stopped.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kirk was mercilessly snapped out of his pleasant haze, so he didn't think twice before asking this question with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Stand up," was all James answered. He definitely had something on his mind, Kirk could tell it by his playful smirk and gleeful eyes, so he did what he was asked for.

James stood up next and turned Kirk to face him, pressing him back to the wall. The tile felt extremely cold after the hot water and warmth of James' chest, so Kirk shuddered a bit and looked at his lover utterly confused. James gave him a passionate kiss and took their both slick dicks in his hand. Kirk gasped when he felt James' hard-on against his own and nearly lost his mind as James' strong hand started quickly jerking them both off, smearing the pre-cum. He gripped his shoulders trying to stay on his feet and not to fall right then and there.

"Fuck," James breathed out a couple of minutes later and pushed his hips into Kirk's. He was close and Kirk's moans and sobs were pushing him to the edge. He saw how Kirk tensed, then trembled, coming in his fist with a loud cry, he could feel Kirk's warm hand on his own and a thumb stroking the head of his dick and it was enough to bring him to release. He fell forward on Kirk pressing him harder to the wall and came moaning in his ear.

He felt the wetness on his hand, there was a lot of cum since they hadn't had sex for a long time, and James was a bit embarrassed by his fast and intense release. Kirk seemed not to pay attention to it, he was trying to gain his composure back breathing as hard as if he'd run a marathon.

"Fuck, it was cool," Kirk smiled at James who was still trapping him between himself and the wall. James only hummed in response not having any strength to move, think clearly, or talk.

Kirk twisted out of his grasp, turned on the shower, and pulled the plug out of the tub. They were ready to get themselves cleaned up.

***

Later that evening, after having dinner with James, who volunteered to cook it by himself by the way, Kirk told that he had a surprise for him. Yes, he had a bit different plans for their vacation since he himself wanted to make dinner and have it with James outside but he didn't mind giving in to his lover and letting him do things his way. Still, he had a card up his sleeve.

They went outside. The sky was already dark blue but still illuminated by the setting sun on the horizon. It looked like a beautiful painting made by a skillful artist, there were several pink, purple, and orange stripes mingling with the darkness of the inky sky.

Kirk took James' hand and led him to the terrace that was already lit by the little lanterns here and there. But it was not even this magical atmosphere that was to win James' heart, but the huge wicker swing at the back of the terrace under a spreading pine tree.

James didn't expect that Kirk would surprise him more than he already did. They came together to the swing with lots of small soft pillows on it, and Kirk told James to make himself comfortable and relax while he went back into the house and fix them some tea.

"It's a bit chilly out here, you can take a plaid," Kirk gave him a big blue plaid that lay under a pile of pillows.

"I'd rather have you warm me up," James chuckled trying to pull Kirk onto his lap but Kirk just laughed and stepped back.

"Don't ruin my surprise, we have the whole night to 'warm you up'. For now, I have other plans." Kirk winked at him and made his way to the house.

James giggled and threw a plaid over his lap, looking up at the horizon. The sun had already set and the sky became black, so he could see several constellations on it. It was cool and quite out here, James caught himself thinking that he hadn't felt this peaceful in a long time. Sitting on the swing, James reflected on the past few weeks. The arguments, the sleepless nights, and the pressure of the album's release weighed heavily on him. He was eternally grateful to Kirk for planning all of this for him. He was still a bit ashamed of his flash of anger, he knew that Kirk truly loved him and was willing to do anything for him not only because of that comprehensive love but also because of his wonderful soul. Kirk always was a sweetheart ready to give everything to those in need, and James highly appreciated it. So, he knew he shouldn't have acted like a complete asshole and was going to make amends tonight and show Kirk his deep and boundless love.

Kirk came back with two big mugs in his hands. James could smell a nice light aroma of thyme and mint. He took his mug with a big grateful smile on his face and gestured for Kirk to sit next to him. Kirk made himself comfortable and wrapped another one plaid over them.

"Thank you for this vacation, it's amazing even though not everything went as you planned," James said after a few moments of blissful silence. "I shouldn't have reacted like this when all you wanted to do was to help me. I was a complete dick and I'm sorry…"

"You've already apologized to me, remember? Let's just forget about everything and spend the rest of our weekend like we want. What you think, hm?" Kirk looked up at James and gave him the most delicate smile he could manage. He leaned up for the kiss and closed his eyes contently. James kissed his warm lips with all tenderness and adoration he felt for that wonderful man and thanked God for having such a beautiful and caring lover.

"I love you," James whispered breaking the kiss and pulling Kirk closer to him.

"I love you, too," Kirk said softly, then laid his head on James' shoulder and added with a smirk, "Now drink your tea, it's getting cold."

"Yes, sir!" As James sipped the tea, he glanced at Kirk, a soft smile playing on his lips, grateful for his thoughtful planning.

They laughed quietly and finally let themselves relax and listen to the nature. It was a wonderful night. They were young, successful, and loved. Here, bathing in the quietness of the beautiful starry night and their love, they realized that no matter what difficulties they'd encounter later on in their journey, they'd overcome them all. They knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but with newfound understanding and determination, they promised to face it together, stronger than ever.