Not Going To Tag A Very Icky Post That I Found But It’s Not Hard To Find. So, Here’s Your Reminder

"i'm using delusional in the right context, it's not like it's that serious"

DELUSIONAL DISORDER + SCHIZO SPECTRUM DISORDERS + TBI + MANY OTHERS

"calling someone a narcissist isn't ableist it's not a disability"

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

"sociopath/psychopath are just adjectives it's not like I'm hurting anyone"

ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

"saying i'm ocd doesn't affect you it's just the way i act"

MOTHERFUCKING OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

"i'm schizoposting lol it's just a joke"

SCHIZOPHRENIA

SCHIZOID PERSONALITY DISORDER

SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER

SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

it's never just a joke, it's never an adjective. use a fucking thesaurus

Where are all the "slow" kids, the challenged kids, the burnouts from birth, the burden to have in class? Where are the autists who can't mask, who self harm, who are loud and can't stop stimming? The NDs with processing disorders, brain damage, brain fog? The ones with down syndrome, FAS, and other conditions that people treat like curses or defects. I hardly ever see them past 18 and I know they don't just dissolve once they become adults.

Gods, the Storm post makes me so unbelievably angry. I think it says something about the community that we're erasing one character's extremely dangerous powers to act like she's being a dick to someone with powers that aren't anywhere near as dangerous just because people don't want her to be right.

Like, this is a crystal-clear example of y'all refusing to listen to people with higher support needs. I'm just saying. The parallels are crystal clear.

i dont think the r slur needs to be reclaimed actually i think we can just leave that one where it is. it makes it very easy to identify what kind of person someone is when they use it

put spikes on your wheelchair's handles. wrap barbed wire around your cane or crutch so it'll hurt like a motherfucker if someone kicks or grabs it from under your hand. wear a personal alarm and pull the pin every time someone moves you without your consent, leans on your chair, takes a seat on your rollator, taps your hearing aid, steals your AAC device. scream for help when you're abducted. wail like you're in agony when people trip you up or knock into you. take pepper spray to the grocery store. take a knife to the club. leave cards that say "fuck you" under the wipers of inconsiderately parked cars and scratch access codes for bathrooms on the outside of the door. we are not begging for mercy, we're fighting dirty. we have to.

Compulsive Liars: a Really Bad Tutorial Okay, so I’ve decided to write a little tutorial on compulsive lying, because what I’ve seen for Janus can sometimes be a little… lacking. Not giving flack to any writers, just giving out some information. I’m definitely not an expert, just telling some of my own experiences. (Here is a really good link to a website about compulsive lying, if you want a credible resource!) I’m not going to talk about pathological liars on here because I know next to nothing about them, so if that’s what you’re looking for…sorry.

Keep reading

love msn / hsn spaces , love i/dd spaces , love nonverbal / nonspeaking spaces , love tbi spaces . these spaces help kitty understand self , help kitty be kinder to self , help kitty advocate for self .

know not perfect person to be in spaces , know not understand things well and know will say wrong thing but still love spaces even if scary to me . still love spaces that help kitty realize not exaggerating , not being paranoid , not struggle because personal failure . spaces that help kitty find voice to say have issue and need help and need acknowledgement despite years and years of told just " attention seeking "

Psoriasis on my forehead got really bad (mom says it looks like I have a chemical burn) so now I have to be emo and do the swoop fringe until it goes away. Ugh.

i just wanna say, as a feeding tube haver, that it's so much more possible to get used to invasive medical devices than you might fear.

i grew up horrified by even being reminded organs exist. i was just so severely grossed out by human anatomy. i got a lot better about it through years of chronic illness, since you just have to get used to it. but that's the baseline i started from originally, in case you are also squeamish and wonder if it's possible for that to change.

so when i needed a feeding tube, i was pretty distressed by the idea. having a tube sticking through a new hole in my abdomen was a seriously horrifying concept, and i couldn't imagine coping with having a stoma (the hole) and caring for it etc. i did it because i needed it to survive but thought i might never get used to it.

and yeah, it freaked me out at first. but eventually i did just get used to it. it just feels normal now. i even feel affection towards it, because it is keeping me alive.

Why “It Was Just a Question” and “It Was Just a Joke” Are Not Defenses For Ableism And Why Your Reaction Is the Most Important Thing

When someone is disabled, neurodiverse, etc people can sometimes ask really ignorant, invasive, or invalidating questions that take emotional labor to answer. And sometimes there is a lot of pressure to answer. This is even worse if it is a joke instead, and the options are to ignore it or say something and risk being yelled at because “it was just a joke, gosh.” Confronting people and setting boundaries gets you called over-sensitive, over-reacting, childish, etc.

I’ll make this clear: it isn’t about your questions or jokes - it is about the assumptions you made when you opened your mouth and the reaction you had when you were corrected.

Let’s Talk About Questions.

