Names And Places

names and places

Supercorptober Day 20 “Kara”

thanks to kmsdraws for the prompts

Kara and Lena share the weight of names and home. 

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When she said she had been leaving to go home, the truth was she didn’t know where that was exactly. The home she remembered is no longer there; even if it was, it wouldn’t belong to her anymore. So when she steps off the plane, she decides just to start heading somewhere. She takes a train from Dublin to Wicklow, hugging the coastline and the bay stretching beyond it, the views of the sea and mountains demanding equal attention until the greens and greys begin to feel familiar again.

She settles into the guesthouse she’s renting and starts the process of unpacking both her thoughts and her things.

She is just finishing washing the last of the dishes in the sink and placing a kettle on to boil when she hears the gentle fall of footsteps on the back steps and then an awkward rusting outside.

“It’s open, Kara,” she calls out unable to quite contain the smile that crosses her face as she sets down the tea towel and turns to face the door.

“Hi,” Kara says sheepishly, head barely poking through the small opening she’s made for herself.

Lena chuckles softly and moves forward to open the door wider, then back again so Kara can make her way inside.

“I, uh,” Kara trails off, looking anywhere but at Lena. “I-um know we talked about me maybe stopping by at some point, but uh-you — I’m realizing now as I’m standing here, you probably didn’t mean quite so soon?”

“I’m glad you’re here.” Lena interrupts, with a gentle hand on Kara’s forearm, “I was just making tea. Would you like some?”

Kara nods mutely and follows Lena into the kitchen, setting herself down on the wooden bench under the window right beside the kitchen table while Lena finishes preparing the tea.

“So,” Kara finally speaks up when they’re both sitting next to each over, “I know it hasn’t been long, but how are you?”

“I’m figuring out how to feel, I think,” she traces a small scratch in the table, “It feels different, but it’s good, I think.”

Kara nods, understanding what Lena means. “I’m glad.” taking a sip of her tea.

They sit and just settle into the warmth of the house and the steadiness of just being together.

“What was it like for you?”  Lena’s hands fidget on the table in front of her.

“Hmm?” Kara hums, attention shifting.

She takes a deep breath “going back to Argo that first time?”

Kara looks down at her hands, clutching the mug between them a little harder than maybe she realizes.

“It was-it was hard.” She says after a second, voice shaking slightly.

She clears her throat and looks up at Lena, wanting to help her find whatever answers she is looking for. “It looked like home, but it didn’t feel like the same home I thought of when I was all alone, the same one that I had carried with me across all that space.”

Lena reaches out and covers Kara’s hand with her own, the warmth of the mug radiating through both of them when she gives a gentle squeeze.

“I was grateful to see my mom. To hug her and to know she was okay, but the longer I was there, the further I felt from where I should be. I think during that time, Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-el felt further apart from each other than Supergirl and Kara Danvers ever did.

Kara squeezes her eyes shut, visibly steadying herself, shaking her head slightly.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I shouldn’t talk about that.”

“Hey, you’re okay,” Lena says quickly, moving even closer to Kara, “we’re okay.”

Kara nods, leaning into Lena.

“I know…I know.”

“Do they feel closer again now?” Lena whispers after a few moments, her head now resting against Kara’s shoulder.

“With you, they always did.” She responds quietly, a little hesitantly, the next words chosen carefully. “With you, I always felt closest to who I was as just me, just Kara.”

And it feels different to hear like this, side by side, instead of broken in front of each other. Not as desperate words to get her to stay, but as a thank you for ever having known her at all.

“Walsh,” Lena says, heart skipping and voice breaking just a little.

“Huh?” Kara murmurs, caught off guard by her sudden shift.

“Lena Kieran Walsh,” she takes a deep breath and starts again, “that’s who I was before I was Lena Luthor.”

She lets her shoulders rise and fall, Kara moving with her to keep them pressed together, “who knows how far apart she and I will seem after all this.”

“It’s beautiful,” Kara says, after a minute, like she knows Lena needs the words to settle down into the air around them. To feel like she has said them to the world and not just in between the two of them.

“But you can always be just Lena with me if you want.”

Lena squeezes Kara’s hand tightly and smiles. “thank you.”

Kara nods before she takes another sip of her tea and looks out the window, her own feeling settling back down around her too.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

Kara turns back to her.

“You can ask me everything.”

“Did names on Krypton mean something like they do here?”

Her brow crinkles a bit.

“I think, yeah, in a way. We believed deeply in history and families. Most children were named after someone in their family who had died, allowing them to live on and pass on Rao’s light. So names stayed in families for generations. But our houses have always held more meaning. My ancestors were among the first astronomers on Krypton, and we were a house of scientists up until me.”

“El means star, right?”

Kara nods, the fingers threaded in between Lena’s tightening almost imperceptibly.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Lena says, the syllables fitting together with the kind of symmetry that couldn’t help but feel right.

Kara ducks her head a little, a soft smile and gentle blush coloring her cheeks. “Yeah.”

But then again, everything with Kara just felt right.

“Do you know your name has meaning here too? In Ireland? It’s usually spelled with a C, but I feel like I’m willing to overlook that.”

Kara huffs out a laugh and bumps her shoulder a little against Lena’s, easing some of the heaviness.

“What does it mean?”

And Lena knows she came here to look for answers about her own name and her own home, but right now, she can’t help but think about how those things feel tied up in Kara too.

“Friend,” she pauses, her heart quickening in the space between the words, “and beloved.”

She feels Kara shift next to her, and the words feel like they could just fall out now on their own if she let them, but she doesn’t take the chance.

“And I feel like,” she reaches out to cup her cheek, thumb stroking over soft skin, watching Kara’s eyes move from her eyes to her hands, “you should know you’re both to me.”

Kara’s eyes close, head falling forward to bring them even closer, “I’d really like to kiss you now,” and Lena can feel her smile underneath her hands, “if that’s okay.”

Lena nods and feels Kara’s lips ghost lightly across her jaw. Feels them pull against her bottom lip. Feels them press firmly against hers in a kiss that has all the weight of their histories and their names for once becoming something beautiful instead.