Reblogging To Listen Later

New poem time:

Another day, pacing four walls

Dreaming to escape away

To trees, the smalls, the talls

Where maybe someone will find me

Waiting

Another night, I hold inanimate

Plush beings in hope they'll heal

Me and before it's too late

And I'll feel safe alone

Waiting

Another morning, I wake to

My breaking mind looking down

Crying to my dying heart who

Neither has answers nor hope for the

Waiting

Another evening, I want to cry

For painkillers for my dying soul

Who can't help but ask why

I'm still here when I'm just

Waiting

Maybe I should go

Waiting

Only hurts more

Waiting

Makes me care less

Waiting

Maybe it's not worth it

I think playing Fallout 3 awakened something in me as a kid. Explains a lot of my bullshit tbh.

Loving a good marauding through abandoned ruined spaces?

Check

Gratuitous Tarantino level bloody messes?

I love it (because it's fun Janice)

Happiest with an open playground with the ability to be a chaotic destructive gremlin?

Oh yeah

Best fallout game and it needs a remaster so bad. I need an elder scrolls level remaster that makes it more beautiful than anyone thought possible. Love that game sm

Have you considered that I'm a swamp creature and I love the soupy air huh???

We should make it illegal for it to be humid

It hit last night, the realization

The fact that this isn't some cruel joke

A nightmare I can wake up from

The Hitler salutes, stealing from his playbook

Being on the receiving end is our reality now

I'm terrified now, how could you not?

Last time a major country pulled this it ended in millions

Only a world war could stop them

Will it take that again?

They rip themselves apart, I tell myself

It's true on a long enough timeline

They either kill themselves or each other

But will I live that long?

I don't know

And that's the scariest part

Also I will die on the hill that Fallout 3's color palette(s) were good. Is it very monochromatic? Yeah and???

It's washed out greens and grays in the wastes which is beautiful and full of decay

The Pitt is so gorgeous and orange and black and red it's amazing no notes

Mothership Zeta being all clean and futuristic is absolutely stunning

The white Alaskan tundra of Operation Anchorage is so isolating and different especially after being in the capital wastes

Yeah Point Lookout is basically just the monochrome of the wastes turned to 11 but it's so amazing and repressive

I just love the atmospheres and vibes and how they're subtly different and hostile and oppressive in different ways it's just art.

SOMEONE SPOOKY BOOP ME STAT!!!

Teehee another poem, Wake at the End of the World:

There's a wake at the end of the world

And you're invited

We'll abandon our flesh at the end of the world

Aren't you excited?

Shadows of our bones will poke through our faces

There'll be no class, no sex, no races

For we left them with our mortal flesh

And we're all becoming one

We're rediscovering Eden at the end of the world

And you're invited

There'll be no pain and death at the end of the world

Aren't you excited?

Our ghostly figures can't build bombs anymore

And the guns will go cold and rust forevermore

When we've all lost life there's no more to take

And we're all becoming one

We'll lay our souls bare at the end of the world

And you're invited

Kindred souls will meet at the end of the world

Aren't you excited?

Our souls will light eternal night like neutron stars

And they'll shimmer like the beating of living hearts

And we'll be a mosaic in the vast empty

And we're all becoming one

I'll be there at the end of the world

And you're invited

And I'll love like no other at the end of the world

Aren't you excited?

And we'll build a new world of our own design

We'll watch over it for eternity we resign

We'll warm each other like braided flame

Where we'll both become one

do y'all even know how much i hate being an "elder queer" at 40? a whole goddamn generation before me was wiped out by a plague that politicians deemed not their problem bc it was killing the "right" people. like. this was OPENLY STATED. i spent a large chunk of my childhood going to funerals. nevermind the fact that killing queer people for being queer wasn't codified into law as a hate crime until i was a junior in high school.

i should NOT be an elder queer, i should be middle at most. i am a middle aged queer. most of the elder queers died.

when i was growing up i didn't go to pride parades, i went to pride marches. because that's 100% what they were in the 80s and 90s.

from the absolute bottom of my heart, LEARN OUR FUCKING HISTORY. a generation was nearly wiped out so you young queers could be here. don't let that have been in vain, please.