I first want to say, I started this blog because I wanted to. You are more free to ask me questions than random blind people on the street. The questions I receive here are also good, researched questions where I can tell someone has read my blog or some articles. I’m not posting to give my followers or anyone else anxiety. The whole point is that these people don’t have an interest in learning, doing any of their own work, or challenging their false beliefs. They want me to endure them and confirm them. I haven’t had to do that here and if I did, it would be easier than in real life because I can choose not to answer a question by deleting it. My followers are also already respectful of and educated on blind people, and so if I have a response that is less than perfectly polite, readers will know why. That is not true outside of this blog.

Now let’s talk about questions and why they can be used in a bad way. What makes a question bad? What is the difference between a genuine and ignorant question? What if you don’t have time to research?

A Bad question here is one that is based on a usually false assumption that prompts a desired answer. An example would be, “Are you really sad that you can’t read?” or “Why would a blind person need a phone when they can’t use it?”

I see a lot of these on tumblr. For example, one blog I followed received an ask that basically said blind people couldn’t be in the orchestra because such and such limitation. These questions have, at best, an obvious assumption along with, at times, a confrontational tone. This person does not want education. They want to defend their belief. A better way to truly ask such a question would be something such as, “I read that people in orchestras and choir have to sight read music. How do blind people navigate this?” No assumption is made about a blind person’s ability. The question is asked in an open manner. The asker has done some research.

Now, in real life, people don’t always preface it with how much research they have done. And let’s be real, it usually isn’t much. But someone asking, “Do you prefer Braille or do you use a computer to read?” shows at least some knowledge. They aren’t trying to put me into a box or use me for confirmation bias. It isn’t so much about getting the perfect wording. It’s about not expecting the blind person to confirm something for you, argue with you, or educate you without you putting in any effort. Even “I was wondering how you do assignments,” is open and allows for my response. If you aren’t able to research in the moment, make your question open or be transparent. To be honest, I feel better about people not doing research in person than online, because being online usually shows you have some time and tools to research. If resources are not available to you and you don’t have the internet for long periods of time, preface your question with that and acknowledge that the person does not have to respond if your question is offensive. Again,it isn’t about getting it 100% right, but truly trying and prioritizing the comfort of the person you are asking.

When I confront people for asking a question with an assumption, I often receive an angry response. The fault is placed on me for not educating people, for not being cooperative, for being mean. This happens whether I answer or not. If I try to explain to someone assuming I can’t read that I, in fact, can read or use a phone or whatever, this is seen as rude or not cooperative. Even confrontational. This person comes away from the conversation now believing blind people are rude and angry. Usually they assume the blind person is jealous of them for being able to see. Which, in that instance, would not be true.

Making assumptions that a person cannot possibly do something because of their disability, especially when you are ignoring what that person says, is ableist. Pointing this out is not attacking you or even, necessarily, judging you. They are not calling you any other name, no matter what else you claim it means to you. (I once had someone claim that when I said the word ableism or ableist she heard the word bitch.)

Let’s Talk About Jokes.

This one is much harder to navigate, especially because blind people often make jokes themselves. However, I want to continue to consider the underlying assumption and judgement some jokes can contain. The joke is usually bad when it contains an ignorant assumption and falls apart when that assumption is corrected.

One example is that picture that often goes around with a person holding a white cane is using a phone. The joke asks what’s wrong with the picture. The problem is not that it’s a joke, as most people assume. The problem is the assumption underneath this particular example, which, by the way, can result in blind people being harassed and even hurt. Read my post here.

But it isn’t even the joke that is the problem. The reaction is. Instead of being accused to attacking someone for an innocent question, someone who points out the problem with a joke or even that it was hurtful, gets someone accused of not having a sense of humor or being mean. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that in real life, not outside of this blog. It is, honestly, too difficult and too uncomfortable.

The reaction people sometimes have is one of defense. They aren’t ableist, it was just a joke, can’t you take a joke?, why are you so serious?, you are ruining the joke, etc. People also assume disabled people can’t tell when someone has made a mistake and when they are genuinely asking a question or trying to call attention to something by making a joke. Disabled people are not trying to take all jokes away. They just want to point out when something is harmful. Doubling down about how that person can’t take a joke is a big problem.

Again, it isn’t that someone made a joke about disabled people. It’s the assumptions inside the joke itself that are harmful. For example, jokes about blind people going to cinemas don’t land because blind people do watch movies. The joke falls apart when you remove the assumption - and not knowing that it was an assumption is part of the problem in the first place.

What Now?

Again, this post was never about not asking questions or not making jokes. It is about ways they can go wrong and how people can make it worse by getting defensive instead of being open to learning and moving on. Everyone makes assumptions or repeats jokes sometimes, and whether or not it becomes an argument is about being open to learning.

Disabled people aren’t out there looking for people to confront. Most of the time, they just want to go about their day or have a nice time with friends. If someone corrects you, no matter the setting, treat it as an opportunity for your growth and to make others feel more comfortable. Listen, apologize, acknowledge your mistake, and change your behavior.

My aim here is not to complain or to make people feel bad or even worry excessively. My goal was simply to share my thoughts on why these things can be a problem and offer suggestions on how to avoid them.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

Note: I provide sensitivity reading for blind characters. See my Pinned Post for information.